A/N: So, I've started my first Doctor Who fic. I mean, solely Doctor Who. Since I'm posting them on Tumblr too, I'll have fairly short chapters here.

I've always wondered what would've happened if Rose had lied to the Doctor while they said their goodbyes on the beach in Doomsday. What if she'd actually been pregnant?

Well, here's the first part of this ;) I hope you like it!

Part 1

She was screaming at the wall. The loss she'd felt the moment they hit the other universe and the void had closed was just unbearable and all she was capable of doing was screaming. She knew her mother, Pete and Mickey were watching her but she didn't care. She just wanted to go back, back to her Doctor.

Then, after a couple of minutes she even lost her strength to scream so she leaned against the wall and it was as if she could feel him doing the same thing on his side...the other universe...Never had she even dared to think that one day they would get separated, not them, not ever. Forever. That's what she told him and she had felt his happiness when she'd said it. So many months they had lived together in the TARDIS, so many kisses they had shared, so many times they'd kept each other company during long nights after a particular scary and dangerous adventure. Well...he had kept her company because she was the one not being able to sleep. He didn't seem to need the same amount of sleep as her, she'd soon realised that, but she had also soon discovered that he wasn't just keeping her company because she needed it. Once she was so shaken that she had cuddled into his side by instinct, because she needed to feel something and he had laid his arms around her, holding her tight and that's when she had realised that he had been just as scared as her. But he had been scared for her, scared of losing her. From that moment on she'd always felt perfectly safe when she was with him, more than ever before. And now there was a universe separating them from each other and she felt lost and scared and alone. With a last sob she pushed herself off the wall and walked towards the people who loved her, who saved her. Because if she was honest, she would be trapped in the void now, if it wasn't for her dad, the dad who wasn't really her dad but the alternate universe version of her dad and she was grateful for being alive. Nonetheless, she was lost and broken.

She existed. That was all there was to it. She existed. She didn't live. How could she. Every day she woke up and felt her broken heart. Not just a broken one, but a torn one. She had left a big junk of it with him and she knew she would never get it back. She dreamed of him every night too and it left her numb. Pete had made sure that she would get a job at Torchwood. But she hated it. Torchwood was the reason why she was trapped here in the first place. But it gave her something to do at least.

When she woke up on a particular morning, she had dreamt of the Doctor again but more vividly than ever and she could still hear his voice calling for her. Rose... She heard it again. Wide awake and she still heard it. She was up in no time and woke her parents. They believed her. Of course they did. So they were on their way in immediately, following the Doctors voice across countries until they reached an abandoned beach somewhere in Norway. It had taken them a while because Rose had gotten road sick quite a bit so they needed to take more brakes then she had wanted to. But they were finally here and she knew it was the right place as soon as a local guy told her the meaning of the beach's name. Dårlig ulv stranden - Bad Wolf's Bay.

She didn't see him at first but she felt his presence. When she turned and she saw the faded image of her Doctor, hair ruffled, sad eyes, too far away for her to reach him, she could only mirror his look.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny little gap in the Universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."

The tiny smile that crossed his lips as he said the last sentence almost tore her heart apart again and he still looked like a ghost and she told him so.

Once he looked more real again she stepped closer, holding one arm out to touch him.

"I'm still just an image, no touch," he answered her unfinished question and she dropped her arm to the side.

"Can't you come through properly?"

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes will collapse…"

"So?" She asked, knowing it was selfish. But she had her reasons. She also knew it wouldn't do them any good if the universes would collapse but she still had her reasons.

His smile didn't make it better. All she wanted was to touch him, to be with him, to tell him about… she didn't dare to finish the thought, fearing it would somehow show on her face – as if all her feelings weren't already displayed on it.

Then they just talked. Silly things, really, pretending everything was…normal. Like they had all the time in the world, not just to moment of the sun burning up.

"You've still got Mickey then…" the Doctor said and Rose hesitated. She couldn't tell him, so she said something different than she actually wanted to.

"Well…there's five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey and…the baby."

"You're not…?" he said and she could read it in his eyes, the surprise, the hope, the desperation and all she wanted was to correct herself, to say "six" instead of "five", to say "babies" instead of "baby".

She'd only just figured it out herself. She hadn't even told her mother yet. Yes, she was pregnant and none but the Doctor could be the child's father. The first time they'd slept together he'd said it shouldn't be possible for her to get pregnant. Time Lord-human-incompatibility and stuff. But it wasn't the first time the Doctor had been wrong.

The fact that this was her last moment with the Doctor made the situation a whole lot more difficult. She was pregnant with a child that would never see her father – yes, she was almost certain it was going to be a girl – and she couldn't bear the thought. But there was no other way and telling him, telling her Doctor that he was going to be a father, it would make him come through, it would make him throw all precautions over board and tear the void apart to be with her and the baby but she couldn't let him do that because he'd said it; two universes would collapse. It had to be better to be alive and apart than being responsible for the destruction of two universes. So she kept quiet, said "No, it's mum," and laughed.

He looked relieved and she knew it wasn't because he didn't want a child – their child – but because he wouldn't be able to live with the fact that his family was trapped in another universe. So he was relieved. And then, when she couldn't bear it anymore, she asked the question she already knew and feared the answer of.

"Am I ever going to see you again?"

"You can't." It broke her again. Never. A lover without her loved one, a child without a father, a family incomplete forever; that's where this was going. And he'd be travelling around time and space without her, just as lonely as before they met. She could hear it in his voice, the unspoken truth of it.

She was crying uncontrollably now, sobbing even. This whole thing, it was like a big punch right into the stomach, one that knocked you out of breath.

"I lo….I love you." The words almost didn't come out of her mouth because it was too hard to say it. They'd never said it to each other before. They'd always known but they'd never said it. It wasn't necessary. And the Doctor wasn't the type, she knew that. He was too afraid to admit love. Too afraid he could hurt the person he loved if he admitted it. Rose had learned to live with it and had discovered his confessions of love in other things than those exact words. Oh, the way he used to kiss her was enough, the traces he'd left on her skin with his lips, the strange language he'd whispered into her ears that the TARDIS didn't translate for her for some reason, it had been enough to tell her that he loved her. Yet she still wanted to hear it. At least once. And this was their final goodbye so she wanted to say it. Because she never did say it before either, just like him. Only she thought if she said it he'd think he needed to say it too and because he couldn't he'd draw back so she kept quiet.

"Quite right, too," she heard him say.

"And I suppose it's my last chance to say it. Rose Tyler…" and then he vanished. Her tears were unstoppable now. He'd almost said it. But somehow she thought he never intended to really say it. She thought he knew exactly that the time was up. He couldn't do it. Not even now. This would've made it even worse for him and it was selfish but it had to be a final goodbye and saying "I love you" would've made it a thousand times harder. And Rose knew all this too because she knew him too well and she forgave him, if there was anything to forgive at all…

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