Title: The Laundry
Author: Helldogtiapa
Translator: Dafna536
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor.
Characters: Integra, Alucard, OC (Captain Pickman)
«As you wish, my Master.» Alucard bowed and disappeared into the study wall.
Captain Pickman, the newcomer, who recently was given an assignment to the Hellsing organization and had arrived to the office for his first briefing, swallowed hard and mumbled: «Holy Virgin!»
«Yes.» Lady Hellsing gave a short nod, her eyes full of mockery. «Get used to it, Pickman. This is our staff vampire and his marvelous supernatural abilities; he will demonstrate them to you with particular importunity, as you are a newbie…. Damn it!»
At first Pickman couldn't understand what has angered his commander, then, following her gaze, he saw a big stain on the wall right in the place where Alucard walked through it. He came closer and discovered that the stain was not a stain at all, it was a mysterious printing, perfectly shaping the silhouette of the higher vampire.
«Damn!» Integra said again with hatred, walking towards the wall and eyeing the printing. «I'm sick of it.»
«What is it, Lady Integra?» captain asked, intrigued.
«This is.» Integra answered with restrained anger in her voice. «The way our vampire does the laundry! He dissociates into smallest particles and phases through the wall, but all the stuff, that gathered on his garments: blood, dirt, dust, gunpowder and other things stays on the wall.»
«Oh.» Pickman said. He wanted to say something else but couldn't manage. He was too awed.
«It doesn't matter all the maids consider it a bad omen and quit in about two weeks.» Integra kept on. «No big deal, he walked through Rembrandt's original this way last month. At least our staff vampire is always in order, neat and tidy. You wanted to say something, Pickman?»
«But it's amazing, Lady Integra!» Pickman exclaimed. «He has no need to wash his clothes. Even the socks…»
There was delight in his voice. Just now he saw the phenomena of vampirism at a completely new angle. Integra fixed her gaze on him:
«Looking at you, Pickman.» she said stiffly. «I would have never said you were a slob.»
Her words struck a chord.
«I'm not a slob, Lady Integra!» He raised his chin proudly. «I'm a man!»