Hello, and welcome to our story! Sazzy here, writing the first chapter~
...If you didn't know, this account is the shared, co-authored account of Sazzy (Sazerac) and CC (Crimson Cupcake).

Inspired by how underdeveloped Matt is in canon and the many(ish) variations in the fandom. Here, we're aiming for 100 oneshots, so let's do this! 8D

Disclaimer for the entire story: Sadly, neither Saz nor CC are cool enough to own Death Note. T_T How we wish.

Now, what if Matt was a...

1. Director
[AU, new universe.]

by Sazerac (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)

It was a long, long time ago when everything was running smoothly.

"Misa-Misa doesn't want to do this scene!"

Her manager blinked. "But Misa—"

"No! Misa-Misa wants her Light to touch her, not that idiot pervert!"

Of course, this caught their youngest actor's attention.

"Hey, Mello." Near drawled, throwing his plastic Frisbee around the building and generally causing chaos. "She just called you an idiot pervert."

Mello ignored him, more interested in catching the intruder that had broken into his not-so-secret stash.

Having long since given up controlling the rabid masses, Matt simply adjusted the position of the goggles on his head and raised his beloved megaphone to his mouth.

"Attention, crew! Shooting in one minute – positions, now!"

The pandemonium that followed was good enough to be in any movie anywhere. Makeup artists flew everywhere, prop-masters were doing last-minute checks on set, and the filming crew were directed into their places.

The minute seemed to be up as soon as it had begun and Matt sat in his Director's Chair, waiting for everyone to be quiet and ready. (The chair and the megaphone were actually unnecessary; the studio's intercom was excellent and the chair was just to make him feel cooler.)

Chewing on a piece of gum given that he was indoors and not allowed to smoke, he waved for them to start.

"Take One!"

"Light is Kira, isn't he?"

"Misa...how did you find out?"

"Misa knows. Misa can't see Light's lifespan, so Light is the other holder of the Death Note and therefore Misa-Misa's saviour!"

"W-wha—?"

"Don't worry. Misa won't tell anyone, because Misa-Misa will do anything for Kira so she can stay with Light forever!"

"...Of course. Misa, I understand. I—"

Light paused before turning to Matt with a blank look on his face and Misa still half-hanging off him. "Do I really have to kiss her?"

"Cut, cut!" The red light on the camera winked out and Matt broke off another bit of a suspiciously familiar chocolate bar in irritation. "Yes."

"He can't," exclaimed Matsuda, Misa's manager. "Misa-Misa's lovable innocence will be gone, then!"

Takada glared in his direction. "Someone like her isn't innocent anyway." She looked towards Matt, a small blush on her face. "As Light's manager, I say that this scene should continue the way it was in order to keep the true essence of the story."

In turn, Matt looked towards the person beside him. "What do you think, Producer?"

Lawliet shrugged, dropping a few other bars of chocolate onto the floor. "Keep it as it is. There's more conflict this way."

Completely uncaring about the ears three feet near him, Matt was quick to call upon the use of his megaphone at once. "You heard the man – now, Take Two!"

"Take Three!"

He regretted leaving his game console at home.

"Take Four, people!"

Lawliet handed him another bar of chocolate. He wondered where the man got them from.

"Take–"

There was a sickening crack as Misa threw a nearby stuffed seagull onto the floor.

"Matsu, Misa-Misa wants to quit!"

Matsuda tried to calm her down. "What—but, haven't you been looking for a chance to work with Light Yagami for years?"

Misa pouted, flapping her arms. Jabbing a finger irritably towards Mello, she somehow stomped in her incredibly scary heels. "Yes, but that idiot pervert keeps trying to touch Misa-Misa's butt!"

If the air could become scary, the small gap between the two blondes certainly became so as Mello twitched. "Idiot pervert? I'll show you 'idiot pervert'...and I wasn't touching your butt!"

"Of course not," Near added airily, being prepped by the makeup crew for his next scene. "Obviously, you're gay."

"Why you—"

Matt facepalmed.

It was going to be a long day.

A/N:
You can tell we don't like to use OCs, do you? Through this, we'll just be using the canon characters as "ordinary people", if that makes any sense...(not that they're normal in the sense of the word anyway)

And ouch, I smell OOC-ness. Ah well, it's AU anyways. (Secretly, I'm hoping that some of these do manage to fit into the canon timeline, but you never know...)

Suggestions? Comments? Critiques? Flames? Cookies? Review~ :3

Next time: Vet