Hikari: Well, this is a little different for me. I usually write angst, but I think I over-killed on this story. Ummm, it's my first M-Rated story, because I don't want to get thrown off the site, so I'm making it rated M.

Ren: Quit going on, no one cares.

Hikari: Well, I have to warn people, it helps reduce flames, which I'll probably get for this story.

Ren: She doesn't own us. Now, get on with it!

Hikari: Well, try to enjoy!

Shamans On The Run

We are the lemmings on the run

A year today. I have been with him for a year today. I knew that it was a mistake to leave the group, even if it was just for an hour. I should have known that he would be there, that he was going to come for me.

And now, all I really want to do is run away. But no, he will not let me. He tells me I have to stay. He tells me that he does not care. He tells me that I am stuck with him. And, he tells me that he loves me.

It should not bother me any more. Anna trained me to withstand all pain, physical and emotional. I should be fine right now, but I am not. Nothing is fine anymore, and I want to run away.

But that is what I want, and what I want never matters, at least not anymore.

We just wanna know what we will be

And in all honesty, I just want to know what is going to happen to me. I just want to know what my future will be.

Will I be like this forever, or will someone save me?

"No one's coming," he said, rudely awakening me from my thoughts.

"You," I mumbled. 'You were listening again.'

"Outouto, you really must start speaking again. I won't always be around to read your thoughts for others," Hao sighed. Then he moved closer to me and gently laid his arms around my shoulders. I shuddered.

"Why," I whispered.

"Why what, Outouto," Hao smirked as he pulled me closer.

'Why do you do this to me,' I thought, my eyes lowering. I was so weak, so pitiful, I could not even bring myself to ask the question.

"Why what, Outouto," Hao mocked. "I can't hear you."

'Yes you can,' I retorted in my mind.

"Then maybe I can hear you," Hao smiled as he gripped my hair tightly. I winced in pain but made no sound. I knew if I did, things would only get worse.

And we all try to find our destiny

"You're destined to stay with me, you know that, right Outouto," Hao smirked as he pulled harder.

A strangled yelp escaped my dry lips as I tried to nod in agreement.

It was the same, all the same. He would tell me what to believe, what to say. And what is worse, I would say it. And the more you say something, the more you start to believe it, until one day, it actually is the truth.

That is how I feel. Everything he says is the truth. I stopped questioning it long ago.

But we are floating with the crowd

As I try to clear my mind of the pain, a memory comes to mind. I really do not know why I remembered it then, because in actuality, it had nothing to do with my current situation. Aside from the fact that it involved the two of us.

We were in town. It was a small place, only a few shops, but it was crowded. I remember walking through it thinking how I was just floating along. And after awhile, it seemed like everyone else was too.

Then I thought I saw the others. I made a move to go to their floating figures, but he pulled me back as if I were on a leash. But I suppose I am only his own personal pet.

I stopped protesting though, and allowed my only means of escape to float farther and farther away, until I could not see them anymore.

And someday we'll see

That day, I realized an important fact of life.

And now, as I am jerked back into reality by another tug, I feel myself clinging to the memory, despite the pain it may cause me. Because in reality, that memory was the last time I saw my friends alive.

Of course, that was not the last time I saw them. No, he made sure of it. I saw some of them one more time, but they were not breathing.

That only when we're dead we're really free

He told me that they were coming to get me. He told me that they wanted to save me. Then he told me they all died trying.

At least it was not all of them. Maybe, someday, when I am finally free, I can go back to the others who are left.

But the ones I was closest too, they are all gone, Ren, Horo, Lyserg, and Anna.

I miss them all so much, especially Lyserg. We had just started our secret dating when he took me. Anna knew about it, and she helped us hide it.

They were my two best friends. And both of them died trying to save me.

At least now they are all free from the pain. They are free from everything, something I feel like I can never be anymore.

Cos we're like lemmings on the run

Ooh la dee da dee da ...

Yeah we are the lemmings on the run

Ooh la dee da dee da ...

We're all like lemmings on the run

Da dee da we are the lemmings on the run

"What are you thinking about my little Lemming," Hao cooed into my ear.

"Don't call me that," I whispered, in a trance of dreams.

"And why shouldn't I," Hao mocked.

"I don't like it," I answered. The words were just flowing freely now. I could not seem to stop them.

"Since when have I showed you that I care what you want," Hao smiled. He had the ability to look so innocent when he smiled. I hated it. That smile, how he could look someone right in the eye before he killed them and smile like that. It makes me sick. It always will.

"Never," I sighed, coming back into full reality as he began to kiss me.

"Then run with me my little Lemming," Hao snickered, kissing me forcefully enough to leave a bruise right on my lips.

I wanted to sob, to scream, but when I did that, it was worse. So I just kept silent.

Looking out for others we find

I kept silent and looked around the room. I wanted to find someone else. There must be someone else who shared my pain.

I heard the Hanagumi once, they said they pitied me. I was not sure why at the time, but I felt better after hearing that. Of course, he took away that simple joy of knowing someone cares.

I have not seen the faces of the Hanagumi since.

That we're surrounded by a million eyes

But as I look around the room to distract myself, I see their eyes in the walls, looking on. I see their looks of pity, but this time, there is no hidden joy, only hatred. They pity my very being. They pity what I have become. What he has made me into.

I can also see the eyes of my friends. Lyserg's is there too. He is staring at me, there is disgust in his emerald green eyes. He is disgusted with me now.

I shudder as tears run freely down my face. I have no one.

And they've only love in mind

"You have me," Hao whispered huskily in my ear. "Ignore what you see. You always have me. I love you Yoh."

'No,' I shudder. 'You never loved me.'

"But I do," Hao smiled. There it was, that smile again. I cringed at the thought of seeing it. "How many times do I have to tell you before you believe me."

'I'll never believe you,' the thought rung in my mind like a bell. Never.

"Such a shame you really think that," Hao sighed. "I love you Yoh. You should believe that. You believe everything else I tell you."

No. I will never believe that. Because that is the one spark of life I have left.

They're living with lies

"What you see," Hao snickered. "Those eyes that seem to watch you. You know they are the souls of those I have killed."

I did not react. After-all, there was no surprise there.

"They live there now," Hao smiles. "But they are living a lie."

'Why is that a lie,' my mind thinks on it's own.

Believe they're so close to paradise

"Because they think they are resting in peace," Hao replied. He slowly stops the unholy activities he was using my body for and sits back, placing me in front of him. "Why do you think that is?"

Talking about just you and me

"I don't know," I say. My voice is flat. It lost emotion a long time ago as well.

"Do you want me to tell you," Hao asked.

'No,' I think quickly, but I can see that he wants to say it. "Yes," I say. I have to do what he wants, because he always gets his way, no matter what.

"Good," Hao smiles happily.

'Bad,' I cringe.

"You see, Outouto, they think that someday they will be able to go onto the after-life," Hao said, his voice animated and happy. "But the truth is, their souls live in these walls. Once this place is gone, their very existence will be wiped from the Earth. They will be trapped in darkness forever."

'Lyserg,' I think sadly. 'I miss you. I love you.'

"Don't think about him," Hao shouted, his voice becoming angry. He grabbed my hair and pulled me up by it. Maybe this time he will just kill me.

But then again, if I die, then no one will be able to help my friends. Then they will be doomed.

Hey can't you see we'll never be free

"Wishing is futile you know," Hao smirked.

'I know,' I say inwardly.

"You know I won't kill you," Hao informed me. He has told me this before. I know it all. I will never be killed, and I will never be free.

It's more - it's more like us

I am just like the others, I will never be free either. I am trapped within these walls for the rest of my life. Who cares if I am alive, I certainly do not feel like I am anymore.

"Outouto, you're lost in thought again," Hao smirked, pulling my hair harder. I let out an involuntary yelp as he continued, "It's not like you. Don't hurt yourself."

'You have no idea what hurt is,' I thought quietly, hoping that my statement would go unheard.

"I hear all you say," Hao smiled, lightly tracing the scars that dotted my skin. Some of them still burned with hidden pain. Or maybe it was just the memory of the pain it took to get them.

He was tracing mainly the scars he had given me. But he seemed particularly fascinated with the star burned into my shoulder. I had branded myself with that out of anger. And out of remembering who I was, what I really loved.

It actually still burned. Not that imaginary pain like the others, it still burned like I had just done it yesterday.

"You still haven't told why you did this," Hao mused, lightly tracing the now brown outline on my pale skin.

That's a fact we can't discuss

'Why would I tell you,' I thought absently, lost in the familiar warmth of my twin. The suffocating heat that radiated off him.

"You would tell me because I asked you," Hao smiled. At least his rage was gone.

I let out a sigh of gratefulness, he was not angry anymore.

He was scary when he was angry. And that usually meant I would have another scar on my body. No, I did not like it when he was angry.

We're dreaming of love and peace

"Are you day-dreaming again," Hao asked.

"No," I spoke quietly. I rarely spoke anymore. Words just got in the way, so I stopped using them long ago.

"I think you are," Hao smiled. There it was again, that smile. I cringed on the inside, trying not reveal my emotions.

"You can tell me Outouto," Hao cooed gently. He slowly put his arms around me, but I still flinched from the contact. Then I felt the undying urge to just cry.

Lyserg used to hold me like that when I was upset about something. When I was upset because I thought I would have to kill my brother, or that I would lose a friend.

I tried to hold it in, I really did, but in the end, a stifled sob escaped my lips. I fell to the floor. It was cold. I could tell that even though I was wearing long pants.

But in the end we are on our knees

"What's wrong Outouto," Hao asked.

'Everything,' I thought. "Nothing," I replied.

"But your sobbing on your knees, so something must be wrong," Hao smirked, pulling me roughly to my feet.

It hurt, being treated like that, but I tried to stop the crying. I knew my brother, and my pain would not stop him, it would only fuel his fire and he would be harsher.

"You're just always on your knees aren't you," Hao laughed.

His laugh, that was another thing I hated about him. He would laugh at the worst times. But it was not a harsh cackle like most people may think. No, it was a soft and buttery sound. It was beautiful. It did not fit him.

But instead of making a clever retort like I used to, I just allowed my body to be pulled around. Maybe if I stopped caring and stopped thinking, all the pain would go away. Maybe then I could at least be at peace with my life.

We think this life is fun

He looked at me quietly as I tried to make my mind leave this world, as I tried to forget my grief.

"Are you happy," he teased.

'No,' I though. "I don't know," I replied.

"Well, you must be happier," Hao replied suddenly. "You are talking more today."

'Joy,' I thought.

"You should be grateful," Hao continued, taking no notice of my sarcasm. "I could do such horrible things to you, but, instead I give you this fun life. You're surrounded by your friends and has someone who loves you despite what you've become."

'Fun,' rung through my head like chapel bells. 'This life is…fun?'

"Yes, you have quite the nice life," Hao carried on. He was just ignoring me now. Not that I really minded. It was better than him paying too much attention to me, like usual.

I sighed contently, it was nice, my brother going off on a rant. It gave me time to think and not worry about him reading my mind.

But we're like lemmings on the run

Ooh la dee da dee da ...

We are the lemmings on the run

Cos we're like lemmings on the run

We are the lemmings on the run

"After-all, you are my little Lemming," Hao concluded.

Well, that brought me back to reality. He knew I hated that nickname he had come up with. Actually, I did not even know why he insisted on calling me that. I do not even know what a Lemming is, and he certainly will not tell me.

I chose to try and ignore the statement, maybe this time he would just stop.

No. Such. Luck.

He then began to kiss my neck, obviously I was not going to get a peaceful day today either, even after all this.

My eyesight blurred as I felt something dig into the small of my back.

"You're running away, I can feel it," Hao cooed gently.

The object pressed in farther, and I tried not to scream, I really did, but the noise came out anyway.

I could feel the blood dripping down my legs and staining my pants now.

"Well, I'm not going to let you run away anymore," Hao continued.

The pain increased ten-fold, it was like I was on fire, burning on all sides.

Then I felt blackness surround me.

"Hao," I whispered, my last word, the name of my tormenter, and the one who called himself my lover.

"You can't run away anymore, Yoh," Hao said softly, kissing my cold lips.

He said my name. Maybe if things had been different, we could have used each others' names more often. Maybe.

We're all like lemmings on the run

Hikari: ... Well, please read and review! You can flame, but all I request is that you tell me what I did wrong. And criticism is always welcome, because it all helps! Thanks for reading!!!!