It's been a while since I had written anything. I'm trying to get back to writing and I hope this didn't turn out as bad as I think it did. Haha. This is a Tonks/Mad-Eye pairing. The couple exists but fics on the two are very rare. I hope to find more. Set after DH.

Again, I hope this isn't too bad. It's been ages since I wrote fanfiction.

Reviews and constructive criticism is much appreciated. Pointless flames will be ignored.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters associated with the novel. DUH.

Ending Start

Tonks sat by Remus' study table. Her expression was blank and her gaze was forward and empty. Her hands were neatly place upon the table before her. She looked uncharacteristically tense and cold. Tonks was never like this. Not around anyone she knew at least.

She heard the door behind her creak open. Footsteps trudged slowly toward her then she felt Remus behind her. She felt his hands stroke her for-now black hair and trace the purple sacs under her eyes. She responded to him with silence and kept her hands folded on the table.

"Dora," he whispered, "I have to go. "

She gripped her hands together bust still said nothing. No reply came and Remus placed a kiss on top of her head. He rested his lips there. He muttered something inaudible into her hair but still ushered no reaction from Tonks.

"Dora, I'm sorry. I have to go they need me," Remus' voice was hushed. He stroked her hair and slowly snaked his hand toward her belly. He felt for a tiny kick but there wasn't one. He tangled his hands into her hair instead and gave her another kiss.

"Speak to me," he whispered.

"What do you want me to say, Remus?" She said quietly, finally uttering something after a long silence.

"Tell me anything. Speak to me before I go. Let me know it's alright," he said, his voice quivering, burying his face deeper into her hair. It smelled unwashed and it wasn't as soft as he would've liked. She hadn't showered in a while. It was her own little rebellion against him. It hadn't bothered him that much because he had done so himself, and he had done it even without the motive of rebellion. She spent most of her days lying down and sulking and that had done a great deal more damage to him than her not showering.

His fault anyway.

At least that's what Tonks liked to believe. Remus believed otherwise. He didn't know if he was right either.

"If you want to go then go. We don't need you here anyway. We'll do right bloody well without you. I'm not a little girl, Remus. You know I'll do fine," she said snappishly as she grabbed his hand and ripped it away from her hair. She stood up and sat on their bed, her gaze away from Remus.

Remus looked as though he had been punched in the stomach. He said nothing to oppose her. All he did was whisper to her, "They need me."

Tonks whipped her head around to look at him. Her face was full of disgust. She unconsciously clutched her bulging belly and said, "No Remus, they don't need you, and you bloody well know that. They are smart enough and very much capable to hold their own. And you know that. There are other people who are in need of your presence."

"Harry needs me…"

She couldn't stand looking at him. They both knew that it was a lie.

There was so much more she wanted to say, but she held the rest in. She didn't want to prolong this argument. She just wished with her whole being that he would stay, but she saw in his eyes that he wasn't planning on staying. He was bent on leaving. She turned her head away again and tears started to flow from her eyes. She rubbed at her belly desperately as if it would give her comfort but it was as unresponsive as Remus had been.

"Go. We don't need you. Just go now."

She felt him wrap his arms around her and gently push her to lie on their bed. He started to kiss her lips and his hands traveled down to search her body, but she did not feel him there. Even as he kissed her she felt that he was so far way. She pushed him away, a little rougher than she intended to but she didn't regret it.

"Go," she repeated, and she knew, for the last time.

Remus lingered for a moment. He looked so worn. So spent. He never looked as old as he did now. The lines in his face were deeper and the circles under his eyes bested his wife's. For a moment Tonks' heart broke for him. She turned around so she wouldn't have to see him. Remus took a step forward, intending to comfort her but after he took the step he could no longer bring himself to touch her. He gave one long, sad look at her and left their room.

Tonks' shoulders started to heave and her sobs became louder. She mumbled a name under her breath, over and over. "Mad-Eye …"

She buried her face in her hands and curled into a ball on their bed, desperately trying to control her sobs. The name coming from her mouth was a painful, needy hiss, "Alastor."

That was the last thing Remus heard before he stepped out of their house. His heart was breaking in two, but inside he knew that he was to blame.

Tonks blamed herself too though, whether she wanted to or not. She didn't know what she was after anymore. She thought that she had forever.

. . .

"Expelliaramus!" bellowed Tonks as she rolled on the floor, pointing her wand at Mad-Eye, who easily evaded the spell. She fired hex after hex at him and occasionally tried to disarm him, but Mad-Eye avoided each one like a cat.

I can't get a bloody shot at him! Tonks thought in frustration as she circled Mad-Eye who equaled her in concentration but everything he did was effortless. He hadn't broken a sweat since they started but Tonks was drenched in five pounds of her own sweat.

Mad-Eye was staring straight at her but his magical eye whizzed around in all directions. He was staring menacingly at his opponent, whose face was dripping with sweat but was determined to bring him down.

He smirked and shouted in a maniacal tone, "You'll never make it, girl! Yer up to yer knees in sweat but you still haven't got a shot at me! I haven't even made an effort to fire at you!"

Tonks cursed under her breath. It was true, they've been going at it for hours but he didn't even make one attempt to attack her. All he did was evade everything she fired at him. She knew he was just playing with her, but she was still determined to take him down at all costs.

She suddenly lunged forward with a loud cry, hoping to catch him off guard as she fired another spell at him, but again he evaded without effort. He delivered a rough kick at the back of her knees and she felt her legs buckle. She found herself kneeling on the floor with her back to him and his wand dug deep into her neck. She cursed and dropped her wand.

"Okay, Mad-Eye. You win. I'm tired. Yeesh!" she said irritably as she scratched her sweaty underarm.

Alastor brought his wand down and looked at her disapprovingly.

"Constant vigilance, Nymphadora! Never drop your wand even after you're captured. Always have that handy. It'll get you out of tight spots even after you've been captured," he gave her a stern look as she started making faces at the mention of her real name.

"If you're lucky enough at least," he scoffed.

Tonks stretched her arms out and gave a long sigh. "Bah, you really gave me a workout there, Mad-Eye. I could sure use a drink. Care for some butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks?"

She gave him a wide grin even as he shot her another disapproving look but obliged anyway. "You're paying though. Coming across money is as hard as it is these days, especially now that I'm out of the damned Ministry."

"You'd rather go back?" retorted Tonks as they walked out of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place.

"I'd rather be hanged, m' dear," said Alastor in a gruff voice shooting more irritated glances at the spiky, pink haired girl at his side.

Tonks giggled and slipped her arm around Alastor's as they Disapparated into thin air.

Less than a few seconds later they found themselves in the noisy and crowded Three Broomsticks. Tonks pulled Alastor toward the counter. She started to feel the energy come back to her after the long wrangle with Alastor.

"I hate this godforsaken place, too damn noisy…"she heard Alastor mutter as she squeezed through the crowd, still gripping his hand firmly as she led the way.

"Lighten up, old man, and have a drink!" she shouted over the crowd as they finally reached the counter. "Six firewhiskeys, my dear lady! We'll be sitting over there," she jabbed her thumb at spot at the back of the bar where it was dark and secluded. People who usually sat there were either doing illegal exchanges, conspiring crimes, or in the act of doing something perverted. Still, the bar lady gave her a cheerful smile and placed six bottles of firewhiskey on the counter.

"Try not to get too intoxicated, dear, and take good care of your friend," she said and gave a wink at Alastor who just scoffed at her, making the bar lady frown as she attended to her next customer.

Tonks used her wand to levitate the bottles in the air as she and Alastor squeezed their way toward the table at the back of the bar. Alastor dropped heavily into his chair as Tonks brought the bottles on to the table before she sat down.

Alastor raised an eyebrow when he saw six bottles of whiskey before him. "You're wastin' money, girl. I'm not drinking all of that."

"Then don't," she replied as she popped a bottle opened, "I can drink all of this myself."

"I'm not taking you to Saint Mungo's. Die of alcohol poisoning if you want," Alastor muttered as he took a swig from his bottle.

"Blah Blah," was all she said while she stuck her tongue out at him and giggled as he gave her a displeased look. Most of their days together consisted of bickering and face-making. Tonks basked in this while Alastor secretly enjoyed it.

"I don't like it back here. Sitting here with you makes me look like an old pervert," Alastor said with a sour look on his face.

"It's alright, Mad-Eye. At least people will see you for what you really are," said Tonks as she wiggled her pink eyebrows at him. All he did was snort. He felt tired of bickering so he leaned back into his chair and took another swig of firewhiskey.

Tonks leaned against the table and watched the people sitting at the other rows of table dinking themselves away and laughing loudly while others told idle stories. Eventually someone ran out to vomit in the streets and passed out after. No one ran out after him but continued their merry-making instead.

"What d'you reckon's gonna happen, Mad-Eye?" Tonks asked suddenly. Still staring at the crowd.

"What do you mean by that?" he questioned back. Sitting back in his chair with his eye closed, but his magical one still at work. He was trying to find solace in his spot amongst the noise and nervous stares at him, but it was never quite that easy.

"I mean, to us. To the Order. To Harry. Do you reckon we'll do alright?" Alastor opened his eye and he looked rather tired. It seemed that Tonks wasn't the only one that had been thinking about those things. He told himself that he shouldn't have been surprised. She looked at him eagerly. Not really looking for an answer to all the questions but assurance.

Alastor sighed. He held his bottle that rested upon his lap while the other one was propped upon the table. "I'd like to answer that, lass, but I don't know myself. I've wracked my brains to bits at night thinking about all that. It just doesn't help. You're asking the wrong man."

Tonks hung her head and took a tiny sip of her drink. She thought of things at Grimmauld Place. How things were so glum and how everyone tried to keep each other's spirits up. Sirius sulked around all day. He was like the living dead. He wasn't as chipper as he usually was and it hurt to see him like that. He used to always be the light in that miserable house when she was small and used to visit her relatives. He was the only person who could put a smile on her face back then. Now he just dragged himself around like Kreacher. It was so goddamn depressing. She wasn't even able to look at him as they left earlier. She had avoided it.

Alastor felt guilty when he saw the sad expression on her face. He wanted to say something to comfort her but he didn't want to lie. Instead he reached out to hold her hand that was on the round table and gave it a small squeeze. Tonks was rather surprised at the gentle gesture coming from him. It wasn't something she was used to but she still gave him a grateful smile. "I do believe you'll do alright, Dora. Clumsy as you are I see something great in you."

Slightly red-faced at what he had said she griped when he used her real name, but she felt he heart lighten when he had said it. She became even more grateful. She squeezed his hand in return and said, "Thank you for tagging along, Mad-Eye. It means a lot to me."

Quite a time passed by as they drank in silence. Alastor was only on his second bottle while Tonks finished the last one. She was becoming to get more than tipsy now. The pub was almost clear of people except for the couples that had lingered to enjoy the late night together, drunk. Tonks watched as they whispered sweet nothings to each other and kiss in the now dimly lit area. The bar lady sat at her counter watching the couples with a smile. She glanced at Tonks' direction and gave her a smile and ignored Alastor.

Tonks gaze was becoming a little hazy. She looked at Alastor and saw that the alcohol had not affected him since he only had two bottles. He hadn't even finished his second one. She gave Alastor a large frown which he didn't notice. It was unfair. He was drunk and she wasn't. Hold on, did she think that right?

She made a move for his hand which she held tightly. He looked at her in surprise. "What's wrong?"

"S..stoo…OP bein' paranoid ya old coot I wanna tuh-hell you some..thing…" She said, her voice suddenly slurred. She held up a finger and opened her mouth but nothing came out. She tried again but still there was nothing. She felt like a fish. Just opening and closing her mouth. Opening and closing. There was something she wanted to say. She had wanted to tell him for so long. She wanted to tell him while they trained or when they were on missions together or whatever. She wanted to tell him at those times but she had been afraid. And she knew that he knew what she wanted to say. Each time she looked at his face, his scarred face which she was strangely drawn to. Most people couldn't look straight at him because he was so flawed there but she couldn't help but be attracted. And she was sure that he knew what she wanted to say. How she felt. She knew that he did.

And now, in this one moment where she could sum up the courage because she was drunk (Coward! She thought at this. For all she knew she could've been planning this all along). She wanted to tell him. She lifted her hazy gaze to him. She shook her head so the lens of her eyes would come into focus (she failed) and was about to speak. Trying her best not to slur her words but failing horribly.

"Mad-Eye, I admayer you…I've wanted to say this fer sooo long…" now she held his hand with both of hers trying her best to focus her drunken gaze on his face. "Mad-Eye…Alastor…I…"

Before she could finish what she was about to say Alastor pulled her up from her chair, trying his best to balance the drunken weight of her. "Enough of that bull, we're going, Nymphadora."

"Huh…wha? Wait…I'm not finished…" she slurred helplessly, "don't…call me Nymfdora!"

Alastor dropped a few Galleons on the counter before he pulled Tonks out of the Three Broomsticks. The bar lady gave him a disapproving look as they left and she shook her head.

Outside, as Alastor pulled Tonks along she felt the inside of her stomach doing cartwheels and back flips. She could taste bile in her mouth and she pulled her hand forcefully from Alastor's grip. She immediately regretted doing so because without him she couldn't balance herself properly.

"I have to…uuhh…" Tonks fell on all fours and started heaving out the insides of her stomach. Alastor watched distastefully but rubbed her back while she retched out her guts.

Tonks spat when it was over with. She stood up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand which she regretted again. There was a nasty pink residue that found itself there.

"Disgusting," she whispered, her face sour. She heard Alastor mutter a cleaning spell and all the slime and chunks were gone. Even her hand was clean now but she still tasted bile in her mouth. She stood with her back to him, every bit of her being humiliated. She didn't know what to say now.

"Are you quite finished now, Dora? It's getting late," he said.

"Yes," was her reply as they started walking. "Don't call me Dora."

They didn't Apparate because Tonks did not feel like she was in the condition, so they walked to cool both of their minds off. They passed a park where Tonks went for the swings without a word to Alastor and gently swung herself a little. There was still something like fog in front of her brain and her head ached and her pride had a little dent. Alastor sat on the swing next to her.

He watched as Tonks swung higher and higher. The moon was up and it was the only thing that provided them with light. Tonks stopped swinging and glanced at Alastor. He was watching her with his one good eye. He caught her looking and they both looked away. The silence was more awkward now. Tonks came to an abrupt halt because she felt her stomach feeling funny again.

Tonks shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She fought with what she wanted to say and what wanted to jump out of her stomach. But what was the use? She knew that Alastor knew how she felt. And she was damn sure he felt the same way. He had to. Even a little. She saw it when he secretly gazed at her. She caught him before. She knew. But she had to be sure. She had to hear it from him, or feel it. She felt the anxiety burning inside of her like fire.

"Mad-Eye…" she trailed of, unsure of what to say. She was gazing at him now. Trying to make contact with his normal eye, but his look was away from her and he gave no sign of response.

"Bloody idiot," she whispered to herself. She suddenly felt like she wanted to cry and it made her feel so stupid. The alcohol had been fucking up the way she was thinking even though she had retched out most of it.

Tonks suddenly stood up and inhaled deeply taking in the cold, fresh air and the smell of the grass. Mad-Eye was still silent and wore an unreadable expression. He was now gazing at her though. She was confused and thought if there was still any use. She held out her hand. She had begun to feel dizzy again. She wanted to lie down so much and his face was just so intense, the lines the flowed elegantly flowed under his eyes and around his mouth were so alluring and he seemed so close and all she wanted to do was rest her head upon a pillow because she felt so sick from the alcohol (and maybe he could lie beside her). Her mind was obviously turning into mush, all of her thoughts were jumbled now.

She held out her hand, her lids were heavy and she fought with what to say. Her brows were knit together as if in deep thought then she said, "I need to lie down."

As Alastor took her hand she had collapsed against him, vaguely aware of what was happening. Sleep was on her mind now and there was a faint smell of puke on her that the spell hadn't been able to get rid of. Alastor scooped her into his arms and she felt how warm it was to be against him on a cool night. She was able to curse herself for not being sober at that moment.

The last thing Tonks remembered was being tucked into her bed and a big scarred hand gently stroking her hair. She heard Alastor whisper something but she couldn't make out what it was. Then she heard the door quietly being shut and he was gone.

After that night not a word was mentioned about the incident between them. When Sirius had asked Tonks where she and Mad-Eye had run off to after their friendly bout she had said they had just separated to do their own errands. Sirius nodded and asked nothing more.

Tonks and Mad-Eye had gone about like nothing had happened. Mad-Eye had probably assumed that she retained no recollection of that night, but Tonks remembered the important bits. She chose not to bring it up. She had started to flirt with Remus in hope of sparking some jealousy but to no avail. She concluded that Mad-Eye would come around after some time. She could wait despite her having a problem with patience. She told herself that she could wait because something like love was beyond waiting for graduation or waiting for a box of candy or whatnot.

She knew he would come around in the next day or week or two. I mean, something monumental between them should happen before she died, right?

END