3 am
DIsclaimer: I do not own any part of Gundam Wing except the box set DVD's of the series and OAV. : )
It's 3 am. He's been gone for five hours and thirty minutes. He'll be gone for another 48 hours. I roll over and try to go to sleep for the umpteenth time this night but am still unable to. The house just isn't the same without him anymore. I love him more than life itself and hate to be away from him. But it wasn't always that way.
I used to think him to be cold and emotionless, but that's the reason I got close to him. I like challenges and he was one of the biggest around. The only problem was I wasn't expecting to fall in love, nor for him to return the feelings. It was during the first time that we had sex, for that's all it was, that I learned that he wasn't emotionless. I still thought him cold. After all, everything was a mission to him. But he is far from emotionless. He just plays things close to his chest, doesn't like revealing his own feelings. I never thought that someone like him could have the strong emotions that he does.
Oh look, now its 303, three more minutes of no sleep. Why do I even try to sleep when he's away? I never can. Maybe it's time that I put a request in for us to not be sent on separate missions anymore. Maybe it's time for me to finally give in and tell him how I truly feel. Maybe I need to give a little background first.
You see I fell in love with him after our first time and made it my goal to find out everything about him that I could, to know more about him than anyone else. I guess you could say I became obsessed. After the war we both joined preventers and to save money we rented an apartment together. We remained friends with benefits but never anything more. He still doesn't know how I truly feel. Anyways, a few years later we decided to buy a house, still the same old fuck buddies but we owned a home together. You can learn so much about a person by their home and watching them set up their own sanctuary.
For example, the first year we owned our home I learned that he doesn't like dark colors, he's actually a pastel kind of guy. His room is painted soft lemon yellow I also learned that he loves to garden and tend to plants. We have a Japanese water garden in the back yard, complete with koi fish and all. Then there is the fact that he is a complete clean freak, but I already knew this. We have lived together for a while, but as the years go by he's not quite as much of a neat freak.
Almost 4 now and I have to be to work in three hours. There's no point in even trying to sleep so I might as well get up and start getting ready. I guess I can grab more for breakfast this morning than just my customary pop tart. It's going to be a long 47 more hours. Quatra will worry over me. In fact He should be calling before 7 like he does every time he and I are separated on missions. Trowa will try to make me laugh at work instead of the other way around, and Wufei will bring me tea at lunch and offer to sit with me. Despite Wufei's appearance he's a very kind and tender person. I had a crush on him at one point too, but never like the love I have for him. Well, time to shower and try to wake up enough to make it through another day of work.
So far my predictions have been correct. Quatra called my cell phone at 645 sharp, right as I was turning into the preventers parking lot, and Trowa has been by my office no less that three times trying to cheer me up. It's no use though, just like every other time. I'm not the same person when he's not around anymore. It's not like I'm depressed or anything, cause I don't do depressed. It's more like I'm worried and my worry is so big that it doesn't leave room for any other emotion. I'm quieter when he's not around and I don't move as much. Surprisingly, the guys don't like me like this. I asked them why one time and Wufei told me, "If you aren't moving and talking constantly then something's wrong with you, and despite what you may think you are a dear friend and none of us want you hurting. So just go back to being the normal you."
Imagine hearing that from Wufei. He was the one constantly hollering at me during the war for being too rambunctious in the safe houses. It's funny that now he's the one encouraging me to be the old me. Speaking of Wufei, he should be around anytime with that cup of tea and offer of company. They all know that I can't sleep when he's not there, so Wufei always bring me a tea that has the most pick me up stuff in it possible. It usually keeps me going till at least 10 at night, which is good enough for me, cause in that time I don't think about him that much. It's after the tea has worn off and I'm laying in bed that my mind returns to him. , wondering if he's okay, if he's going to come back to me this time.
956pm. A little over 29 hours before he comes back to me. The tea that Wufei provided at lunch is wearing off. I'm exhausted but my mind won't turn off long enough for me to go to sleep, it never does. During one of his solo missions I didn't sleep for 4 days until I was so exhausted that I collapsed at work and spent the rest of the day in the infirmary under the watchful eyes of Sally Po. That woman is a sadist. She gave me a prescription for sleeping pills to use when he's away. She is one of the people that understand me. After all she feels the same way every time that Wufei is on a mission. Did I forget to mention that? Wufei and Sally are married and sally is currently expecting their first child. As for the sleeping pills, I never took them. I don't like the way I feel under the influence of drugs. I'll just take my days without sleep until I get him back.
I try reading to pass the time but it doesn't work. I constantly look to the clock and I can't focus on what I'm reading to save my life. I used to try to bring paperwork home to try and distract myself but that didn't work either. Anymore I set on the couch with the T.V. on in the background and stare at the clock. Pathetic, huh?
I jerk awake and look to the clock. 6am! I actually fell asleep. I never have been able to before, so why this time? More importantly, what woke me? It was then that I heard it, a faint rustling coming from the direction of his bedroom. Was I being robbed? I quietly slipped from my place on the couch and stole down the hall without making a noise. I am the master of stealth after all. As I approached the door I noticed a light from beneath it. My heart is beating fast and as I open the door silently. I see him standing in front of his dresser. I must have made some kind of noise because he turns around abruptly and our eyes meet. Mine fill with tears.
"I didn't mean to wake you. You looked peaceful sleeping on the couch."
I can't say anything. Instead I rush over to him and wrap my arms around his slim waist and kiss every part of his face I can reach to assure myself that it is him really standing in front of me and not some specter of my imagination. He's really here and home 21 hours early. He catches my face in his hands and gently dries the tears from my eyes with his thumbs.
"What's wrong Duo? Why are you crying?"
There are so many things I could say. 'Why are you home early?', 'I missed you.', "I love you." The last one is the only one to come out. He smiles at me. That smile that I know he only shows to me, the one that is gentle and warm and a side of him that no one else gets to see.
"I know." Is all he says. And with those two little words I know that he loves me too. I know that Heero is mine and I'm his and we will never be apart again. It has been 32.5 hours since he left me and now I know that he will never leave me again. I won't have to be up a 3am wondering if he's all right, because from now on we will share all the 3am's together.
Owari
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