THINGS TO DO ON AN ELEVATOR:
Make
race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and
offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other
passengers.
***Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle
the first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side
to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
***Crack
open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got
enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on
the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
***Stand silent and
motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When
arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then
act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another
passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet
everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them
to call you Admiral.
One word: Flatulence!
On the highest
floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear
the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the
bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
*Stare, grinning, at another
passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks
on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:
"Oh, not now, dang motion sickness!"
Give religious
tracts to each passenger.
*Meow occasionally.
Bet the other
passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown and mutter
"gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
*Show
other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary
had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Holler
"Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
*Walk on
with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
***Stare
at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of
THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Burp, and
then say "mmmm...tasty!"
Leave a box between the
doors.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button
for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers
"through" it.
Start a sing-along.
***When the
elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your
beeper?"
Play the harmonica.
Say "Ding!" at each
floor.
*Lean against the button panel.
**Say "I wonder
what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the
elevator walls with a stethoscope.
***Draw a little square on the
floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is
your "personal space."
Bring a chair along.
Take a
bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in
muh mouf?"
Blow spit bubbles.
Pull your gum out of your
mouth in long strings.
****Announce in a demonic voice: "I
must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and
clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses
a button.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at
the passengers.
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's
getting larger."
***If anyone brushes against you, recoil and
holler "Bad touch!"
Bring a water pistol. Soak
everyone's shoes.
***Start brushing off invisible bugs from your
arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"
Challenge your
neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.
****Laugh
hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other
passengers like they are crazy.
Charge into the elevator dripping
wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. *Mutter something
about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's
getting to the good part.
Make chalk drawings on the walls.
****As
the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down!
I said down, dang it!"
****Crouch in one corner and growl
menacingly at everyone who gets on.
Try to get a game of "Twister"
going.
Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at
your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step
away.