An entry for the After Your Heart Stops Beating oneshot contest.
Title: These Ill-Fitting Pieces
Penname: Little Miss Mionie
Summary: After a hundred years as a vampire, Bella knows where she does not fit. She runs from a crumbling marriage into the world-weary arms of Jacob Black. An entry for After Your Heart Stops Beating Contest.
Genre: Post-Eclipse
Word Count: 2, 222
Beta: WolfGirlAtHeart
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
To view other entries, go here: http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/~afteryourheartstopsbeating
In life, the people around you are like a puzzle; the pieces of friends, family, lovers, and acquaintances all have some predetermined shape that fits around the edges of you. It is the last puzzle piece, the piece that didn't fit anywhere else, that always fits perfectly with you.
I lay amongst these cream coloured sheets, staring at the silhouette of my best friend, wondering how we got here. Why hadn't it always been like this - my life full of sunshine, broken engines and Jacob? Why had I forgotten how well we pieced together?
Edward Cullen had entranced and dazzled me, and when I was in his arms it was a perfect fit. Nothing stood in the way of our happiness; Victoria and her army were destroyed.
All those years ago, I had made my choice to marry him, to be linked with him forever. Together we would be immortal; together we would be equal. As I accepted his proposal, it felt as though I found the missing piece in the puzzle of myself.
A hundred years had gone by since the wedding, Isle Esme and my change into a vampire. After the white veil and crisp clean roses and translucent water and ivory sheets and venom and hurt hurt hurt, I found my shape had changed.
I had said my goodbyes to Charlie, Renee, Angela and Jacob before Edward and Bella Cullen had been involved in a fatal car crash. The pain I felt as Edward bit into my flesh was insurmountable. The funeral service had been exquisite; in my new vampire body, I had lain still as death in an open casket.
It was soon clear that in my new, tougher, colder skin, the edges of my Edward did not fit.
I think the worst part was that he did not seem to notice.
Immortality did not cease the undercurrent of marital problems; forever did not stop the white lies, the fighting and Edward doing things for my own good without consulting me. Edward seemed to think that even though I was stronger than him, I should still be treated like a fragile piece of glass. He could not – and would not – see my reasoning or hear me out when I begged him to let me go hunting on my own, or go anywhere without protection. I was utterly isolated in my newborn status; unable to make human friends for fear I would kill them.
Alice had told me not to worry, but how could I not? The rest of our coven didn't have this problem. Our love had become my worst nightmare – I was alienated, but when I expressed my loneliness, I looked ungrateful. Immortality is all that I had wished for, an eternity with Edward. Now I longed for freedom and for comfort from someone other than the vampire who was now a stranger to me. Esme tried to soothe me by saying that Edward and I were just going through a rough patch.
It was a rough patch that had lasted seventy-five years. A rough patch that wore me down to my core every day, until I wished my silent screams could jolt my heart and warm my blood and let me breathe again.
At least when I was human, and unmarried, my voice had been heard. A couple did not mean a joint, single opinion. It meant two voices agreeing and disagreeing.
My worst fears were soaking my life in their poison. I had always envisioned myself talking to Edward if these situations ever arose. I had forever thought that we would work it out.
I had never imagined that this type of descent was so strong and untameable. I could not be very bitter with Edward; I could not fully fault his personality, his nature. However, it was evident that what I had once found endearing about Edward had now become a strain on our marriage, on our love.
My edges were frayed and my colour faded. I had struggled through so many years of wear and tear just trying to fit around the shape of Edward Cullen.
Slowly, as time trickled by, my thoughts had turned to Jacob. For so long he had been my sun, a friend in which I could always find warmth and a smile. He never pressed me for answers I didn't want to give and seemed to understand my feelings with ease. He was everything Edward wasn't.
I don't know what possessed me to run to him in that very moment, branches snapping under my strong feet and dead heart in a panic. I found myself running miles and miles through the countryside.
It had been a number of years since vampires had inhabited the Quileute region, and I should have been prepared for this older Jacob Black.
But in my murky and muddy memories all I could see was my sun and that grin and the way his copper skin glowed in the light.
His woodsy scent was easy to recognise as I stalked the streets under the cover of darkness. It flowed from the woods, past Sam and Emily's old house and down a well-to-do street near the Quileute school. I didn't have to worry about being recognised; all those who had known me had died twenty years ago.
I raced towards his house and bounded on the front porch in a sixth of a millisecond. I was an incandescent streak on the canvas of night-time.
The door opened before I could knock.
There he was, Jacob Black, a century later. He had silver hair at the temples, wrinkles in the corner of his eyes and muscles giving way to age. He looked like a healthy man of forty years of age. His teeth were bared. Jacob Black was apparently still a wolf behind the guise of a human.
"Of course, I'm a vampire, you wouldn't recognise my scent," I gasped, shocked at the intent in his dark gaze and berating myself for not anticipating this scenario. "I should have called…"
Jacob's lips closed into a straight line and he straightened. "Bella, what are you doing here?"
Oh, Holy crow, this was a terrible idea…. what type of wife was I…what type of friend was I…
"I came to see you," I said in a small voice, my musical lilt a deep contrast to Jacob's husky tone.
Jacob looked beyond angry. "Where's your leech?" He spat venomously, and I flinched in response.
I knew he saw the pain cross my features. "He's at home, Jake," I responded softly. "I came alone."
Fifteen agonisingly slow seconds passed in tense silence.
Jacob swallowed heavily, and spoke. "You wanna come in?"
I smiled sadly. "I'd like that."
His house was small but cosy. It seemed like a true home. There were family photographs of an aging wolf pack hung on the wall. There were pictures of Sam and Emily with their children, Leah as she graduated college and Embry on his wedding day. I saw a picture of us together; Jacob and I back when we were both human, fixing the Rabbit. I could recall with ease the warm cans of soda and the names of tools I always got mixed up.
Jacob watched me survey my surroundings intently. He seemed to be wary of me.
"You want something to drink?" He asked out of habit before it kicked in. "Oh, right. Sorry, I don't have any deer on me."
His tone was dry. Sarcasm was, at least, better than pure hatred.
"I saw your motorbike out the front," I started nervously, ignoring the vampire jibe. "You still ride?"
"Sometimes. Did you ever end up learning properly?"
"Yes, actually. Rosalie, of all people, taught me. She enjoys anything with an engine."
"Oh, all right. I'm…I'm glad you learned."
"Yeah, I don't crash anymore. How's the rest of the pack?"
"Good. Aging, but good."
"Oh."
I hadn't envisioned this reunion to be so awkward. But what had I truly expected?
Jacob leaned back on the kitchen counter. "You look good," he offered in an uncomfortable manner that reminded me of Charlie, "For a blood sucker."
I didn't think much of my appearance. Apart from my eye colour and level of paleness, my transformation hadn't changed much.
I smiled in response, and looked at him proudly. He had really grown into quite a handsome man. The angry boy I had left seemed to be only an echo in my memories.
"Thank you. You look….distinguished," I replied.
Jacob grinned. "Old and fat, you mean."
"No, really!" I exclaimed in earnest. "You…you look perfect. Just how it's meant to be."
The words slipped out and I could not push them back down my traitorous throat.
"Things not happy at home, Bella?" Jacob asked sharply.
I shook my head.
My reply of "No," came out in a whisper. "I foolishly thought that things would change once we were married, once I was changed. I thought he knew how I felt and how desperately I never wanted my mother's fear about marriage to come true. It seems like all the stuff she said about not being able to recognise someone you love was true."
Jacob evidently still had someone of his supernatural strength. He cracked the counter in anger as he yelled at me.
"So you thought you'd come and see me and see if I'd like to, what, have an affair with you? You thought you could just use me again?"
Oh, how I wished tears could well and burn in my golden eyes. "Yes, I'm so sorry, I did, I did," I sobbed. "I'm so stupid; I should have never come here…"
I looked up at him, stricken by my own grief. "Do you hate me for doing this? For turning into a vampire? Because…sometimes I think I hate myself."
He didn't respond.
I felt as though I was burning; like I was being turned once again. This pain of loss and regret and rejection stung at my every pore.
I understood that I should leave. I turned to walk out the door, but was stopped by Jacob's warm, coppery hand grasping my cool, ivory forearm.
"What, Jacob?" I cried.
"I want you to use me again, Bella," he confessed in a hard voice.
"What?" I gasped, moving so that I was facing him.
"I've missed you so much, Bella. I could never hate you, no matter what you are."
I stroked the side of his aging face, what once had been a strong jaw. I looked into his beautiful dark eyes. "I've missed you too, Jake."
"I have to be honest with you, Bella," Jacob said in reply. "I'm married, and I have kids."
My stilled heart fell. I should have known. "You imprinted?"
Jacob's familiar smile graced his lips. "Nope, Seth and I never did. I got married about fifteen years ago. We're…sort of separated right now. She cheated on me a while back."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Jacob."
"It doesn't matter now, Bells."
I leaned into his embrace, revelling in his warmth. It contrasted in the most extraordinary way against my marble skin. "What are your children's names?" I inquired with reverence.
"Grace and Belle; they're eleven and five."
"Belle?" I froze.
"After my mother-in-law, but I secretly wanted it because of you, too."
I found myself tearlessly crying, touched beyond belief that Jacob would honour me so. "They sound lovely. Will you show me some pictures of them?" I asked, but Jacob shook his head.
"Not now," he said in a low voice, putting his body flush with mine, until I could feel his arousal. My hands moved up his arms as his found the sash on my dress and untied it.
His hot, dry lips found mine as he kissed my softly. My lips parted, and my mouth opened as his tongue met mine. Jacob hungrily led me up the stairs to his bedroom while taking off my clothes.
Then, we were on the top of hastily strewn bed covers. Jacob's temperature did not compliment mine. He was married, I was married, and one day he would die and I would live forever. We made love and it was hard and rough and then gentle and slow because Jacob knew that he could not break me and he trusted me enough not to break him. It didn't feel forbidden, it didn't feel wrong. It was Edward who had become the stranger that left me in between ivory sheets wondering why why why.
We talked about my teaching degree and his kids for hours on end as if we had never heard of immortality. We talked about all the books I had read and all the cars Jacob had fixed. We reminisced about Charlie's fishing trips and Billy's rickety house. We laughed as we remembered the ridiculously loud noise of my old red Chevy. We talked about everything we had ever wanted as if we did not realise that it could never be achieved.
His touch was caring and he made me feel alive. He did not lie to me. He knew I was strong enough to handle things on my own.
At last, I had found that last inextricable piece of the puzzle. I could feel the edges of Bella Swan repairing and fitting around Jacob – my Jacob.