Kylo Ren wished he could change everything. Not until months after the destruction of the First Order and the death of Snoke was he able to realize how intensely the dark side of the Force had infected him. It had promised him power. It allowed him to feel anger. It called to him, seduced him, and stole everything from him. But in prison, the promises of the darkness were no longer his companion. All he had were the memories of his sins. From the moment he woke to the moment he slept, his mind played them over and over and over again. They were suffocating him.
When he was Snoke's apprentice, he had justified the destruction, the murders, the manipulation, and even killing his own father. He had felt nothing. But now all he could feel was his victims' fear. All he could see were their faces change as life left their bodies.
He had ruined families.
Even his own.
Entire planets and cultures were gone.
Because of him.
"You have a visitor." Ren heard the voice of the Resistance guard and was rescued from the plague of his thoughts. He sat up straighter against the concrete wall, looking towards what he believed was the doorway. He couldn't tell in the dark.
A light turned on. Ren covered his eyes and held back any sound that would indicate he was in pain.
When his eyes adjusted, he saw the girl named Rey standing in the doorway.
"Please leave us," she asked the guard. The guard hesitated before leaving, unsure of whether he should leave her alone with the monster. However, he knew better than to disobey a Jedi. Within the concrete walls, bars were placed between the doorway and the prisoner to add an extra layer of security. Rey inched towards the bars of the cell, ignoring the disgust that rose up inside of her from seeing him again. Ren avoided looking at her as she moved toward him.
A few moments passed. Rey knelt down near the bars, refusing to take the position of an aggressor. She would not allow herself to practice hate.
Ren looked at her briefly before looking away. She did not press him to speak. He considered about how much better she was than he. If the First Order had succeeded, and if she had been the prisoner, he would have taken her thoughts without her consent, would have forced her to reveal her feelings. He realized that he could read her mind now, if he wanted. But the thought of doing so now disgusted him.
"Your mother…she misses you." Ren finally made eye contact with her. He had expected her to say something about his fate, about whether or not they had decided to execute him. Rey grabbed one of the bars, trying to bridge the gap between them and to encourage him to speak. She noticed the scar on his face, the one she had given him four years ago when they had first battled on Starkiller Base.
"General Organa wants to meet with you," she said.
"I have no interest in seeing her."
"I will tell her your response," Rey replied. A few moments passed. She wanted him to change his mind. He said nothing. Feeling disappointed from the failed attempt, Rey stood up and went to leave. But the thought of causing Leia more pain wounded Rey. She couldn't be civil to this creature anymore. She turned sharply, strode to the cell, and yelled at him.
"All these years all you've done is hurt people. Your mother loves you. Your father loved you, too. You're nothing but a—but a coward!" She turned away from him, hoping he wouldn't see the tears welling in her eyes. She berated herself for showing so much emotion. However, something about Rey's plea struck Kylo; he felt guilt rise up within him once again. Ben. She had called him Ben.
"And how do you suggest I face my mother? A countless number of years have passed since we last spoke. The last I have known of her is the disturbance I felt in the Force when I..." Kylo let his voice trail off. He had already told her too much. He couldn't finish his sentence. Rey had been there. She knew what he had done. He stood up and moved to the bars. Rey sensed his movement and turned around to look at him. She flinched at his proximity.
"You will be brought to trial for what you have done. You will likely be sentenced to death. If you are lucky, you will be exiled. Please—speak to her," Rey begged. "It may be your only chance."
He studied Rey's eyes. They were burning with pain. He thought of what he had seen when he looked into her mind four years ago. The loneliness. The feeling of abandonment. The foolish hope. When they had first met, she had been suffering. Now, it was he who suffered.
"I will speak with her," he decided, his deep voice echoing off the walls. He looked away from Rey and returned to his slumped position on the wall. She stared at him in disbelief.
"Someone will be here to retrieve you," she said. Without saying goodbye, she rushed out of the room.
In a few moments, the light turned off and Kylo Ren was once more in darkness.
He felt the eyes judging him and the malicious words directed at him as he walked through the Resistance base on Yavin 4. During the war, it had been a small base, utilized only because of the remaining buildings and hangars from the Rebellion. After the final battle against the First Order, it was one of the only bases that remained. Ren looked down at his feet, trying to ignore the chatter. He never thought he would miss the silence of solitary confinement.
The guards escorting him stopped when they reached Leia's quarters.
"General Organa, we have Kylo Ren." She opened the door and looked immediately at her son. However, her expression did not change. They pushed Ren into the doorway.
"Thank you. You are dismissed."
"Excuse me, General, but are you certain you don't want us to be here? In case something happens?" Expressing their concern was not exactly permitted, especially to a superior officer, but Leia appreciated their worry.
"I can handle it," Leia assured. She shut the door with a press of a button. Without saying anything, she took the restraints off of Ren's wrists. He stood there, frozen. Emotions that he hadn't allowed himself to feel for decades bombarded him. He didn't know how to process his feelings. His memory of her had been of a woman much younger. There had been no wrinkles or grey hair when he had left to train with Luke. He knew his parents had aged; his father certainly looked much older. But seeing the change in his mother's physical appearance only served as a reminder of how much time had gone by since he had been Ben Solo, and how long it had been since he felt his mother's arms embracing him as they said goodbye.
"I've missed you so much," she said, struggling to speak. She reached up to touch his face. With slight hesitation, Ren covered her hand with his. It was the first time someone had touched since he killed his father. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Ren tried to recall a memory of his seeing his mother cry, but he did not have one.
"Mother, I—"
"Don't say anything Ben. I know. Everything." She withdrew her hand from his face and wiped her tears. "I don't know what they've decided, as far as your fate goes. But I wanted to ask for your forgiveness. We—your father and I—were so detached and cold. We should have raised you in love and hope. I should have held on to you." Ren looked at her, and allowed himself to feel her suffering. Coupled with his own, it was overwhelming.
He didn't know what to say. He couldn't quite forgive her. Not yet.
"I—" His words were cut off by a knock on the door. Leia moved to let Rey in.
"General Organa, I'm sorry to say that you are needed immediately at the command center. I've been ordered to take Ren back to the prison." Rey's words were edged with anxiety. She moved her eyes back and forth from mother to son. Leia looked at Ren.
"There is still light in you. I know it." She spoke quietly, and looked into his eyes one final time before exiting her quarters. Rey grabbed the restraints and placed them on Ren's wrists. Grabbing his arm, she dragged him out of Leia's quarters and hurried him back to prison. Her tight grip bothered him.
The crowds that had lined up to see him had disappeared. The humans and humanoids and aliens that had been mocking him had been replaced by an eerie silence.
"What's happening?" Kylo asked. He sensed a disturbance.
"Nothing that concerns you," Rey answered. She sounded confident, but she was concerned. A few minutes before she had retrieved Leia, there had been talk about unknown ships in the atmosphere. Although it was likely nothing of concern, they had to be cautious—
Suddenly, the ground and ceiling shook. Pieces of the old structure started detaching from the ceiling. Dirt and bits of concrete fell down on top of them. The alarm started to sound. Panic rose within her.
"We have to evacuate," she stated. She turned to Ren. "You have to come with me, you understand?" Ren nodded. There weren't any other options besides taking himself back to prison, which he certainly did not want to do. She took off his restraints, knowing the kind of risk she was taking. "Hurry!"
They sprinted to the hangar. X-Wings and Y-Wings were taking off, planning to meet the enemy in the air. However, it was too late to stop a ground invasion. The base was being swarmed by troops that wore identical helmets and armor to Stormtroopers, but neither Rey nor Ren recognized them as belonging to the First Order or the Empire. They were new.
Rey ignited her green, double-bladed lightsaber.
"Get to the Millennium Falcon," she instructed him. He didn't move at first. "Go!"
He ran to the Falcon, dodging blaster fire and trying to remain out of battle.
A member of the Resistance, however, saw the prisoner and decided to hunt him down.
Ren was lowering the door to the Falcon when he felt a blaster against his temple.
"I'm not a coward, not like the rest of them. I'm not afraid to put a bolt through your head…" The voice was unsteady, but full of rage. Suddenly the pressure was gone. Ren turned around just in time to see the Resistance troop be Force pushed away from him. The troop hit the wall with a loud thud.
"Get inside!" Rey yelled. She pushed Ren up the ramp, and she hurried to the cockpit. Chewie was already preparing everything for takeoff.
"Uhhh!" Chewie exclaimed, pointing at Ren, who was standing behind Rey.
"We have no option. He's a prisoner and he deserves a fair trial." Rey sat in the pilot's seat. Ren was aware that her obligation to him was out of her respect for his mother, and it had little to do with her concern of whether or not he had a fair trial.
Within moments, the Millennium Falcon was in flight.
Chewie grumbled once again.
"I don't care where we go. Just pick a place!" she sassed, running to control the gun.
Rey looked for the enemy, hoping to take a few ships out on their way off of Yavin 4. She expected to find TIE fighters, but these ships were definitely not TIE fighters. She knew all sorts of ships, but she didn't know these. She had never seen anything like them before. She fired at them anyway. Unfortunately she didn't manage to deal any considerable damage.
Once they were out of the atmosphere, Rey ran back to the cockpit. Ren had settled into the seat behind hers, a look of confusion on his face. Rey concluded that he didn't know about the attack or the enemy, which confirmed what she had suspected. It was not an attack by what remained of the First Order.
Without a word, they jumped to lightspeed. _
Thank you so much for reading the first chapter! Please review and tell me what you think!