I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you, baby
Girl if only I knew what I've done
You know, so why don't you tell me
And I, I would bring down the moon and the sun
To show how much I care
I must have done something wrong. I just can't figure out what. Today started like any other day. We woke up, we talked. I kissed her and then went downstairs to work out before our flight. I came up an hour later, made a protein shake, packed my bag and asked her if she was ready. I watched as her eyes flickered with hope, then sadness. She tried hiding it, but it didn't work. Those blue eyes showed me everything. There was no way to hide it. I spun her around to look at me, but she avoided my eyes at all costs.
"You okay?"
"Fine, come on. We're gonna be late."
She said, grabbing the keys to the house and walking out in front of me, not even bothering with her luggage. I shook that off, and grabbed it and wheeled it out to her truck. I walked around and threw it in the truck bed and that set her off.
"Whoa! Randy, what the fuck are you doing?"
"What is it with you today, Steph? You've been distant ever since I stopped working out."
Stephanie turned her back on me, and climbed into the truck. She opened the passenger side door, and shoved my bag out of the truck. I was honestly shocked. I went and grabbed her luggage out of the truck bed and slid it onto the passenger side of the truck and shut the door. She put the window down and spoke to me.
"I need to cool off, because I'm so pissed at you that I can't even see straight. So we're going to take separate cars. I'm not going to take you to the airport, we're just going to go separately. Okay?"
I nodded and got into my truck and drove off. I couldn't believe this. At all. I didn't know what she was doing. I didn't know why she was pissed at me. I drove to the airport and checked in my luggage. I found her on the phone in the waiting area and she was blatantly ignoring me. Meanwhile, my cell phone kept vibrating. I took it out and looked at it. It was the calendar on my phone. I didn't realize that I'd set my calendar. I tapped it the screen and looked at the reminder. And then it hit me…our anniversary. Five years ago today, I, Randy Orton married the love of my life, Stephanie McMahon. And she's pissed because I forgot. I understood now why she was so mad at me. I got up and walked away from her and found the number I was looking for. I dialed it and waited for the florist to pick up.
"Abby's Flowers"
"Ginger, hi…it's Randy. I need two dozen red roses for Stephanie, quick."
Ginger Morrison was a friend of mine from high school. I used to date her. I ordered two dozen roses for her and chatted briefly before I hung up. She was going to have them delivered to the city we were going to, and that made me happy. I walked over to Stephanie and sat down next to her. I took her hand and kissed it softly.
"Happy anniversary, my darling."
I said. But she pulled her hand away from me, and faced forward. I knew that it was more than the anniversary at that point. I knew that I was this something bigger than the anniversary. I just couldn't have figured out what it was.
Don't wanna lose you now
Baby I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No, no or ever again
"Do you have my toothbrush?"
Stephanie asked me once we'd got settled in the hotel. I scoured through my bag and didn't see her toothbrush. I packed our bags this morning before we left, and I knew that I had both of our toothbrushes in my hand. I put them in the bag and…oh shit….just when she was in a pissy mood, I've got to go and tell her I don't have her toothbrush.
"No honey, I don't. I'm sorry. I laid the toiletries bag down when you called the teleconference-"
"So I don't have a toothbrush?"
"I don't either."
And that was it. Hurricane Stephanie was just about to unleash. I could see that vein in her neck popping and then she bit her cheek and turned to me. She glared at me with the icy look in her eyes. She was angry at me, but I didn't know why. And quite frankly, her anger was starting to piss me off.
"So how am I supposed to brush my teeth, Randy? Huh? Fucking explain that!"
"Explain to me why you're being a fucking bitch to me!"
She just glared at me, and then just snapped. This was nothing like Stephanie. Stephanie was always so mellow, not moody. She never let anyone get her this angry, but she was. I watched her fly around the room yelling at me.
"This is fucking ridiculous. This is why you never do the packing. Because you never remember anything! Did you even remember to pack my slippers?"
"They're in your suitcase underneath your shorts."
"Just shut up, Randy! Okay? There is a week before Survivor Series, this is the biggest pay-per-view of the year. Mark's injured, Paul's injured, and you're the only main eventer I got. Now, just shut the fuck up, go downstairs and buy me a fucking toothbrush!"
I shook my head, and grabbed my wallet off the dresser and went down to the hotel gift shop. I noticed that they'd had our favorite kinds of toothbrushes and our toothpaste too, so I bought a bunch of each and the cashier in the gift shop looked at me like I was crazy.
"You obviously don't know my wife. She's a bit crazy when it comes to dental hygiene."
I said, paying for the toothbrushes and the toothpaste, and heading back to the hotel room. I walked up there slowly, because I didn't really want to deal with Stephanie. Not when she was in this kind of a mood. I always knew though that egging her on wasn't the key to finding out what she was hiding, but I was going to get to the bottom of it, before I lost her for good. And I couldn't do that. So, I walked into the hotel room and saw her sitting there, holding a box and reading it. And right away, I had the answer.
I've got this feeling, you're not going to stay
It's burning within me, yeah
The fear of losing
Of slipping away
It just keeps getting closer, baby
Whatever reason to leave that I've had
My place is always beside you
And I wish that I didn't need you so bad
Your face just won't go away
She was sitting on the bed, holding a pregnancy test. I wasn't nervous. We'd wanted this. We wanted to have a kid, and we'd realized that this was the right time. Stephanie was muttering under her breath. I couldn't hear what she was saying, and then as I moved closer to her, I heard what she was saying.
"Please God, don't let me be pregnant…"
And that right there, broke my heart. She hadn't heard me come in. She didn't want to have a baby. I watched her get up and cross the room to the bathroom. I came into her eye line a few seconds later and she gasped. I dumped the toothbrushes and toothpaste onto the bed and glared at her. I couldn't believe she'd lied to me. But as was the case with Stephanie, she lied to get what she wanted, and when she got it, she switched it to make things her way.
"Here's your fucking toothbrush. You've got several to pick from."
"Did you hear that?"
"No Stephanie, no. I didn't hear you say that you didn't want to be pregnant."
Stephanie stood up and walked over to me, but I don't know if I could handle it right now. She wanted to talk about it in her business way. I didn't want to talk to her. Not right now. To know that my wife had lied to me is not something I was taking lightly.
"Randy, come on honey, this is a bad time for me to get pregnant…you know that. With Survivor Series a week away, and with you on the fast track to get another World Title shot, you shouldn't have to worry about me-"
"NO! You said you wanted this, Steph. You wanted this with me, and now you're sitting there saying that you wished you weren't pregnant…no, that doesn't go over well with me. Not even just a little bit. I can't even be near you right now, okay? I have to go."
I said, walking out. Our relationship had been nothing but a lie from the get-go. A lie that was based on my want of a family. I punched a button on the elevator and watched as the doors slid open. I stepped into the elevator and saw the newly married Steve Williams standing there waiting to ride down. I nodded at him, and he studied me for just a fraction of a second.
"Trouble on the home front, son?"
"Yeah, Stephanie just took a pregnancy test and she realized she was pregnant. She hadn't seen me come back into the room, and then I heard her say 'please God, don't let me be pregnant.' We'd talked about kids, but we hadn't really said yes or no permanently. And now I feel like she doesn't love me."
I'd watched as Steve extended his hand and patted my shoulder warmly. Stephanie and I had been through this before, but when we'd had the scare, she'd wanted to have the baby. Turns out she'd miscarried and we were sad. And now she was pregnant and didn't want it. I couldn't help it. I was pissed. I walked to the bar where I stayed for awhile. I wasn't drinking anything too hard, just beer. I couldn't do hard liquor at a time like this. I heard the chair next to me screech, but I didn't look up to see who was sitting next to me.
"Just a Coke please."
Stephanie said, putting her head down. She looked at me and I sighed as well. I knew that something needed to happen and fast. This was my wife. And we needed to talk about this. I motioned for the bartender to bring me another one, and waited while Stephanie spoke. And I was shocked when she did…
Don't wanna lose you now
Baby I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
Oh no or ever again
I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you
"In April, while you were in Dublin for those promotional appearances, Adam Copeland raped me. I didn't know if I were pregnant. And now I am. And we have to deal with this."
This changed things, completely. I wanted to rip Adam apart for laying a finger on her, but I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her without hurting her. I pulled her into my arms and held her. She started sobbing, and then I couldn't contain it. I started crying with her. We sat at the bar, sobbing for what seemed like hours. I was shocked she hadn't told me about this, but I was going to make sure that she was happy. That we raised this baby as ours. Because the person who did this was a monster, and I was going to make sure that he never hurt her again.
"We'll deal with this, Steph. I promise. Now, let's go deal with this."
And I knew right then and there that I could make this better for her. Better for us. And I knew that we were going to be a better couple because of this. I stood her up and led her back to our room. It made me see that my patronizing her, hurt her. She turned to me and kissed me.
"I don't deserve you, Randy. I don't…and I love you so much. Thank you for being an amazing husband."
She said. And that sentence restored my faith in her. In our marriage, and I know in time, when Stephanie's wounds are healed she'll be happy to have this baby, our baby.
Don't want to lose to loneliness
Girl I know we can win
Don't want to lose to emptiness, oh no
Never again
Don't wanna lose you now
Baby I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
Oh no or ever again
-The End