AN: I wrote this partially out of boredom and also because I thought there wasn't any fics out there which actually portrayed Naoe's inner struggle to resist or submit to his Lord Kagetora and his feelings towards him during their first unofficial meeting. Since in the anime we only got Takaya's POV, I thought I'd tell it from Naoe's. I hope I did a good job and stayed as in character as possible. This takes place during their first encounter with each other, outside Yuzuru's house. It picks up right when Naoe lifts his head. Reviews warm my heart but be sure to Provide criticism if you think it is needed. Tell me what you think, it's been a while since I've written fanfiction and longer since I've posted anything. It's only because this is a oneshot, I never seem to finish my multi-chaptered stories, and won't post any part of them until I do. .
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And I see him.
Kagetora-sama. My lord. My master. My life. My reason for existence. My reason for resurrection. My everything. But to him, I am nothing.
I don't stop, I can't hesitate, can't falter, to falter is to show weakness, and to show weakness is to lose to him; he doesn't accept weakness.
His cerulean aura is the same savage, pulsating energy I remember, it is always bottled lightning, a wildcat spitting and hissing threats from behind bars, an electric spark trapped inside a glass box and furious to get out. I can see the moment when it first senses mine, it calms, like the eye of the storm, a retreating wave, it coils around him like a cobra lying in wait for that perfect moment to strike it's prey. Mine senses his too, the normally sedate liquid orange light reaches out towards him, beckons the wolf in to roam amongst the sheep, believing the wolf too full to hunt.
He's stopped now, whether in recognition or curiosity, I know not. As I take that one last step to come abreast of him I can feel the world shift around us in the space of a heartbeat. His aura lashes out at me, washes over me, grabs me so tightly that every bit of air is forced past my lips and I fight not to scream. The pressure is unrelenting, forcing my aura to cower and submit before his like a beaten dog. My aura twists, turns, slips beneath his, looking for release, begging and caressing it's master, wanting to be free and held forever in his embrace all at once.
Distantly I can feel my foot touching the ground in the step that will take me beyond him. And as my heart beats again, I'm released, his aura, satisfied in it's show of dominance has liberated me for the moment. With the force off my chest I can draw a quiet, shaky breath and I force myself to take another step farther from him.
I can hear his sharp intake of breath, though I continue striding towards my car as I try not to pant for air. I can't stop, not this time. If only this time he can make the first move, pursue me, as I have always pursued him. It's a game we play, he and I, but an unfair one, as I'm the one who always loses. I try again only because in some small corner of my heart, I hope that one day, he'll let me win. Win his devotion, his heart, his love, his soul, all the things and more that I've given to him, I wish only to be given his in return. Is that not fair? Does the world not rely on equal trade? Do I ask too much?
These are his, and his alone to give away. And therein lies my dilemma, for Kagetora holds on tightly to all things that are his. He has never given me anything. Anything I have gained from him has been taken, through begging, suffering, trickery, betrayal, or by bloodying my hands in exchange for his. And because of such methods all that I have gained can then be turned back towards me like daggers as he uses them to pierce my already torn and bleeding heart. Does not the memory of committing these deeds torture me enough? His acid words poured upon my self-inflicted wounds of sorrow and shame. Regret is the one constant in my life that I can rely on; in all my bodies, in all my lives, it has followed me, my eternal companion.
A scuffle behind me, and as my hands grip the comforting solidity of my car door, he shouts, in that voice that is so akin to being caressed by a knife, never knowing when the wielder's hand might slip. "You, wait" he says, and I can hear the echoes of the familiar command in his voice. As in the past, I cannot resist his order and slowly turn to face him. A sudden gust of autumn scented wind whispers through the leaves, weaving through his bangs like the touch of a lover, stroking his azure aura into a heated dance before slipping away quietly without a trace.
His silence lies between us, replacing the zephyr's soft murmur, an absolute abyss I cannot hope to see the bottom of, no matter how far I would climb down it. This chasm has always separated us, and only he holds the key to the drawbridge, should he wish to lower it. But he will not; to heed me, and my wishes would mean he has lost, and my Lord Kagetora hates to lose.
I am the one to break first, as it has always been. My body rotates and slips into the cushion of the drivers seat, steadying my hands on the ordinary circle of the wheel and pull shut the door with a resounding and resolute click. The car purrs to life beneath my shaking fingers as I pull away from the curb. I'm torn, I want to hit the gas and put as much distance between us as possible, but I also want to return to him, lie within his embrace and sob my regret and beg for forgiveness until it is given. But the time is not now, I have made my decision to flee from this round, and hesitance is weakness. But I cannot control my heart's calling as it forces my eyes to flicker to the small rectangular mirror hanging above my left temple.
And I see him.
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AN: After I caught the first episode on TV again the other day I was inspired to write this. Personally I blame a 40min. drive home from college classes and no good music on the radio. I hope you enjoyed it, I enjoyed writing it and wrote it primarily in my head and over a 2 day period. Yay for me! Review!
-Akire Lunaria Snowfalcon-