For anyone reading any of my other stories: Skipping School, Curse, and Go Fish will not be updated. It has a sucky underdeveloped plot line that cannot be fixed. He Always Said We'd Meet in a Coffee Shop: I am still working on this, I won't post any story until I finish it so it may be awhile. There are also a few others I am working on because plot bunnies love to pelt me in the head. Which brings me to my next point...
About this story: I am officially home sick with the flu. I was also officially listening to 'Lips of an Angle' by hinder (THIS IS NOT A SONG FIC! JUST A SONG INSPIRED FIC) . I've always loved that song for this pairing (YamixYuugi) and this just ended up being written. It's spur of the moment and could likely use a lot of constructive critism. I only really read it through a few times... I posted this to know what people like and don't like about my writting so it can help with stories I'm working on. The more helpful reviews, the more I'm likely to write. So help? Please? Oh! And THE OC IS SIMPLY THERE TO NARRATE THE STORY, because I liked the POV idea, PLEASE DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED BY HER, SHE'S NOT REALLY EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE IMPORTANT, I HATE OC's, SHE DOESN'T EVEN GET A NAME!
Disclaimer: I probably could think of something creative but I feel like crap right now so... I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or lips of an angle
Intersting writing tip that I've found true: It's easiest to write at weird hours when you're half awake (even though spelling words like start may even be difficult at that point, you can always edit later). I also going to add sick because I have the same 'out of it' feeling. I may look back at this later and cringe, who knows! I am happily dilerious!
It's almost two in the morning when his phone rings.
He fumbles about, checking who's calling before pressing the answer button and practically running out of the room.
He doesn't think it woke me, but it did, the apartment is small, I can hear his voice from the living room. "Aibou? Are you alright? It's really late, what's wrong?"
If it was anyone else, his voice would have been sharp, he would have been angry; but not for him, never for him. He's silent for a moment, then "Don't try and tell me you're fine Aibou, you're crying, what's wrong?" There's another short silence. "No, you don't need to go, and if you hang up this phone you know the only thing it will accomplish is that I'll take the first flight over there to find out what's wrong myself."
He doesn't say anything for awhile, but I can hear his feet on the floor, he's pacing. Pacing for Atemu had always meant he's worried and frustrated.
After a moment he sighs, and the subject changes. When it comes to him, he's willing to do anything to make him comfortable. He won't demand an answer; he'll wait for him to tell him himself. He doesn't do that for anyone else, not even me. He is special.
"It's- It's good to hear from you too. I really do miss you." A pause. "Yeah, she's sleeping. Does-" He hesitated before pushing forward. "Does Anzu know you're talking to me? I glad you called me but I don't want to make anything worse." Of course not, not for him. He'd do anything for him.
"Oh Ra, Aibou! I'm so sorry! How long?" My breath catches in my throat, he broke up with his girlfriend. The girlfriend that was, from what I've figured out from scattered information, the only reason Atemu even gave up on him. "Do you want me to come see you? You know I will."
When Atemu talks again his voice is louder, he sounds angry. "Damn it Yuugi!" Yuugi, I realize, must be his real name. "I don't care about her! You're all I care about right now, alright? At this point, I don't care if she finds out. You're all that matters!"
The worse part about this is that none of this is a surprise. I figured it out awhile ago.
The worst part is I feel guilty for knowing. For knowing someday he'd leave me for him, for Yuugi -he has a name now; I suppose I should use it-, but never saying anything.
No, that's not the worst part; the worst part is that I don't really care. I claim to love him, but I don't even care that he doesn't love me. How could he? He can lie to everyone he wants to, even himself, but he's still not over him, not over Yuugi.
"I dreamt of you last night you know."
I know what he's doing now, trying to keep talking, coming up with reasons not to say goodbye. To drag this conversation out for as long as he can.
They're both stubborn, Yuugi won't ask him to come see him, and Atemu won't go without Yuugi's permission.
The thought crosses my mind maybe things won't end the way I thought they would. Neither or them will say anything. Eventually they'll say goodbye, and it will probably be awhile before either of them actually calls the other. Suddenly I can't let that happen.
Before I know what I'm doing I'm slipping out of bed. It says something about how distracted Atemu is that he doesn't notice me until I take the phone out of his hand. He opens his mouth to say something but I shake my head and he falls silent.
"Yuugi." There's no response from the other line, but I keep talking. I can see Atemu watching me from the corner of my eye. I smile at him but keep my voice firm. "You both need to stop being stubborn idiots. He loves you, you love him, he's getting on the first flight he can find, and I'm not going to hear a single complaint from either of you!"
"I-"
"Do you understand?"
"Yes."
The voice is soft and I can't help but smile. "You sound like an angle you know?" Atemu is staring at me like I've gone insane. "I hope you're half as cute as you sound. I'm fond enough of him to want him happy you know."
"Do you… love him?" His voice is hesitant, like he's afraid to ask but needs to know.
"No. I don't think I ever really did. He's wonderful and all, but it's kind of hard to love someone who's never moved on, you know?"
"Yeah. I've heard that."
"I'll let you talk to Atemu again while I go pack some of his stuff. He's a really sucky packer." The boy laughs and I can't help but smile. "Bye."
"Bye."
I chuck the phone at a stunned Atemu. "He's cute."
I disappear into the bedroom, throwing open the closet. "No Aibou," Atemu is happier than I've heard him in a while. "I don't think she's insane."
[A/N] So ConCrit please! For help with stories I'm working on! Even just 'this is my favorite part/line', 'this part didn't really work for me'. Simple, right? You don't even have to say why if you can't think of a reason. So for all you lazy people:
ConCrit review basic outline (YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS, I'M TRYING TO HELP):
My favorite part/line was (why?):
My least favorie part/line was (why?):
I liked/Disliked the not main charector POV:
It needs more: Suggestions= Desciptions out of dialouge or anything like that...
I found the non usement of name in the beginning (Yuugi's because it was unknown): Annoying, indiffernt, liked it, etc.
I was confused at some parts and would like clarified more: Anything you think needs more explaining
View overall: Get your procrastinating ass in gear and actually write more because I want to see more (better?) from you, or (in a nice way please) I'm not a fan of you're style and this is why [Explanition would be nice!]
I found the fact that you made a review outline to be: Honest truth, were you happy to have something to follow and know what I'm looking for or did it piss you off? Should I always include one?
Other: Feel free to rant about whatever you want!