*** Just a little something I made. It'll be kinda short, so.. ***

Stubborn Girl

January 12th 1905

9:10 AM

Parents.

They're all the same.

I watched as a slightly tanned mother gave a small kiss on her child's forehead and said goodbye like every other parent. They all wished their children the best of luck, nothing but the best, to be brave, to be... To just be good children. Of course, "good" is a relative term. Knowing my parents, I doubt they cared, and I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. I've faced and accepted the facts already, a long long time ago.

My birthday, it's on December 27th; it's January now, the start of a new term. Just a few weeks ago, I had my tenth birthday and therefor, I'm "supposed" to go to school. Most parents don't do that, most parents would just bring a tutor in. Especially if you're loaded. Ahem, if you have lots of money in possesion.

The children here, their parents probably wanted them to be brave and take care of themselves better, so they won't cling into their parents forever. I doubted that was my parents' reason for putting me here (again, I'm being realistic here). They probably, no, not probably, they just wanted me out of the mansion. I know that they don't want me to be there, I know them. They're my parents, so... Of course I know them more than anyone else.

I'm sure they know I think this way too.

Am I envious? The children who got final kisses and hugs, the children who actually cried saying they wanted to go home, (it's not like they're not going to see each other again for good, there's holiday) I felt like I should feel jealous, but I couldn't.

I felt perfectly fine.

Maybe it's just who I am, being like this. I... How can I put it... I go with the flow. I do what my parents told me to do, I go along with everything. Sometimes, anyway. I'm sane enough to ask "why would I jump off a bridge" because my parents are, unh… hard to describe.

They're not insane or crazy or psychopaths or anything. They're just not the best ones to have. Ah, my life just works that way with them. I don't want any trouble, so I follow their instructions. Doesn't mean I don't have things I want to do though. Pretty sure I'll regret not pursuing them, but at least it's not kick in yet.

And when it kicks in, until that day when I die, I know… I just know it, it won't disappear that easily. It'll haunt me for life, and in my deathbed (if I'm lucky enough that is) I'll spend more time mourning/regretting the things I haven't done than the things I've done.

For a ten year old (well, this year I should be eleven, but it's still eleven months away) I think way too much sometimes. Saying that, I don't "talk" very much, so...

I have no intention to actually talk or befriend anyone. I can make it through (huh, who knows how long I'll be in this boarding school) years without talking to anyone. I can do it just fine, dare me.

12:05 PM

Hnn… Lunch.

I wasn't hungry or anything, I lost my appetite after a mini tour around the academy. No, it wasn't dirty or anything (maybe just a little bit). It was old, the lights were dim, there weren't any windows so the light couldn't...

Guh...

It's just... Horrible. No other word for it.

First of all, the classrooms. Like any other classrooms in the world; a large black board for the teacher to write on, tables and chairs, only... The first thing that came into my mind was, "how could thirty students fit into this classroom, with only four long tables?" We'd have to squeeze in here and there, could we even write there?

And there was the dining room, the largest room there. Everything in this academy look, no, I'm sure these things don't just have the look, they were old and fragile. I feel like I could destroy everything with a single touch. A single pin drop could even wreck the entire second floor. Not exactly, but, the creaking sounds of the wooden floor I walked through during the mini tour; I nearly created a hole there.

Made me want to eat less.

But, it's fine. I'll learn how to adapt, somehow. Someway. There were rules I chose not to pay attention to, with luck, I might actually get kicked out on the third day. I know I said I'd go with the flow, but, really. It's just... hard. The teacher said the tour would continue after lunch, so I decided to sneak out since the chances of people remembering me was slim, and so no one would miss me, and I really wanted some alone time.

I sighed, the air from my mouth visible because of the cold. It snowed a while ago, it took me a while to notice. I was on a desperate attempt to find a perfect place, something I could claim as my own in this academy beside my dorm room. Somewhere hidden, but not too far away from the dorms or class, quiet, somewhere with not many students walking around.

After a quick ten minute scan of my surrounding, I couldn't really find anything. I'd climb up a tree and claim it as my own, but all the trees here, the branches all looked fragile I might fall down, break a few bones, and die.

Live until the regret kicks in, I reminded myself.

So I decided to give up and leaned to a brick wall; the academy's gate to be precise. No one was there but me, and it was really quiet. It's perfect for few minutes of rest (or more, I really didn't want to be a part of the mini tour. I lost track of time)

I slid down and eventually sat on the cold snow. I thought it didn't matter if I got sick, I could sit there for hours. Well, actually I planned on returning in the morning, but I've heard things from the servants and maids, saying people have died thanks to a cold before. Lots of people. Poor people, to be more precise.

I opened a few buttons of my thick coat and took out my small A5 sketch book. It's something I carry around every time, everywhere. Except to bath. Paper and water don't mix. So, inseparable isn't the right word, is it? I just like... Drawing, doodling, anything. It helps me focus on one point. I could forget about pretty much anything since I'm so focused on doing it. I took out my pen, randomly opened a page, and looked up. I told myself to doodle the first thing I see.

A cloud... It looked... Like a banana.

Or an axe.

I shrugged. It's more like an axe in my eyes.

A part of me wished the wind wouldn't blow the axe cloud away, I'd have to start over if that actually happened. Not that I mind or anything, I could pick another random cloud and... It wouldn't take long to doodle. Anyway. I started with the hilt, looked up again, and the sun... I know it was winter and all, but did it have to shine so bright? It shouldn't be, right? My ten year old mind said so. I blocked my eyes with my left hand and continued drawing.

Then...

It was then that I heard something. A… Some kind of rustle, it was something... Or someone. I could hear someone breathing heavily, I could hear it, so close it was like he's right next to me! But he wasn't. I stopped and put my sketch book and pen inside my coat's pocket. I turned to my left, then to my right, and I couldn't see anyone. No, I don't believe in ghosts. Besides, ghosts only appear at night.

Oh who am I fooling...

Anyway, someone -or something- was breathing heavily... Then, a shadow. At first I thought it was the cloud, blocking the sun, but I was... Wrong. I looked up only to see a child, about my age, a girl, climbing up the brick wall, ready to jump down. Right below her was... Well, me.

Seeing her getting ready to jump, I could only curse my luck.

I knew I should get out of the way, if she fell on me I'd get hurt real bad. Sure, the wall's height was around... five feet tall, but it'd still hurt me. But if I didn't... would she be okay? People would accuse me things if she ended up broken (as if she could die from that height), or maybe I was just a little paranoid? I wouldn't get blamed, someone's trying to break in here. Wait a minute, she was trying to break into the academy! And I just realized it now!

Damn it! I shouldn't have caught her!

… Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't actually caught her. She fell on me (just my luck), and just as predicted it hurt as hell.

She wasn't fat, no, she was thin, but gravity and lack of lunch (probably) made her felt heavier than she really was. Moreover, she was wearing ... this thick, large, puffy dress, which made her even more heavier. And... Heels. She was wearing heels, and the sharp pointy thing almost pierced through my stomach.

It really, really hurt.

I abruptly pushed her away from me, I was having a bad day with this academy thing and to top it off the shock and major pain from her heels and weight, it'd leave marks (not the shock, but, ugh.. The heels..). I was about to yell at her for falling on me like that, as I knew I was the only possible replacement for cushion around when... I realized she wasn't moving.

Five seconds, I counted until five. She didn't move a finger, she didn't open her eyes. The girl with the blond hair just stayed there. I moved closer to her, and I saw the same white air coming from her mouth. She was still breathing. At least this way people won't accuse me for murder. Her breathing, it wasn't as frantic as before, it was stable.

Common sense told me to go away to avoid trouble, but apparently I have conscience. I couldn't just leave her there. She could die from the cold. People wouldn't know I did it, no one was there but the two of us. No windows on the walls there either. But I would know, and then I'd blame myself for being a cruel and evil person. And I'd regret it until I die.

Just my luck. Not long after I made my resolution to stay alive until regret kicks in, I was faced with something that I would probably regret. The choices didn't matter, I realized. It was a lose-lose situation. Leaving her to die would definitely kill her, and saving her would bring me trouble.

Everyone was still eating lunch in the dining room, so I doubted they would come anytime soon. Lack of window also meant there couldn't be any witness. I stood there contemplating my choices. The sun was shining brightly, so even with the snow I didn't think she'd be in any danger even if I left her alone. She'd be safe for few hours, until the weather change and the long winter night came.

I wondered if she'd be awake by then. In the end, I decided to not take my chances and just move her somewhere.

It took me a long time before I really moved her though.

I was once again faced with multiple bad choices. I thought of throwing her back outside where she came from, but I couldn't do it. My conscience made me think of many bad things that could be done to her if she was found by bad guys, but now that I really think about it that choice was impossible from the start. She's heavy. I could probably raised her, but there's no way I could raised her above my head, and the wall was about five inches taller than me.

Damn conscience also prevent me from leaving her on the academy. I didn't know anyone yet, but I didn't doubt the fact that some of them was bad. It had to be true. There was no way that all people in the academy were good. The only safe place inside was my room, I realized and after letting out a sigh I decided that it's the best choice for both my conscience and my future.

At least, I could fake an illness or something and it'd be easier to hide her in the only place where I would always be alone. There would be no problem at all. And plus, it was a great excuse to miss the tour.

12:50 PM

I put both my hands on my chin and just... Stared at her. She was heavy, though I prefer not to think about it. I don't want to remember the stairs I had to climb up, the hallways I had to walk quickly to avoid meeting anyone, and... the panic I felt when I noticed she's missing a shoe. I didn't pay attention to her feet, so I can't be sure if she lost it before she break into the academy or not. It could be outside, or it could be near the gate. Worst case scenario, it's somewhere along the way I took to bring her to my room. It's like I'm inside reverse-Cinderella story, where I as the prince had to look for the shoe instead of the girl.

I decided to leave it to fate and let her worry about it herself when she woke up.

Cinderella, huh... I've read the story of that Cinderella before. The poor girl who managed to won the Prince's heart. The Prince loved her too, even though he forgot her face and couldn't recognize her own soul mate and had to ask the entire female population in that kingdom to try on that shoe. The maids told me to skip the parts where the birds plucked the eyes out of the sister's... Face, and how the sisters had to cut their own toes so that the shoes would fit. All I could say was, when people say "no" to something, it only makes me want to defy them.

It wasn't that bad. At least it was their own choice. About the cutting their own toes thing, at least. I just think about the birds as divine retribution.

I had a weird feeling when I looked at the possibly wealthy and obviously deranged girl. She reminded me of someone. Ah, well, she looks a lot like me, I guess? I don't look at myself in the mirror very much, but still, you can't exactly forget your own face. Then again, the only thing we had in common was our blonde hair. I wondered if her eyes were the same color as mine. I hadn't seen them opened yet.

Eventually, I got tired of waiting and decided to play with her hair. I started pulling it, hoping she'd get annoyed and wake up, or something like that. I pinched her cheek and I saw her twitch; just a little movement but I was sure of it. Her face even looked irritated. Slowly, ever so slowly, she opened her eyes.

The color didn't go well with her too pale skin.

I didn't know what's more fragile, this academy, or that girl. She looked so weak, she's... Maybe she's sick or something? No, it wasn't a cold... Maybe it's some kind of sickness that makes people... Weak, or something. I don't know.

My mouth opened but nothing came out, I wanted to say something... I really did, but I couldn't think of...

"Why did you fell on me?" Oh, wow. My conscience left me. Of all the questions I could ask, I asked that. I didn't ask how she was feeling, I didn't ask her purpose in coming, I didn't ask her condition or where she came from or anything. I thought I had heart, but apparently it had gone away. I had become a selfish heartless boy. Or, I could always have been selfish and heartless, and the conscience I thought I had was only my brain playing tricks on me. I don't know.

She didn't answer me, she looked at me with those azure eyes of her, somewhat similar to mine. Her face was unreadable, it was... It was my face during the entire mini tour of the academy. Hahah.

"It's because... You were under me, I guess." She leaned closer to me, examined from top to bottom, and looked deeply into my eyes; her face suddenly serious. "I thought someone older would save me." She pouted.

Oh, you're welcome. It really didn't bother me or anything, having to carry a heavy load. Why did I pick her up again? Because, why, because I was afraid she'd die? From the cold? I made a bad choice. I should have left her there, she was being rude and ungrateful and so not worth my trouble.

"I guess I should leave now." Again, I opened my mouth and was about to protest... I wanted to force words of gratitude out from her mouth, but I decided that her leaving would spare me troubles.

But... She wasn't moving. In fact she didn't leave.

...Why?

"Then again..." She looked at my uniform, stared blankly at the ceiling for a moment, then gently rested her head on her, um, my pillow and pulled the covers up. "I don't mind staying here for a while." I'm anti-social, I don't really know what to say at that kind of... Situations. Then again, who would?

"S-so... Then, well... Where should I sleep?" I sounded like a complete idiot.

Now that I think about it, I am an idiot. If I'm not an idiot, I would have asked her 'Why do you even want to stay here?'.

"We can share a bed together. Think of me as a sister you'll never have." She said and turned around, facing me. "I like it here, it's nice." That girl should take the tour I had to go through, and I'd dare her to say that again. It's not nice at all, it's a dump.

"What are you doing here? Really..." I sighed and massaged my temples, I was annoyed. And I wanted to show how irritated I felt, I wanted her to know that. It'd be nice to get a little sympathy, a little doubt, a little "oh wow, what have I done to this boy, where are my manners?" like that.

As if embarrassed, she covered herself with he- my blanket and whispered. "Promise you won't tell anyone?" Well. I didn't know anyone, so I couldn't really tell anyone, right? I nodded, then realized... She couldn't see me under the covers. Ahem, I mumbled a "sure" and waited for her answer.

"I've always wanted to go to school." She uncovered herself again and continued "My mom told me girls like me shouldn't go to school." The academy where I'd be learning wasn't a "boys only" boarding school, technically, but her words made me realize that there weren't much girls here... In fact, did I see any girls earlier? Even the teachers...

The world could be unfair to girls sometimes, it's not as worse as "before", but I think it's unfair. I've heard stories of the difference, you know, between men and women. Until this day, girls are supposed to dress pretty, learn manners and get a rich husband. Only that and nothing more. I've never seen a woman lead, a woman... Actually "working", they're really hard to find.

I once read somewhere, that "back then", it was much, much worse. Women weren't allowed to do any kind of work, and even... Plays! Plays back then, on theatres and such! Roles as women would be played by men, and... I couldn't imagine, more like, I don't want to imagine a Romeo and Juliet play, starring men. Why did people assign the role Juliet to a man? Because women are so... Low and weak, so they're not allowed to work? Didn't Romeo and Juliet kiss? Didn't they feel disgusted?

Moreover, man! Where were their pride as man?!

"... -That's why, I want to be here. You'd understand that if you're in my position, right?" I didn't pay attention to a single word she said about the reason she wanted to study. I was distracted… Nothing new. I wonder if there's something more than 'my mom wouldn't let me'. Well, it's not important anyway.

"You should still leave. Eventually, people are going to... Your parents are going to look for you, and they're going to blame this school, then they're going to blame me, you're too troublesome to be here!" A part of me worried if she'd cry, because I raised my voice a little there. She wasn't the crying type, apparently. She was the stubborn type.

Great.

"You're right... Okay! Forget school! I want to learn! I'll come everyday at noon to see your books. Please? We can meet by the gates at lunch time. No one would be there, I promise!" The girl begged. To be honest, I didn't really mind that. What made me rethink the "request" was, why should I care? That girl would get what she want, be happy, and that leaves me with...? There was nothing for me at all.

"What if I say, 'no'? What then?"

"I'll tell my mom and dad, and the school's principal or something, that you tried hurting me, and you pushed me off the wall, and you abandoned me on the cold snow, an-"

Yes. I was blackmailed. The girl brought herself to the academy, and just had to passed out because of it, and I was the idiot who just had to save her. I cursed my bad choice earlier.

"Like they'd believe you?"

I tried to sound uncaring, but it didn't work.

"I'm sure they'll believe sweet little innocent girls than... Than boys."

She said it as if being a boy's a bad thing. She's weird, period. One moment she made me think that she envies boys, next she said something that made me think she has this grudge towards boys. Maybe girls in general hate boys, and she's the only one who envies boys and the trait overlaps. I'm not sure.

"So, you'll do it, right? For me? I'll bring you cookies!" Oooh cookies. She should have said that earlier. Sweet things beats the garbage they tried to feed us at lunch earlier anytime.

"Fine, it's not like I'm doing it... Because I want to or anything, I just want the cookies." And then... That girl, she just smiled. Something positive about that girl, finally. It's better to see her like that, than... Her pouting face, her stubborn face, her disappointed face, her sleeping face… Not that I care or anything like that. It's just that seeing her smile made me feel less troubled. At least I can pretend she doesn't have problems when she smiles.

"Ah, that's right! My name is Rin, it's nice to meet you~" She got up from my bed, tidied the sheet a little, and grabbed my arm. She shook it gently and waited for my reply.

"Len..."

And despite all odds, I found it nice to meet her. Of course, I'd never tell her that.