Everyday S.H.I.E.L.D. stories.
Day after day a different story takes place in S.H.I.E.L.D. Whether you are in the Triskelion or the Hub, the Sandbox or the Fridge, the Cube or the Academy, on the Helicarrier or on a mobile air command, you will always watch the freakiest show on earth… and sometimes aliens aren't even present (Thor excluded)
Pain, hot burning pain, all over my body, moments like this I think that pain is all I have ever felt. Every time I feel that machine probing with my brain, why can't they just let me die? Why do they keep torturing me? I close my eyes trying and begging to keep the pain out but I can't…
I am trying to let go, they won't let me I know but I want to die so maybe I should try…
I am more than ready to try but then her voice; it's her voice screaming my name…
I never thought I'd hear that sweet sound of her voice saying my name again but… it can't be anyone else, I know that voice.
It's her voice…
Maria is screaming my name…
"You'll see that Phil is alright." This was probably the tenth time Fury assured me that Phil was alright but I don't think I can trust him, not yet. That man has kept a secret from me that my husband is alive for months. How can I be sure that he is not lying this time too?
"He better be" I said through my teeth. We reached a door and he stood in front of it.
"How was the ride from Tahiti?"
"Shinny and windy" the door opened and Fury walked in unfazed and I followed him faxed. "Today he will have another surgery; you can come with me to the observation room and then visit him in his room. That way you'll see that everything goes according plan" we walked into an elevator
"If everything was going according plan then he would be dead, that's the plan, you get stabbed your hearts get torn in pieces and you die. That's natures plan. This… I am not sure." I turned my eyes to the door staying as far away from Fury as I could, the man I once considered a second father betrayed me in the worst way possible. The elevator doors opened once again and two guards were standing in front of a set of glass doors.
"Sir, you didn't told us that you would bring visitors."
"She is his wife." Fury was walking in front of me fast I felt like I could barely keep up with him.
"Oh, Agent May is already waiting for you in the viewing room" the two men left and sat back on a set of desks.
"May? She knows?" I felt dizzy, lightheaded, how could May know before me? Was she behind this? How could she?
"She was brought in the project few operations ago." Fury stopped in front of a door. On bold black letters the words VIEWING ROOM were written.
"Last chance if you don't want to see" he said. I turned on the door knob and walked in, Melinda May was sitting on one of the chairs looking at the room below us.
"They are prepping him right now." I felt like chocking. She seemed, as always unfazed. "How are you feeling Maria?" I turned to see her standing up she was talking to me…
"It's none of your business" I felt angry, she had no right to be here. I should be here; I should be the one to make the decision on my husband's life.
"Maria, please" she walked towards me and placed her hand on my shoulder, I felt completely sick by now.
"Don't you ever touch me. Both of you stay away. I thought of you as friends, family and yet you betrayed me. This is inhumane; Phil would never want to be a lab rat. He gave his life, we gave up a chance on a normal life, with holydays, dance recitals, a home full of children, and we gave everything up. He gave everything up and you couldn't even give him a normal death." I found myself questioning why I was so upset over Phil not being dead, after all he is my husband I should be delighted that he is alive, but I realized that he shouldn't be. Dead for six days and then revived? That's not normal, that's not humanly possible, he shouldn't be alive but he is, which can only mean that whatever used on him is not from this planet… and she was sure as hell Thor hadn't mentioned something like that existing on Asgard.
"Please let me die!" I turn my head to the room below and saw Phil trashing on the table the robotic micro arms messing with his brain.
"He is awake?!" I felt enraged; he seemed to be in horrible pain. Why was he in so much pain?
"Phil!" I screamed his name again and again, punching on the glass as hard as I could. Somewhere on the back I could hear Fury calling security and at some point I felt May trying to pull me away from the glass, she couldn't all I cared about was lying in insufferable pain on an operation room below me screaming for death.
I felt bigger hands than May's trying to pull me away. I fought, kicked pushed and punched like a mad person. I couldn't let them pull me away. I felt the burning tears rolling down my cheeks, that can't be happening, I was losing the battle I knew. Somewhere along the fight someone must have sedated me, my eyes are heavy and I can't fight any longer.
"Phil!" his name came out as a breathy whisper before I closed my eyes…
… I woke up in a small hospital room, so they had sedated me. Melinda was sitting on a chair on the other side of the room "Phil is out of surgery they transferred him back to recovery."
"Don't; don't try to be my friend. Don't try to be anything. You saw him in there! He was begging to die! That's not right! He was begging May! And don't you dare tell me that was the first time this happened because I heard him his voice was hoarse, so unless he had a cold which I assure you he doesn't he was screaming for days."
"I just did whatever director Fury told me to" she remained calm and I felt the good old rage waling up again "That's my job"
"OUR job is to do the right thing! Is to determinate what's right and what's wrong! And let me inform you, THAT'S WRONG! That's wrong May, Phil wouldn't want that. You and Fury think that you were the only ones that were devastated by Phil's death? I am his WIFE damn it! I was PREGNANT! If anyone wanted Phil alive that was me! But not like that! When someone begs for death… you let them die!" I looked down at my ring, playing with it.
"You act like you don't want him to be alive."
"I want my husband to be alive. That man is not my husband! I know Phil! He won't be the same." Maria walked to the door "what room is he in?" Melinda walked in front of me and opened the door "Follow me"
We walked in the dull, grey corridors without talking looking straight ahead till we reached another identical grey door RECOVERY.
"He is inside. Fury is talking with his doctors, you'll have few minutes alone." I didn't care about what she said, other than the fact that Phil was inside the room. I opened the door and Phil was lying on a bed in the middle of the room, his head was wrapped in white bandages. I took his hand in mine, he was pale and his hand was cold…
I wanted to hug him, hold him close but I am afraid. He seems to be very fragile such a difference from the man that I usually have used to see.
"Hey, don't worry now; everything will be ok from now and on. I am here. Sleep now" I kissed his forehead, the small part that it's not covered by bandages, and kept massaging his fingers. "Oh, I also brought you your ring" I slowly place the gold band on his finger, smiling remembering back on the day we first put those rings on each other's hands.
"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know that you would be here ma'am." I turned and saw the grey haired doctor that tried to shut down the operation back in the surgery.
"Doctor, is he going to be… you know"
"That's what we are trying, but… I don't think that it's worth it." I smiled at the comment the doctor made.
"Probably it's not. Don't take me wrong I want my husband to survive, but this man… I don't know if he'll be my husband. Something like that won't stay hidden forever. Phil is a smart, a brilliant man; he'll figure out that there is something wrong. And then… then what? How am I going to face him?" the doctor remained silent not talking not even breathing, or at least it seemed as if he wasn't breathing.
"I am truly sorry. This is though the last operation. We'll try to wake him" he walked to the panel next to Phil's bed and changed few settings. "I have lowered the sedative, we'll see if he'll be ok."
The doctor left the room without any other word, I turned to Phil and realized how much I missed his face. The soft lines round his mouth and eyes. The few freckles on his forehead and nose. The faint scar that runs from his left ear to his jawbone. My eyes found the last scar I was looking for, the only scar that has some kind of emotional luggage in our history, the faint scar on his nose, a scar I gave him the first night we saw each other. My fingers trace the scar smiling.
And although I want to stay there, I want to stay with him I can't, I reached and kissed his pale lips, how can he be so pale and cold if he is alive? "I'm so sorry Phil but… I can't do this, I love you, I really do, you are all I have, I wish I was strong enough… I love you." I turned to leave, my feet too heavy to walk to the door, but I reached there… I reached at the door and was ready to walk out once and for all, I had to…
"M…ri…a" I froze, this wasn't happening, it cant happen. The doctor said nothing… I turned and saw him half awake, his baby blue eyes foggy from medication and the pain.
"Phil?" I walked to his bed again and realized that this was it, either I could face it or not I am not leaving…
Not yet…
Not ALONE…
| 10 Days later
"I can't believe I'm finally going home. What a buzz kill way to finish my vacations. Faint! Faint! Burton learns that and I'll never live it down!" I smiled at Phil who was moving graciously around the room, gathering all his staff. If you didn't knew you would never guess that he was gravely injured just six months ago.
"See the bright site Phil, at least we have some time for us. I barely got to see you through your recovery." I play the role the doctors strictly ordered me to, I hate myself, I feel sick playing him…
"I still can't believe that Fury wouldn't give you a week off to come with me in Tahiti! It's a magical place!" my heart is shattering the lie to well place in his brain and now lips. He never visited that island and still he'll tell you all about the golden sandy beaches, the green blue waters, the cold fruity drinks and the amazing massages. And I, on the other side I have to play the almost jealous wife that got stuck at work not able to follow her beloved husband to this on earth paradise.
"We have to go together sometime"
"I'm a mountain girl."