Hello peoples! So, does anyone else here agree that Crowfeather has a zillion mates so he's like Henry VIII? I do! Wait, doesn't that mean I agree with myself? Huh..? Anyway, I'm planning to give him a whopping one hundred mates. Each mate is a chapter. We start off with Feathertail.
Mate #1: Feathertail
One morning, in the Tribe of Rushing Water's cave, on the journey to the sun-drown place...
'CROWPAW WHERE'S THE HONEY!' shrieked Feathertail.
'Coming honey!' Crowpaw rushed to her side as quickly as possible to stand next to his mate.
'NO! I SAID 'WHERE'S. THE. HONEY!' Feathertail burst into tears. 'I just want some honey to spread on my toast! Waaaaaaaaah!
Crowpaw then noticed the plate next to Feathertail, which had a piece if toast on it. Unfortunately the toast had nothing on it.
'Stoneteller! Where's the honey!' Crowpaw yelled.
Stoneteller was sleeping. Unfortunately when you are sleeping and someone yells at you, you have a tendency to wet the bedding.
'Oh drat! I just wet the bedding!' Stoneteller exclaimed.
'No, you just made me spill the ninja juice over my kit!' a kit-mother glared.
The kit started to cry.
An elder passed gas.
The kit licked himself and liked the ninja juice so he stopped crying.
Stoneteller said three swear words.
'Itsnotfairwheres. The. HONEY!' Feathertail started bawling again.
'Well, we do have some lovely rock-and-twig flavoured jam!' Crag offered while the others covered their ears because of Feathertail's bawling.
'Yeah! That sounds perfect for you Feathertail!' Crowpaw nodded really quickly.
Feathertail whacked Crag on the head.
'That sounds horrible for me!' she wailed.
Crowpaw nodded instantly. 'Yeah! Just what I was saying! That sounds horrible for you, Feathertail!'
A kit-mother facepawed herself.
Feathertail hit Crag again.
Crag had to be driven to hospital.
Feathertail was still in her tantrum.
'I WANT MY HONEY NOOOOOOOOW!'
A prey-hunter called Brook sighed.
'What's going on?' demanded Brambleclaw.
'I WET THE BEDDING!' Stoneteller whined.
Stormfur appeared. Then he saw the she-cat Brook and his eyes popped out.
Stormfur had to be driven to hospital to get his eyes sewn back in.
An elder burped.
The kit busted out some crazy ninja moves.
Seven cats had to be driven to hospital.
'DARLING!' Crowpaw fell on his knees, yowling. He glared at Stoneteller. 'Get some honey for Feathertail NOW!' he ordered.
Stoneteller pointed to Night. 'Only if you clean up my bedding!'
Night pointed to a cave-guard. 'Only if you get me an eagle for breakfast right now!'
The cave-guard pointed to an elder. 'Only if you put on your dentures!'
The elder pointed to a to-be. 'Only if ye get my ticks off!'
The to-be pointed to the kit-mother. 'Only if you do the hula in a cheerleading skirt!'
The kit-mother pointed to her kit. 'Only if you do your geometry homework!'
The kit pointed to Tawnypelt. 'Only if you dye your hair purple!'
Tawnypelt pointed to Squirrelpaw. 'Only if you marry Brambleclaw!'
Squirrelpaw pointed to a prey-hunter. 'Only if you give me candy!'
The prey-hunter pointed to Feathertail. 'Only if you shut up!'
Feathertail pointed to Stoneteller. 'Only if you get me honey!'
Stoneteller pointed to Night. 'Only if you clean up my bedding!'
Night pointed to a cave-guard. 'Only if you get me an eagle for breakfast right now!'
The cave-guard pointed to an elder. 'Only if you put on your dentures!'
The elder pointed to a to-be. 'Only if ye get my ticks off!'
The to-be pointed to the kit-mother. 'Only if you do the hula in a cheerleading skirt!'
The kit-mother pointed to her kit. 'Only if you do your geometry homework!'
The kit pointed to Tawnypelt. 'Only if you dye your hair purple!'
Tawnypelt pointed to Squirrelpaw. 'Only if you marry Brambleclaw!'
Squirrelpaw pointed to a prey-hunter. 'Only if you give me candy!'
The prey-hunter pointed to Feathertail. 'Only if you shut up!'
Feathertail pointed to Stoneteller. 'Only if you get me honey!'
Stoneteller pointed to Night. 'Only if you clean up my bedding!'
Night pointed to a cave-guard. 'Only if you get me an eagle for breakfast right now!'
The cave-guard pointed to an elder. 'Only if you put on your dentures!'
The elder pointed to a to-be. 'Only if ye get my ticks off!'
The to-be pointed to the kit-mother. 'Only if you do the hula in a cheerleading skirt!'
The kit-mother pointed to her kit. 'Only if you do your geometry homework!'
The kit pointed to Tawnypelt. 'Only if you dye your hair purple!'
Tawnypelt pointed to Squirrelpaw. 'Only if you marry Brambleclaw!'
Squirrelpaw pointed to a prey-hunter. 'Only if you give me candy!'
The prey-hunter pointed to Feathertail. 'Only if you shut up!'
Feathertail pointed to Stoneteller. 'Only if you get me honey!'
Stoneteller pointed to Night. 'Only if you clean up my bedding!'
Night pointed to a cave-guard. 'Only if you get me an eagle for breakfast right now!'
The cave-guard pointed to an elder. 'Only if you put on your dentures!'
The elder pointed to a to-be. 'Only if ye get my ticks off!'
The to-be pointed to the kit-mother. 'Only if you do the hula in a cheerleading skirt!'
The kit-mother pointed to her kit. 'Only if you do your geometry homework!'
The kit pointed to Tawnypelt. 'Only if you dye your hair purple!'
Tawnypelt pointed to Squirrelpaw. 'Only if you marry Brambleclaw!'
Squirrelpaw pointed to a prey-hunter. 'Only if you give me candy!'
The prey-hunter pointed to Brook. 'Only if seven plus six is twenty!'
Brook pouted. 'Only if one-eyed Stormfur waves from the window!'
One-eyed Stormfur waved from the window.
Brook fainted.
She had to be driven to hospital.
Feathertail wept. 'IT'S NOT FAIR!' she cried. 'I WANT MY HONEY NOOOOOOW!"
She screamed so loud the cave roof trembled and a massive stone fell on her.
She died.
It was so loud that in Sharptooth's cave, the cave roof trembled and a massive stone fell on him.
Sharptooth died.
Feathertail had saved the Tribe.
'All hail the mighty Feathertail who has saved our Tribe!' cried Stoneteller.
'WE ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY FEATHERTAIL WHO HAS SAVED OUR TRIBE!' the tribe cats cried.
Stormfur oogled over Brook.
Crowpaw was upset.
'Aaww, I liked her!' he whimpered.
'Never mind!' cheered Stoneteller. 'The Tribe has been saved!'
'THE TRIBE HAS BEEN SAVED!' the tribe cats echoed.
THE END.
Ok, voila!
Hope ya laugh!
;)