As I float here, deep in the belly of the beast of my sins, I've come to a terrible revelation.
I finally know. I knew, in an instant, as your hand stretched out to mine; I saw that hand, and I knew.
You are the one and only person who saw me, hiding, held prisoner by the darkness. You saw through the evil in my eyes to the frail, feeble good in my heart. You knew I was worth saving, and so you've come to do so. I've never thought myself worthy of such affection. I've never felt deserving of any sort of aide after my weak human heart gave in to the will of a wounded and vengeful god. I thought myself too broken to be salvaged.
But here you are with your hand stretched out to me, a broken marionette with its strings cut clean through. I lay my hand in yours and I feel the human relation I didn't know I had, not till now; a connection so pure, so vital, that had been keeping my mind alive as I was nearly smothered by the wrath of Malpercio. I realize we were destined to meet. I could never have the strength to save myself. I could never have even hoped to be saved and to live my own life without having first known you. I was destined to tempt you, and you were destined to fall, so that you could one day rise again and look back to where I lay- a dark place where you had been- and bring me back with you to the world of the living.
That pain, the pain that brought you to me- I know it well. The pain of losing the love and warmth of a family is one I will never forget. I'll never forget as I laid dying in my bed, wishing for nothing more than my mother to wash my face and braid my hair, for my father to sooth me with his stories. Such a loss leaves a void that can never be truly filled. And you knew that pain. You fled your burning home that served as a tomb to your grandfather, murdered in cold blood. You watched your little brother die in your arms. The same pain that drove my dearest Grandfather to resurrect me, and the bitter fury that allowed me to house the wrath of a god drove you to betrayal. We know the same cruel horrors of life, and our weakness has led us both to the darkness. No one else knows that suffering or that weakness. No one knows but you, my dearest, and I love you dearly for it.
It is due to a foolish human fault that I treasure your kinship as passionately as I do. We humans hate being alone. We are pathetic, filthy creatures who cannot stand being isolated. We cannot live without feeling a deep sense of longing for companionship, for someone to stand beside us, someone to whom we can relate and rely on. And when such a companion fails or hurts us, we are compelled to act on our animalistic impulses; to destroy, to hurt, to justify our pain. But in a moment, the briefest moment of my hand clenched around yours, I have resigned myself to allowing a sickly human weakness to take hold of me. I do not fear it, though this tenderness might drive me again to the darkness.
Yes. I have gone limp and allowed the staggering, terrifying poison called Love to lay siege to my body, vein by vein, and I find bliss in that defeat. I find more joy in feeling love than I could ever find in the safety of solitude. But still, I am filled with sadness, for you live for another- someone who has brought light to you in your darkness, as you now bring light to me in mine. She, like you, is damaged; damned and woe-laden as you are. The same kinship and fortitude I find in you, you find in her. This is the realization that brings me sadness. This is the horrible truth that overwhelms me, the very same moment I feel the glorious poison take hold.
In the belly of the beast of my sins, my dear, I have realized that an Ocean stands between us.
I liked this I got to talk all fancy-like.
Really fucking wordy though wow. And I like semicolons. A lot. And commas. I use them a lot because it's spoken word in my head, so commas and the like = pauses. SO SUCKIT, GRAMMER, THOSE ARE WHAT COMMAS AND SEMICOLONS ARE REALLY FOR- PAUSES.
Warning: I did not do the proper thing and have someone read this beforehand. So if it's confusing I'm really damn sorry. I just haven't written any BK fics in a while and I wanted to show that I was living. :c
Be critical, I suppose, that would be good. I would like to improve. But do know that my mind is all over the place and hurting right now, so if it's sub par, that's way.