A/N: This deals mildly with issues of suicidal thoughts, just a warning for triggers. I did not delve too deep into it for that reason.

The Forgotten Book

Chapter One: For Whom the Bell Tolls

"What're you doing?" Lily's sharp-toned and anxious voice spoke from behind Severus at the top of the Grand Staircase Tower, the most prominent and tallest tower in the school. "You'll fall-are you mad?"

Nothing about this felt right. Why was Severus up here at almost midnight? She wasn't even supposed to be out, but she needed the book to do her homework tomorrow. She was so shocked to see someone, she almost recoiled back down the stairs, but upon recognizing that greasy hair as Severus, she had come on up. He was looking over the ledge and shaking while sobs racked from his body. It was not like Severus and at that very moment, a horrible feeling came over.

Severus gripped the brass ledge. Lily. Her voice was recognizable to him, but did not dare turn her direction, too proud to let her see his face. Not to mention that he did not want her to see the tears stained on his cheeks. Of the people who could have found him, why her? But he was not going to let her stop him. She did not care about him, not really.

"Severus? What're you doing up here at this hour?" A quiver formed at her words, a surprising edge of unease on her lips.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I left my book. Professor Markham took us up here for art lessons."

Though he could not see her, he could feel an icy stare at his back. "So you got your book and now you can go."

Lily said nothing and he did not hear a single footstep.

"I said go." He was not going to have an audience.

Lily refused to move. Something screamed inside of her to stay.

"Why are you just standing there like an idiot?"

"Aren't you coming down? It's nearly midnight."

"No." Severus clutched the rail, ready for when she was down far enough to not hear him.

Lily stepped forward and saw a slip of paper lying on the table under a rock. Pulling out her wand slowly, she released the paper. Severus caught her too late.

"Don't read that!" He bellowed.

Lily read it anyway.

You can send a note to my father, telling him what I did. Not that he'll care. I'm just a screw-up. I have no real purpose, no need to be here, to live anymore. I'm sick of being bullied and forgotten and I'm sick of all of it, of everything. I did the world and especially our world a favour by ending the existence of myself. I just want to all be over. The pain, all the pain. No one could or can help. The only real friendship I ever had I already ruined. I ruined my chances of being somebody when they found out I had a crush on that friend by accident. Don't tell her though. She'll be better off not knowing I liked her as more than a friend, that I loved her. She likes someone else, someone from her own house. Do tell her I truly am sorry for what I said. I know that I must have hurt her and I wanted to lash out at someone. I was never mad at her. How could I be? Just tell her, tell Lily that I know sorry isn't enough, but I really and truly am sorry for what I said that day to her and I'd give anything to take it back. It cost our friendship and I hope she accepts my apology. Thanks for helping me learn about magic the past six years. I've had some nice times, but most were not so great.

Severus Snape, Sixth Year Slytherin November 29, 1976

Lily glanced back up at him, her eyes the size of galleons, horror-stricken. "Sev-you-you're going to-" Her heart gave a strong jolt. Glancing around fiercely, she tried to think fast of how to stop him. She had to stop him.

"So what? Leave the note. You know everything now so go back and leave me be!" He snapped, but tried to keep his voice down so no one else might be alerted.

"No."

Still refusing to look at her, he just gripped the rail so hard that it dug into his palms. "Just go." He snapped again.

"No. Get down from there. Please?"

He could hear her voice trembling, but shook his head. "Don't tell me what to do! Don't eve act like you give a shit about me."

Lily nearly stumbled over her own feet. She clenched her fists, but stopped herself short of a harsh response. "Please? Come on, let's just talk okay. You and me-alone-however long you want, just please, don't jump. Don't do this." Her throat clenched. "Please."

"Just let me go and get on with your life."

"I can't do that." She squeaked out. "I'll stay up with you-all night if you want to talk that long or-or just sit here with me. Just please, don't do this."

Severus shook his head, but had to admit that he was a bit shocked that she was even suggesting talking to him or staying with him. They weren't friends anymore. She did not care. No one did, not about him. "I'm worthless. I don't have a purpose and I'm sick of it-of everything. Everyone will be happier and better off I just left this world for good."

"That's not true!" Lily snapped, not keeping her voice down. She knew if she was caught out of bed, she'd be in big trouble, but right now detention was not a thought on her mind. Who cared about a few days scrubbing trophies or cauldrons when Severus's life was literally hanging by a thread? Nothing seemed important right now, not even her early class tomorrow or lack of sleep.

"It is."

"It's NOT!" She was almost yelling and tears started to pool her eyes. "Just come here. We'll go out-do whatever you want-talk to someone-a professor-"

"I don't want to talk to a professor!" He grumbled, still maintaining a whispered voice.

"Then talk to me."

He nearly jumped as her hand firmly gripped just below his elbow.

"Please, just come with me." She now had a glimpse of his face. It was worn and his eyes blood-shot and red-rimmed as if he had hardly slept for days. They were also puffy and his face splotchy. His cheeks were stained with tears. His whole body was trembling and his skin was like ice. He was also strangely wearing muggle clothing instead of his robes. His gray short-sleeve shirt was not warm enough for such a frigid night and it baffled her as to why he would wear that.

Severus jerked away from her and backed off from the ledge. "Why are you doing this?"

"You're trying to end your life!"

"So what? No one here or at home gives a fuck about me! Don't pretend like you care either!"

Lily shook her head. "Sev-I never-I never didn't care. Of course I care."

He turned on her, his eyes shooting daggers her direction. "Oh really? You cut me off-you didn't care what happened to me."

"I did so! I just couldn't stop-couldn't stay friends when we were going in such different directions. You wanted them-you chose them. I couldn't follow-couldn't stay with you-not when you wanted them-called me that word. Don't pretend you didn't think it-that I was that!"

"I don't. I took out my anger on you." He pulled out his wand. "No, just go. I don't want you to watch-to see me dead."

Lily took a step toward him and caught him by surprise when she lunged forward and tackled him to the ground. Pulling his wand in did not stop her from fighting it out his hands and he was amazed at her strength.

"Get off!" He yelled out.

Lily was breathing heavy as she fought with determination to get the wand from his hands. "I won't let you do it!"

"If you truly cared about me, you would let me go."

Lily dug her fingernails into his hands in the tussle and he cringed giving her just enough of a chance to snatch his wand. He clung to the end of it, desperate to not let her have his weapon.

"No," she tried to catch her breath. "No, if I didn't care-I'd let you do it, but I do and I won't let you!"

"Let me have my wand!"

Lily pinned him down. "No! You aren't-I won't let you turn it on yourself!" As she tried to push the wand away from him, her right hand slipped and her fingernails scratched his lower arm. He grimaced and she took her chance and yanked the wand from his grip. She scurried to her feet, catching her breath.

He laid there on the dirty concrete floor that was caked with dried dirt. A feeling of being overpowered came over him for a moment, before he tried to formulate a plan to get his wand back, but came up empty. He slowly got to his feet. "Just let me do this." His voice claimed defeat.

That was when he got a good look at her. Tears were streaming down her face and she was fighting back sobs. He had not seen her look so anxious and distraught in a long time.

"I can't-I can't let you do it." She squeaked out, horror still plaguing her eyes.

"Why do you care?"

"Because I do. I can't let you end your life. We're sixteen. You're not even of age…you can't die yet."

Severus was a bit surprised she had not addressed what he had said in the letter and mocked him for liking her like that. She had not said one word and it almost irritated him. He knew she knew that he was speaking of her. Who else would it have been? He wanted her to hate him, to leave him alone and let him end it all. It would make it so much easier if she hated him. No one had given one thought to him since summer and he did not want her to start caring now.

"We're not friends-you don't care-leave me be."

Lily shook her head. "Stay here. Stay with me. Let's go down and just talk to me. Only me. We don't have to talk to a professor or anyone else. I won't tell anyone…not one soul anything you tell me in private. On my honour, I swear to you. Just-just come down with me. Don't end your life."

Severus folded his arms across his chest and scowled. "I don't have anything to live for."

"What about your future?"

"I don't have one."

"Sure you do. You're brilliant-intelligent as they come. You're amazing at so much, know so much."

Severus glared at her. "That doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. You can do anything."

"No, it doesn't!" He was not keeping quiet anymore. "It doesn't matter. Don't you get it? You don't know anything-"

Her eyes narrowed on him. "I know plenty!"

"You don't know how it works. Being smart isn't enough! You have to know people-have to be in the right house or right family to get jobs and have a life. I'll never have any of that! The whole damn school hates me! No one gives a rat's ass about what happens to me!"

"I don't hate you. I never hated you."

Severus scoffed. "Oh really? What do you call that night after I called you that word? You hated me!"

"I did not hate you, Sev. Was I mad? Yes. Did I hate you? No. I forgave you. I'm over it, but we did not need to stay friends. We had grown too far apart."

"If you forgave me, then why didn't you tell me?" His eyes were almost slits.

"I didn't think you'd care anymore. You seemed so adamant to join them-join the Death Eaters that I didn't-I just-we'd grown too far apart. I didn't think we could be friends again even if we did forgive that incident." She looked at him. She had not dared address the shocking revelation that Severus had a major crush on her. It just seemed so unimportant and she did want to embarrass him in any way. If she knew Severus, and she was sure she did, the last thing he wanted was to be mocked or embarrassed. If wasn't something to mock anyway. She understood.

He was brilliant and ambitious and quite resilient normally, but he was also ruthless and insecure and selfish. She wondered where that ambition and resilience had gone though. Right now he had none of the determination or will she used to remember. What had happened?

"I would have cared." He spoke softly.

Lily looked at the cold ground. "You must be freezing."

He glared curiously at her. "I'm fine." His arms were filled with bumps from the frigid air beating his bare arms raw.

"Come down with me."

"Why? So I can be a failure?"

"You're not a failure."

Severus fought a battle in his mind, wanting to go with her and wanting to be left to die alone. "If anyone sees that note now-"

Lily took the note out of her robe pocket and put her wand on it, almost wanting to laugh that he was worried about a little note when he had been planning to end his own life. She spoke something he could not make out and then the letter blew into smithereens, sprinkled in the air and vanished before they hit the ground. "Now, no one will ever see the note." She grinned and put out her hand. "Just between you and me. No one will ever have to know what happened tonight either."

He saw her hand beckoning him and he was shocked. Severus gave a fleeting looking over to the tower's ledge. Finally he took her hand. She gripped it with a twitch at the corner of her mouth, almost as if she was going to smile for a second. Who knew a simple forgotten book could change so much?

A/N: Not a one shot anymore. Hope you enjoyed!