Title:Guardian
Author: Caz PG (just to err on the side of caution)
Archive: Anywhere and everywhere
Season/Spoilers: Heroes (part 2) So sad!
Status: Complete
Feedback: All Welcomed
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately and wish I was making money out of this but alas not.
Summary: Janet's death has a profound effect on everyone
After the names had been read, the tributes said, the military faces emotionless façade waver for all there, the reality of the situation hit them. She was gone. This was really it. They'd really lost one of their family. Someone who'd been there since the beginning, a co-founder and part-time member of SG1. there to patch them up and bring them back to life, to do the impossible day after day. The wake was held on the base, Jonas was invited back, family needed each other, however estranged at times like this. As they all stood in the room Daniel had been grieving in earlier, the room all of SG1 had almost died and, in Daniel and Sam's cases, actually died in. always watched over by Janet's smiling, intelligent face, pleading with them to stay with her. The end of an era for all there.
Cassie was at a friend's house, she had been invited but it was decided it was time to let her grieve privately for the loss of her friend and surrogate mother. Sam watched from the corner as people mingled, shared happy memories and commented on how they wouldn't be there but for the wonderful woman they were now mourning the loss of. She watched Daniel's pale, gaunt face, pretending to listen to the young lieutenant who was doing her best to cheer him up. He quickly excused himself. There was a time to go after him and talk to him. Now was not that time, for either of them. He needed time and space to get over the woman he had grown to love over their years together, fighting side by side for their surrogate mismatch family's survival and his own.
Sam saw Jack across the room, aimlessly wandering around speaking to people randomly. The military face never moved. She was trying so hard to keep hers up. She'd lost so much today in so many ways. In the form of Janet she'd lost her best friend, doctor and guardian angel. Also her pride was dented. Her admission to the colonel was stupid. What had she expected? She had to say something though. In a way the look in his eyes as he came towards her re-enforced he still felt something for her. Even after all these years of waiting and watching. Still, she wished he'd let her in just that tiny bit closer. She became suddenly aware of a hand on her shoulder, "So, Major, what's your fondest memory of Doctor Frasier?" an innocent question asked by a young lieutenant SG1 had been training a while ago. It was too much. She felt her eyes begin to well up with almost uncontrollable tears. She quickly excused herself and said she would see everyone in a week.
She ran towards the elevator, determined to keep the façade of being in-control. At least until she reached the surface. She looked around her, trying desperately not to think about the number of times she'd been wheeled down this corridor on a gurney, Janet faithfully by her side re-assuring her she was going to make it and needed to hang on as they had a girly weekend coming up and she wasn't getting out of it that easily. Trying not to think that merely 20 feet from where she stood was where the colonel had to shoot her, and also where Janet brought her back to life and kept people out of her isolation room while Jack stayed by her side. It was too much to take, she felt a sob swelling in her chest and gave in. letting the tears flow down her face. She leant against the wall, letting herself slide down it until a strong pair of arms pulled her upright again. Through the tears she couldn't make out the strangers face but she knew from the way he took a deep, shaky breath and pulled her close to him, stroking her hair and burying his face into her neck, that there was someone else who needed someone tonight.
Her tears were just about under control as they reached the surface. Silent teardrops trickled silently down her face. He led her gently towards his truck, helping her into the passenger seat. Jack looked at her and noticed once again how beautiful she was. He wiped the tears from her cheeks and looked into her eyes. He stroked her cheek once again and shut the door. The ride to her house was silent except for the occasional sigh. It was days like today, where he felt so powerless, that all he wanted to do was quit.
They pulled up and Sam got out and quietly walked to the front door, looking over her shoulder to make sure he was following her.
"I'd probably better go." His eyes were downcast, preventing her from seeing his beloved emotional walls from gradually falling.
"Sir….Jack? Can't you stay for a little while? Please." at that she took his hand, her face turning down as she tried to offer him an excuse to come in, "Coffee?"
"Sure." He replied, glad for some form of conversation. For once he really didn't know what to say to her. Did he tell her how he felt about not wanting to lose her? Did he play the good commanding officer and give her a pep talk about how sometimes you just lost people? No, that was a stupid idea he owed her, and Janet, more than that. Lost in his thinking he didn't see her re-enter the room. She watched him for a minute. Sensing there was something making him uncomfortable.
"I think I should apologise for what I said earlier about being distressed about losing you." She felt her eyes begin to fill up again as she remembered a conversation she had with Janet while Jack was trapped on Edora. She felt a hand on her arm and then another on her cheek.
"Don't apologise Sam. I don't know what id do if you…..if I lost you."
"I'm a 'valuable member of the team'." It was almost chanted, a well used matra. She winced internally at the sound of it but she couldn't help it. She needed to finally know where she stood. Losing Jan was bad enough but if she lost him…….she didn't know what she'd do.
"Yes, you are. But its not just the team your valuable to." His voice dropped to a whisper, hoping she wouldn't hear him.
"What?"
"Sam, when I got hit, all I could see was you. I wanted so badly for you to be there if it was my time to go, but I couldn't stand to lose you. You mean the world to me….I never thought id be able to feel this way about anyone again. Losing Janet has made me realise that life's too short not to try things on the off-chance it might not work."
"I think I know what your saying Jack and don't get me wrong, I feel the same way, but you know as well as I do there are regulations." She looked up at him to find a stray tear slowly winding its way down his weathered, handsome face.
"Yea, well, we don't normally take any notice of those. And plus, I don't want any regrets. I love you Sam and if the time comes when one of us ends up caught in the firing line I don't want either of us to be sat wondering if it could have worked, if we should have ignored the stupid regs." He put his arm around her shoulder as she leaned towards him. Running his fingers through her hair. "Screw the regs Sam. No-one will notice or care to be honest. We're the best damn team out there. I think they owe us way more than one favour by now!" He looked down to find her smiling. It was a refreshing sight which indicated to him that things were going to be okay. He leant down and gently pressed his lips against hers. Her arms snaked around his neck as he deepened the kiss and pulled her closer. It was a loving, tender, quietly passionate kiss laced with promise of things to come. They spent the remainder of the night reminiscing and finally opening up about how they felt about each other and Janet. All the times she had been there as a friend and as a doctor. After the entity invaded Sam's body, Jacks exposure to the Ancient's form of spinal meningitis, Daniels radiation sickness and subsequent death and re-incarnation and all the times she had let them be alone with each other even though the other wasn't conscious.
The next morning Daniel and Teal'c brought Cassie over. They sat and ate pizza, drank beer and reminisced of worse and better days when Janet had been with them. It was a time to celebrate everything she had done for them and everything she stood for and meant to all of them. It was also a chance to capture the closeness of their surrogate family, and what would be in years to come. They knew wherever she was she would be watching over them always. Their guardian angel.