Dirty Little Secret

Summary : Dirty Little Secret by Sarah McLachlan. What happens to Riza when Roy dies? Royai Songfic.

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If I had the chance, love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I've never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Roy was dying. Shot twice in the stomach by an Ishvarlan. The rain soaked her and everyone else to the skin. Blood was pouring from the Colonel's wounds. He was becoming weaker, dying in his First Lieutenant's arms.

"Colonel! Colonel, stay with me here! Don't die, not yet!" Riza yelled. Roy's charcoal eyes met with Riza's chocolate ones. One weak hand placed itself on Riza's cheek, wiping away the tears and raindrops with his thumb.

"I'm dying." he said simply.

"NO! Don't say that, sir!" Riza sobbed.

"Stop denying it, Riza. You know it's true. And just once before I die, I'd like to hear you say my name...just once."

"Yes, sir...I mean, Roy."

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time."

"What?"

"I love you, Riza. From the first moment I laid eyes on you. Sorry I kept it inside all these years." Roy said softly. Riza remained silent.

"Riza, I need to know."

"Need to know what, Roy?" Riza sobbed. Roy smiled at the way his name came so naturally to her tongue. It was as though she had been calling him that for years, instead of her second time.

"Do you feel the same way about me?" Roy asked. Riza hesitated. She wasn't sure of what to say. The correct answer was 'yes', but should she keep her image as a loyal subordinate before he died? But then again, he only saw her side as a loyal subordinate. She shouldn't let him die without knowing her true feelings for him. She couldn't. She had to get this out.

"Yes. Yes, I do. For a long time." Riza answered finally. Roy smiled a weak smile.

"Good, I can rest peacefully now." Roy said. Using his last ounce of strength, he shot up and pushed his mouth against hers. her eyes were wide open with surprise. But then she realized that this was the only chance she would get to show the man she loved...that she loved him. Riza closed her eyes, savoring the moment. Roy pulled away and laid back in Riza's arms. He looked lovingly into her chocolate eyes with his charcoal ones again. he smiled weakly once more.

"Don't forget me, Riza..." he said. His eyes shut slowly, and his hand slipped from her cheek. Riza sobbed uncontrollably at the fact the that the flame of the great Flame Alchemist had finally flickered out.

'Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
I've denied all my capacity to love
I am willing to give up this fight

That horrible seen kept replaying in her head. A hole in her heart had been drilled, and she feared it would never heal. It hadn't been long since that night, just a week. She looked at the empty beer in her hand, and went up to get her fifth one from the fridge. Riza knew it wasn't good for her, but it seemed to be the only thing that helped, at least temporarily. At least now she knew how Roy felt when Maes was murdered.

Drinking wasn't the best way to help things, but it made you forget for a little while, even if it meant you had a huge hangover the next day.

I've been up all night drinking
To drown my sorrow down
Nothing seems to help me since you went away
I'm so tired of this town

Riza wanted to leave Central. Too many memories were here. She could hardly stand to go to work now. To be in the same office where Roy once sat, refusing to do his paper work, then grudgingly do it on pain of death by Riza's pistol. To be with the fellow subordinates who helped push Roy to the top. To hear the rumors that everyone was starting about his death.

Where every tongue is wagging
Where every back is turned
Telling secrets that should never be revealed
There's nothing to be gained from this
But disaster
Here's a good one:
Did you hear about my friend?
He's embarassed
To be seen now
Because we all know his sins

She missed him now. There were so many things she never told him. So many things that she would never get to tell him.

"Why'd you have to go, Roy?" she asked him, though he wasn't there. "Why'd you have to leave me here, where you knew I'd suffer without you? You knew...I told you. I wanted to tell you so much, to tell you why I never showed any emotion around you. But now I never can. I never will."

If I had the chance, love
You know, I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I've never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

He wasn't there anymore. He would never be there anymore. He was gone, lost in the Sea Of Nothingness, or something like that. She had to hold on to whatever she had left now. It was the only thing she could use to hold onto her sanity now.

Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
I've denied all my capacity to love
I am willing to give up this fight

The only way she could live without him...

Oh, I am willing to give up this fight

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THANK YOU, SARAH MCLACHLAN! gosh, I never listned to Dirty Little Secret as much as I did when I was writing this. I hope you guys like it. Review please, it keeps me writing! Constructive criticism is welcome.

:dissappears in a puff of smoke: