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Why
Quatre adjusted his tie and squirmed in the hard wooden pew. He secretly fingered the flask of brandy hidden in his jacket pocket to make sure it was still here. He was going to need it. Trowa looked so stunning in his tuxedo as he waited patiently by the alter. Quatre sighed, it should have been him that Trowa was waiting for but that was never going to happen now. Quatre felt queasy as Trowa's eyes settled on him and gave him a smile, and the blond almost thought about jumping up and running out right then except the bridal march began to play.
"Q-man, stand up," Duo whispered next to him and tugged at the blonds arm.
Quatre shook his head feeling dizzy as he stood. This wasn't right! Trowa was his! But nothing could change what was about to happen. As the white gown flowed past him Quatre couldn't bring himself to look at the bride. He should know who she was but he just couldn't concentrate at that moment. His eyes were fixed on Trowa. The tall pilot accepted his bride with a smile but Quatre could tell it wasn't completely genuine.
"This isn't right," Quatre mumbled more to himself than to anyone, but Duo answered anyway.
"Quatre? You gonna be ok man?"
"I dunno," Quatre could feel the bile rising up in his throat but he forced it down, he would not run out of the wedding upsetting the one man he truly loved.
Trowa's emerald eyes flashed in Quatre's direction every few minutes as the pomp of the white wedding played out and that was enough to keep Quatre in his seat, though he compulsively rubbed his pocket where his little bit of liquid relief was stowed. Nothing seemed real about this whole thing but Quatre wrote it off as a traumatic event that was going on. After all hadn't the war seemed a blur when it was happening? Soon the ceremony ended and Trowa and his bride swept down the aisle, Trowa's emerald eyes flashing with almost a pitty-filled glance at Quatre.
Rage suddenly filled the blond at the thought that Trowa, the man who meant everything to him, pittied him! Quatre didn't realize he was shaking till Duo set a hand on him.
"Quat man you gotta relax."
"No," Quatre seethed as tears began to form in his eyes, "This isn't fair."
"Hey man keep your voice down," Duo looked around at the people near then and saw them all glancing at Quatre and whispering, "Hey come on lets get some fresh air."
Reluctantly Quatre let himself be pulled from the pew and towards the side exit. By the time they stepped outside Quatre's anger had subsided to be replaced with a numbing grief. He fumbled for his flask and took a swig, offering some to Duo who politely refused.
"Quatre, you can't get worked up like this," Duo tried to soothe his friend.
"The hell I can't," Quatre spat, "He's supposed to be mine! Everyone knows I love him, including him! This just isn't fair."
Duo tentatively touched Quatre's arm, "We don't have to go to the reception if you don't want to. I'll cancel the hotel room and we can drive back right now, put some distance between us and this place."
Quatre swallowed back the tears that threatened to blur his eyes, "No. I…I've gotta go. I've gotta see for myself…"
"That's what you said about the ceremony," Duo tried to reason but seeing it wasn't going to work he changed tactics, "Well at least there should be some good food right?"
Quatre chuckled in spite of himself, "Let's go before I change my mine."
As the pair walked towards Duo's BMW the distinct sound of cheering and rice being thrown caused Quatre to cringe. He reached for Duo's pocket and swiped the pack of cigarettes the braided pilot had hidden there before Duo could stop him, "What are you doing?"
Quatre lit the cigarette, took a long drag, then exhaled slowly before responding, "Today's already bad for my health, might as well add cancer to the list of possible outcomes right along with alcoholism and dying slowly."
Duo shook his head, "It can't be that…"
Duo shut up at the icy glare Quatre shot him before taking another long hit off the cigarette. The two quietly got in Duo's car and drove in silence to the hotel. Duo checked in as Quatre stood outside and sucked down his third cigarette. Nothing was making sense. He tried to place how he knew the bride, when he'd found out about the wedding, when they had arrived at the church even but Quatre just couldn't make his brain work. Trowa was the only thing he could think about. When Duo came out and handed him his key card Quatre sighed and stomped out the cancer stick he'd been sucking on and hastily took his things to his room.
The reception went by in a blur. Toasts were made, bouquets were thrown, kisses were had, kisses that should have been his. Duo had just surrendered his pack of cigarettes after Quatre had taken his 5th of the day to stalk outside and smoke himself silly. Quatre leaned up against the side of the hotel, watching the rain drizzle down. He huffed as he removed his flask and took another swig. He nearly spit it out when a familiar husky voice spoke right beside him.
"Mind if I have some?" Trowa's voice always made shivers run down Quatre's spine like a God was talking to his soul and his ears just happened to be listening.
"Sure," Quatre handed over his flask and took another drag from his cigarette.
"Why are you doing this?" Trowa's voice had a slight pleading tone and Quatre faulted in his answer.
"Because I want to," Quatre's answer was quiet and completely fake and both men knew it but Trowa let it stand.
Trowa stood by him quietly for a moment then turned to go, but Quatre caught his hand, "Trowa?"
"Hm?"
"I have something for you," Quatre reached into his pocket and pulled out a small hand crafted silver ring set with Tiger's Eye stones. He wasn't sure where he had found it but he had just suddenly remembered it was in his pocket, "I got this for you so you could, you know, remember me."
Trowa let Quatre slide the ring gently onto his finger before holding his hand up to the fading sunlight and looking at it with a soft smile on his lips, "Thank you."
They were quiet for a moment before Trowa started to speak, "Quatre? I'm sorry I…"
"Don't," Quatre cut him off with a sigh, tears once again threatening to blur his vision, "Just…don't…please…"
The stood there in awkward silence for a few more moments. Suddenly without warning Trowa bent down and kissed Quatre passionately. After a few moments of their lips being locked, the emerald eyed man reluctantly pulled away, "I have to go, but I will always love you."
"Why?" Quatre's voice stuck in his throat, "Why not me?"
Trowa didn't answer but simply repeated before disappearing back into the reception, "I will always love you."
Quatre raced to his room , everything a blur. He tore off his clothes and collapsed on the bed sobbing uncontrollably. Why didn't anything make sense? The only thing he could think of was Trowa and how he was losing him. Quatre felt himself being shook and a strange yet familiar voice calling to him.
"Quatre? Quatre honey wake up!"
Quatre sat bolt upright nearly sending Trowa tumbling off the bed. Trowa had gotten up in the middle of the night, too hot to sleep, and had gone to the kitchen for a drink of water. As he had stood leaned up against the counter he thought he'd heard a whimpering sound coming from the bedroom he and his lover shared. When he went to investigate he found Quatre thrashing around and crying his name. Alarmed he shook his blond lover for a full minute trying to wake him, so when Quatre bolted up it startled the emerald eyed man.
Quatre looked around confused, tears blurring his eyes, until he locked onto the deep emerald eyes that he knew and loved so well. Things started clearing up. It had been a nightmare, the worst nightmare he could think of. Quatre's eyes filled with tears again and he smiled and laughed before launching himself onto Trowa and kissed him profusely.
Trowa couldn't help but chuckle, "Are you ok?"
"Just a bad dream," Quatre kissed Trowa again just to make sure he was real before pulling back and looking deep into his emerald eyes, "Tell me you love me?"
"With every fiber of my soul," Trowa smiled at the relief that played across Quatre's aqua eyes, "I love you."
Quatre kissed Trowa fiercely before pulling his lover back into bed and curling up close to him, scaring off any more nightmare that threatened to come.
A/N: Wish I could wake up like Quatre. Get to go see the love of my life marry someone who isn't me tomorrow. I have a flask and a silver ring with Tiger's Eye to give him but sadly no one like Duo to hold my hand while I go through this. Love you all!