Title: Let Me In
Author: Chocolatequeen
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG, and the song "Let Me In" is from the movie Rigoletto.
Genre: Angst with resolution
Spoilers: TILAM
Rating: PG at the most
A/N: This isn't a song fic in the truest sense of the term, where the characters listen to the song etc, but it is loosely focused on a song. :)
BPart 1: Mac's POV/B
II love the part in fairy tales
that's very near the end,
when all the kingdom cheers for their new queen.
And all is well and all is good,
and everyone belongs.
And happily they're ever-aftering.
But when I enter the kingdom of dreams
and face the promise of all I can be,
Will they see me as a heroine?
Tell me will they let me in?/I
Alone. That's been the key word in my life as long as I can remember. As soon as learned I couldn't trust my own father, I built walls… walls designed to keep my safe, to prevent others from hurting me. I'm just now realizing they've kept others from loving me too.
That's been the theme this week I guess. From attacking Harm to attempting to seduce Clay, everything has been about not being alone, but being alone, and making sure it was everyone else's fault that I was alone.
For eight months, I've wanted… no, I've needed someone to lean on, someone I could trust enough to fall apart in front of. When it looked like there wasn't anyone, I got angry at them all, deciding they must not care enough. It was only when I was talking to the corporal that I realized I'd never asked them to be there… I just assumed they would know.
I'm so afraid of being left! If you don't ask someone to come, it doesn't hurt as much when they don't… because they don't know that's what you wanted. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. I know now that it's not the truth. I'm just as alone now as I would be if everyone really did abandon me, and I have no one to blame for it but myself.
I'm beginning to wonder if it would be that bad… that bad to be asked to be let in, to let someone else in. It would be so easy to just let down my guard and go ask, but what if he turned me away? There's no doubt in my mind who I want, but after the last eight months, I'm not sure he still feels the same.
But as I stand here in front of my window, staring out at the rain, something clicks inside me. We almost made it once before, and I ended up outside in the rain, staring back up at the warmth of his apartment. That was just a cruel trick of fate though; if I don't take this chance, but choose to stand here still trapped by the cold, I will never know if he would have let me in.
Author: Chocolatequeen
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG, and the song "Let Me In" is from the movie Rigoletto.
Genre: Angst with resolution
Spoilers: TILAM
Rating: PG at the most
A/N: This isn't a song fic in the truest sense of the term, where the characters listen to the song etc, but it is loosely focused on a song. :)
BPart 1: Mac's POV/B
II love the part in fairy tales
that's very near the end,
when all the kingdom cheers for their new queen.
And all is well and all is good,
and everyone belongs.
And happily they're ever-aftering.
But when I enter the kingdom of dreams
and face the promise of all I can be,
Will they see me as a heroine?
Tell me will they let me in?/I
Alone. That's been the key word in my life as long as I can remember. As soon as learned I couldn't trust my own father, I built walls… walls designed to keep my safe, to prevent others from hurting me. I'm just now realizing they've kept others from loving me too.
That's been the theme this week I guess. From attacking Harm to attempting to seduce Clay, everything has been about not being alone, but being alone, and making sure it was everyone else's fault that I was alone.
For eight months, I've wanted… no, I've needed someone to lean on, someone I could trust enough to fall apart in front of. When it looked like there wasn't anyone, I got angry at them all, deciding they must not care enough. It was only when I was talking to the corporal that I realized I'd never asked them to be there… I just assumed they would know.
I'm so afraid of being left! If you don't ask someone to come, it doesn't hurt as much when they don't… because they don't know that's what you wanted. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. I know now that it's not the truth. I'm just as alone now as I would be if everyone really did abandon me, and I have no one to blame for it but myself.
I'm beginning to wonder if it would be that bad… that bad to be asked to be let in, to let someone else in. It would be so easy to just let down my guard and go ask, but what if he turned me away? There's no doubt in my mind who I want, but after the last eight months, I'm not sure he still feels the same.
But as I stand here in front of my window, staring out at the rain, something clicks inside me. We almost made it once before, and I ended up outside in the rain, staring back up at the warmth of his apartment. That was just a cruel trick of fate though; if I don't take this chance, but choose to stand here still trapped by the cold, I will never know if he would have let me in.