This Damn Spot
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU.
post season finale
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Her body is still warm. The blood is still wet. The blood is still pouring out of her body from the hole I made. Her blood is on my hands, shirt, and my pants.
Out, damned spot! out, I say!
I shot a child who is no older than my daughter. I shot her so she didn't kill a prisoner. Where's the common sense in that? The man who shot her mother in front of her. She should be going to prom, hanging out with her friends, and getting ready for graduation. But no... Instead she's laying on the floor... Dead.
Every morning when I wake up eat breakfast with my family and kiss my wife and son and the twins and leave for work. It's hard to plan for a regular day of work, when I don't even know what that is myself. Each and everyday I go to work with this uncertainty of my day. I could investigate a serial rapist or a uncle who can't keep his hands away or have a he said she said case. I could be shot, stabbed, beat up, even killed or I could do and have done some of those exact things to someone else.
Sure I solved a rape and a murder and busted a crooked agent but at what cost. This little girl's world has been flipped completely upside down until right now... Because she's dead.
I look at the blood pool now. The blood is no longer wet an her body is gone as if she is already forgotten. But she's not the whole day and scenario plays in my head over and over again. Her blood. Her blood is all I can think about her body so small I tried to console her but... I was rendered speechless. Her limp body reminded me of all the times my daughters fell asleep on the couch and I carried them up to the room.
Her blood has stained my hands. Stained my eyes preventing my eyes from crying. I've killed before but it was different then this...
This castle hath a pleasant seat; the air
Nimbly and sweetly recommends itself
Unto our gentle senses.
I am home now. I left without giving a statement without grabbing my jacket or changing my own clothes. I look at a picture of my kids in one hand and a beer in my other. I am alone. Kathy went ahopping with Eli and the twins are at school, Maureen and Kathleen are busy with college.
I don't even know what to feel. It doesn't seem worth it, so much carnage and death sadness and just pure chaos for what? What's the point? Theres always going to be a victim the next day. An innocent woman is going to be raped and a child is going to be molested tomorrow. When it bothers you they said it means you still care you still have a heart? But it's become a norm of my life I'm beginning not to feel anything.
Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!
Most sacrilegious murder hath broke ope
The Lord's anointed temple, and stole thence
The life o' the building!
I hear the door open but I can't move a flashback of the girl's empty eyes her blood everywhere.
"mom, dada's home" Eli says running towards the chair I'm sitting in when he sees me he stops in his tracks. I look at him and I see tears fill his little eyes he plays with the hem line of his shirt balling it in his hands"dada..." then in a flash Kathy picks him up bringing him to his room.
"Elliot..." she says softly kneeling in front of me, words escape me my mind is plagued. "Elliot, are you hurt?" she asks touching my face I instinctively pull away remembering the blood I have on me.
"don't..." I say quietly "I don't want to get blood on"
"el, what's going on?" she takes my beer and the picture from my hands, I lean forward covering my face.
"I'm sorry..." I mumble over and over again trying my hardest not to cry but I can't help but start crying I hear the faucet come on.
"let me see your hand" she says gently taking it from me wiping my hand in a gentle motion. I try to wipe my eyes with the other hand.
"I'm sorry" I say trying my best to compose myself. She shushes me try to comfort me as she rubs the girls blood away from my hand massaging my knuckles. She reaches and takes my other hand. "I shot a kid today..." i say she briefly pauses and she looks at me with a concerned look "She is... She was no older than Lizzie. She brought a gun into the precinct and started shooting"
"are you hurt?"
"no"
"liv?"
"no... A friend of mine, her name was sister Peg, was killed. She helped hookers the homeless anyone who needed help on the street she would help.. Except the police of course" I give a fake chuckle wiping some tears away. "the girl shot her right in the chest while she was on my desk... We were talking about the case then all of a sudden Jenna is shooting away at the tank"
"why did she shoot them?"
"she killed the man who raped her mom, shot the man who murdered her and killed the crooked agent who gave the guy the gun to kill her mom... Then I shot and killed her" I say breaking down into sobs she holds not letting me fall completely apart. "she was going but it down then she raised it to shoot Skinner and I fired... She died in my arms"
"I'm sorry Elliot" I can tell she doesn't know what to say that's why I rarely open up to her I don't want her to feel like she can't help me if that makes sense but now that I said it it sounds dumb.
"I killed a little girl today... I can't..." she shushes me again holding me as I cry.
"let's get you cleaned up" she takes me to our bathroom she puts my bloody clothes in a trash bag. She takes completely care of me like when we were kids.
I would sneak to her house after my father and I would fight. I would sleep usually on her floor but not always, she would bandage me up until I was just about 100%. she was one of a very few that knew about both my father's abuse and my mother's mental status.
"come on let's sit outside" she leads me to our porch swing as Eli plays in our yard. She wraps her arms around my waist I put my arm around her. The twins come home and I front a smile as everyone goes inside. I try to get these horrible images out of my head I've always tried to keep my family out of my work but I can't especially now.
I sit just rocking on the porch swing then i see two cars stop in front of my house Olivia leaves one with Cragen and sergeant Tucker leaves the other. Liv looks just as awful as I do sure were both cleaned up but the wear and tear of today is very evident. Cragen looks worried and Tucker doesn't have that smug smirk on his face. Tucker looks confused almost.
"Detective..." he says "we gotta talk" I feel tears starting to cry.
"what?"
"why don't you come back to my house so we can iron this out?" He says turning away.
"...no" I say shocking everyone but myself. Liv's eyes go wide as she looks at me as I wipe the tears forming in my eyes.
"what? Stabler it looks to be by the book you're not in trouble"
"how does a teenage girl by a gun and sneak it into a police station? Where in the book does it state the death of a child is justified?"
"what are you saying Elliot?" Liv asks me.
I stand quickly and somewhat aggressively my adrenaline pumping something fierce. I want to punch Tucker in the face I'm not sure why but I do.
"I'm saying that I cant do this anymore! I wish I never pulled the trigger and let Jenna finish him off!" I say feeling tears run down my cheeks
"Detective!" Tucker yells I push him off my porch. Cragen holds me back I hear the door open behind me.
"I'm evoking" I say sitting down on the steps I look over my shoulder and seeLizzie.
"el it was a clean shoot you didn't have a choice" Liv says
"I don't want to talk about it. Consider this the end of theinterview and... My retirement notice" I say standing and walking inside with Lizzie.
If it were done when 't is done, then 't were well
It were done quickly: if the assassination
Could trammel up the consequence, and catch
With his surcease success; that but this blow
Might be the be-all and the end-all here,
But…
Please Review the little snippets were from Macbeth by Shakespeare. How'd you like it? This is a little bit different then my usual stuff? Hope you liked it?