Author's Note: This story takes place about two years before the events in the Philosopher's Stone. In other words, I was too lazy to take into account any events which were happening in the human world at the time, and simply picked a time period where nothing interesting would be happening. That way, Book 7 won't screw with my continuity.
Obviously, since this is fan fiction, the characters aren't mine. Except for maybe Kraken. At any rate, should JK Rowling ever sue my butt off for copyright infringement, I plead fair use. These are her characters, settings, and other miscellaneous whatnot.
Prologue
Deep, deep down, far beneath the murky waters of a lake in an undisclosed area of England, there is a large steel pipe. This pipe, approximately two and a half metres in diameter, winds past the rocky bottom of the lake, through beds of kelp and deep trenches, from an old, crumbling castle perched precariously on a cliff by the water. It ends somewhere in the south-eastern corner of the lake, in an opening which directly deposits effluent from the castle into a small cave nestled in the rocks.
And here the problem begins. For this castle is not, as at first glance would suggest, an uninhabited ruin. It is, in fact, the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where over a thousand young magical minds gather for ten months of the year. A thousand young witches and wizards, mixing potions and pouring the waste into the castle drains. A thousand young witches and wizards, using toilets, showers, bathtubs, and sinks. A thousand young children using drains and sewage systems, all of which discharge into the large steel pipe which winds through the lake. And a resulting one thousand tonnes of faecal matter pouring into the water.
In short, this pipe spews crap. In fact, this pipe spews crap directly into the home of a giant squid who lives in the small cave nestled in the rocks.
Tell me, what would you do if you were in his position?