A/N: First time posting something about these characters, though certainly not the first written. I actually kind of like this.
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.
Warnings: I'm sure that there are some implications of spoilers for the first season in this, even if they're evading my eyesight right now.
comatose
It's easier to imagine that Zero isn't Lelouch, that Lelouch isn't Zero, that they are separate people with a shared face. It makes everything a little more right, a little less wrong. He can pretend. He's good at that. He's the best at that; he convinced himself the blood of his father wasn't on his hands, that it wasn't his fault, for years. Denial is such a lovely thing.
It makes it easier to think such thoughts like, I'll fix my mistake of not killing you when I had the chance or I'll wipe this slate clean. He owes it to them both.
He knows he's going crazy. He knows, he knows— he knows it in the dark places inside his head, the places where he doesn't reach because they hold blood and regrets and— unmentionable things. Things he can't afford; things like love and lust, disgusting emotions. Especially not now, now when some of those emotions are for his enemy— but that would be cheating. They're all for Lelouch, so it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Reality is all locked-up in his head, with all the keys thrown away. Lelouch would say that he's being a fool, doing this. But he can't believe that Lelouch would want this, either. After all, that's what best friends are for, right? To be there for each other. He can't be there for Lelouch if he's Zero. That makes it all right. Maybe, if they are the same people— which they aren't, they can't be, don't think like that Suzaku— he'll be there to catch him when Zero falls.
He'll be there to deliver that shot. It's his right.
After all, that's what best friends are for.
A/N: Originally, this was supposed to include Suzaku and Lelouch as a pairing, but I didn't succeed at that, minus a little hint in the middle. Anyway, I don't think it's too bad.
Feedback appreciated!