Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognize. That is to say, the Twilight series and everything related is not mine.
After Carlisle extends the offer to change Bella in New Moon, Edward goes to Bella's house. This scene takes place directly after that upon Edward's return home.
Italics indicates both thoughts and emphasis.
Edward's POV:
I returned from Bella's house later that morning. I was still supremely happy about her declaration of forever, though a not so small part of me still worried that she would change her mind. At the same time, I was also extremely angry with Carlisle for agreeing to turn her and thenfor agreeing to do it so soon.
I wanted to talk to him. Now.
Rosalie tried to intercept me. "Edward, you – hey, get back here!" I brushed past her. In no time at all, I was standing just outside Carlisle's office, looking in.
"… doesn't mean anything. How do you even know he's still angry? " Esme asked, looking intently at Carlisle.
I could tell that Carlisle didn't believe a word she said. Well, he shouldn't. I was mad.
He turned his head to look at her. "Esme, I –"
"Why did you agree to change her?" I demanded, walking in.
Carlisle turned his head now to look at me. "As I said before, I had no choice – you chose to not live without her." His voice was infuriatingly calm.
At this point, Esme straightened and left the room silently.
"No, there was a choice. You just chose not to see it. I could marry her even though she's mortal."
"And what happens to you when she shows signs of her mortality? What happens to her when she sees you unhappy because of it? When she gets injured, when she's sick, when she's dying? You can't protect her from everything, Edward. No, that is not an acceptable solution. In order for Bella to be happy, she has to be changed."
He was right, but I still did not like the idea at all.
"But would that outweigh her sadness at being stuck with me for an eternity after she's decided she hates me? Or, better yet, what if she leaves? What about her being alone for an eternity? Or then, finally changing someone? Especially someone who never accepts the change? And what of me? Since you seem to be so concerned with my well-being. What of my emotions when she breaks things off between us?"
Carlisle's eyes clouded over. "Edward, you're looking for a guaranteed happy ending. A decision like this never has that, no decision does, but you not changing her is a decision that always has a sad ending."
You went to the Volturi to ask them to kill you when you thought Bella had died. At least if Bella was immortal, you would both still be alive.
"What if I did still give her up?"
"You could," he said carefully. "But think about what that would do to both of you, what that did to the both of you."
"We would still be alive. She would get over me, and I would get over her. It would just take more time," I said dismissively, but inside my chest, my heart was breaking just saying the words.
"What if neither of you managed to move on?"
That was a possibility I had entertained but for the sake of this conversation had decided to ignore. "That doesn't happen in real life," I scoffed.
"I thought so too when I first left Esme. But both of us lost a piece of our hearts the day we parted, and we've never gotten them back. I don't think we ever will. From that moment when we parted, we could never get past that day, though we tried very hard. For you, Edward, it's even more serious. Bella is your tua cantante. Her blood sings for you. It always will. If that's any indication, she'll never get over you. And in one hundred years, you haven't found anyone else. Until now. Until her." He paused. "Added to the fact that she's your first love, you won't get over her very easily. I don't mean to be pessimistic, Edward, but…" He let his voice trail off.
So Bella and I both moving on hadn't been a particularly viable option from the beginning. But I was not ready to give up yet.
Carlisle interrupted before I could even think to speak though. "Edward, you're a vampire; she's a mortal. You want her to be happy always. She wants you to be happy always. I tell you, that is never possible. There are always ups and downs. In this decision too. Turning her means that she's going to have to leave her family and friends probably for good. But not turning her means that she has to give you up, and that is the sacrifice she seems unwilling to make."
"She ought to, though," I burst out. "Make it, I mean. She does not fully understand what she's giving up and what she's committing to." Eternity. Leaving everyone. Knowing that they're all dead, and you're the only one left. Alone perhaps, being slowly driven mad. Eating nothing but your least favorite food forever. Me.
He regarded me calmly. "Then tell her what it is you don't think she knows that she is giving up or committing to. But remember that what she or anyone else does with their lives is not your decision; it's theirs. In some cases, you may be able to influence the decision, but in this situation, about the only thing that you can decide is whether or not you change her and then the circumstances of that change."
Inwardly, I wanted to rebel against that notion. It was my life too. But Carlisle was right; it wasn't just my life even though I'd been acting like it was. I'd been the one making all the decisions, doing everything I could to stop her from being with me. I'd left. I'd tried to make her change my decision. And then, I'd denied doing that, made myself sound like a better person in my own mind.
The realization was unsettling. I changed the subject to one that was more amenable for me. "I told her that I would change her after she married me. That way, she'll have a better idea of what she's committing to, she'll get married with her friends and family around her, and her parents won't be as wary of letting her go off."
"That's reasonable. What did she say?"
"She doesn't want to get married yet. She'd rather be turned by you after graduation than waiting until after marriage to be turned by me."
He shook his head. "She'd rather be turned by you."
"That's what she said, but she wants to be turned as soon as possible and she doesn't want to get married very soon at all."
He shook his head again. "She'll wait for you."
I was not so convinced. "Maybe," I allowed. I started to walk out.
"Edward," Carlisle called as I reached the threshold.
I turned back to see him standing now.
"For what it's worth, I think you're making a fine choice," he said.
I held his gaze a moment longer before leaving. And even though nothing had really happened just now, I couldn't help but feel better.