Oh Dear

by YamiKunisaki

All the Naruto characters talking and having fun doing whatever it is they do and lots more. Hilarious to those with a random sense of humour. XD If you like Naruto Adridged, you could like this too. Rated M for language, mostly. And a lot of odd pairi

NOTES:

This isn't supposed to make sense.

The authors (Shukura and Snow) apologise for any typos, and for smilies that have been altered by the site.

Naruto chars belong to Masashi Kishimoto

OC's belong to their respective owners.

No offence is intended to any real person, country or anything else. Some offence intended towards certain characters.

---

"Oh dear. ):" said Shessair, "I'm of the UCH…IHA CLAN!!!"

Itachi dropped in to say, "Hello."

"Haai!" said Lee.

"NOT YOU!" Kakashi smacked him with his novel – 'make-out violence'

"OW TAT" Rock Lee stoned himself.

"XDDDDD" Shess dressed up as Gaara, "LOOOK I'M GAARA OF THE DESSERT!"

"…." Itachi commented, sliding a lollipop into Shessair's hand, "here. Put that in your mouth. Enjoy it."

Shess said "THANK YOOOOU!"

Kakashi-sensei frowned upon all generations of ninjas.

"Hum! I don't know if you will like Itachi much… He beats Kakashi-sensei up. ):"

"FAGGOT!" Shess threw the lollipop at Itachi, who swallowed it, "PUT THAT IN UR MOUTH! ENJOY THAT!"

"Wow she's gone mad. o.o" Lee observed.

"Uchiha!" yelled Itachi.

Sasuke spran (sprang/ran) into the scene, "Where?"

"There!" Itachi pointed at Kakashi, "right there!"

Sasuke screamed in rage, "RAAAGE! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!"

"NO! DON'T!" Kakashi yelled, waving his novel, "I haven't got to the last chapter!"

"Oh... Okay... I guess I can wait a while..." Saskay muttered.

"What a jerk." Itachi nudged Saskay, "J-E-R-K."

"Shut up." Lee leaped on a turtle and escaped.

Shessair snapped a ruler loudly, "y'all listen up!"

Everyone did.

"I just want to say..." she started, "That I love you. All of you."

"... What? Even Itachi?" Sasuke was never as tall as Itachi, it bothered him.

"Yes, even Itachi." Shess said.

"But WHY?"

"WHY IS YOUR HAIR BLUE?"

"It's BLACK!"

"Oh. Oh okay, must've been the light."

"Yes."

Kakashi turned on a sixpence.

Kakashi read the book slowly.

"Ohhhhhhhh." ooo'd Itachi, coz nobody else would.

Naruto Uzamaki hollered, "BELIEVE IT!"

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke screamed at Itachi.

"I didn't say anything you retard. That was the fox kid."

"OHKAY!" Naruto punched Orochimaru, "SNAKES!"

Itachi worked hard at his job, but couldn't continue living.

Sasuke agreed loudly.

Sakura appeared to love Sasuke too much. She should stop because it is bad.

"Sakura sucks." Sasuke grinned at her widely, "She wants to have sex with me."

Sakura ran away sobbing.

"Haha pwned." Saskay snorted.

"OOOOO O O O" ooo'd Tazuna.

"Would you SHUT UP." Orochimaru screamed, driving a truck into him.

"oo..." he oo'd softly.

Shessair Uchiha.

"...You're not an Uchiha!" she screamed at Itachi, "so just build a bridge and get OVER it!"

Itachi Uchiha sighed and suffocated a blanket to shut it up. "Much better..."

"But Itachi-chan, I was the one talking." Shess said, frowning.

Itachi looked forward into the future, "... was she talking?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Okay." she wandered across the bridge and hugged Kakashi, "oh yeah!"

Kakashi said, "ooh."

Shandy Pandy Brandy Sandy GLARED at Snow.

"Sorry."

"And so you should be."

"HEY SHAN! That's my sister, WHAT'S UP? That means she must be an Uchiha too, right Kakashi-sensei?????"

Kakashi gave himself a lolly, "...keep calm, Kakashi..."

He shuffled sideways, dragging Shess along with him.

Shandriil marched up to them, "hey! You! Hands up!"

"Who me?" Kakashi mused.

"Yeah! You!"

Kakashi-sensei raised his hands slowly, "Why?"

"Coz you're su cute! 3" she giggled, "come on! Higher up now!"

He wondered WTF was going on, "WTF is going on?"

"We've invaded your world and have claimed you for our own." Shess squeezed his waist lovingly, "eeeeee!"

Itachi stormed into the area, over to Kakashi, and glared at him angrilly, "What doyouthinkyou'redoing?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Goood!" Itachi scowled at Shessair before tripping on her foot.

"OOO! Sorry XD"

"Itachi Itachi Itachi..." Kakashi chanted.

Itachi got up, brushing his hair, "So."

"Itachi is suuu cool!" Shandriil giggled again.

Kakashi advanced with Shessair clinging on for dear life, "Halt!"

Pause---

Fast forward.

STOP.

"Itachi, you're so sweet. I could never be parted from you..." said Shandriil, blushing.

"OO! Rewind rewind!" Itachi panicked, grabbing the remote control and pressing buttons.

"No! No, keep going I want to see what happens!" sniggered Kakashi, patting his hair, "yep, still there."

The fight BEGAN.

"OO! I GOT IT XDDD oh... no I don't..."

Itachi seized a stick and belted Kakashi over the head with it.

"Ouch." he said.

"I GOT IT AGAIN!" Shess spran off, accidentally throwing it at Shandriil, who accidentally tossed it to Kakashi, who pressed FastForward accidentally.

"Oh shit..."

ZZZZZZzzzip!

Later

"How many children do you think we'll have?"

"I'm sorry/swt"

"How many? I mean, I always thought two..."

Itachi sat.

"Indeed." said Haku.

"Get out of our bedroom!" Itachi launched a cannon at Haku.

BOOM!

Shandriil ooo'ed, "you said 'our' bedroom! 3"

"Oh damn."

"Oh yeah!"

Zabuza sprang out of the wardrobe, "Haku!"

"ZABUZA - SAN!" Haku screamed in delight, sprunning over to him.

"Whaaat the hell." Shan-chan stared angrily at them, "shoo!"

"Yeah they were about to have sex."

"WHAT2."

"Hang on, I need to go train to be Hokage. Come on Shessair, let's go!" Shan ran off.

"Phew." Itachi Uchiha breathed.

Zabuza kissed Haku passionately.

Itachi yelled in horror and scarpered.

"Right." Shukura declared war upon Naruto & sat on him, "ooh squishy."

"I'MA KILL YOU!! #&$!!"

"Teehee"

Sasuke-kun pondered angrily WHY NOT?

"Why not kill people for no reason like Itachi?" suggested Iruka-sensei.

"Who are you?" Sasuke sneered evilly, "Hi, I'm badass."

"... Hello Badass. I'm Iruka-sensei."

"Nice to meet you."

"Uchiha Badass... Nice." Kakashi thought about this year with no idea when he started.

"I'm very confused right now." Shukura /hmmed, "Hey Badass!"

Badass looked up. "And?"

"...and the world exploded! BOOM!" She exclaimed, "I'm gonna own your badass, Badass!"

Badass piled on top of her, "I'd like to see you try."

"Ooh can I join in?" asked Kakashi.

Uchiha Badass pulled a face, "NO."

"Who is the girl?" Kakashi pointed at Sakura.

Sakura sobbed and ran away.

Shukura has so many qualities but no legs on her chair.

"What a pity." Iruka-sensei said kindly.

Kakashi jumped up a hill quickly like hell!

Iruka-sensei cried and gobbled a muffin quickly, "like hell!"

Then, out of nowhere, a big mushroom carrying Orochimaru gave Iruka a bag of fries, "cheer up."

"Okay."

"Awwwwwwww that's so cute." Snow pointed at Naruto who said, "What?"

Shukura pondered over many men, "Itachi... Sasuke... Gaara... Kankuro... Shikamaru... Blah..."

"Put em in a cage." Snow whispered.

"Hum." S(oops) I mean, Badass commented and then killed a man who sadly passed away.

Badass hit a woman.

"Omg girl-basher!" Kakashi shrieked, tearing up the scroll of summoning snowflakes, "you ruined my jutsu!"

"I DID NOT YOU MORON!" Badass screamed in and out of history, riding a bicycle.

"Ninja's don't ride bicycles, dunce." Kakashi pointed at his feet, "use your feet."

"Shut up."

"No."

"..."

" )"

"You do realise you shut up."

"You shut up first."

"You're a shut up!"

"Do grow up." Iruka glared at them, "umbrella."

"Ella ella, a, a, a" Rhianna sang, "under my um-ber-ella!"

Badass silenced her: "fireball thing no jutsu!"

"Oooh I bet that hurt." Naruto winced, "So do I. GET OFF!"

"Noooo you're comfy. :3" Shukura poked him on the stomach, "I forgot everyone can read what we're writing XD LOL"

"Yes yes they can. :D" Snow agreed.

"IRUKA-sensei wished badly upon a star.

"Arrogant bastard!" Badass Uchiha yelled, "I am too!"

"Too what? Arrogant?"

"Yes."

"Oh, yes I agree." Shukura nodded, "Anymore arrogance and you might make my list."

"List?"

"Of men."

"I don't WANT to die." Snow shrieked, "so just BACK OFF!"

Badass backed off.

"Thanks."

"Oooh what she drawing? - "

"Pretty patterns."

"Cool. XD" he suddenly lunged at the wall.

"He's a bit strange." observed Snow thoughtfully.

"HELLO??" bellowed I-t-a-c-h-i Uchiha, "Anybody HOME!?"

"Who's there?" Shukura called 911.

Itachi broke down, "Waaaaaah TT Don't call the cops!"

"Eh okay."

"Good )"

Iruka threw a pair of socks at Kakashi, "here, these are yours. Someone did the washing wrong again."

"Iruka-chan. I don't wear socks."

"...Neither do I."

"Where did you find them?"

"In my sock drawer."

"Why do you have a sock drawer if you don't wear socks?"

"...point."

Itachi frowned, "oh my God."

"Oh your God?"

"It's Sasuke."

"...Your God isn't Sasuke."

"No. Sasuke is over there..."

"That's not Sasuke... That's Badass." Snow said.

"Who?"

"Badass."

"Errrrrr. Sasuke?" Itachi asked, poking Badass in the knee.

"-insert picture of Sasuke glaring- - Scary expressional Sasuke" Badass said, spinning wool to avoid meetings.

"What's going ON?" Itachi Uchiha wailed.

Naruto shoved Shukura off, "yay I'm FREE!"

"Now you aren't." Iruka sat on top of his head, "You aren't ready for this, Naruto. You aren't experienced enough."

"-BIG RANT about being Hokage & never giving up etc etc-" Naruto ranted, "Sasuke will acknowledge meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" he screamed as he rolled off the cliff.

"Oops." Iruka peered at the girl who was suddenly flirting with him.

Kakashi laughed loudly, "you do realise that's a man, right?"

"-insert picture of Iruka nosebleeding-" Iruka exclaimed.

Haku was flattered, "I'm flattered."

"Hey! Hey! It's Haku!" shouted Snow in disbelief.

"YAY!" Zabuza exclaimed, "thanks 4 pointing that out!"

Snow smeared peanut butter on a sandwich & gave it to Zabuza, "For you."

Zabuza ate it gratefully, "thanks."

"Why does he get a peanut butter sandwich??" Haku advanced angrily on Orochimaru, "Give me one. NOW!"

" " said the mushroom, "Zooplankton are my friends."

"Oh. Well get me a sandwich anyway."

"How?"

"Iuhho." Haku shrugged, "Zabuza. Give me your sandwich."

Zabuza hurriedly gave the sandwich to Haku, "Not much left, sorry kid."

Haku sniffed pathetically, "Well... if that's the best you can do..."

Zabuza seized hold of Haku, "NO! I can do better!!"

"...that's disturbing," Badass commented. He then swaggered off to find his purpose in life.

"Wait for me!" Itachi hurried after him, "I'm your purpose in life! You're supposed to kill me!"

"Oh, stop fishing will you?" said Badass to Itachi.

"What? Oh whatever..."

"Yay, bye!" Badass ran away, "Phew. Fishing one works every time."

Haku and Zabuza decided that it was time to make out.

Everyone left.

Gaara! of the dessert.

"Pudding! Trifle! Chocolate cake! Stick it in your mouth! Enjoy that!"

Kankuro stared at Gaara who glared back; "Got a problem...?"

Kankuro shoved some cake in his mouth quickly and smiled.

"Ew that's GROSS" Temari said, "You'll puke."

"No I won't." Gaara muttered.

"Not you Gaara-chan. Kankuro."

"...Gaara- CHAN?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

".. ... .. grr."

"Who's talking?"

"I'm Gaara, and you are Temari. I think." Kankuro contributed.

"I'm NOT TEMARI!!" Gaara shouted loudly, "Do I HAVE BREASTS? DO I KANKURO!? DO III?"

Kankuro screamed, "DON'T KILL ME DX"

Temari began crying.

"Aw Gaara you made her cry. "

"Glad you can finally tell the difference between us." Gaara hit him, "Dick head."

Temari sucked. No she's cool.

"Temari sucks." Kankuro lied.

Gaara hit him again, "stop being an ass-hat."

"For your information you've been standing in the doorway for about 15 minutes."

"So? "

"I needa pee." Kuro, Kankuro sang, waving a mic, "pee pee pee!"

"Okay shut up." Temari sat down and pulled out Gaara's shoelaces, "hi sexy boi."

"Er Temari... He doesn't have shoelaces... And he's your brother."

"Is he?"

"...Yeah."

"I didn't know that!" Temari gasped, standing up, "omg I'm SORRY!"

"Who am I, again?"

"I don't know..." she said, "Alright. WHO is my brother?"

"Both of us. Gaara is your younger brother, and Kankuro (ME)"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!?"

"I would've figured you knew."

"No! I had a crush on him!"

Kankuro peed.

"...Ew." Sakura ewed, "That's so ew."

"Oh shut up - -" Kankuro ran off quickly.

"Hey, you." Temari jabbed Gaara, "Brother, right?"

"Yeah... I guess."

"Do you like me? Am I cool?"

"No."

"What a horrible brother! OMG!" Sakura glowered at him.

Gaara jumped up, "Say WHAAAAT?"

"Giddy up baby" Temari sang, "Gimme all that you got, baby don't stop!"

"I'm going to ignore that..." Sakura raised her eyebrows.

"WHY? Don't like my song?...?...?"

"No. Not at all. Sakura 3's Saskay!"

Gaara frowned, "That's a first. I thought everyone liked my singing."

"I'm getting more & more confused..." Temari muttered.

"Why? It's OBVIOUS what's the problem here is. She has no taste in music!!" Sakura pointed at Gaara.

"...I'm a GUY God damn it.

"Oh... Sorry. Thought you had boobs."

"/desp"

"Hey! I made the same mistake!" Temari lied. "Oh wait... That was Kankuro...?"

"Oh!!!!!! I'm gonna go insane!" Gaara screamed.

Kankuro arrived and smiled, "there, all better."

"Yay! You're back!" Temari hugged him, "I missed you!"

"Wow." Kankuro said, "I have a huge crush on Shukura."

Sakura said, "Who me?"

"NO. Did I say Sakura? I said Shukura!" Kankuro's puppet said.

"EW! It talked!" Sakura backed off, "I don't want to die!"

Gaara growled at Sakura, "piss off."

"Say what? ):"

"Piss. Off."

"Pee pee pee xD" Kankuro laughed happily.

"If you don't piss off I'll kill you." Gaara shook his finger at her.

Sakura sighed & walked away, "okay I'm pissing, I'm pissing... Keep your hair on."

Gaara had no regrets,

"Well done, Gaara! You didn't kill her!" Temari clapped her hands, "Pens?"

Kankuro dutifully gave her some pens...

"Yay pens! Inks!"

Gaara dug his hands down into his pocket, "pens for your crazy pocket." He gave Temari a pen.

"Thanks guys." Temari gushed, "I love you people!"

"Do you recycle?" Baki interogated Gaara, "I'm stupid and ugly."

"Yes you are -random twisty hand sign- Desert Coffin!"

"Pardon?"

"Desert graveyard/funeral/whatever else it is called. Now you're dead. And blood is flying EVERYWHERE."

"Hey, c'mon guys, let's go home." Kankuro trudged off. Temari skipped after him. Gaara drove a BMW.

"Hi!" exclaimed Shukura.

Shikamaru opened the door, "...hi?"

"I'm selling vans."

"I'm not interested."

"Yes, you ARE"

"Oh okay." Shikamaru frowned, "How much?"

"1ook"

"What?"

"The vans. They're 1ook.

"Look?"

"No you fag. 1 0 0. k."

"Oh whatever, this is boring." Shikamaru shut the door.

"..." Shukura sad, kicking the door annoyedly.

"What's wrong?" asked Naruto.

"Fuck off."

"HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM??!! I JUST ASKED - HOKAGE - WHAT WAS - SASUKE - WRONG! BELIEVE IT!"

"Er... Okay shrimp."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU CAN'T SEE WITHOUT A MAGNIFYING GLASS??!!" Ed screamed randomly.

"Go away, you're not a ninja." Shukura, she, didn't, care.

Ed rampaged through the jungle, "Philosopher's Stone? Equivalent exchange!! AL??"

"Well... anyway."

"Welcome to the jungle. We got fun n' games." Axel decided to duet with Rhianna & sang 'Welcome to the umbrella-ella-ella.'

Shukura left Naruto, "we were never together! WTF!"

"That's not what you said last night - NO! I'm JOKING DON'T KILL ME OAO"

" " she glared.

SO Naruto went away to annoy Iruka-sensei.

Shikamaru overdosed on ecstasy but was okay! "Drugs are so boring."

Shikamaru's dad told him off.

"What a drag..." Shikamaru sighed.

- - - - - - - - - -

Soon after Christmas, a baby was born.

"So what?" Shikamaru asked Shikamaru's dad.

"...She's your sister."

"Oh man! That's so... boring."

"Geez." Ino frowned, "Don't you care about anything?"

"... no"

"I'm the baby's mother." Shikamaru's mum announced.

"Wow. That was unxpected." Shik. droned, "I'm going to go shave now. Later."

Ino followed curiously, "Can I try?"

Shik swilled his coffee around, "Suppose. What're you gonna be shaving, your legs? That said shaving, not sharing. I don't want you to share them with me."

"Aw..."

"Mmm" Shi collapsed.

InoShikaCho Formation!

Choji rolled in the window. THUMP. "Ouch"

"You squished me! -angry Shikamaru face-" Shikamaru sighed.

Ino shaved.

Elsewhere Shukura was really not ugly.

Lizards pattered along her kitchen bench, smiling.

"Hmm..." she commented on the news, "that's just annoying."

"I'm looking for your HOT STUFF, baby I need it!" exclaimed Gaara.

"Don't mind him... he's been drinking V." Temari-chan explained, "Hey hey hey."

Kankuro grinned, "V is good."

"Rone." Gaara accused Temari.

"Sit down, Gaara, there's a good boy."

Gaara stabbed a kunai into Kankuro's puppet.

"There was no call for that!!" Kankuro cried, snatching Shukura out of harm's way.

"WTF. Why are you people here anyway?" She demanded.

"Kankuro wanted to come see you. )" Temari sniggered.

"Shut up:(" he sulked.

"One fine day, we'll fly away." Gaara leered at them all.

"What will we do with him " Temmmmmmmmmmmmmari mmmused.

"Nothing. After all, it is still Gaara."

"I suppose we'll just have to deal with it." sighed Shu.

"... -insert happy picture of Shino with a bug-"

"Shino?? What?" Temari scooped up Gaara & carried him to the sink.

"Lemme goooo!" he shrieked, "or - I'll - kill! You!"

"Mm-hmm."

"Wagh#?!!!!!" Gaara swore loudly.

"Awww that's so cute." said Shukura.

Kankuro glared at Gaara, "Dick."

"Don't aggravate him." Temari scolded, frowning, "I'm disappointed in you!"

"..." he said, still glaring jealously.

Gaara flailed madly, "YOU ARE WETTING MY SAND!!!"

"...Opps." she let no sand escape the purge of sand, "Mwahaha. ...ahem. Gaara, it's filthy, it needs cleaning... It smellz really bad."

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT! IT'S GOT THE BLOOD OF MY KILLS! IT MAKES ME STRONG! STOP THE WENCH!!!!!!!"

"Mind your language." Shukura behaved herself.

Temari behaved badly; like a hormone.

Gaara escaped her purge, but didn't manage to save the sand.

"NOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRGHH NOOOOOOOO!" Kankuro anticipated what Gaara was saying to him.

"Huh?" Shukura asked, "sorry?"

Temari screamed.

"What the hell's going on!?" Kankuro yelled, "c'mon Shu - let's get out of here!!"

"What? But it's my house."

"It's gonna blow!!" Gaara screeched, pointing at the oven.

"Oh no! My cake!" Shukura cried.

"Everyone just CALM DOWN!" ordered Haku.

"Get out! Get the fuck OUT of my house" Shukura shoved everybody out and slammed the door.

Kankuro was angry at them all, "Why did you all have to be so damn insane!!"

Gaara punched Temari, "yeah!"

- Temari scowled, "I started it."

"You aren't supposed to own up. You're meant to blame it on someone else." Kankuro moped around.

"Don't be so depressing! She wouldn't go out contigo anyway!" - Temari snapped, slapping him hard. (NOTE- Contigo means 'with you')

"Why not?? Bitch!"

"Who's a bitch? Me?"

"Yeah you!"

- Temari stalked up and glared at his face, "YOU"

"What about me?"

"YOU! ARE!"

"Kankuro, yeah." Kankuro sighed and sat down, "what am I going to do NOW"

- Temari stamped on his fingers, "kill Itachi."

"...But he never did anything to me."

"Yeah but Shukura's going out with him!!"

"WHAT?!"

"I KNOW! So get off your lazy arse and quit complaining," Haku said dramatically, waving his delicate fingers.

"Who the heck are you? Anyone know this girl?"

"I do." said Zabuza.

"OH NOOO!" Gaara screamed, "That 'girl' is a guy! We have to get out of here! Right NOW!!"

"Er okay." Temari glanced at Kankuro, "How come?"

"How am I supposed to know? "

Zabuza called Haku 'baby'

"That's why! Come on guys! Into Gaara's car!!" Temari dragged Gaara and Kankurou into the vehicle and accelarated away!

"Why do people keep doing that, Zabuza?" Haku sighed.

Zabuza Momochi or Momochi Zabuza noncommittally shrugged, "dunno, kid. C'mon, let's make out."

- - - - -

Itachi phoned a taxi, beans rolled down the street, so it was NOT safe.

Shark-guy (Kisame) looks bad.

"Hill!" cried Itachi, waving 'hello' at Sharky who swerved sharply.

"Thanks. Didn't see it." Shark-guy grunted.

Sasori has weird tastes in hair.

Itachi suddenly smacked his nose, "FUCK!"

It bled.

"Blood. Bloooooooooooooooooood!" Orochimaru shrieked, "Let me suck your nose!! I'm in the cab!!"

"What? Lemme out!" Sharky opened the door.

"No you're the driver! Stop!" Itachi lunged for the door handle.

Sharky drove people home for a living.

"STOP!!!" Orochimaru throttled him, "Give me back my arms!"

The 3rd Hokage is dead.

"I don't want to be in this part of the story anymore. It's broken!" yelled Itachi, throwing Orochimaru out the window, "can I call you Oreo? It's short and sweet. (pun intended)"

Orochimaru couldn't understand though coz he was gone.

Elsewhere Shikamaru was given a nickname.

"... I don't want one."

"Well you're getting one. Your name is too long."

"No it's not." Iruka-sensei frowned.

"Er..." Shikamaru said.

"Shut up!" Iruka-sensei ordered.

"No. I'm a Chuunin too!"

"So what? I'm still older that you." Iruka-sensei :) glared ): at Shikamaru Nara, "And ... I train dolphins, ninja dolphins."

"Nara. That's what his name will be!" Haku exclaimed excitedly.

"I don't WANT to be called Nara!"

"How about "Shi"?" Haku suggested, wiggling his/her fingers suggestively.

"...oo"

Kakashi approached Shikamaru caustiously, "Hey...?"

Shi backed up, "er... yeah? What?"

Kakashi-sensei didn't actually know what he was doing xD He was confused. Kabuto had confunded him earlier for he was competing for females.

Kabuto's potential woman ratio was lower than Kakashi's & so he wanted to take over Kakashi's body,

"OO..." Ka-ka-shi-ka-maru.

Haku attempted to stop Kabuto by flailing around in anguish.

Kabuto attacked a person who died.

Iruka joined in too, "whee"

"No! Stop! This is not the way of the Shinobi!" bellowed Shikamaru grinning like a fat shark, "what are you doing anyway? You're all grown men - well, dunno about you. Are you a woman? What am I doing btw? Jeez."

Kakashi punched Kabuto angrily, "die!"

"He punched through me once, too. :\" commented Haku, "it hurt"

"Ouch!!" Kabutooooooooo screamed like Haku.

Zabuza jumped into the sea, "Haku?! Are you okay??"

Haku hurried to Shikamaru, demanding a pile of cheese, "Hurry!!"

Shi growned, "what a PAIN"

"That's my leg." said Iruka-sensei as it broke off and rolled away, "Can someone catch that please?"

"What?" Kakashi :) awaited orders.

"LEG!" Iruka shrieked, "NOW!"

"... But you're a Chuunin."

"You're a JOUNIN!"

"Yes I know." said Kakashi patiently, "what's your point?"

"leglegleglegleglegleglegleglegleg!"

"..."

"I'll get it." Naruto sighed loudly, "ooh hey Kabuto-san :D"

Kabuto waved at him & said "yo"

"Wassup?"

"Roof."

"Ay?"

"The roof. It is UP."

"We're outside, dude."

"...OK fine. The SKY" Kabuto snarled.

"OO TT" Naruto Uzumaki stared at him, "I'm scared"

"Sorry Naruto, I'm in a bit of a pickle right now :\ Didn't mean to be harsh."

Naruto squeezed his hand.

Kabuto stared him, "I'm scared."

"Sorry."

Kakashi fetched Iruka-sensei's leg, "here... but this is the only time you will tell me what to do."

"Thanks Kakashi... That's the wrong leg. I wanted the one that wasn't still attached."

Kakashi swore & went off, "FINE!"

"Noooooo come back!"

"D.W I'll get it!" Naruto waved wildly at Iruka, "Look! It's Haku! Hey Haku!"

Haku waved back, "Hi!"

Naruto hugged him/her, "I missed you!"

"I missed you too!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

"Omg that's sad." Iruka-sensei commented, "Leg?"

"Oh yeah." Naruto remembered the verse, "I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?"

"You hate everything about me? Dx"

"Nah."

Haku smirked at Iruka "pwnd"

"Oh did I say that. Damn." said Iruka.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Suddenly Lee stormed onto the ship, screamed at Tenten coz she had funny legs.

"...my legs aren't funny. You should be nice to me coz I'm probably the least developed char in Naruto that is relatively important. At least on an important team..."

"Oh." Lee dived into her pool, "whee!"

"Get out! D:" Neji shouted, "Fucker!"

Ten Ten launched herself onto a missile launcher, "¡vamos!" (NOTE- Vamos means 'let's go')

BOOM!

"Fuck!" Neji Hyuuga slammed his fist into the deck gently, "FUCK IT ALL!"

"DUDE. What's your problem?" Lee said, "carrot."

"FUCk? What the FUCK? CARROT? FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU MOTHER FUCKER GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

"Seriously, dude, you have issues."

"I'm not the one with big eyebrows, a bowl cut and a green jumpsuit... FUCK YOU!"

"Don't diss the... EVERYTHING."

"Whatcha gonna do shithead? Fight me?" Neji shouted. brandishing a spanner at Lee's groin.

Lee said, "no I am not going to fight you, I am going to stand here and lecture you on the ninja way."

"LOOOOOOOSER!" Neji screamed, slapping on a pile of sunscreen & wrapping on some sunnies.

Gai-sensei appeared, "What's the problem, boys? -star-"

Lee hugged Gai-sensei, "No :D"

"No? Hmm! -massive scary Gai smile- Is that SO?"

"(lip wobble) TT No! TT Oh Gai-sensei! Neji's lost sight of the ninja way!"

"Neji!" Gai bellowed, "what's this??? ;D –star-"

Neji looked blue, "what's what, exactly?"

Gai-sensei observed much, "I see."

"Gai-sensei! What do you see? O" Lee worshiped him.

"I see...!" Gai exclaimed, "NEJI!"

"...oh well done." Neji sighed.

"no. I see a boy. A lost, troubled, lonely boy. Lee! You know what to do!"

Lee screamed something happy. He danced a dance and spun around, "yEES!"

Then they all lived happily ever after!

"Good genes. Sexy sons." said Shikamaru boredly.

"So your dad had good genes?" Ino eagerly tugged his arm.

"Jeez Ino. How'm I meant to know that?"

"Dunno!" she giggled, "maybe cuz you're..."

"I'm? ... anyway, you only like me coz 'Sas-kay' has gone somewhere... AGAIN" he pointed at the sky.

Ino pouted, "that's not true."

"Oh really? What changed then?" Shi focused on Ino's eyebrow, "not bad..."

"Huh?" Ino frowned, eyebrows raising delicately.

Shikamaru stared, "nice."

"Eh??"

"Oh nothing" he dusted his jacket, "Hey, Ino..."

"Yes? -thing that anime girls do, usually they squee as well- Squee!!"

"Can I touch your eyebrows?"

"...what?"

"Yeah do that again. It's really kind of sexy," Shi muttered, blushing.

"WTF! Shikamaru! What's going on??" Ino seized him and screamed in his ear.

Shikamaru kissed her, "against my better judgement..."

Ino beamed

"That wasn't what I expected..."

"Hey, you two! What're you eating?" Chouji yelled across the forest.

"Each other, okay??" Ino screamed back.

"Ew! Can I have some? I'm huuuungry!"

"Fuck off!"

"Bitch!"

Shi sighed, "what a pain."

"I KNOW"

"... I was meaning everything. Not just Chouji."

"Yeah well that's normal." Ino hugged him, "Muuu!"

Temari suddenly appeared.

"Uh oh..." Shikamaru hastily walked off, Ino clinging to his waist, "Ino - can you get off? I can't be bothered arguing with girls right now."

"Girls?" Are you cheating on me?!" Temari screamed.

"Oh jeez..."

Ino blinked, "who are you?"

"Who are YOU??"

"...Girls are so... 'LOL-like'" Shikamaru Nara sighed.

Temari glared at Ino, "Get away from him!"

Ino spat and moved forward, "I was here first, desert bitch!"

Temari gasped, "I SO had him before you did! You were too slow!"

"NO you didn't! I've been with Shikamaru since we were kids, idiot!"

"Er... No you haven't..."

"Haven't I? Damn. I have been there for a while anyway!"

Shikamaru carried his burdens everywhere.

"Look, weird pig-tail girl. We were in the middle of something so just go home to your pyramid, okay??"

"Pyramid? What the hell?!"

"-Ino thing- like ;P"

"Oooh you are so dead."

"Bring it on!"

"I will!"

"-uses her thingy-"

Chouji came onto the scene, "what are they fighting about?" he ate some sand.

"Me... It's such a pain. Girls are so troublesome." Shikamaru explained heavily, stuffing Ino into his backpack, "C'mon, we better get back to Asuma-sensei."

Temari ran after them, "oi come back here! I wasn't finished with her!"

"Hurry up Chouji. This could get annoying."

"Why didn't you stuff ME in your backpack? D:"

"Walk walk walk..." Chouji complained, "all we do is walk."

"Correction, all you do is eat." Shikamaru heaved Ino along.

"WAIT! Shikamaruuuuuuuuu!"

"Ha. Now you know how it felt when you ousted me from Shukura's house." Kankuro sneered at her.

"Shut up. Stop being so mean ):"

"Hey! You were mean to me!!"

Gaara glared at both of them, "you're both pathetic."

"Don't tell me you've... Oh wait, you haven't. Sorry." said Temari.

"What?"

"Nothigh!" Temari pleaded with Gaara for mercy.

"And meanwhile, Shikamaru has got away. And so we go back to what we were doing. Please." Kankuro muttered.

"Itachi." nodded Itachi.

"Omg! Like OMG! ... who are you?" Kankuro frowned.

"Uh. I'm Zabuza. Zabuza Momochi."

"You are not. Zabuzu is big and has big muscles and wears no shirt and has a big sword and has NO EYEBROWS. You have eyebrows." Temari blushed, "You're... not like him... at all. ,; ;,"

Itachi considered his options carefully, "Alright. My name's Fred Weasley."

Gaara glared at him, "I don't think you are. As far as I'm aware, the Sharingan is not a blood-trait of the Weasleys."

"You little jerk. I'm ... alright. I'm Uchiha Itachi."

Kankuro choked on phlegm.

"...Is he okay?" Itachi asked concernedly.

"Yeah he'll be ok." Gaara said.

"Now's your chance, Kankuro :D" Temari exclaimed, waving him into Itachi's arms.

Kankuro stalled his car.

"Pwned"

"Err... um guys... maybe we should just go..." Kankuro sweated.

"Huh? But like I thought you wanted to beat him?" Temari exclaimed, waving him back into Itachi's arms.

"No! Temari - er - maybe another day-?"

Itachi scratched his nose, "you people are odd."

"Sorry!" Gaara chimed, smiling.

"Who was stupid enough to want to challenge me?" Itachi blew a kiss at Temari.

Temari squealed.

"Urgh. /swt" Gaara commented, "URGH! ARGH! ARRRRGH! AAHHHHHH!" he clutched his head.

"What's his issue?" Itachi frowned.

"He's allergic to love, sorry." Kankuro bowed low.

"KANKURO! Be a man, already. You came here to pwn Itachi's ass! Remember?" yelled Temari.

"I don't want to... He's scary." hissed Kankuro.

"So you'll let him run off with your girlfriend?? To be?"

"Yes."

"Kankuro! You suck!"

Kankuro sobbed loudly, "I-tachi-sama! Can I have your girlfriend without fighting?"

Itachi stared at him.

"I'm gonna take that as a no." Kankuro saaaid quickly, backing into a bus, "damn."

Itachi continued stooping to Kankuro's level.

"Argh! Let's get out of here!" Kankuro panicked and ran.

Gaara didn't. Neither did Temari.

"If you dump Shukura - give me a call, okay?" Temari flirted with Itachi, "hehe 3 --"

Gaara raised his non-existant eyebrows and pushed a boulder down Temari's driveway, "I want stuffffffff homie-G."

Itachi jumped, "omg I just remembered. I have an appointment. Bye!"

"Bye Itachi-kun!! ¤" Temari hugged him.

"What the hell." Itachi laughed, then he vanished!

"Temari you're such a skank." Gaara gave her pens.

"Yay"

Then Kankuro came back, "he gone?"

"Yup... ):" Gaara said, "I wanted to borrow his nailpolish."

"Riiight."

"MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" Badass Uchiha strolled down town searching for marijuana.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmarijuana!" he called.

Sharkguy ambushed him, "oogaboogah!"

Badass yelled at him, "that was MEAN!! D:"

"Did you pee your shorts?" Sharkguy eagerly opened Sasuke's handbag.

"Hey! Let go of my purse! Thief! ThIEF!!"

"Where?"

Badass leapt away, clutching his bag tightly, "you're an awful person! ):"

Kakashi swallowed him.

"...aw." Badass said angrily, "lemme out."

"hmmmmm NO! 3 You're safer in there."

Sharkguy died.

Kakashi suddenly felt himself.

"Okay..." Sora said.

"Oh shut up. Bet you've done it sometime."

Sora-ni screamed "KAIRI"

"See? I knew you enjoyed it. Toodle pip!" Kakashi trotted off home.

Back home in Shukura's garden, Ebisu was perving at Shukura.

"FUSK OFF you FRED, K!" Kankuro hit him in outrage, I mean FUCK OFF you FREAK."

"What about you?? What were you doing??"

"Picking flowers, duh."

"I doubt it."

"I was!"

"Wasn't!"

"Was!"

"Hey! Can you keep it down - hey, WTF??" saided Jiraiya.

"EWWIES! REALLY PERVY SAGE ALERT!" Naruto shouted.

"SHUT UP!!"

"Lucky I wasn't actaully like... in the shower or anything. This is Shukura btw." Shukura glared, "I was transformed into Jiraiya the whole time."

"Oo" they all said.

"Omg so you were perving at yourself?!!?" Naruto stared.

"No! You idiot! Go home!" Ebisu shooed him away.

"How about you all piss off & go home?" Kankuro suggested, "Shukura - I - I really was getting flowers!!"

"From my garden?"

"Ah... oops." Kankuro snorted at her bees, "oh!"

Shu hugged him, "Kankuro!"

"...what?" Ebisu stared, "NOT FAIR"

"What? It's not like you ever had a chance." Naruto said prudently.

"GO HOME Naruto." Shukura ordered.

"FINE!" Naruto stormed off and went home.

Ebisu then turned on the microwave with a magic stick.

"...Fuck off." Kankuro kicked him hard, "Shukura!"

"What?"

"Do I have to go too?" Kankuro obliged to do something.

"Nah!"

Ebisu opened the door to her house.

"STOP IT!!!" Shu screamed, grabbing him and wrestling him to the ground, "Would you people just bloody-well keep AWAY from my house!?"

"BABY! I'M HOOOOOOMMEEEE!" called Itachi, appearing next to them.

"Oh shit." Kankuro said loudly, "I'm so dead."

"Hey! It's the girlfriend stealer! You're so dead!" Itachi pointed at him at himself.

Kankuro screamed in horror, "nuuu!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! Something Sharingan! MWAHAHA!" Itachi laughed evilly.

Shukura frowned, "Itachi?"

Itachi paused, "mm?"

"Weren't you bringing home tea? I'm hungry."

"Oh SHIT! I knew I forgot something "

Shu sighed, "Kankuro, you better go."

Kankuro crawled away, cursing, "Itachi is mean."

"IIIII KNOWWW" Haku sympathised.

"This is all your fault." Ebisu glared at Haku.

"Why? What'd I do?"

"You didn't bring the noodles back."

"The noodles sucked."

"I don't care! They were my noodles"

"No they weren't. They were Snow's noodles." Haku sniffed sadly, "TT"

"You're very odd."

"I know, hun. I can't help it."

Ebisu ran off yelling.

Kankuro limped after Haku.

Haku patted his/her hair flat again.

Elsewhere Iruka-sensei (insert pic of dolphin) was in the toilet.

"Why do we care?"

"Because we do." said Kurenai-sensei.

"No. I don't think we do." Iruka yelled, "Go away!"

Kurenai smirked at him.

Asuma hugged her legs. "Legs!"

"Arms!" Kurenai slapped her arms.

Asuma hit a piñata - it broke open!

"What's inside???" Kurenai hassled his piñata.

Inside was many small children.

"Are they yours?" Asuma asked.

"No..."

"OK they must be mine then."

"Hum... or Kakashi's."

"Or Naruto's."

"Er no."

"Why not?"

"Coz Naruto is little." Iruka pointed out.

Kurenai flushed the toilet.

"So..." she started singing a tune about toilets.

Asuma assumed she was mad.

Snow.

Meanwhile Snow fell. from the wall, landing on the bed, "hi!"

The bed said, "G'day"

Snow slept.

On Tuesday a cloud drifted towards the house.

It departed.

On Wednesday a bear came by to greet all the ppl there.

"Hello!" shouted he.

"Hi!" said Snow.

Kiba escorted the bear to church. The Snow fell again.

Pepsi is bad.

"Actually I like pepsi." said Kiba, glomping vending machines.

Akamaru licked pepsi off the ground where pepsi had spilled earlier.

"wRooooof!" he yelped cos Kiba had trodden on his paw, "Bastard!"

Kiba yelped, "I'm sorry!"

"You should be. Bitch" Akamaru snarled at Kiba's stupidity.

"Hey y'all wassup mother fuckers!" Neji hurried through Japan, swearing loudly.

Japanese girls chased him, screaming, "u girl or guy?? know what? Konichiwa!"

"Imma guy, fuckers!" he shouted down a hallway. Many times he echoed...

"Oh cool, dude." Kiba grinned shiftily, glomping Neji for fifteen minutes straiGht.

"What the FUCK?" Akamaru stared at him.

"Sorry Akamaru, I couldn't help it."

Neji stole Kiba's pants & ran away. "LOL LOSER!!"

"Aw damn..." Kiba saided.

"Hee hee Kiba has pink boxers." Snow told the bear, "Bear, who are you?"

"I am... Bear. The bear."

"Ohhhh. But you are not A bear. Cuz bears can't talk."

"No I am not A bear. I am THE bear."

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"I told you. Bear."

"You're so annoying." Snow walked off.

The Bear sighed.

Kiba had no pants, "yo Bear. Can I have your pants?"

Bear didn't think so.

"Damn you. Nejiiiiiii! Gimme my pants back!"

"Stupid humans. That's y I don't wear pants." Akamaru barked, sneering at Kiba. "It's your own stupid fault. Karma rulz."

Kiba strangled him.

"You HOMO!" Tayuya is a Ginga!

"Ginga!"

"HOMO!"

"Ginga!"

"FUCKING HOMO!"

Kabuto silenced her, "I'll tell Orochimaru-sama on you!"

Tayuya flung her flute at him. "Ass."

"Fatass" Kabuto sneered.o-o

"4-eyes"

"Shemale!"

"I am not a shemale! I look like a girl you cock."

"Yeah but you swear like a bloke!"

"Shut up. You have a ponytail."

"You have a butt ugly hat!"

"Leave my hat out of this!!! Kiss-ass!"

"Leave my everything out of it! Dickcheese!"

Orochimaru tackled Kabutops, "GOTCHA!"

Kabuto screamed.

"Gotta catch 'em all, pokemon!" Orochimaru sang.

"Took you long enough." Tayuya sulked.

Kabuto sat on the floor obediently.

Orochimaru boasted about being hawt.

"Yes Orochimaru-sama sensei sir!" Kabuto salute-d.

Tayaya: "ya" yaa'ed Tayayayaya aye?

"...yes." Kimimaro said softly.

"What are you doing here?" Orochimaru pointed the finger.

"Uhm. I live here." he desperately clung to life, "Don't let me go!"

"You. Are a woman." Orochimaru said to Kimimaro.

"... People are being really mean to me!" he/she cried, sobbing onto Kabuto.

"Eurgh." he said.

Deidara binned a bumblebee that lost its way, "stupid bee."

"Hey. HEY! Let me out!" the bee shrieked, "I used the transform jutsu!"

"Who is 'I'?"

"I dunno, never met them."

"What? I mean who are you? Yeah."

"I'm your girlfriend you dumbarse!" said Kin.

"Mm.. I didn't know I had a girlfriend..."

"You don't anymore, I so just dumped your arse!" Kin yelled, exploding with anger, "yes! I'm no longer a bee!"

Deidara gulped down beer, "BOOM!"

"Give me some." Tobi threw his bed at Kin, "wbo."

"Omg who are you? Leave me alone!" Kin yelled, fishing for apples with her strings.

Deidara suddenly made out with Tobi, who fainted.

"Ew that's sick." he said.

"Then why'd you do it...?" Kin had caught him by the arm, "WHyyyy?"

Deidara collapsed, "I'm SORRY I don't knoooooooooow!"

"Wow, everyone round here is really weird." commented Itachi who was strolling.

Meanwhile Ino climbed out of Shikamaru's bag, "urgh. My hair is all messed up now, geez."

"...Oh you're out already."

"Yes I am. Well done for noticing.

"Jeez Ino... How could I not notice... You may be on a diet but you're still heavey... oops, damn, Heavy."

"Are you calling meFAT?"

"No... I'm not. I wouldn't dare. Sheeeesh."

Ino latched onto him, "i'm NOT fat!"

"I KNOW INO!! I KNOW!"

"SAY IT! SAY I'M NOT FAT!!!"

"INO! YOU ARE NOT FAT!"

Ino smiled.

"..." Shikamaru uuuu'd, "uuuuuuuuuu..."

"Me?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

"o"

"(what did I just do exactly??) Uhm..."

Ino excitedly sque'ed.

"Girls..." Shikamaru went away to discover his chair has gone. He stared, "Hey... where's my chair?"

Chouji burped loudly.

"Chouji... don't tell me you ate my chair..."

Ino ransacked Shikamaru's drawers.

"Ino... WTF are you doing?" Shikamaru asked wearily.

Chouji slouched, "ouch my tummy hurts."

'No wonder. You ATE my CHAIR" Shi drooped sadly, "My life is too hard..."

"Ooooooooooooooooh!!" Ino exclaimed, "I found your naughty drawer!"

"Huh? I don't have... INO get the fuck out of it!" he yelled, diving for her knees. She giggled, jumping out the doorway holding Shi's drawer.

"...fuck you." he said.

"Oh come on. We're boyfriend girlfriend now. I should know everything P"

"No you shouldn't and when did the bf/gf thing happen/hmm"

"When you kissed me! Romantically! And then Chouji came and ruined it - Chouji, what are you doing - NO! Don't eat the naughty drawer - NOO!"

Chouji ignored her, chewing on porn.

"I don't HAVE PORN!"

"Not anymore TT"

"No... I never had any... WTF."

"Then why were you chasing me??" Ino demanded, glaring fantatically him!

Shikamaru forgot.

"Urgh you're so frustrating!" Chouji yelled, stomping around, "Gimme some chips!"

InO-pig gave him pork.

"I don't WANT PORK!!"

"AAAAAHHH " Ino hid under Shikamaru and drank a bottle of milk.

Shikamaru asked if she had underwear that he could have.

Ino drank her ginger-beer and juice while thinking.

"Well?"

"Maybe. I have quite a lot back home." Ino conversed with him.

Chouji suddenly leaped up a ladder the size of a house.

"Wow, nice one!" cheered Asuma.

"Hey it's Asuma-sensei! Hai!" Ino shouted, "yo!"

Asuma grabbed hold of Shikamaru's hair & dragged him outside.

"AAARGH! Asuma-sensei that hurts."

"I know. That's the idea, boy! Get training!"

"You could have justasked."

"You'd have said no." Asuma countered, grinning like a fox.

"...what about Ino & Chouji? Don't they have to train?"

"They trained yesterday."

"AW man... What apain."

"HAHAHAHAHA! Kukukuku!"

"Omg. YOU're not Asuma-sensei D:" Ino cried, "It's...!"

"Me." Orochimaru sneered.

"Oh - Who're you?"

"I am the great Orochimaru-sama!"

"Yeah! He is!!" agreed Kabuto, nodding spastically.

Shikamaru yelled at him, "piss off!"

"Y?"

"Coz." Chouji replied sullenly, rubbing oil on Ino's hair.

"EW! Stop it!" Ino shrieked, flailing around like an overturned beetle!

Orochimaru galvanised steel.

"He's so cool!" Kabuto yelled happily, "And he's with me!"

"Oh aren't you the lucky one." Orochimaru said sarcastically.

Ino shimmied around, "c'mon guys, vamos!"

". . ." Shikamaru said, "okay."

Chouji waddled around, "c'mon guys, vamos!"

"...why is everyone so crazy?" Kabuto asked, "LOLOMGFWAO!"

"Falling whales are oversized?"

"Finding words already overused."

"Oh... Shikamaru nodded, "I understand."

"Huh? I don't get it!" Ino cried.

"I didn't expect you to." Kabuto snickered.

"Aw ):" she sniffed.

OROCHIMARU told Kabuto to leave.

"Whaaat? Aw... Okay. Yes sir mr Orochimaru-sama-sempai-sensei sir!" Kabuto sniffed glue as much as he looked for trouble.

"Kabuto, go away please." Oreo Chamira said.

"Sorry, oneesama. Bye!" Kabuto boarded a plane to Konoha.

Shikamaru ran away, "c'mon guys! Vamos!"

"I already suggested that!" Ino wailed, sprinting after him.

Chouji dug a big hole & then hid.

Orochimaru chased a dream...

He wanted to become Hokage.

"It is my dream! No one can take it from me!"

"That's okay, no one wants to be Hokage anyway." Tsunade said dismissively.

Elsewhere, Naruto hailed Sakura as Queen of Spades.

"Why?" Haku frowned, "Why not hearts?"

"Spades are so much cooler." Naruto grinned stupidly.

"Okay..."

"Watcha gonna do with all that junk?" asked Sakura, "all that junk inside that trunk?"

"I'm getgetget get you drunk!" Haku shouted excitedly, "on sake!"

Sakura screamed in terror.

"Haku! You're scaring her! ) " Naruto scolded, "tone it down a bit, will ya?"

Haku held his hand, "sorry."

"It's... It's okay Haku. I'm here for you."

Sakura saddled her self-esteem, "I just have to take this thing by the reins and ride it out."

Naruto babbled about sex. Haku listened.

Zabuza crept up on her/him and said, "BOO!"

Naruto punched him quickly.

"D:" Zabuza exclaimed.

"Don't worry Naruto, it's only Zabuza." Haku smiled :)

"Oh... Sorry. :)" Naruto patted Haku's knee.

Zabuza gasped for no reason and stole Naruto's dignity by kicking him.

"Zabuza!! That is NOT the way of a shinobi!!" Haku panicked and kissed Naruto, "Here! I'll kiss it better!"

Zabuza shouted & ordered a faxmachine off his bed. "Haku! Get away from that Naruto kid!"

Haku stood.

Suddenly Sakura ran over a rabbit & dismounted, "I'm SORRY likkle bunny! D':"

- - - - - - - - - -

"I love Neji!" cried Tenten.

Neji screamed, horrified, "you sick fucker!"

"Huh /3"

"Don't you less than 3 me you fat freak! Look at the wall!"

Tenten cried "ouch!"

"Shot down, Tenten ): Bad luck." Kiba guffawed.

Neji ran to him, "what're you looking at, cockbite?"

"Er, you?" Kiba yelped.

Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuga Neji socked him one.

"Ouch" Tenten cried.

"Cigar please." ordered Lee.

Neji scooped onions out until Lee shut the fuck up. Lee, astonished, shut up.

"I didn't mean to! D:" he considered suicide.

Kiba scavenged in the bin, "Tenten?"

"What do you want? TT"

"Want to go out with me? And Akamaru?"

"Why would I go out with a dog?"

"Because! Look I know I'm a dog but at least I don't look like one! You're so racist!"

Tenten threw a lid at him.

"I'll take that as a no."

"Damn straight. Go find someone else to do it doggystyle with!"

Tenten disappeared.

Lee-san flew over Neji, lecturing him on the-ninja-way.

Neji attacked him violently.

"That is not how you become a great Shinobi!"

"No! It's how you become a leet Shinobi!" Neji locked Lee in a suitcase and threw it into the ocean.

Kiba doggy-paddled out after it, "I'm coming Lee!"

"Yes you pathetic dip-shit, go chase your even more pathetic bowl-headed friend." Neji sneered, "M-w-a-h-a-ha!"

Kiba rescued Lee.

"Fuck you both! I'm going home." Neji strode off whistling.

"Hi-ho hi-ho, it's off to work we go" Shukura sang.

"Urgh do I have to?" growled Itachi who was not awake.

"Wake up!"

"Nnngh!!!!"

"Up up!" she poured water on his face.

"Arrghflsplutter!" Itachi swore, floundering through many outfits until he found his Akatsuki dressing-gown. Then he decided not to wear it afterall.

"..." he said, "Nar- I mean, Shukura - what should I wear?"

"... Clothes?"

"Pretty clothes?"

"Er. Sure."

"Alright. The Akatsuki gown it is!"

Itachi roved around aimlessly in the wardrobe, "Shu? Where'd I put it?"

"On the bed..."

"Aha! Got it!" Itachi pounced on it and wore it.

"Glad that's sorted." said Shukura-san before she went to the bathroom.

"I want pancakes!"

"Okay Itachi. Let me take a piss already. Then I'll make your breakfast and do your hair, Okay?"

"Hum... okay!"

Shukura sighed, "And so it begins..."

- - - - - - -

Gaara has not got much in his pants.

"Why do we want to know?!" Temari shrieked, stuffing the pants with onions.

Gaara stayed calm reluctantly & twisted a wrist that had not yet been announced as King.

Temari actually didn't taint her water with poison. Instead, Kankuro was responsible.

He apologized.

"Sorry just ain't gonna cut it." Temari sold thirty million dollars worth of pies.

"Temari is noob" said Gaara, pwning her.

"You're mean!"

"Mean and sexy." Gaara corrected her balance with a quick poke.

"Ow." he sympathised, "take ballet."

"No!" Kankuro denied his existance, "NO!!"

"Yes!" screamed Gaara, shaving his chin with a knife.

"I am a kunoichi!" Temari shouted, "I refuse to wear a frilly pink dress!"

"But you're a kunoichi!!"

"I'm not doing ballet. EVER."

"TOBY!"

"Who?"

"Laura's cat."

"... er okay."

Gaaaaara frowned angrily, "shut up for a moment..."

"Why???" Temari romped around carrying a fan made by Gaara's girlfriend.

"Gaara has a girlfriend?" Gaara asked hopefully.

"I don't know. Does he?"

"I hope so."

Kankuro rested his legs coz Temari had no respect for personal reasons.

"GOD DAMN woman have you been drinking?" Gaara screamed.

"No?" said Temari, confused & hurt & scared, "hold me."

"Who was that addressed at?" Kankuro raised a chair defensively.

Temari pointed at Gaarg.

Kankuro suddenly yelled "Gaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrra"

"Sorry. That's what I meant... bitch." saided Temari frowning, "where's my torch???"

Garra, also known as Gaara, popped some sockets.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong? D:" Gary the Gaara wailed, "It's that time of the month."

"This is making lots of sense. Who am I?" Kankuro grabbed Temari by the shoulders and shook her, "tell meeeeeeeeeee!"

"Kankuro!!" Temari hollered.

Gaara escaped with Akamaru.

"Noooooooooooo Akamaruuuuuuuuuuu!" Gaara shrieked.

Kiba repeated that.

Akamaru peed on him.

Gaara copied him.

- - - - - - -

"Hi my name is Ebisu." Ebisu told Iruka-sensei, "I popped in to see if I left my toothbrush behind."

Iruka fumbled with his jacket, "ah. er. um. dunno!"

"Hum. Okay I'll just have a look around. See if I can find it..."

"NO! No! Er I'll look for it later... bring it round." Iruka panicked and pulled his pants up hurriedly.

Ebisu gave him a look, "... Iruka."

"...yes /swt"

"What's goin' down in the hood?"

"What!? What do you mean?! Nothing's happened! Nothing at all!" squealed Iruka-sensei, "DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"

Ebisu charged at him, shouting obscenities at him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!!!" Iruka leaped before Ebisu, but Ebisu overpowered him.

BOOM!

"Ouch." said the person who was hiding beneath the table.

"Who dat?" Bahaa pointed at the person, "hm?"

Iruka squeaked and grabbed Bahaa, throwing him out of the roooom.

Ebisu strode up to Iruka, "Stand aside!"

Iruka crawled out, embarrassed.

"What have we here?" Ebisu growled, dragging out the person, "aha! Shukura!!"

Iruka slipped away stealthily.

Ebisu glared at him, "! don't think you're getting off that easy!" he shouted enviously.

"Um like... could you let go?" Shukura asked, "Only I need to get my panties."

"Oh yeah sure."

She disappeared.

- - - - - -

Shukura hates Snow.

- - - - - -

"Hey Shu!" Deidara glomped her, "yeah..."

"Shoo!" Itachi poked him, "go aaaVay!"

"Yeah... okay." Deidara squatted and made a pony, "pony:)"

"Now, Shukura. I vant to know just vere you haff been!"

"What the hell... Talk normally."

"No. Dis is mich disguise."

"... Why?"

"Cuz... like. Urrrrrrg."

"...Er."

"Shut up, ho." Itachi addressed the pony which laughed loudly, "God why is everyone so weird! Just leave me ALONE!"

Deidara snuggled the legs of Itachi.

"Let go!" Shukura smacked him, "let him goooo!"

"Whyyyyeaaah?"

"Coz I said so!"

"Yeah... but you aren't like the boss of meeeeyeaaah... mm." Deidara sucked on her icecream cone.

"Omg you dick. Go awaaaay!"

"Like... art is a bang... yeah." he smashed the legs of Itachi's doll.

"Deidara, you are so hot." said Shukura, "in a weird, very girly, annoying way."

"...yeeeeahhhh." he agreed.

Itachi squeaked.

"Why are you squeaking?" Chamira jumped for joy, landing on her hands, "whee!"

"Chaaaami-saaaaaaaaaan!" Shukura assaulted her.

Chami pelted Itachi with gherkins.

"Stop that." Deidara swam through space, searching for Rinoa.

"Byeeeaaaah..." wailed Rinoa.

"Oh well. That's a shame. Yeah." Deidara went sheep-hunting.

Chamira stole a surfboard from Itachi and surfed on him.

"What are you doing?!" Shukura yelled, running quickly to the supermarket to save the day.

"Hmm..." Itachi pondered, "my face is squished."

Chamira didn't care.

- - - - - -

Hinata was worrying. She worried a lot, actually. She worries 24/7.

"Stop worrying." sighed Mr. Hyuuga, "Shinobi don't worry about everything."

"I'm not worrying about everything!!" Hinata screamed, flailing sheets of paper for hours.

Mr Hyuuga wished she would grow a spine.

"Why can't you be more like Neji?"

"Yeah fucker. Why can't you be more like me? ..." Neji sneered.

"B-b-b-because y-y-you s-s-s-swear-rr."

"What's your point?" Mr Hyuuga frowned on small people.

Neji wasn't small btw!

Hinata cried TT

"Yeah you cry bitch." Neji smirked.

"Neji, that's not very nice." Gai-sensei pinched his cheek.

Neji yelled, "argh! Don't touch me! EW!"

"Heeheehee!" Gai chuckled, skipping pleasantries & diving straight into explaining todays chores, "Neji! Clean the dishwasher!"

"How the shit do I clean a dishwasher? Do it yourself moron."

"I've cleaned plenty of dishwashers in my lifetime, boy, and I'm a better ninja than you. If you want to be a Shinobi, cleaning cleaning appliances is the first step -star- (sparkles, like a clean dishwasher) -star- ;D"

"Fuck off."

"No ;D"

Neji stomped on Gai's hand, "NO!"

"What?" Hinata peered into the room, "w-what's happening? B-brother Neji?"

"B-brother N-neji is f-fucking o-off right now b-because G-gai sensei i-is a b-bloody a-arsehole!!" Neji snapped.

Hinata-chan sobbed and crawled under Gai's legs, "waaaaah..."

Gai sat on her.

Ne-ji eloped with Mr Hyuuga, "goodbye! Die motherfucker DIE!"

- - - - - -

INO-chan caught Shikamaru by the hand.

"Ugh." Shikamaru punctuated his speech carefully with full-stops.

"That's so attractive... (?)" Ino said lovingly, "OOOh."

"Indeed." offal is gross.

"Shikamaru..?" INO tugged her ponytail, "offal is grosssss!"

"...Yes it is." offal agreed.

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Shikamaru."

Shi strangled offal.

"Good." offal died.

Ino-chan started to sing...

"Quiet please. I need to concentrate." Shikamaru frowned.

"ON WHAT?"

"Oh you know. Stuff."

"Me:D"

"... Does it look like I'm concentrating on you?"

"You're looking at me!"

"Oh. In that case, I ((que)(que)) (note. que means what, which or that) guess you're right." he sighed lots.

Ino undid his hair, "..."

"Why?"

"I wanted to see what it'd do... It just... sits there... oo"

"Now I look like a cave man. Put it back!"

"No:D" she ran forwards & off the pier.

Shikamaru grimaced.

"Ew! Now I'm all wet! D:"

"Funny that... when you're done splashing around bring me back my hair tie."

"But like... Don't you have another one? I want to keep this one! 3"

"Ufg! Of course I have another one INO! I just don't want to go home & get it."

"But Shikamaru! I want iiiit!"

"aarghfphlumfph. Alright alright! . Keep the damn thing see if I care." Shi sat down and folded his arms and sulked.

Ino grinned, swimming back stroke to show Shi that she had skillz, "aren't I great??!"

"Yeah whatever."

"Yay! Come swim with me!!!??!"

"No."

"AWWWW??!!! No fun!!?!"

"I can't swim without my hairtie."

"Nah, you just can't swim. :) Heehee!"

Suddenly a person streaked.

"..." Ino said, "they have no style."

Shikamaru dozed in boredom, "zz..."

Suddenly a big person dived into his personal-space.

"Oh... hi Chouji." Shi slept.

Chouji contributes to nothing much.

- - - - - -

"Hop in!" ordered Kakashi, waving frantically at Sasuke.

Badass Uchiha declined his offer.

Kakashi lassoed him, "No buts!"

"Leave me alone!" screamed Badass, "No one understands me! NOBODY! I AMAN AVENGER!"

"Yes yes, we know. Just get in the van."

"Where's the van? Where's the FUCKING VAN?"

"Right here."

"Oh... Ohhhh no! NOOO! I won't let you take me! NO!" Badass yelled, floundering madly, trying to escape.

Tsunade grabbd his leg, and then she pulled his pants down.

He was not sure what was happening anymore, "help."

"Tsunade... what are you doing?"

"I wanted to see if he was a boxer person."

Kakashi sweated profusely.

":D" Tsunade giggled destructively.

Badass, embarrassed, burst into tears. Kakashi sighed.

"There there Sasuke. She does it to all of us..."

"I do not!"

"Yeah you do..."

"Don't!"

"Don't what?"

"I don't do it to everyone! Only hot people!"

"Er. Tsunade, you're 50. Sasuke is like... a teenager. What kind of Hokage are you? ..." Kakashi reserved his judgement.

"I'm a different Hokage."

"Yeah, you're a woman. Heaven forbid."

"What's that supposed to mean? Hmm?"

"...Oh nothing. Come on, get up Sasuke..."

Badass crawled over his tulips, wailing... Kakashi carried his pants.

Tsunade followed, poking Badass with a stick, "oooh, nice ass."

"Leave him alone." Sakura glared at Tsunade, "He's mine."

"Oh rly?" Tsunade raised the stick, "Get out of here you little leech."

"No." Sakura raised her arms protectively.

Kakashi opened the van, "in you get."

"Kakashi-sensei! Tsunade-sama is trying to molest my boyfriend!! D " Sakura tugged Kakashi's pants, which came down.

"That's my apprentice! That's my girl:D"

Kakashi stood up to pull the pants on again, "well done Sakura. You've grown..." said Kakashi, "but I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that again."

Sakura nodded wildly, "yessir!"

Tsunade brandished her stick, hooking Sakura's headband & stealing it away.

"Ah you bee-ar-tch!" Sakura swore, dropping to her knees and clutching Kakashi's leg.

Kakashi looked expressionless.

Badass grabbed his other leg, "c'mon Sakura, let's take them both down! And then get outta here!"

Sakura clawed Kakashi to prove she was a pain in the butt.

"Oh no! She's at the bottom of that bot-tle!"

"She's only one more swallow! From being oh so hollow! Hey hey hey!"

"Hey you know that song!" Tsunade shouted angrily, charging at Badass who squeaked in fear.

Sakura slid down a ladder to distract Kakashi. Then Jiraiya kidnapped Badass and jumped away laughing manically.

Kakashi fell over, allowing Snow to jump over his legs.

Elsewhere Kabuto was having dinner with Oro, "this is so romantic."

"...No it's not. We're having fish n chips out of the paper."

"Speak for yourself. I'm having roast chicken"

Kimimaro had pork. Tayuya had sex.

"Sex is not an option." Kabuto scowled.

"What would you know, dork? Just cuz you're a virgin."

"Not at the table please, children." Orochimaru sighed, folding the table cloth, "Kimi-chan, be a dear and put this in the cupboard."

Kimi-chan grudgingly did Tayuya.

"Ew you freak!" yelled Kabuto, slapping Kimimaro, "that is not the way of the shinobi!"

"Since when have you cared about that?" Tayuya snarled.

"Since you're getting laid and I'm not." Kabuto threw a bowl of curry at her head.

Orochimaru suddenly upended the table, "all of you just SHUT UP!"

They stared at him, trying to smile.

"Stop smirking! STOP IT!"

Kabuto whimpered.

Kimimaro put his dressing-gown on and danced one hour away.

"Hold zat thought, my move." said Orochimaru, moving to the front of the class and demanding applause.

Tayuya rammed a flute down Kabuto's throat.

"TAYUYA! BEHAVE!" Oro hit her.

She turned into a snake and slithered over some spilt logs.

"..." the logs rolled on Kimimaro, squishing him flat.

"Lol!" laughed Kabuto, clapping.

"Aw Kabuto is cool." said Naruto, squeezing tightly the tomato sauce.

Orochimaru seized him, "Here he is!"

"I'm sorry?" Naruto asked Kabuto politely for some more.

"Listen to me!" Orochimaru shrieked, "I want all of you to go away!"

Naruto snuck around secretively, finding out whether Kabuto was married...

"You people really suck." Orochimaru sniffed cocaine curiously.

Naruto discovered use of marijuana was rampant in their country.

"Holy shit!" shouted Orochimaru, jumping over the issue & escaping.

Kimimaro shivered.

"You cold?" Naruto poked Kabuto.

"No." Kabuto frowned, "Why are you here, Naruto? You need to stop following me."

"Awwww... But I like following joo!" he (Naruto) snivelled into Kabuto's pants.

Dosu took Naruto away.

"Thank you." Kabuto thanked God.

- - - - - -

Gaara-sama (!) 3 panicked, "there're ONIONS in my pants!!"

He ran around Temari, distributing onions as he went.

"Yes I know." she read about fragmentation, "I don't get this."

"ONIONS! Dx" screamed Gaara, "They're making me CRY!!"

"Oh shut up. They still have their skins on."

"Yeah?! Well I might not!" Gaara inspected his underwear.

"Would you mind?" Temari frowned.

"No. I mean, yes. I don't know the answer to that."

Kaaaankuro selected an apple.

"What're you going to do with that?" Yamato pointed at the hole in it.

"I'm going to throw it out. What are you even doing here?" Temari snatched Yamato's headband, "I'll be taking THAT thank you."

Yamato stared (insert pic of the freaky face he does)

"...okay no. Take it back."

"Thanks dear. :)"

Kankuro screamed, "ahh! there're angry WORMS in this apple! D:"

"That's why you toss it, stupid." Temari marched over his puppet.

Gaara shrieked at Yamato, "Help! Onions! In my groin! Burning!"

Yamato plunged his hands into Gaara's pants, "(freaky smile)"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo I change my mind go away! Dx" squealed Gaara-sama.

"It's alright, we're both men, now hold still."

Sai giggled. (insert picture of Sai's lips)

"Temari! Help meeee!" Kankuro called.

"Yamato-sensei. Does he have a pen15?" Sai beamed.

Gaara screamed and screamed.

Yamato chuckled.

Temari sprayed cream on herself for some reason.

"Yamato! Find the onions in my panties "

Yamato shrugged & switched off Gaara's tap.

"Good!" Gaara killed Yamato.

"Aw Gaara, jeez, now what do I do with the cream?!"

"Have a shower!" Sai suggested, "with me (insert pic of Sai's lips smiling)"

Temari said, "fuck off."

"x) Okay bitch!" Sai hummed a long tune.

"Let's go to Konoha." said the onion.

- - - - - -

"Pass la jam." said Tsunade.

"...which flavour?"

"La jam, Kakashi, LA JAM!"

"We don't have any La Jam."

"We? I know I do. I'll get it myself."

Kakashi-sensei sighed & squeezed into his jeans, "I ate too much of Tsunade's La Jam..."

Snow, however, hadn't eaten too much La Jam, so she could fit into his jeans!

Kakashi rummaged through his drawer in the van, looking for some invasive species, "The cost of eradication is very high..."

"Yes it is." Tsunade returned from her trip around the forest, "why won't the van start?"

"I don't know." Sakura grinned, "But Kakashi might."

Kakashi hadn't a clue.

"Squiggle." Sakura giggled. Tsunade decided to ignore her.

"So the van is bung?" she asked.

"Noooo, it just won't go..." Kakashi paled, "Holy f--k! What is THAT?"

They stared.

"Something's under the bonnet!" Tsunade gasped, clutching Sakura tightly, "Kakashi!Do something!"

Kakashi edged forwards, taking a map from the glovebox. Sakura squeaked.

Slowly Kakashi approached the bonnet.

"BOO!" screamed Sakura.

Kakashi shouted loudly, flinging the map at nothing. Tsunade wet herself.

"Kukukuku D" Sakura sniggedered, running away quick.

Kakashi yelled bad words at her & punched the engine.

Tsunade hid behind the van because she was embarrassed. Pee pee'd around a wheel.

Snow-chan remained sitting.

Inside the bonnet, a frightened bunny bit Kakashi's finger. He screamed & chidoried the van.

"Aw you dick. Now how are we supposed to get Sasuke back?" Sakura sprang a leak, "Oops. Women after pregnancy sometimes develop a slight bladder weakness."

"When did you get pregnant? Oo" Tsunade changed her pants, swapping a pair of pants for Kakashi's.

The van had been cut in half.

"Sakura. You are being demoted by the way " saided Kakashi, who was really angry.

"Why!? What'd I do?"

"You shouted BOO and called me a dick. Too bad, Sakura."

"But but!" screamed Tsunade, "she's too dumb to pass the exam again!"

"That's her own problem now isn't it just?" smirked Kakashi-sensei, sauntering away smartly.

"Well nyah! " Tsunade poked her tongue into a cup of coffee.

Sakura cried.

Snow didn't.

- - - - - -

Inuzuka Kiba squeezed Akamaru.

"Don't do that. You'll break him." said Hinata.

"No I won't!" Akamaru said, "I'm controlling his brain."

Hinata, puzzled, gave him a nugget. Akamaru sniffed it suspiciously before lunch. After lunch he ate it. Hinata quickly paid for it with a large dollar.

Kiba dribbled and flopped over the coffee table wearing not much.

"..." said Akamaru, "Did I tell you to do that? No."

"It wasn't me D:" Hinata waved her jacket around in despair. It shrivelled up.

"Oh NOOO!" Neji phoned his dad to check that Neji's koala hadn't died.

"No, not yet. He will do if he doesn't go back to Australia though. Eucalyptus doesn't grow in Konoha."

"I don't WANT to take him back to fucking Australia! He's MY fucking koala! MINE!"

"Sighh, now now Neji I know you're upset but what else can I do?"

"You can plant some fucking you-ka whatsit trees and make them grow, dammit!"

"But Neji - they won't-"

Neji suddenly screamed loudly that he didn't care. Then he hung up.

Tenten jumped on him (Neji), ululating loudly, "BYAKUGAN ROX MY SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Neji bucked and shied at cigarette butts, throwing Tenten hard into the gorse bush.

"Ouch" said Tenten as quietly as a plover.

"Plovers are quite loud."

"Yes I know. That's the point."

Inside a cave, a ninja was screwed.

"Fuck I'm so screwed..." said he.

Meanwhile, in the village Jaraiya had penned up Badass.

"Teehee" Jaraiya giggled, reading a poem about love and imitated the Hokage.

Badass ran away, holding some stolen bananas.

Soon the bananas ripened, allowing Badass to eat 'em!

"Banananananannananana" he sang, "Iiiiiiii am a baNAna!"

"... Lies." Itachi poked a rabbit hutch that contained a live snake, waiting for ages.

Soon the snake began to ripen so that he could eat it.

Badass looked at himself in horror! "Oh my good lord!!" he exclaimed, "look at the state of my shirt!!"

"I know, it's filthy" snorted Itachi disdainfully, brushing invisible crumbs from his own coat thing, "Really, Sasgay. What have you been doing all this time? Running around in the wilderness chasing something with a passion??"

Badass glared at Itachi's elbow, "Ha ha very funny. I just only have one shirt."

"Ugh! That's GROSS!" Itachi wrinkled his nose delicately, "how can you LIVE like that?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A MOTHER TO DO IT FOR ME THANKS TO YOU!"

"Now now, you should have learnt how to do the washing earlier, then you wouldn't have this problem now would you? Hm?" crooned Itachi sweetly, patting his brother down, "Look at your SHORTS! Oh my goodness!"

"Er ... er Itachi... um"

"Absolutely disgusting!"

"... yeah um, thanks ... can you stop it because you're making it awkward for me to hate you when you're like, dusting me off ..."

Itachi finished dusting.