"Keptin, zere are Klingons on ze starboard bow!"

The Captain of the Enterprise wheeled about in his oh-so-twirly Captain's chair to glare at the young officer. "You said the same thing last week. Are you sure?"

"Yes!" the Russian said quickly. "Vell, no! Vell, I'm not really sure vhat it is. I zink eet's Klingon. But zere's definitely somezing zere, Keptin McCoy!"

McCoy turned from his Communications Officer(why Communications was informing him of maybe-Klingons, he wasn't quite sure...) to glare questioningly at his Science Officer and Second-in-Command. "Well?"

"Lieutenant Chekov is … correct, sir," Mr. Kirk said. "There's … something there … but it's not Klingon. It's … giving off anomalous … readings. I … think it's living, but … it's like nothing I've seen … before."

"Dammit, Jim," McCoy said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just tell me what it is!"

"It's … life, Bones … but not as we know it!"

Apparently, the life-whatever-thing decided it didn't much like the presence of the Enterprise. So it shot it. The ship shook and the lights on the bridge turned off, which made it difficult for everyone who had fallen out of their seats to return to their stations. There was much confusion, scrambling, and get-off-my-foot-ing before some intelligent soul had the sense to say "lights" and lights returned. Everyone was relatively uninjured, save for an unfortunate helmsman who was bleeding rather badly all over the floor out the back of his head.

"Bridge to sickbay," McCoy said, hitting the comm. button.

"Sickbay. Spock here."

"We need medical up here."

"I shall be there in 0.47 minutes."

Point-four-eight minutes later, Dr. Spock appeared on the bridge, apologising for his tardiness. He made his way to the supine helmsman as he did everything else: deadpan, ignoring the human reactions (Captain McCoy's eyeroll, Mr. Kirk's open stare) around him.

"Great," McCoy was grumbling. "Just what I need. An attack from a thing, and an unconscious helmsman!"

"The situation is graver than that, Captain," Spock said, looking up from his patient. "Mr. Deal is deceased." He met Mr. Kirk's eyes across the room.

"Dammit, Jim!" McCoy cried out.

Kirk looked at the Captain, indignant. "What did I … do?"

"I don't know! Chekov! Hail the whatever it is!"

"Zey acknowledge, Sair," Chekov said.

"Hi!" McCoy said, peering into the viewscreen. "Identify yourself!"

There was a stony silence. And the unknown entity fired on the Enterprise again.

"We come in peace!" McCoy shouted, gripping his armrests as the Enterprise was fired upon again. Again. "Shoot to kill," he ordered.

"Bones!" Kirk said. "We … can't. That last hit … took out the … phaser banks!"

"DAMMIT, JIM!"

"IT WASN'T MY … FAULT!"

McCoy growled. And glared at no one in particular, but mostly the thingy that was slowly demolishing his ship. He hit the comm. button again. "Engineering!"

"Uhura here."

"Get us out of here! Warp factor nine!"

"That's too fast; we can't do it."

"I don't care, just do it!"

"I can't change the laws of physics!"

I regret NOTHING!