Title: Uncharted Waters
Author: dizzy - in - the - izzy
Rating: T, oh yes, TEE!
Summary: He is Jimmy Palmer, and his map has some uncharted waters.
A/N: I don't know what and/or why this came about. It has no purpose. It's verging on crack!fic, this is SO NOT... something. It doesn't make sense to me... or actually it does. Or...
I started this a while ago, and I left it alone because I didn't know where it was going. Until now.
Jimmy Palmer was in uncharted waters.
Well, they were uncharted to him. On his map, they were just a blank area of nothing. His map wasn't as spiffy as others, as he spent most of his life in the basement. He'd even dare to say that Ducky's was more complete than his, because Ducky visited people on a regular basis. He was the "Autopsy Gremlin" and that had a certain amount of reputation attached to it.
Whether it be bad or not.
His map looked like someone had come along and just erased huge chunks. He had Abby's lab, complete with Major Mass Spec in the corner, and he'd even added in a little Caf-Pow for shits and giggles. He knew autopsy better than the back of his own hand (which was a saying he still didn't understand and tried not to use) so that was detailed down to the dust ball in the corner.
Which was all fine and dandy, but life outside of those rooms was a different and scary place.
He suspected that there was a part of NCIS he really didn't need to know. Interrogation wasn't a place he planned to be any time soon, so that could be a vague outline and some funny sketches. Along with things like MTAC and Vance's office. He'd been in both (and the trip to Vance had felt like a trip to the principal's office) and kept a basic sketch for future reference. Not that he saw himself becoming anything higher than the medical examiner.
His next task was to fill in the mystical "Bullpen".
And it was a lot harder than it looked.
Palmer didn't know his way around the bullpen as well as he did the rest of the building. He may have been there more than places such as the interrogation room, but there was a different atmosphere. It was hard to draw, because lines blurred and everything seemed a jumbled mess.
He started with Gibbs' desk. It seemed logical. There wasn't much to draw around the desk, as Gibbs wasn't a very complicated or open man. However, Palmer did remember to put an overflowing cup of coffee and a sniper rifle (that oddly looked like a tree branch). He had done some research, and eventually ended up drawing a cell phone with the wires gutted out on the desk. There was a lot of erasing involved with Gibbs' area, and Palmer made sure that it was perfect. (He felt anything less than perfect would be disrespect to the infamous boss.)
Next came the basic layout of the rest of the bullpen. There was the plasma, and the three other desk areas to include. Palmer made sure no person had a bigger looking desk than another did. He didn't want to offend anyone, though no one would ever see this…
After that, he began working on McGee's desk. This was quite simple, as Palmer was really really good at drawing an iPhone on a pillow. He was also good at drawing that comic book light shining thingy. (He didn't know what the name was for it, but if he could, he'd put it everywhere.) After that, he'd added the computers and Nutter Butters. Then, as an afterthought, he'd drawn some weights in the corner. He may have been the Autopsy Gremlin, but anyone could see McGee had bulked up.
Now, Palmer rationalized that by drawing McGee's desk, you had to draw Tony's desk. It wasn't an option. It was a demand, and Palmer planned to meet it. He started with a meat lover's pizza, complete with any shape of meat he could think of. He also added a little pizza table in the center, and laughed himself silly about it. After some thought, Palmer used the skills he acquired in 5th grade, and drew OSU in bubble letters above the computer. He even did the comic book light shining thingy. (Because OSU in bubble letters deserved to have something around it.) Then, as a last minute thought, he drew a neat little stack of paper balls.
For shits and giggles.
Lastly was Ziva's desk. As he began to think, Palmer realized that Ziva's desk was probably the easiest. He started with a Star of David on her seat, because he knew how much it meant to her. It wasn't even a logical thought. He instantly drew it on her seat. Next, he drew a knife and a gun, both slightly hidden under the bottom of her desk. Those were also a given. After that, he had to think. He started with an iPod, as he hadn't been the only one to see her dance out of her car one morning. He drew an open drawer full of speeding tickets, though he was pretty sure her average speed was down to a less nerve wracking 55. Then, as an afterthought, he tried his best to draw a ninja star in the wall behind the desk.
When he finished each desk, he stopped. He sat up straight, and stared down at the map carefully. He felt something was missing. Something more important than the people's personalities he'd been drawing for over an hour.
The relationships.
He drew a battle field between McGee and Tony, with a recently flattened path in the center of it. Sure, they fought from time to time, but Palmer knew better than anyone (he thought, maybe, not, but whatever) that the two were friends under all that. Though, to be safe, he drew a couple rocks on that nice path.
He then drew a chain between Gibbs' and each member of the team, because he believed that each team member was chained to Gibbs. He didn't just believe that, he was pretty sure it was an actual fact. And they were nice looking chains, so Palmer felt proud of himself.
Lastly, he came to the blank area between Tony and Ziva's desks. He couldn't leave it blank, because they were closer than just blankness. No, he had to think of something to put there. He thought for a good ten minutes, scratching each idea off the list in his head. He couldn't think of anything to put there, until finally he had an idea.
Once again using his skills from 5th grade, he carefully bubble lettered "Uncharted Waters: Enter at Own Risk" in between the desks. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but it was better than his other idea.
He wasn't particularly fond of the term "eye sex".
And he'd glare at Abby later for getting that term into his head.
A/N: I tried to NOT write anything Tiva romance related into this. My sickly, worn out brain went "MUHAHAHA, TIVA IS GOING IN HERE! *MORE EVIL LAUGHTER*"
Oh my gooooooooooooood golly gosh I'm tired.
Reviews would be appreciated because, as you can tell, I don't know about this. And I'm tired.
-Izzzy