DISCLAIMER:Believe me, if I owned DAVID TENNANT, you'd know. And If I owned Hitchhiker's Guide then the author of Artemis Fowl wouldn't be writing a new sequel. (That's true, by the by, be outraged with me!)
AUTHOR'S NOTE:Weeell, if this isn't crack fic at it's finest, I don't know what is. Season two, with Tennant as Doctor. Light Doctor/Rose. A mishap has the TARDIS showing up at Milliways, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Yes, that one. Don't kill me. First fic that's not Tsubasa.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is probably the most remarkable book ever to be published by the great publishing companies of Ursa Minor. It is easily the least accurate. More popular than the Intergalactic Recipe Omnibus, better selling than 2,167,498 More Places to Visit Before You Die (not that anyone finished with the first one),and more controversial than the philosopher Oolon Coluphid latest, and greatest, The Case For why God Was An Idiot. It has become the standard repository of all knowledge in the universe, taking the former place of the Encyclopedia Galactica, an odd fact considering its thousands of omissions, bits of misinformation, and downright dangerous advice. However, its success can be attributed to two major factors: one, it is slightly cheaper than said encyclopedia; and two, it has the words 'DON'T PANIC' written in large friendly letters on the back cover.
On the subject of 'Doctors' the Guide has three entries, all of them noticeably short since they were written quickly, in an effort to meet publishing deadlines.
The first entry on the subject of 'Doctors' says the following:
"The kind of person you need to find if you get sick, injured or such. Though, honestly, if you needed a book to tell you that, it's hard to imagine that there's much hope for you."
The second entry is on one 'Doctor Prooloododad' and simply contains the words 'a man.' No one really knows who exactly this person is, or why they warrant an entry in the Guide, though many theories have been put forward. The most popular states that he was the mortal enemy of the entry's writer, with whom he had long been embroiled in furious and bloody combat. After his finally defeating him, the writer sought to immortalize his victory by putting it into the greatest book ever published, but for reasons unknown, he forgot to actually write the story. There are a whole lot of stories about this, and it has even been made the subject of a series of those pulp paper back novels that have names like Damned Weird and Scary Stories to Curl Your Hair (if you've got hair). Those who are more practical believe that it was made up, simply an effort to meat some kind of entry quota. Fans of the novels, in turn, say that they are boring idiots, and that the book version is better due to the fact it contains secret agents. In an official statement, the publishers of the Guide itself said that they will remove the entry, whenever they get around to it.
The third entry on 'Doctors,' and the one with which we are concerned, is as follows:
"The name of a mostly humanoid person who travels about in a blue box, usually with a pretty girl, and occasionally with a robot dog."
This is not entirely accurate, as the Doctor hasn't had the dog for quite some time. It is also rather short to encompass the life of such a great and extraordinary man. Though since most of the great extraordinary things he has done have only affected a small and unfashionable world in the uncharted backwaters of the western spiral arm of the galaxy, the publishers of the guide decided that they would rather have another chapter on Disaster Area than expand this entry. Disaster Area sells rather better than a man in a blue box, they reasoned.
It is also inaccurate in other ways, for instance, the blue box is actually not a blue box, but rather a contraption known as a 'police box' on that particular small and unfashionable world in the western spiral arm of the galaxy. And this is actually untrue again; as the blue box is really a ship, in the shape of a contraption know as a 'police box' on that particular small and unfashionable world in the western spiral arm of the galaxy. It is called the TARDIS, though you can't really blame the publishers for that inaccuracy, since not many people know about police boxes outside of earth, and even fewer know the name for this particular police box that is not really a police box.
Now, for the sake of not having to write the words 'small and unfashionable world in the western spiral arm of the galaxy, again' this would be a good time to give a name to that planet. The earth. The man has no name besides 'Doctor'. And the rather pretty girl he is currently traveling with is named Rose Tyler.
Right now, they aren't really haveing the best time.
This generally happens to people, when they think that their time ship might be about to explode.
END NOTE:This story, to warn you, has almost no plot besides my desire to get Zaphod and the Doctor very drunk off of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters at Milliways, scare Rose with the cow, and have Ford go on about the 'clever bit' again. Have fun. Don't panic. And don't forget your towel. Yes, I know it's short, it's meant to be a sort of prologue.