He watched the creature flap it's tiny wings, trying to escape from his grasp. He watched it's useless squirming for a full minute, then squeezed slightly, driving the sharp claws on his fingertips into the body of the doomed butterfly, killing it.

"InuYasha! InuYasha!" he heard from below him.

InuYasha sighed, then jumped down from the tree bough he had been relaxing in, landing in front of and startling the young girl from the future.

"Yeah, what do you want? You know you didn't have to yell so loud, I was only right there," he said, agitated, pointing to the aforementioned tree branch.

Kagome then took her turn to sigh. "Well, how was I supposed to know that? I only wanted to ask if I could return to my time for a few days... Sota's birthday is tomorrow and I really don't want to miss it."

"So why do you have to go today?"

"I have to buy him a birthday present," Kagome answered.

"Huh? What's a birthday present?" the half-breed asked, completely baffled and forgetting his earlier agitation.

Kagome giggled. "It's a gift you buy for someone to celebrate their birthday... didn't you ever get one?"

"Of course not. Who wants to celebrate the birthday of someone they thought shouldn't have been born in the first place?" he replied before jumping back onto the abandoned tree branch. Kagome then heard him yell back down to her. "Go ahead and go home!"

Later that night, InuYasha jumped back down. Miroku, Sango, Kirara, and Shippou had all gone traveling while Kagome was gone, mostly to get away from the stress of everyday life. He had stayed to wait for Kagome. He walked into the surrounding forest, smelling a small river nearby. He found it soon after and walked in, with all his clothes on, getting the ends of his hakama pants sodden. It was cold and shallow and the bottom was covered in smooth rocks.

He looked down at his reflection. He didn't look at himself too often, he felt awkward doing it, but tonight he took a good long look at himself.

He saw golden eyes, white hair, matching dog-ears, and a frown.

Is this really what people see?

He saw dirt on his face and neck. He hadn't bathed the last time the others did, he didn't beleive he'd needed it. He saw now that he had.

Is this really what Kagome sees?

He immediately knelt down and scrubbed his face clean, ashamed that Kagome had seen him dirty like that.

He then ducked his whole body under water, holding his breath for as long as he could before his lungs exploded, then emerged from the cold river. He floated on his back for a few minutes, thinking about his earlier conversation with Kagome.

I wonder if I should ever get Kagome a birthday present? Would she ever give me one? No, I guess she'd have to know my birthday first... when is that anyway? Oh, well. I still don't even know what they are. I guess I'll ask Kagome later. I wonder if Miroku or Sango ever got one? They probably have... they're humans and both grew up with someone who loved them. Just like Shippou and Kagome. Even Kirara has someone who takes care of her. My mom died so long ago... I can't even remember how old I was. Too young to have her taken from me, that's for certain. I still wish she were here sometimes. Maybe she knew what a birthday present was. But if she did, wouldn't I have gotten one? Maybe she didn't want me to know what they were, so I wouldn't be upset when she was the only one who gave me one. I was shunned by many of the villagers. They would have rather cut off a finger than have shown me any pleasantries... his train of thought suddenly changed tracks. My parents weren't even of the same species. One demon, one human. They both knew I would be a half-breed, why didn't they try to stop it? They could have killed me as a baby, and I would never have known I was a freak. I hate being this... I know how everyone looks at me. Even Kagome. She can't accept me, can she? She can accept Kouga, but he's a full demon, and he's got power. The leader of the wolf tribe. I may be a lord's son, but I'm not a lord. I never will be, Sesshoumaru was first-born. Kagome doesn't love me. I'll never be anything but rejected.

InuYasha turned over and sank under the water. He wanted Kagome to love him like he loved her. He wanted to be loved, and it wasn't happening. He stood back up in the water. As he walked back to his camp, droplets of water ran down his face. In the darkness no one saw the few tears that joined them.

Two nights later he left camp again. This time he went straight to the Bone-Eater's Well. He leaned over the edge and looked down, hoping to see the blue light that signaled Kagome's arrival. No such thing happened. He started to think about all the times he'd made Kagome mad. She would always run home. He would always force her to come back early. She would always do it, but he believed it was because she grew tired of his complaining. He thought about how even thought she wanted to stay home, she would smile while she packed. She would smile waving goodbye to her family. She would smile when she greeted Miroku and Sango and when Shippou ran like a lost child to her. He didn't understand it. He would have moped and growled at anyone within range if he was forced to leave his home.

Or would I?...I don't even have a home.

His dark thoughts flooded back to him. Of being orphaned, of being sneered at by strangers, of being rejected by both demon and human because he was a cross between the two, of the only ones who accepted him dying... his mother and then Kikyou. He frowned at the thought of Kikyou. He no longer cared if a shell of her former self walked the earth, it wasn't her no matter how hard it tried. All of his memories flew past him, few of them good. He was surprised when he tasted something salty touch his lip until he realized he was crying.

Again?

He turned around and ran into the forest surrounding the well. He wanted to find a spring, or river, or creak, or something to wash his face with. No one can see me crying. I shouldn't be crying. I shouldn't even be alive. He was so absorbed in his thoughts and catching the scent or sound of running water he didn't see the fallen tree.

He tripped and went flying. On the way down, his arm was snagged on a broken tree branch. It ripped a gash in the flesh on his forearm. InuYasha hit the ground and inspected the wound. He was surprised at the feeling he got when the skin ripped. Of course it didn't hurt, his demon side could come in handy, but he didn't expect it to feel good like it did. He was already losing quite a bit of blood, so he started walking back to camp. It would probably only be a long jagged scar by this time tomorrow. He had walked for a while until he realized that he had stopped crying when he had hurt his arm. He looked down at his arm in slight amazement. Did it really feel that good? What is wrong with me? It shouldn't feel good. It shouldn't hurt, but why would an injury feel releiving? He was completely confused, but he knew that that the feeling he got when he was caught on that branch that tore the flesh of his forearm was the most relaxing and euphoric he'd had in several weeks.

The next morning he woke up with a start. Of course it wasn't an entirely obvious start, he didn't even actually move except for to slowly open his eyes. He was, for the millionth time in a few hours, completely confused. Something had happened to InuYasha that night that hadn't happened for a very long time. Decades, even.

InuYasha had had a dream. Not just a dream, either, but a bad dream.

In it he had seen an arm. It was obviously attached to someone, but they were in shadow. You couldn't see their face, or even any other parts of him but this arm. It was positioned so that you saw the wrist clearly. InuYasha had looked at it and seen dozens of thin scars crisscrossing each other up and down the arm. Then the strange person in shadow had raised its other arm, which also became magically illuminated. He had noticed the razor-sharp claws on the hands. This must be youkai, he thought. The hanyou saw the conceiled stranger drive the claws into the scarred flesh of his wrist, then drag his hand up to his elbow, leaving four obviously deep wounds. InuYasha watched in revulsion as blood pooled at his own feet, then saw the mutilated arm risen to the stranger's mouth. He saw a flash of fang before they, too, were buried deep into the arm. Using both tooth and nail, the shadowed person proceeded to shred the skin completely off of his arm until all you could see was plain muscle and in some parts bone. InuYasha looked on in horror as the stranger's neck was illuminated also and a string of enchanted purple beads and teeth was revealed to him.

This was when he woke up.

What was that all about? Was that supposed to be me?

He shook the inital fright off and then walked to the well again.

"Kagome, why aren't you home?" he said aloud. "I really want to talk to you." I could use a friend right now... he added silently.

He sat by the edge of the forest and started thinking about the dream again. Would I really do that? He looked at his arm. Sure enough, it was in the last stage of the healing process and was mostly scarred over. Out of curiosity, he lightly ran his claws over the skin. Just a small tingle. Not bad, but not good. It didn't draw enough blood to run. He dug a little deeper, enough to badly hurt a human.

He gasped. That's it! He exclaimed in his head. That's the feeling I remember! It's just as good as last time!

He knew he shouldn't. He knew it was bad. He didn't care. InuYasha did it again, and again, until many hours passed and he lost track of his surroundings.

It was night before Kagome hopped over the well's edge and saw him sitting there, looking entranced by something in his lap. He hadn't seemed to notice her. She put down her bag and snuck over to him, trying to see what he was doing. She got close enough to startle him before she quietly said "Boo!"

He jumped, trying to face his would-be attacker as fast as he could. He fumbled when he saw it was Kagome and in all the choas, she saw his arm. It was completely slashed, with blood running down in sticky rivulets. She put her hands to her mouth in horror and immediately started to cry. He stood up and made to put his arms around her to comfort her, but thought better about it. Instead, he just stood with on hand on her shoulder and the other removing her hands from her mouth.

"Kagome, I-" he started, then realized he didn't have anything to say.

I was just cutting myself, I probably look pathetic, what can I possibly say to make this look better?

"Oh, Inuyasha!" she sobbed loudly and threw herself at him. Startled, he put his unharmed arm around her back. He strained to hear the extremely muffled words escaping through her wild sobs. He caught only the words 'sorry,' 'why,' and 'don't,' before he pulled back just enough to actually understand what the teenage girl was saying.

"-and I don't know what else I could do but I don't want you to do this, I never did, it just looks so painful and I don't want you in pain and please InuYasha never do it again, I can't lose you like that, couldn't possibly-" Here she started crying madly again and he couldn't understand a word coming out of her. When she calmed down all she could say was, "Please don't, please don't..."

InuYasha stood there. Has she always cared that much? He awkwardly wiped away her remaining tears. "I- I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't know..." What don't I know? "I just felt bad, and it helped me forget it a bit, I didn't mean to make you cry..." he trailed off hopelessly.

Kagome sniffed, then stepped up to him again. "InuYasha, you did this because you're hanyou, didn't you? That's why you felt bad?" she whispered.

InuYasha stiffened up, then nodded. "Yeah, mostly." Also because I realized I love you last night, and you could never love a half-breed. No one else could... "Actually, I guess the other reason could go under that category too."

"Do you want- will you tell me the other reason? You know you can trust me, don't you?" she asked tentatively.

"Of course I trust you." I love you. "But you don't really want to hear the other reason."

"I do, too. Please tell me."

"It's just... I... can't tell you. You'd laugh." he finished lamely. Why can't I tell her? If I can't tell anyone, I should be able to tell her. She's everything.

"I promise I won't." she said hopefully.

InuYasha sighed. He sat back down, then pulled her down next to him. After her gasp of surprise, he said it as quietly and quickly as he could.

"I've-thought-about-it-a-lot-and-I-know-I'm-over-Kikyou-and-I-love-you-and-the-reason-I-did-this-was-because-I-knew-you-could-never-love-a-halfbreed." He took a deep breath and watched her closely.

The moonlight showed her obvious surprise, but, to his happiness, not her disdain, because she apparently had none. He heard her little 'oh' of shock under her breath. It's up to you how this goes now, Kagome. Please... please let me love you. I'd be so good to you... I promise. The emotions on her face ranged from, in this order, shock to worry to disbelief to happiness. When she smiled he did also. I hope that's a good sign.

Finally she spoke. "You- you- you what?"

Oh. She didn't hear me. "I knew you couldn't love a half-breed-"

"No, no, no. Um. Before that part."

But that part was the answer to your first question. Do I have the courage to say it again? "I love you," he said loudly and clearly, not completely hiding the tremble in his voice.

"Oh," she said and then seemed to sit there thinking for a minute, twiddling her thumbs in her lap.

InuYasha was about to get up and leave when she said very shyly, "Hey- I love you too."