Miss Gasp And The Not So Eternal Stud
x
Elena stood outside the house, staring up at the night sky, just… gazing.
Her mind was full.
Overflowing.
So much it hurt.
There were footsteps now, and she knew who they would belong to. It had to be him.
Arms crept around her waist from behind, a chin resting on her shoulder, closing her eyes gently as she muttered.
"Damon…"
He shushed her lightly, kissing the spot under her ear, as soft as a whisper, making Elena sigh, raising her hands to rest over his own.
Elena groaned a little, shaking her head. "Oh Damon, kiss me. I'm a slut. I mean, I think I am."
He blinked at that, cocking his head. "Why do you think yourself a slut? I thought the word was whore?"
She wrinkled her nose, shrugging, looking around outside the motel. "Right, Jeremy is going to come and cockblock us in a moment. Let's make it look steamy, smutty and like a quickie."
Damon looked thoughtful. "Hmm, but that's what the viewers want."
"Yeah, this whole thing has gotten boring now."
"God… what have I become?"
Elena just stared, then went. "A soft bastard."
"Are you touching my penis?"
"No! I'm just saying Season One Damon was a badass motherfucker."
Damon stared back, then muttered. "I fell in love."
"Yeah, and became sappy. I need a real man, not one that's all. 'I love you, I met you first. I love having eyesex with you. Can I fuck you?'"
"I don't say that!"
"You're having eyesex with me right now."
"Ah."
"Yeah."
"Shall I… back off?"
Elena cocked a brow and scoffed. "Oh come on! Why the hell would I do that? I'll just grab you., pull you to me and have a gasp attack on your lips."
"Do you have asthma?"
"I think so."
"Yeah… you gasp. A lot."
"Hmm."
"Are you silent when you have sex then?"
"Hmm, we'll have to wait for season four."
"Think we'll fuck?"
"Yep."
"First episode."
"I wouldn't be shocked."
Damon wrinkled his nose, cocking his head. "So… shall we snog? I mean, the sexual tension between us is supposed to be ovary blowing."
"Mine are kinda freezing."
"My balls are freezing. It's cold out here."
"Well, you're walking around with your shirt open. Vile manwhore."
"But I'm the 'Eternal Stud.'"
"I'm a gaspy doppelganger. And you're not eternal."
"I thought you said Gassy then."
"Look- I'm supposed to be feeling all guilty, conflicted and whatever. I'm already out of character, I'm supposed to be grabbing at you, gasping and trying to choose between you and Stefan."
"You'll choose Stefan in the end."
"Yeah. Eh. Predictable."
"…snog me until me get cockblocked?"
"No, I'm going to grope you. My brothers girl."
"Grope me my ex who I will get back together withs brother."
Once again, just pure comedy. Not meant to offend anyone, just twisting stuff. Enjoy!