Daylight faded outside a small coffee shop. Inside, a bluejay and raccoon stood waiting for their order. Mordecai watched with interest as Margaret operated the equipment, wondering how a girl could be so hot while covered in coffee grounds. Rigby grumbled, looking at the clock.

"Here ya go, guys. Two black coffees." Margaret appeared behind the counter with a pair of to-go coffees, her plumage brilliant red even in the florescent light. "Sorry it took so long. Eileen had to leave early, so I have to close up by myself tonight."

Mordecai tried not to sound like a tool. "Oh, that sucks. What happened to Eileen?"

"Oh, her family dropped by on the way through town." The robin shrugged, handing the bluejay his coffee, her wing lingering on his just a moment longer than necessary. Their eyes met, and she gave a shy smile. "You know how it goes. It's just going to take me a while to close up."

"M-maybe I could help you?" The male bird straightened his crest, nervous. "I'm not a trained coffee shop…professional, but I could wipe down tables or whatever."

"Really?" Her feathers ruffled with happiness. "That would actually be really great." She passed the raccoon his cup and walked back to the kitchen. "I promise not to give you the gross jobs."

As soon as Margaret was out of earshot, Rigby gave his drink a frustrated slosh. "Dude! What was that?"

"What was what? I'm just helping her out."

"What about our plans, man? Suddenly you're wiping down Margaret's tables instead?"

The bluejay groaned, eyes closing. "Rigby, if you're worried about missing the start of Private Eye Guy, just leave now and go watch it."

"Ugggggggh!" The raccoon rolled his eyes, then jabbed his cup at Mordecai. "The whole point is that we'd watch it together, drinking black coffee and being all tough." The raccoon pantomimed what he assumed flexing looked like.

"You don't even like black coffee. It's too hardcore for you." Mordecai took a sip, the warm aroma spreading through his beak.

"Shut up! I'm totally hardcore enough." He swigged an indignant gulp. After a frozen moment, he spit it out in a fine spray. "Okay, so it might be a little too hardcore…" Wiping his dripping lips, he started scooping sugar into the beverage.

"Dude, how about this: just tape it. I'll help Margaret and then I'll come straight home and we can watch it. No big deal." He shrugged.

The raccoon took a long sip, considering, then set the cup down with a sullen look. "Fine… But you owe me a solid."

Sitting on a tabletop in the dark cafe, Mordecai shifted, nervous. A blaze of red plumage beside him splashed color in the dim night, upping his heartbeat to a very unsmooth pace. They watched cars rumble by in the night.

"Thanks for helping me clean up." Margaret smiled at him. "It was really sweet of you."

He chuckled, nervous. "N-no problem…" Summoning all his courage, the bluejay managed to lift one wing and settle it over the robin's shoulders.

Margaret twitched with surprise, but the next moment relaxed against him, as soft as her sigh. Her quills traced his bare chest. "Your feathers are really soft."

"Heh-heh, yeah… I've been trying a new conditioner." He winced, knowing he sounded like a total chump. "I mean, uhhh, your feathers are nice too. They're very…red."

"Thanks." She smiled, resting her beak on his shoulder. "My dad always said I had some cardinal in me."

"Heh-heh, I could see that." He stroked her shoulder.

She tapped her beak on his, playful. "You're a pretty great guy, you know that?"

"Ummmmmm…"

With a nervous chuckle, the robin rolled her eyes. "What I mean is, you didn't even go for the stupid 'maybe you'd like some bluejay in you' line."

Shock left his jaw slack.

She shrugged, her cheek flushing a shade deeper scarlet. "Guess I've been dating the wrong guys, huh?"

"Yeah… Especially since they're not me." His other wing drifted up to hers, then froze as he realized he'd said that out loud. "Umm, what I mean is—"

Her primary feathers lifted his beak to hers. "You're such a dork."

Mordecai's heart tried to strangle him. Fear of his possible bad breath, looking like a tool, or just being bad at kissing gripped him. Swallowing, he swore silently not to wuss out.

In a soft clatter of beaks, he kissed her.

The robin's eyes shot wide in surprise. His wings traced her hips, answered by hers rubbing against his back feathers. Her chest pressed to his, reminding him his heart beat like a crazed hair band drummer.

The kiss tapered off. The heat in her smile rocked his soul, hazing his brain over like some corny romance movie. She brushed her beak along his cheek ruff, whispering. "About time you did that."

"Uh-huh…" Mordecai sat stunned and staring as she nestled against him. Uncertain wings traced her back, rusting the feathers under her shirt. He worked up the courage to kiss her again and lifted his wing to lift her chin-

The honk of a passing car stirred her from his plumage. Her dark eyes opened and flashed to the clock. "Wow, it's getting super late." She hopped down from the tabletop, took him by the wing, and tugged him to his feet with a smile. "You should totally walk me home though."

She wanted to go home! What'd he done wrong? "Uh, sure thing." Following her to the door, the bluejay struggled to hide his disappointment.

Outside, she locked the door after them. "It's a really nice night. We can cut through the park."

Cold sidewalk under his feet, visions of exploding golf carts, unholy monsters, and space portals flashed before him. "Aaaaaaactually, let's go around. The universe is on my side for once, and I'd hate to screw that up."

"Ha! That's pretty deep." She slipped the keys into a tight jeans pocket. "You're sure you're not just trying to take the long way back to my place?"

"No! I mean, uhhh…" A deep breath later, he managed to use his smooth voice. "The thought had occurred to me."

A sudden crash of splintering trees turned their attention to the park. A fifty-foot green mushroom cloud rose about half a mile beyond the fence, glowing with unnatural light.

"Oh my gosh!" She grabbed his wing. "Did you see that?"

"Yeah, just keep walking."

Margaret pointed a feather at the towering glow. "Shouldn't we—?"

"No."

"But—"

"I'll be honest, I'm not that much help in situations like this anyway. Whatever it is, I'm sure Skips can handle it." He shrugged his wings.

The distant bellow of a yeti echoed from the park as mystical energy crackled through the trees.

"See? Skips's got this." He shot her his most reassuring smile.

A smaller blast of light rocked the neighborhood. After the shockwave, the two birds shrugged and continued on their way. Her wing never left his, keeping them shoulder to shoulder as they walked. The blocks rolled by as they rounded the park. Way sooner than Mordecai would have liked, they stopped in front of a tidy little apartment building.

Margaret scraped a toe claw along the sidewalk, one wing brushing the other. Her voice got softer. "Sooooo, this is my place."

The bluejay clicked his beak shut, trying to hide his disappointment. He couldn't keep his shoulders from slouching a little, though. "Yeah…"

She adjusted the feathers of her crest, then slipped her wing to the back of her neck. "I'd invite you up for coffee, but…" The tip of her beak dipped, those ruby eyes glimmering up to him. A shrug.

"Yeeeah, we did just leave a coffee shop." Mordecai shrugged too, resigned. "I guess you're home now and I should kinda…"

"Wait." Touching his wing, the robin rolled her eyes, smiling. "Wanna come up and play some video games?"

The bird's brain skipped like a scratched CD before he stammered into an answer. "Sure! I mean, uh, if you want to."

"C'mon." She took his wing. They creaked upstairs, away from the streetlights and into the beige glow the stairwell. At the door, her keys missed the lock once, probably because she kept checking his expression. She flicked the light on. "Sorry about the mess."

Mordecai surveyed the spacious apartment. As far as he could tell, the mess consisted of one shirt on one chair. "What are you talking about? This is the cleanest apartment I've been in in…forever."

"Oh." She twisted the shirt in her wings. "Your house is nice."

"Nah, we just do that for you guys. Benson got trapped under a landslide of pizza boxes from the closet one time." His gaze latched on a shiny black device under her TV. "Whoa! You have a Game Console 4700?" He dropped to his knees before it.

"Yeah, Eileen found it on sale. She already had one, so she did me a solid and picked it up."

An ionized plastic scent rose off the console. "Ahhhh. It even smells new. Ours smells like powdered cheese."

Margaret started to respond, then seemed to reconsider.

A game cartridge, still in its box, lay on a shelf in the TV stand. "Aw, what-Lard Renderer II? I didn't even know it was out yet!"

Margaret's feathers ruffled a little, like she was really happy about something. She sat down on the sofa, her knee brushing his shoulder. "Yeah, I sorta picked it up after our last game night. I haven't really gotten to play it yet, so I'm probably not very good."

"No no, it's fine." He fished the game out and clicked it into the slot. "If it's anything like the first one, we should breeze through this thing." Flipping the console on, he hopped onto the sofa.

"Oh here, let me set the mood a little." She lit some scented candles, setting them atop the end table and a stack of textbooks, then turned off the lights.

He watched her sit back down. He could watch her sit down all day. "Video games by candlelight, huh?" A nervous smile.

"Let's make this interesting." She smiled and handed him a controller. "Winner gets a kiss."

He opened his mouth to say what a great idea that was. Something shorted out in his brain, though, and he somehow ended up saying: "But this is a co-op game."

Her eyes shone soft scarlet in the flickering light. "I guess we'll just have to play and see what happens." She scooted closer.

A blaze of beeps, boops, and eight-bit graphics explained the 'Panic on Porkotron.' Hours and levels rolled by, with the only pause when Margaret got up for drinks and sat down closer to him. Their shoulders and hips bumped as they played, her feet brushing against his on the coffee table whenever she pointed at some power-up on the screen. Finally, as Mordecai swore the room had started to heat up, the ending cutscene flashed color on the walls.

"Oh oh!" The bluejay leaned back into the couch. "Who gathered all the pieces of that industrial centrifuge? We diiiiiiiiiiiiiid!"

"Yeah! We make a pretty good team." She traded high fives with him, then let her wings fall to his thigh. "So…"

"Oh yeah, right. Winner gets a kiss. Heh-heh…" His wing brushed the back of his neck, needing a place to be.

"I'll take mine first." The robin sat there, waiting. For him.

Heart pounding, he gave her a light peck on the beak.

Her wings wrapped around him, hauling him deeper into the kiss. Lost and thrilled, Mordecai rubbed his wings down her back with the suspicion that useful knowledge for this situation lay in the gap between pornos and romantic comedies. When they finished, he chuckled, nervous. "Wow…"

She smoothed her crest with one wing, the other unsteady on his hip. The robin probably had no idea how amazing she looked, in the glow of candlelight and a video game. "I like you, Mordecai. And not just because you walk around naked…" Her scarlet eyes flicked to his crotch, then to the opposite end of the room. "…though that didn't hurt."

"It is pretty…indie, I guess."

"No, mostly I like it because it's you." With a smile and soft wings, she eased him into laying on the sofa. Her feathers brushed his cock; she had to have noticed his growing boner. A breathy whisper stirred his plumage as she blushed down at him. "Having fun?"

"Heh-heh, yeah." He realized his wing had gripped her butt, pulling her tight against him. He eased off a little. "It was good game, I mean."

Those ruby eyes shone in the game console's light. Even as her gaze darted away, her wing gripped his joystick. "Want to continue?"

His eyes shot wide. His brain actually sent the right answer to his mouth: "…Yes. Yes, I do."

The robin kneeled over him, beak slid along his, the smooth texture sending shivers through his body. She kissed his cheek, shifting closer—and almost falling off the couch.

He grabbed her by the hips as she scrambled not to fall.

Her knee came down between his legs.

"Oww! Margaret!" Mordecai tensed with a grimace. "Tailfeathers! Tailfeathers!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" She repositioned herself over him.

"It's okay…" He panted, patting her back. "There are worse things you could have landed on."

"Well, I'm glad those things are safe." An apologetic smile, then a shy shrug. "Maybe we should move to the bed?"

"The—the bed?" His beak felt dry.

"Yeah, I mean if you want." One wing straightened her crest. "We'd have more room there…"

Mordecai's brain churned for a moment in the flicker of the TV and candlelight. "More room. Yeah."

She got up, very careful this time. "C'mon." Her wing stretched toward him.

With only a tremble of disbelief, he took it in his, letting her pull him to his feet. The wooden floor felt cold, or maybe his feathers just felt too hot. With sheepish glances at each other and him almost tripping over a potted plant, she led him into the dark of her room. His eyes adjusted to find a bed taking up most of the small space.

She messed with something on the dresser. A click and quiet music started. "Have a seat."

He sat. Her sheets felt silky and cool against his balls. He glanced down to see his massive hard-on bobbing in her direction. One wing shifted over it—just because he walked around naked didn't mean people liked shameless boners in their faces.

"So about your kiss…" The robin brushed his cheek with a wingtip, leaning in. "You never really said where you wanted it."

"Umm…" He squirmed, not wanting to sound like a loser. "I'm happy with anywhere. It was just a game."

"You know how games work, though." She knelt, moving his wing aside and collecting his cock and balls with gentle primaries. Exploring, she tugged his foreskin forward, twiddling the soft ring of muscle at the tip. "You can't just stick them in—" Her head settled against his thigh. "—you gotta blow them first."

A drip of precum rolled down his tip, a breath away from her open beak. "Margaret, you… Uhhhhhhmmmm…"

Her slender tongue lapped the fluid. She closed her beak, considering. "It tastes kind of sweet. I wasn't expecting it to." Another lick. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised, huh?"

"Huh? Oh—heh-heh." A nervous wing traced her neck.

"Not that I go around tasting guys." Her beak opened around his cock, dipping to allow her tongue better access. Her licks traced his shaft as she played with his sac. Soft music from the boombox accompanied her movements.

Even as his tip rubbed the slick inside surfaces of her beak, his brain latched onto the song. Upbeat, but not especially romantic. Familiar too… "Is- Is that my mix tape?"

Margaret smiled around his cock. More amazing licks and a slow, hypnotic bobbing of her head. She even got a little adventurous and started tonguing back the skin of his cock, lapping as far back as the ridge of his head. Every moan from the bluejay seemed to drive her to try something new. She kept going for a minute or so, then winced.

He stroked her crest, easing her off his dick. "You okay?"

She cleared her throat and shrugged. "Floor's hurting my knees."

"Get those sexy knees up here." He patted the bed. "They deserve something cushiony."

The robin stood up, eyebrows raised, hand on her arm.

Tugging her closer by the shorts, he stroked her toned legs and planted a kiss on either knee. "Sorry, ladies."

Margaret giggled. "Awww, I think they forgive you." She ran a feather down his beak. "Close your eyes."

He did. Mostly. Not that the dark let him see more than the gleam of her plumage. Clothes rustled. The bed creaked as she climbed behind him. Feathers mingling with his own on his back—she'd taken off her top.

He opened his eyes all the way. Red wings slipped down his blue ones. They stroked his chest, feeling his frantic heartbeat, then drifted to his stomach and further before doubling back. Margaret wrapped his body in her wings, her feet pressed to his thighs. Stunned, he stroked her leg, his touch reaching bare feathers at her hip. "Dude…"

"I get to see you naked all the time." Her beak smoothed the feathers on his shoulder. "Hope you don't mind my settling the score."

Something clicked in the bluejay's brain. She wanted him. She'd wanted him for a long time. He turned, fearless wings diving under hers, sweeping her back. He hugged her close against heartfelt kisses, determined to figure out making out. A soft clatter of beaks, then he found himself licking inside hers. Lost in the moment, he caressed her lady pecs, feeling her arc up under him. His balls pressed against hot wetness. They rolled together on the bed, rocking to the faint music of the stereo. He ended up on top of the robin, her hips jostling his.

She blushed up at him, head nested on a pillow as they moved together. "I've wanted this for a really long time."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah." She squeezed his butt, her voice quiet but excited. "Make love to me, Mordecai."

Cold anxiety swept his wings, rushing his heart. "A-are you sure about this?"

"Heh, sure as a girl can be when she's never had one of these pointed at her." Her shaky wing caressed the rigid surface of his cock. "Not a real one anyway."

The bluejay blinked in surprise. A dribble of precum strung between her feathers and his tip. Mordecai clacked his beak shut, mortified.

She chuckled behind her dry wing. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"But we don't have a condom!"

"It's okay; I'm on the pill." Her pre-damp feathers guided him, rubbing him against her lips, then nestling him between them. "Just…be careful, alright?"

He nodded. Then, with a shuddering moan, his tip sank inside her. Tight walls rolled his foreskin back, the exposed head of his dick massaged by heat, texture, and juices. Her walls gripped him. Soft wings and tender cries caressed him. Her toes clutched his tail feathers. Atop each thrust, his sac bounced against her feathered crotch. Her wings gripped his shoulders as her passage clutched his slick shaft. Again and again he thrusted, trying to find a good angle, driving pleasured gasps up through her body. The bedsprings creaked in time with their movements, feathers rustling along feathers as he panted over her.

"Mordecai… Ohhhhhh…" Her breath rushed past his face. Against sky-blue sheets, she bucked higher and higher up his shaft, bumping her feathered hips to his. "Mmmm!"

The bluejay's mind soared, any control lost. "Ohhhh… I'm gonna…" A shiver of bliss surged through him. "Ugh! Uhmmm!" His eyes squeezed shut, erection jerking in her as his thick seed traveled up it. In a rush, it sprayed her walls, painting them with his hot avian cum until it oozed back around his shaft.

Margaret gasped under him, tense, but a let out a quiet moan.

Heatbeats later, he collapsed, his beak buried down between her breasts. There, he listened to her pulse as it came in time with his pleasured groans. As his orgasm ebbed, he blushed under his feathers. "Sorry! I didn't ummm, I mean I've never…"

"Shhhhhh…" Gentle wings stroked his back. "Slow down, Casanova. I don't mind." She shrugged. "I mean, good to know I feel nice to you, right?"

"Amazing…" His voice came out stunned, and muffled by her plumage. He rested against her in a daze. Her feathers felt so silky against his cheek. After all the fuzz cleared from his brain, he rolled to lay beside her, a wing on her hip. "Sooo…"

"Sooo..." She traced a feather down his chest.

"So, I kind of need to make you come now. You know, to repay the favor."

"Oh! I—"

He kissed her cheek. "Didn't you say something about having some non-real dicks around here?"

"Oh my gosh!" She hit him with a pillow. "You totally did not just ask about my sex toys."

"You do have some, don't you! It's okay. I'm not going to think you're weird. It's actually kind of hot."

"Ugh! You make it sound like I've got like twenty of them. I only have one—Eileen helped me pick it out online. She's kind of an expert."

"Can I see it?"

"Okay okay." Her wing dipped into her nightstand drawer, emerging with a sleek vibrator. Her feathers flicked it on with ease, like she'd done it a thousand times before. Mordecai never imagined he could be so jealous of a chunk of blue plastic.

She handed it to him. The cock-shaped piece of plastic buzzed in his wings like a rumble controller. He felt a sly look cross his face. Moving between her legs, he traced the device up one thigh, then the other, then her toned stomach, making her shiver. Moisture glistened in the dim light, outlining her tender lips. He glanced down, noticing his hard-on had rejoined the party in record time.

The lightest touch of the vibrator to her slit made her gasp. Stroking it up and down made her squirm. Dipping it in made her moan. Mordecai started pumping it in and out, listening to her breaths come faster and faster. Her passage gripped the toy, as if trying to keep it inside. After a minute or two, he realized that anytime something bumped her clit, she chirped with sheer pleasure. Speeding up his efforts, he reached down to stroke it directly.

As his wing tip brushed her clit, she writhed against the mattress. Her trembling body arched up, driving the toy deeper as her legs squeezed him tight. "UuuuuuUUUUUUUHH!"

The bluejay watched in wonder as she writhed on the vibrator he held. Slick juices seeped into his feathers as she ground against his wing. Then, still gasping, she sunk back down onto the bed. After watching her lay trembling and gorgeous for a moment, he slid the dildo free and clicked it off with clumsy wings. "T-that was incredible." He stroked the underside of her beak. "I thought it was gonna be way harder than that."

"I've—huh!—always gotten off really easy." She hid her beak with a wing. "It's…kind of embarrassing."

"What? No! I think it's awesome."

"Really?"

"Yeah, think about it. You'll totally have way more orgasms in your life than most people."

"Oh, heh-heh. I never really thought about it that way."

"So yeah, I don't want you to feel awkward about it. I mean, I really like you, and knowing that about you makes me like you even more."

The robin hid her beak behind a wing. "Thanks."

His dick, stiff and hot, brushed her inner thigh.

She rolled her hips a little, brushing against him. "I thought guys took a while to…"

"Well, you turn me on about as fast as this thing." He lifted the toy. "And probably more often."

Laughing, she rolled him on top. The robin whispered soft sounds of joy in his ear as her ankles rested on his tail feathers. His wing lined them up, easing his tip into her. Between his spunk, her juices, and not being insanely nervous, he sank into her smoothly this time. Together, they found a rhythm that worked—more than worked: felt awesome. Mordecai buried himself balls-deep in the girl of his dreams, over and over, each thrust leaving her gasping for more. Her wings caressed his crest, his back, the curve of his butt. There, she gripped, driving him harder into her slick passage. "Mordecai!"

Their beaks met in fast little kisses. Even in the darkness, he was aware of her every move, her every breath and tremble. Her muscles gripped him, every flutter of pressure squeezing more pleasure out of the moment. "Margaret! Oh, Margaret…" His cock started that familiar pulsing that warned of orgasm; he slowed to a stop, leaving her twitching around and under him. He swept a wing between them, diving straight for her clit—

Tension shot through her body, leaving her trembling. Around his dick, her passage fluttered. "Yes, dude!" Her primaries buried themselves in his plumage, gripping hard. "Yes! Yeeeeeeeeeees!"

His balls twitched, spurting pleasure up his shaft. Mordecai hugged her, grinding his hips against hers as he pumped her with gush after gush of his hot, slick jizz. His tip felt it first, but the gooey feeling built with every shot until it oozed down her along his pulsing shaft. He grit his beak, trying to stretch out the moment, holding it as tight as the bird in his wings.

As their orgasms faded, he felt their feathers poof out in contentment as they shivered through the aftershocks. In the dark of the apartment, as her beak nibbled his plumage, preening down his neck, the bluejay couldn't have been happier with his life.

The next morning, after kissing goodbye nine times, Mordecai headed home. As he left the apartment building, he clung to the hope that maybe his best friend hadn't noticed…

The bluejay stepped outside and came face-to-face with himself—a poorly photocopied version of himself, on a lamppost. The entire neighborhood sat plastered with missing posters. Not only had Rigby noticed, he'd ultra-noticed.

Rigby himself hurried around, still slapping fliers on every available surface. Seeing his best friend, the raccoon threw his hands up in joy, scattering an entire pile of missing posters, and bounded over on all fours. "Dude! I've been looking all over for you!"

"Yeah…" The bird shrugged, feeling his feathers heat up. "I ended up staying at Margaret's after I helped her close the shop. No big deal."

"No big deal!? The VCR morphed into an evil private detective robot that Skips had to shoot with a tommy gun TV remote and—" Rigby sniffed at his wing. "—why do you smell like a girl?"

Mordecai buried his face in his wing.