This is my first "serious" Castle fanfic. It's also the first time I've written sexually explicit scenes (not in this chapter but eventually). It was a little weird writing them, maybe they will be awkward, I'm not sure. But I figured if I'm not going to see it on the show anytime soon, I may as well write it.

Richard Castle is watching Kate Beckett and he doesn't like what he sees. She's been back to active status for over a month but despite her repeated assurances that she is fine, he can see she isn't. She and Esposito are questioning a suspect in the interrogation room and she doesn't have her usual unshakeable confidence. He wants to be in there with her but he can't. His phone call to the mayor got him back in the precinct, but Capt. Gates set guidelines on what he could and could not do. Helping to interrogate suspects is on the "not in my damn squad" list.

Kate sits at the table across from a man suspected of bludgeoning to death an Indian-American man. Standing behind the suspect with his arms crossed and wearing his watchful, expressionless cop face is Esposito.

"So, Bart, why don't we talk about why you're here today?" Kate asks him pleasantly, folding her hands on the table. Bart stares at her, a large man covered with KKK and "white power" tattoos. His t-shirt is stained with the remains of what she imagines must have been his lunch. He doesn't respond.

Kate flips through the case file, trying to keep calm. She's tired, hungry and wants to go home. This man creeps her out. He won't talk. He sits and glares at her with those black eyes. She can't let him know how nervous he makes her; if he so much as sniffs fear, she'll lose control of the interview completely. She knows Castle is watching and can almost see the "I'm worried about you" crease on his forehead. The last thing she wants to hear is another Castle "are you sure you didn't come back to work too soon?" talk. The previous one didn't go so well. She about bit his head off, but it was either that or collapse tearfully into his arms and she's not ready to go down that road yet.

"Come on, Bart. Talk to me. Mr. Singh was found in your garage beat to death. We have witnesses who saw you yelling racial slurs at him when he complained about the repair job you did on his car. Now Mr. Singh is dead." Kate slaps her open palms on the table. "Where were you last night between midnight and 4am?"

The man shifts in his seat. "I'll be wherever you want, sweetie." He leers at her over the desk. "Right between your legs, right now, if you get rid of José." Bart laughs and Kate feels her smile freeze. He's sniffed out her fear and is challenging her.

Esposito slaps the suspect on the back of his head. "Cool it, asshole." On the other side of the glass, Castle watches with clenched fists and silently thanks Esposito for doing what he can't. The pre-bullet Kate would have had a confession by now. The present Kate has too many fears bottled up inside of her to battle the new ones.

Ignore him, Kate tells herself. Get the confession. She forces a teasing tone into her voice. "Now, Bart, as alluring as that offer is—" and is cut off when Bart shoves the table into her abdomen. He jumps to his feet and looms over her, fists balled, ready to strike. "Don't play with me, bitch. I'm not telling you anything. You, or your buddy there. Women are good only for fucking and—" his rant ends in a shout as Esposito hooks an arm around his throat and shoves him face first onto the table. Castle starts towards the interrogation room but is pushed aside by Ryan.

"Castle, don't even think about it," Ryan yells at him as he rushes into the room to help Esposito subdue the now frenzied, obscenity-yelling suspect. Kate gets up from the table and walks from the room. She stands next to Castle and watches Ryan and Esposito through the glass. Castle opens his mouth, shuts it. Asking if she's okay would not be welcome right now.

"Well, that went to shit fast," she comments. Castle sneaks a look at her from the corner of his eye. Her face is white, but composed.

"He was a real jerk," Castle says, then cringes. What can he say? "Kate, you're off your game" wouldn't go over real well. Plus he has the distinct impression she's thinking that right now anyway.

Kate gives him her classic eye-roll. "Thanks, Castle. Because men with KKK tattoos who murder their customers aren't jerks."

"You know what I mean." Now he's giving her the look, the look that says "I'm worried/I love you/do you want a hug?" all in one glance. Kate tries to avoid the look because it makes her think about way too many things she'd rather not think about. She knows that when—if—she lets him hold her, she may never leave his arms. She avoids meeting his eyes as she smiles and touches his arm.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks."

Castle still feels her hand on his arm, even though it was the slightest of touches. "Do you want to get something to eat? I don't think you've eaten since that bagel." He doesn't expect her to accept his offer, but he still tries.

She's shaking her head before he even finishes his sentence. "No, that's okay. I'm really tired. I'm going to let the boys finish up with lovely Bart in there and go home. Order some take-out."

"You eat too much Chinese food."

"You worry too much." She smiles at him again, her eyes briefly meeting his and then glancing away. "Night, Castle."

"Goodnight, Kate." As Kate walks away from him, she can feel his eyes on her. It takes all the will power she possesses to not turn around and accept his dinner invitation. She doesn't want to go home to her lonely apartment but she's not good company right now. There's been too much tragedy in her life in the last few months, too many changes, for her to bare her bruised heart to Castle. Right now she has his friendship and she needs that much more than she needs a lover. Although sometimes when he is standing near her at the murder board, she sneaks looks at him: at his devilish blue eyes, the curve of his bottom lip and images of their brief kiss a year ago flash through her head. She's been replaying that kiss a lot lately. She feels his mouth on hers, his hands on her body, the softness of his hair beneath her fingers as she pulls his head close to her. His body is hard and warm against her and she wants his hands on her breasts—

Kate gets to her desk and collapses into her chair, her face flushed and palms sweaty.

Jesus, Kate, she says to herself. Cool it. A uniformed officer walking by gives her an odd look but doesn't stop. There's a bottle of water on her desk and she unscrews the top and takes a swig. Her heart is still pounding. Damn. She shared one kiss with Castle—one!—and it still has the power to turn her sweaty and shaking with longing. She was with Josh for almost a year and he more than pleased her in bed, but her memories of them together never affected her like this. Once, when he woke her by slowly kissing his way down her body, she dreamed it was Castle's mouth between her legs, Castle's hands stroking the slope of her belly and she breathed his name aloud in the moment before the orgasm quaked through her body and made her aware that it wasn't Castle touching her.

Kate presses a hand against her forehead, closes her eyes, and fills her lungs with air. Releases. Okay, she thinks. I'm fine now. Perfectly okay.

The quiet of the squad room is disturbed by voices coming down the hall. It's the three musketeers. Kate panics. No way does she want to test her resolve by seeing him again right now. She hurriedly grabs her purse from the bottom drawer of her desk and runs from the room, her coat trailing behind her.

Hello. Thanks for reading. You can review now if you want but ultimately there will be 11 chapters in total.