Are we still friends?
Questions. This one will appear to be a simple question that means nothing more then a conformation of something that was supposed to be established years ago. This question, meaning the world to the girl that sides on the other side of the computer waiting for the reply, it a life changing question. Its one that will allow her life to stay the same, or it will be one that changes everything.
The brunette sitting at her computer, watching the small bubbly IM box in the right hand corner of her screen, she's being opptomistic about the situation. If she thought hard enough, if she allowed herself the chance, she would realize that theres nothing more then a dying chance that the answer is what she wants to hear.
Seconds tick by like hours, time slowing to unbearable rate of distruction. Every prolonged moment causing her to shake just the slightest bit more, allowing what tiny hope there is to die a little more. She feels that life isn't supposed to slow down in the moments like this, their supposed to slow in the moments that you want to remember. This isn't a moment she wishes to memorize.
Its wasn't supposed to happen like this, she wasn't supposed to to fall for her friend. She wasn't supposed to ask her that question, she wasn't supposed to get the answer she recieved. The small brunette never thought of the outcome that came when she asked what was supposed to a simple question.
'What would you say if I asked you out?'
The almost childlike question, was a defining moment in the brunettes life. It would never be the life changing moment she wanted, it was one that she would only wish to forget. Life is never that simple though.
"I would say no...because there would be so many things that would affect the relationship if something went wrong we wouldn't be the same.... "
There was never a relationship yet here they are broken, she knows that they will never be the same. She hadn't expected the answer, and she never would have thought that with the answer would come the falling out of a ten year friendship.
The saying of friends forever no longer applies to the situation. She believes that saying crumbled the second she discovered her feelings for friend, she remembers hearing that you can't live your life by qoutes, and if you do make your own. She doesn't want to make her own she wants something as easy as quote be there already.
Her heart sank the second the small box read 'offline' There wasn't a goodbye, she was just gone. The small brunette went over every possible reason as to why she just logged off, with nothing else said. She never thought she would get the answer she recieved.
She wasn't supposed to avoid her like she was the one that break her heart. She doesn't want to be the desperate one fighting for a friendship that can be broken, that can be shattered and swept away in a matter of seconds, all because one of them can't deal with the situations their put in.
Yet she is, she is the one that watches her so called best friend turn around in the halls. She's the one that can't stop thinking about the answer that was given, the answer that in the end made no difference if was a yes or a no, because either way she was the one that got hurt in the end.
She can feel her heart sink as the the small box once again reads 'offline' For the second time in less then a week, she's been ignored. Mixed emotions flood her body like a hurricane hitting the coast.
Anger, heartbreak, betrayal, broken, lost, so many words and yet not one of them could tell you the true emotions that run through her as she stares at the small font. She wills it to change, change to anything but offline. For her to get back on and tell her she was wrong and needed time to think it over. she begs for it say anything but 'offline'
It was a simple question that allowed them to become friends ten years ago, and its a simple unanswered question that will break ever inch of their now fractured friendship. Even as the anger feels her body she can't find the will power, the want, to give up because she didn't answer the question there wasn't a yes, or no given to ease the pain that is gradually demolishing what little was left of her heart.
She switches to offline and waits for the other girl to sign back in. She knows she will its only a matter of minutes, and she'll get her answers, and they will once again rearrange her life in some form. It will be a defining moment that put her at the highest apex or it will pull her to her knees at the weakest point.
The small box now flashes ''two' She's back on, this is it, a now or never moment. The brunette hovers her cruser over the small number, and befpre she has the chance to blink, to back out the number changes to a one.
She lets out a shaky breath before clicking the every shrinking number. Part of her hopes that she got off, the other part praying she's on, praying that she can get the answer she needs. With trembling fingers she types out the question again.
'Are we still friends?"
She watches the little clock under the small box, she watches as time ticks by like theres only second left in the day.
'Do not sign out..Answer me...One question. One answer...thats all I'm asking....Please."
Its nothing but a waiting game now. She'll wait for the other girl to make a move, to do something, say something that will give her the answers she needs. At this point thats all she wants is the answers, she needs something that will show her where they stand in each others lifes. Isn't there a saying friends is better then nothing?
'Please...Just Please....'
Tears well in her eyes as she begs for the other girl to answer, to get give this one thing. The hurt beginning to tear at her heart, causing it to break just a little more as each second that ticks by delicately, ever so agonizingly slow continue to pluck the streched strings that faintly hold together whats left of her.
The soft bing of the messager alerts her, she wrote back she finally, days later and she's getting her answer. And suddenly its no longer about about wanting something from her, all she wants is for things to go back to the way they where when it was a skinned knee that scared her the most, not a broken heart. Skinned knees heal better then a broken heart.
She hesitates over the box, is this really what she wants? Does she want to know the answer that most likely change everything? What will happen to her if its not what she needs to hear? One deep breath, a soft click of the mouse, and the messager box appears.
Her eyes are closed though, she wills herself to open her eyes, to stop shaking, and to just look at the answer. This is what she needs isn't it? She starts counting to ten in her head praying when she reaches ten that she'll open her eyes. She's silently convincing herself that she can do this, she can handle what ever the answer is.
Four
She's lived without her before she can do it again right?
Three
No She can't remember what its like not have her.
Two
Maybe its the answer she wants to see. Its just friends like always.
One
Whatever happens it will be for the best, friends or not. She can do this.
With one last deep breath she opens her eyes, and scans the screen. Her eyes fall to the bottom, and she feels it. She feels that last beautifully sewn string, the one that waw put there over the years. She feels that last one break, she can swears on everything that she can feel -she can hear- as her heart shatters against the floor along with the answer. The answer she no longer wants but can't change.
'No'
'User Offline'
A/N: A one shot based of the some stuff that has happened in the last few days. This was just a way for me to get it all off my chest. Hopefully you guys like it. Thank you for reading and Please Review and tell me who you think the POV was in, and what you thought. :B
A Special Thank you to Nhie_Bunnybunny for talking me through everything. Even if the situation worsened your story and advice made me smile. Norks Forever! :B