The first time Sam Winchester did it, he didn't like it. He felt anxious and to tell you the truth a bit nauseous. The motel room left little to be desired. It had dingy grey walls, puke green carpeting and a single bed with a horrible flowered bed spread on it.
The look of the room didn't really bother Sam. He wasn't going to be in the room for long. Just long enough to get it done and get out.
He followed her into the room and said, "Let's get this over with".
"C'mon Sam" she said. "Is this any way to treat your first time?"
Sam didn't say anything. His eyes darted a little nervously around the room looking for....Dean? Sam didn't know why he was thinking about Dean at a time like this. Well, actually he did know.
They told each other everything, or at least they used to. Lately their relationship had been strained and Sam was trying desperately to get it back to the way it used to be.
He knew Dean wouldn't be happy with Sam for doing this. He could just hear Dean now.
"Look Sammy, you have to wait until the time it right". "Are you sure this is something you have to do?" and typical Dean, "You don't want to go in there "half-cocked".
Sam shook his head to clear his thoughts. Dean was wrong. This was the right time.
"C'mon Sammy", she cooed, patting the spot on the bed next to her.
Sam walked over to the bed and sat stiffly next to her. He looked over and asked "What now?"
"Just relax and let me do all the work". She straddled Sam which caught him by surprise. "It's gonna be alright. The first time is always a little weird but you'll like it. Trust me".
"Trust her?" Sam thought. He wasn't sure what he was feeling but trust wasn't it. She started kissing him and running her hands up and down his body. Sam began to relax and kissed her back. It wasn't like he hadn't done this part before.
"That's it Sam. Just let it go. Relax", she breathed into his mouth. She slowly moved Sam's hands so that they circled her waist.
Sam caressed her back but stopped when he felt the blade tucked behind the waistband of her jeans. He pulled back like he had been burned.
"What the hell?" Sam looked at her incredulously. He pushed her off of him.
"Don't look so shocked." She took the blade and sliced her arm. As the blood began to drip down, she presented her arm to Sam like it was some sort of offering. "Take it Sam. You know what you need to do."
Sam eyed Ruby's arm warily and hesitantly reached for it. Closing his eyes he placed his lips on her arm and started to suck Ruby's blood. At first the coppery taste of the blood made him gag and he almost stopped.
Feeling Sam's hesitation, Ruby pushed Sam. "This is what you need Sam. It's what has to be done for you to stop Lilith, to stop the Apocalypse."
Sam knew he had to do it. It was the only way so he continued to drink Ruby's blood. Ruby finally pulled her arm away. "Okay, that's enough. We wouldn't want to overwhelm your system, with this being your first time and all."
Sam took a deep breath expecting to feel different. But he didn't. He felt the same. "Okay Ruby, what's next?"
"Nothing is next. You need to let the blood go through your system. Then we train. Look, I gotta go. I'll give you a call when the time is right." With that she got up and left the motel room.
Alone now, Sam's thoughts inevitably turned to Dean and how he would react. Dean is a reasonable guy. He would understand. He knows what's at stake. But the other side of Sam knew that it wouldn't be that easy to convince Dean that what he was doing was the right thing when Sam wasn't even sure himself. Look at how Dean reacted when he found out Sam was using his mind to exorcise demons. To say that didn't go over well was putting it mildly!
Sam sighed and ran his hands through his hair. All this thinking was giving him a pounding headache. He hoped it wasn't a migraine coming on. That was the last thing he needed.
Sam knew he had to get going. He hoped that Dean wasn't worried. Taking one last glance around the room Sam got up from the bed. A wave of dizziness hit him and he staggered back onto the bed. His headache was getting worse and he felt himself getting flushed.
He reached for his phone and dialled Ruby's number. Sam didn't feel right and he had a feeling that it was the demon blood. The phone rang but Ruby didn't pick up. He finally gave up and decided to go back to the motel...to Dean. Looking back at the room and feeling the guilt wash over him for what he had done, Sam knew this first time wouldn't be his last. No matter what (or who) it cost him, Sam knew there would be no turning back.
Dean sat at the foot of the bed, his thoughts a jumble in his head. He wasn't sure what he was going to do about Sam. Ever since he had come back from Hell, their relationship was not the same. Sure, they had their brotherly moments but most of the time, they disagreed alot, especially on how to kill Lilith and stop the Apocalypse. Sam seemed to think that he was the key to it all. That he had to sacrifice himself for mankind. Couldn't he see that it didn't have to be this way? They would find a way to stop it together...like they always did.
"Where the hell was Sam?" Dean thought. He had a bad feeling the kid might be in trouble and was debating on going out to look for him when he heard the motel room door open.
Sam walked in and threw his keys on the wooden table. "You okay Sam?" Dean asked. The kid didn't look good. He was hunched over and his movements were sluggish.
Sam straightened up and gave Dean a quick glance. The last thing he wanted was to be interrogated by his big brother.
"Yeah, I'm fine Dean. Just a little worn out. I think I might be coming down with something." As soon as those words left Sam's mouth, he regretted them. Now Dean was going to go all "mother hen" on him and hover all night long.
"Have you eaten? I could run over to the convenience store and grab some sandwiches and....."
"Nah, I'm good. I think I'm just gonna grab a shower and jump into bed." Truth be known, Sam was feeling nauseous and he couldn't eat if his life depended on it.
He grabbed a change of clothes from his duffel bag and headed into the bathroom.
Ignoring Sam's refusal for food, Dean got up and decided to go to the convenience store anyway. Even if Sam wasn't going to eat, he still needed to keep hydrated if he wasn't feeling well.
About fifteen minutes later, Sam emerged from the shower. He walked out of the bathroom and saw that Dean wasn't there. He knew that Dean had gone to the convenience store anyway. Whenever he was sick Dean would play Florence Nightingale and try to ply him with food and juice. And if truth be told Sam really didn't mind it.
The shower did little to make Sam feel better. He still felt nauseous and his headache was getting worse. Thinking that a little sleep was all he needed, he climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself. Within minutes he fell into a fitful sleep.
Dean came back from the store and saw that Sam was fast asleep. Not wanting to disturb him, he placed the apple juice he had bought in the small mini fridge in the room. He walked over to the bed to feel Sam's forehead. The kid was a little warm but nothing to worry about.
He sat on his bed and turned on the TV, making sure to keep the volume low. Dean must have fallen asleep because he was suddenly awakened by Sam tossing and turning in his bed. Dean got up to check on his little brother.
Dean placed his hand on Sam and could feel the heat coming from his skin. Feeling a little worried, he turned on the bedside lamp and could see a damp sheen of perspiration on Sam. Dean went into the bathroom and wet a washcloth with cold water. He placed the wash cloth on Sam's forehead and could hear Sam sigh in relief.
Dean sat back down on his bed and continued to watch Sam. Even after everything they had been through, the lies and half truths, one thing would never change. He was Sam's big brother and it was his job to take care of him. It wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last.
The End