The homicides of young children are committed largely by family members using beatings and suffocation boys and girls are victimized about equally. A large portion of offenders are female. –Crimes Against Children Research Center
Christmas Morning 1994
When Shawn woke up, his mind uncurling itself from the lingering fog of a dream, he immediately felt a strange sort of twinge, a knowingness, a wrongness. He sat up in bed and blinked around the room waiting to find something out of place such as the drawers hanging open like yawning mouths, staring at him like empty eye sockets. He could imagine them devoid of clothing because his girlfriend had bundled it up into a suitcase and flown the coop. However, this was not the case. The dresser seemed in order, her cosmetics and jewelry still littered the polished top of the massive piece of furniture. Lacey, his long time girlfriend, had selected it specifically. She had thrown a fit like a tantrum-raging child when Shawn expressed his own opinion which never mattered…She had obviously gotten her way and the dresser along with a matching vanity set and bed now took up residence in their bedroom. Shortly after the furniture moved in, Lacey decided she hated it. That was typical Lacey behavior.
Despite seeing that the room looked to be normal and in order Shawn still felt that something was off this morning, some malicious thing was creeping around the house just waiting to kill the joy of the day. Maybe it was Lacey's monthly? That could most definitely destroy a good day. Shawn cocked his head to the side in thought but he couldn't remember, but he knew that was not it.
Still unable to shake the feeling he threw the covers away from his body and made his way to the closet. He pulled open the doors to the spacious walk in closet and saw that all was well and untouched. Lacey's clothes hung perfectly and in order by color just the way she meticulously organized it. Her shoes lined the bottom of the closet filed neatly one beside the other like battalions of soldiers: spiky heels, wedges, espadrilles, and flats.
Shawn sighed seeing the closet remained unmolested by fingers hurrying to snatch garments away in a frenzy to leave the house. Lacey had been threatening to leave for months on end because of the constant arguing and bickering between the two. Shawn doubted she would go through with her threats of leaving. She loved his wallet too much. Her orderly clothes assured him she remained in the relationship, but even still, some foreign anxiety continued to run its fingers along his spine in shivers. Those fingers plucked the strings of his heart like digits of a mad laughing harpist pulling off sour, sickening, notes.
Shawn grabbed his robe from the foot of his bed and wrapped it around his frame as he made his way down the hallway. He stopped and placed his hands on the railing which was draped with happy silver and blue garland. Shawn would have chosen the more traditional red and green, but Lacey insisted on blue and silver. Shawn gazed over it down into the living room which was also decked in the icy colors of Lacey's choice. Shawn's blue eyed gaze affixed to the Christmas tree decorated with glassy spires of ice and dazzling blue and silver orbs. The white lights flickered among the dark green needles like stars winking down upon a snow blanketed world. Atop the tree was a large angel with spirals of golden hair, a hand painted face touched with a snow-kissed blush and a heavenly stare, a flowing, ribbony dress, and a pair of iridescent wings that looked as fragile as a butterfly's. If one would look close enough, a spidery crack would be seen in one wing, one that Shawn had super-glued back together. Suddenly, his heart grew heavy. In his mind he saw his daughter, her big blue eyes enthralled at the glittery gorgeousness of the celestial being that Shawn had held in his hands just days ago.
"Want to put it on top baby?"
The little girls' impossibly big bright eyes grew even bigger and brighter.
"Yes Daddy, I wanna do it!"
Shawn hoisted his daughter up and her small hands cradled the fragile angel. The little girl admired it with her eyes all aglow. She ran her fingers carefully over the dainty ribbon dress and caressed the soft golden curls before holding it up and readying it to place it atop the Christmas tree. Shawn saw it slipping from her tiny fingers but he couldn't stop it from falling.
"No!" His daughter's face morphed into a look of horror, her mouth dropping open in an O. Her eyes immediately brimmed over with tears. Shawn planted her feet back to the floor and he bent to pick up the angel and a piece of its wing. "Daddy, it broke!" Hot streaks of tears rolled down his daughters pink cheeks.
"Don't cry baby, Daddy can fix it."
Shawn's heart began to thud hard against his sternum. With a sudden and terrifying sense of clarity he knew. It was Jorrie, it had to be Jorrie. No, not my baby. God, it can't be my baby! Shawn tried to reason with himself to stay calm as he ran down the hallway his robe billowing out behind him as he went. He bounded into his daughters room expecting to be washed in a flood of relief at finding her swaddled in her blankets with one arm hooked protectively around her favorite teddy bear and a thumb stuck firmly between her lips. Instead of relief, panic exploded like an atomic bomb sending Shawn's mind reeling and his body off balance. He steadied himself on her dresser for a moment and then called hoarsely into the emptiness of the room.
"Jorrie? Jorrie, where are you sweetie?"
He threw the covers away from her bed as if this would somehow produce his daughter. He dragged his hand over his face which was rough with morning stubble and slicked with scared sweat. His eyes darted around the room frantically before landing on the closet. He ran to it and flung the door open but his daughter was not hiding in there. He dropped to his knees and crawled to the bed growing more frantic with each passing moment. He pulled up the frilly skirt of her bed to find nothing but a lost sock and a forgotten Barbie doll among the few drifting dust bunnies.
Shawn tore out of the room with all kinds of fears racing through his mind: Lacey took her out somewhere. That thought, which would have relieved his fears, was promptly proven to be false when Lacey stepped out of the bathroom. Shawn nearly ran straight into her.
"Shawn sweetie, what's wrong?" Lacey asked, her eyes filling with the panic she saw reflected in his. She clutched at the towel that was wrapped around her body drinking up lingering beads of water from her shower.
"Where's Jorrie? I-I had a bad feeling and I went to check on her and get her up and she--she's not in her room."
Lacey's face paled in alarm at Shawn's stuttered question and statement. He grabbed her shoulders and begged her to tell him that his daughter was safe.
"She's in the bathroom isn't she? You had her in the bathroom with you doing her hair or something right? Right Lacey?"
His girlfriend swiveled her head.
"No, I thought she was still asleep. Have you checked down stairs?" Her voice trembled with the anxiety her boyfriend was passing to her. His hands still gripped her wet shoulders and the quivering of his hands seemed to pass from him to her like a sizzling course of electricity.
No, that has to be it, she just went downstairs to get a drink or something or maybe she got excited about Christmas and went downstairs by herself.
Shawn pushed past his girlfriend and took the steps two at a time. He tried still to calm himself but he knew that he would not find his daughter hiding behind the Christmas tree touching all the wrapped boxes, he knew he would not come upon her sitting at the table munching a gingerbread man or sipping some milk, he knew he wouldn't see her with her face pressed to the back door wondering why it didn't snow today. This day was not joyful or jolly it was ominous and something horrible was just waiting to show itself. Shawn knew this more than he had ever known anything before in his life.
Soon he and Lacey were scrambling from room to room checking every nook and cranny and calling out Shawn's daughters name over and over like some sort of sick, harmonizing, Christmas carol.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light. From now all of your troubles will be out of sight…
"Jorrie! Baby girl, where are you? You need to come out for Daddy!"
"Shawn," Lacey ran a hand through her damp hair and spoke his name in a harsh sob. Tears spilled down her face and she wiped a few away on the back of her hand. "I'm scared, Shawn I'm scared. I'm going to call the police." She picked up the phone and began pushing buttons with her trembling finger. "Where haven't we looked?"
Shawn paced the floor feeling the worst thing a father can feel, helpless. Something was wrong with his little girl, she wasn't at home where she belonged. He couldn't come and check for the monster under her bed, he couldn't tuck the blankets up to her chin and tell her it was going to be okay, he couldn't stroke her soft hair and give her comfort. She wasn't here, she was gone, where was she, where damn it!
"Maybe you should look around outside or something ."
"Outside, yeah maybe she went outside for some reason." Shawn gave Lacey's shoulder a quick squeeze. "It'll be okay, she's probably just outside." Shawn hoped this was the answer. He left Lacey in the living room with the phone pressed to her ear and took off to find his daughter.
"911 emergency."
"Y-yes, I'm Lacey LaReaux and…my…boyfriend's daughter is missing."
Shawn walked through the kitchen where he had hoped to find his daughter earlier but hadn't. He made his way to the back door ready to go outside and find his daughter perched on the steps or playing on the lawn. His hand froze, the fingertips just brushing the knob. A shiver coursed up his spine and back down again. That knowing feeling escalated to something even more. Shawn turned away from the back door and faced another, it led to the basement.
Why would she be in the basement? She can't be down there, it's dark and scary it's no place for a child she hates the basement, why would she be down there?
Shawn tromped down the stairs and came to an abrupt stop. His stomach flipped and flopped and the muscles there tightened threatening to make him sick. He reached out towards the item he saw crumpled on the floor and stumbled forward falling onto the cold concrete and raking skin away from his knees. He drew the discarded cloth towards him and a sob erupted from deep within his chest.
No, no please no!
"Jorrie! Jorrie sweetie, Jorrie baby are you down here?"
Shawn got to his feet still clutching the Hannah Montana pajama shirt. He groped around on the wall to find the light switch and illuminate the room. Fear crawled up his throat as his mind reeled over what he could find once the pale light washed over the cold stone of the basement floor.
Maybe, just maybe if I turn the light on I'll wake up to find out this is some insane, unreal, nightmare. I'll wake up and find Jorrie bouncing on the bed all excited because it's Christmas morning and she's ready to go downstairs and open her gifts. I'll go down there with her and Lacey and we'll watch as she tears away the wrapping and tissue paper, the bows and ribbons, to find a Fisher-Price doll-house or the Cinderella doll, or the pink princess dress-up set, or the Elmo we bought after getting to the store at 4:00am and waiting in the line for hours. Have yourself a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light…
Shawn flicked on the light.
Soon all of your troubles will be out of sight.
He took a deep, quick, breath that filled his chest with stabbing pain and then spun around to see…
Nothing?
Shawn blinked around at the space of the basement and saw there was something after all. Another crumpled ball of cloth lay on the floor further across the room right in front of the door that led to the laundry room. That door was ajar.
Shawn felt like a ghost disconnected from his body as he stepped forward on numb feet. The dull thud of his heart pounding and the quickening whoosh-whoosh of blood pumping in his ears was deafening. He pushed the door open and saw the dryer and washer standing as silent witnesses to the obscenity that was lying half shrouded in their shadows.
Shawn fell to his knees and bent over the blanket, it was Jorrie's favorite, the one with Garfield on it. He pulled the corner away to reveal his daughters face ashen, her lips slightly parted and bluish around a sock stuffed in as a gag, her eyes half-opened and listless. Shawn tore the sock out of her mouth and pressed his lips to hers and found them icy. No, no they can't be cold, she's alive they can't be cold!
He gave his own breath and pressed her small, naked, chest in attempt to revive her but his pleas and frantic efforts remained useless, her lips really were blue and chilly, her eyes really were dull and depleted of life.
"Jorrie, please angel!" Shawn panted as he broke the bond between his lips and his daughters. He drew her stiff form into his chest and cradled her head. He lost his fingers in her golden blond curls. Sobs forced themselves up his throat and out of his mouth like the cries of a man stabbed deep in the heart with the icy blade of an ancient dagger. Words tumbled out in jumbles of appeals and hollow assurances. "Jorrie Lee, Daddy's here. Daddy's going to fix it baby, Jorrie don't cry Daddy's going to fix it!"
Shawn held his fragile, beautiful, little angel and pressed his tear soaked cheek close to hers. He rocked her in his arms, unable to fix her brokenness.
This is most likely going to be updated very slowly. Reviews are very much appreciated! :) Thank you!!