a/n: No, I don't own Camp Rock. And please bear with me, it's a little ooc at the end.
Dedicated to Random Heart for sharing my Craig Deering fixation. I loved chatting with you!
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Tess' first memory was when she was three years old. She was playing with her tape player in her family room, with her parents and sister and nanny in view. She was dancing around to a Barney tape, and as she ran to her mother she tripped and fell. More surprised than hurt, she promptly burst into tears.
Her parents ran over to her three-year-old self. Her father scooped her up, rocking her in an effort to get the tears to subside. TJ ran over and asked Tess where it hurt, and Tess pointed to her knee. Her mother bent down and kissed her little knee, and Tess giggled.
"There. All better," her mother said, smiling.
Tess never told anyone her memory, instead holding it close to her heart so she could remember it forever. As she got older, it proved to be the one thing that convinced her to keep trying to have a relationship with her mother; the memory served as proof that TJ Tyler did, in fact, love her daughter at one point in time.
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Tess used to take ballet lessons until she was twelve years old, with seven other girls and her instructor Nina. It was hard work that required long hours of practice and strict discipline, but despite the hard work Nina always made the class seem fun.
One day, when she was about nine years old, the class was working on point technique - nothing too hard, like a leap or a complicated turn, but merely warm-ups. Tess, distracted with thoughts of possible attending her mother's concert that night, hadn't been paying attention to the routine, and so she slipped and fell, twisting her ankle in the process. She cried out as the first wave of pain hit. Nina glided over as the other girls gathered around, and inspected Tess' ankle as she fought to keep back tears.
"Oh! You'll be fine, darling," Nina said as she dramatically pretended to kiss Tess' ankle. Tess giggled despite herself. "Just sit out for a few minutes until you feel better."
Nina grew to be like a mother figure for Tess. As she got older Tess not only confided in Nina about school and her life in general, but also admired her for her determination and will to succeed.
And so when Nina persuaded Tess' mother to take Tess out of the dance company because she had begun to see signs of self-destructive behavior, the only thing that kept Tess from raging against Nina was the knowledge that it was Nina's attempt to kiss it all better.
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Initially, it was difficult for Tess to make friends at Camp Rock. Since her mother's career had made a comeback and gone into hyper drive and Tess saw less and less of her parents, Tess had become quite moody and resentful. While she was angry with her parents, she was expected to be a model daughter like her sister and therefore couldn't outwardly express anything. She turned her anger inward and bottled it up, instead. She was disgusted with herself to the point that she had the insatiable urge to tear her flesh apart so that she could feel as bad on the outside as she did on the perky attitudes of the campers more than annoyed her.
They all thought she had some sort of superiority complex, and she figured she'd rather take their fear than their pity. But sometimes not having real friends got lonely. The closest thing she had was Caitlyn, whose bitter wit fit perfectly with Tess' biting sarcasm. Not to mention their talents complemented each other. They were an unstoppable force.
But still, Tess had thought, it might've been nice to know the other campers.
She chose Peggy and Ella one day during voice class. Ella accidentally gave herself a paper cut, and when she showed Peggy, Peggy touched her hand to her mouth and then touched Ella's finger.
"There you go. A kiss will make it all better," she said, giggling.
She told Caitlyn later that she picked Peggy and Ella because they were so vapid they were amusing, but in reality she hoped that one day they would pretend to kiss her scrapes and bruises all better, too.
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Tess was fourteen the first time she cut herself.
All the pressure from her camp counselors to do well at Final Jam, the isolation from everyone else, and the fact that her mom wouldn't be able to make her performance pushed her over the edge. While she was typically disgusted with herself to the point of self-hatred, this had her so upset she was shaking. She had no control over anything and she couldn't stand it, so when no one was looking she faintly cut a line by the crease in her arm with a safety pin, and even though it stung, it alleviated the inner pain.
That is, until she had realized what she had done. She felt so ashamed of herself for being weak enough to resort to physical punishment, but at the same time she was scared of the fact that she felt really in control when she was digging the point of the pin into her skin. So she went to the only person she could trust - Caitlyn.
She walked over to the petite girl, holding out her arm so Caitlyn could see the cut. Tess didn't say anything, afraid that her voice would shake too much. Caitlyn didn't get the message, though.
"What do you want me to do? Kiss it?" she asked, rolling her eyes when she saw.
Tess froze. She had thought Caitlyn had been her best friend, but she was so very very wrong.
Their friendship ended that day.
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After Tess' infamous Final Jam performance, after she escaped to the bathroom to force herself to calm down and avoid a nervous breakdown, she accidentally dropped in on Shane and Mitchie goofing around by their cabin.
"Aw, man!" she heard Shane exclaim. "I have a splinter."
There was a pause, and Tess almost thought he walked away, until she heard Mitchie laugh.
"There, it's all better."
Tess was so sick she ran back to bathroom and threw up.
---
Tess can still remember everything about the day she met Nate Black.
It was at a bonfire at Peggy's house (because no matter what, Margaret would always be Peggy to her) and she knew she had only been invited as a formality, that no one really wanted her there, but her therapist told her that it would be a good chance to show everyone that she had changed.
After puking in the bathroom at Camp Rock, she's called her mom's psychologist and told her they needed to talk. She's spent a good three months attending weekly therapy sessions, and although she still felt depressed and bitter, she was no longer hurting herself.
But that day ... all the stress of having to spend time with people who hated her guts, and pretending like everything was perfectly normal when it clearly wasn't, and the fact that her sister had just eloped with her horrible, horrible boyfriend ... oh God, did she ever feel the urge to cut.
The bonfire met her expectations. No more, no less. It was awkward as predicated, with Mitchie throwing her death glares, Caitlyn making uncomfortable chatter with her to "patch things up" - as if that could happen - and Peggy and Ella regarding Tess as the three hundred pound elephant in the room. Of course, all of Peggy's other camper friends were there, and Mitchie even brought her nerdy friend (who seemed to really hit it off with Sander). Connect 3 made an appearance as well, which Tess realized was a move on Shane's part to gain Mitchie's favor (and probably to get in her pants later, too, no doubt).
So basically, everyone who hated her guts was in the same place as her.
She couldn't handle it, she really couldn't. Dr. Simpson might think Tess was strong, but she wasn't. At all. She didn't cut herself, but she dug her nails into her skin and started snapping the hair bands on her wrist. Hard.
Maybe she was paranoid, but halfway through the night Tess felt like she couldn't take the staring and the whispers anymore. She made up some crappy excuse to get away, and ended up sitting on a lawn chair by the Duprees' pool, her body racked with silent sobs. She didn't know how long she sat there by herself, but eventually none other than Nate Black sat down on the lawn chair next to her.
"Are you okay? You've been gone for a while. People are starting to wonder where you went."
"Yeah, right," was the automatic response.
"Really, Tess. People noticed you leave. You're hard not to miss," he said.
Tess gave a non-committal shrug, and self-consciously tucked her hair behind her ear. Somehow, during that, Nate noticed her arms. He looked at her for a long moment, opened and closed his mouth several times, and, finally, looked away awkwardly.
So he saw. It's not like he would say anything. He was the quiet one of Connect 3, after all. And besides, no one would care, anyway.
"I'm not going to ask what happened," he said after several minutes of awkward silence.
"Good." There was another moment or two of silence.
"I used to be really depressed, too..."
"I'm not depressed."
"...and I had panic attacks a lot. I didn't say anything either for a good two years. Jason figured it out eventually, though. He's the one that got me the help I needed."
"Birdhouse Jason saved your life?" Tess couldn't believe it.
"Yeah. You wouldn't think so, but he's really perceptive. He picks up on a lot of stuff that other people don't see right away. He told me I should try to find you."
"Oh."
Another pause.
"So, why'd you do it?" Tess asked. "I mean, you don't have to answer, but it's hard to believe you could be depressed. Connect 3's successful, and everyone freaking loves you. Shouldn't you be happy?"
"I think you know just as well as I do that fame doesn't bring happiness, Tess. Fame kind of sucks. People are always around you, telling you that the person you've been for the past fifteen years isn't good enough, and fans think they know who you really are just because they know Connect 3 trivia."
"Don't forget the girls that always go 'peace, love and Connect 3!'" Tess chimed in.
Nate rolled his eyes, but Tess knew he meant it in a friendly way. "Oh, God, don't even get me started on the 'ohmyconnect3!' girls."
"But at least you know people care about you. Your family's probably never forgotten your birthday, people don't hate your guts, and your sister's boyfriend probably didn't make her choose between you or him," Tess said, sadness seeping through her words. Nate looked up sharply.
"Tess..."
"I really don't want your pity. I don't."
"I know. But I'm still sorry. You can't really believe no one cares about you."
Tess didn't reply, but instead avoided eye contact. She had to be strong. She had to hold it together, because she was tired of falling apart. Just because a (cute) boy was nice to her for one night didn't mean they were friends. He would go away eventually, and probably forget all about her.
Nate took her hand and pressed her bruised wrist to his lips. Tess probably should have yelled at him for his actions, but she coudln't even find a voice to say anything. Her mouth hung open like a fish.
Did he really think that that was going to make things better?
"I'm so sorry. I don't even know where that came from, I really..." His face was tomato red and he trailed off. Tess, already emotional, started trembling.
"Look, I know that came off a little strange, but I didn't think I was that creepy," he said, trying to joke. Seeing that Tess was obviously upset at more than just his actions, he scooted off his chair, got on his knees in front of Tess, and put his arms around her. It was a slightly awkward and uncomfortable position, but it made sense to them.
"You can get through this. I know you can. It'll be okay. I promise. You can do it. I'll help," he said softly.
And he stayed true to his word. Nate was there for Tess when she went to group therapy, he was there when her sister divorced her husband after six months, he was there when her father had a heart attack, he was there for everything.
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They've been together for about two years now, and while Tess figures she'll never know why he chose her or what he saw in her, she know that that kiss on the wrist was also a kiss on her heart, the first step to making it all better.
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End.
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