My first jump back into the game; I have to admit, I thought of this whilst falling asleep last night after taking some Nyquil for a cold, so I make no promises. :)

Disclaimer: HP ain't mine.

Never Wanted This

"JAMES POTTER, YOU – YOU ARSE! I HATE YOU!" Lily screamed. Her face was quite contorted and steadily becoming more and more purple.

"Lily, love, look, it'll all be okay in the end," James pleaded with her. Lily's friends Alice and Marlene and James' mates Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who looked as if he was about to vomit, scurried out of sight and presumably out of the room, knowing better than to come between James and Lily at a time like this.

"It will not be okay. DO YOU BLOODY UNDERSTAND? NOT OKAY." Lily continued shrieking, glaring at James more ferociously than he would have thought possible.

"No, trust me, it will be!"

"I don't trust you! YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" Lily's face was quite purple now and her eyes seemed as if they would pop out of her head at any minute. James gulped, offering his hand to her.

"Lily… I'm really sorry…" he whispered, not sure of what else to say.

"It is not okay, James-bloody-Potter," she snarled through her clenched teeth before letting out another shriek. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!" He felt certain that if she could have stomped her foot, she would have.

Lily's eyes finally landed on his still outstretched hand. She grabbed at it and, once in her grasp, squeezed it until James could practically hear the bones breaking.

"This is your fault, all your fault. I NEVER WANTED THIS." She was sweating now, her chest heaving up and down as she continued yelling at the top of her voice. He was amazed that she hadn't destroyed her vocal chords by now, after all the years of arguments between them.

James held back a smirk. "No, actually, I'm certain that you did. Still do, actually. You're just a bit, err, incapacitated at the moment. Not thinking clearly."

"ACTUALLY, Potter," she growled, "I have never thought more – more clearly than I – I do at present and I cer-certainly do not want THIS!" She screamed the last few words so loudly that she was hiccupping for air and James thought it was a miracle the whole bloody continent couldn't hear her. He didn't know how other blokes got through this and then wondered if it was just Lily. She was, after all, not a normal bird.

"Now, now, darling," here she squeezed his fingers so menacingly that he couldn't help but jump a bit, "you'll find in a few hours that this was all a big misunderstanding and that you really couldn't be happier. Trust me on this one, love."

"I don't trust youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Lily was howling now, still hiccupping, still heaving, and her face even more purple (James hadn't thought that possible) and tears welling up in her eyes.

"Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily," he sighed, "you know I still love you and I know that deep down you trust me with all your heart."

"NO I DO NOT. And you – you pompous git! If you re-really loved me, you wouldn't – wouldn't put me through th-this!" Lily was sobbing and screaming now, her face a terrible mix of purple, tears, and snot. And yet James still thought she was beautiful.

"No, I really do love you. Even if your face is all purple-y and covered in snot," he chuckled, knowing that normally this comment would've gotten him hexed senseless. Luckily for him, his darling Lily was without her wand.

"IT IS NO-NOT PURPLE-Y AN-AND THE SNOT IS ALL YO-YOURFAULT, YOU BI-BIG PRICK."

"Okay, okay, you're right, I'm sorry, love, so, so sorry that I'm putting you through all this. But it's gonna be over soon. And I'm sorry you don't trust me right now. But you will soon! And I do love you, I definitely do. And I know you love me too." James squeezed Lily's hand reassuringly, his other hand reaching up to brush her hair from her sweaty, damp, purple face.

It didn't help.

Lily continued sobbing, continued hiccupping, and continued glaring. She wrenched her hand out of James', balling both of her hands up in fists, closing her eyes, and shrieking to the heavens. James once again grabbed her hand, trying to pry it open and rub her fingers soothingly.

"Shh, shh, love, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry!"

"Noooooooooo, you're nooooooooooot!" She wailed, her eyes still clenched tightly, her teeth grinding and her hands shaking.

"Yes, I am!" James said frantically. He was running out of things to say, apologies to make and Lily was clearly not in the mood to be soothed by him and his touches.

"Please ju-just leave, James. Pl-pleaseee."

It was pathetic how upset she was. In an absolutely loveable way. Part of James wanted nothing more than to appease her, to make her happy by leaving. But there was another part of him, a much bigger part, that knew that he would be kicking himself later on if he left and that she didn't really mean it. There was no way she could actually want him to leave. She just wasn't in her right mind right now.

"I can't do that, Lily, sorry. Just can't."

Finally opening her eyes, she looked up at him helplessly. He grinned back at her.

It only caused her to glare even more.

"I HATE you!" She screamed loudly, the veins on her neck bulging.

"And I LOVE you!"

She turned away from him again, but clenched his hand in hers, squeezing it until James actually heard his knuckles pop. This was torture. On one hand, Lily was holding his hand; on the other, she seemed intent on murdering it. And James was quite fond of his hand.

She went on screaming and wailing and hiccupping for a few more moments until finally, gradually, her breathing began to slow, her shrieking died down, and her face became a more normal color, although it was still a lovely shade of red.

Finally, someone else's wails filled the room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter?" the nurse said, smiling. "Do you want to meet your son?"

So that's it, my first attempted one-shot back into ff. Hope you enjoyed it, it was fun to write. Admittedly, it's not brilliant, but I hope it was amusing enough to be enjoyable and I hope that the ending wasn't TOO obvious from the very beginning (although I suspect that it was). ;)

Review please?