The Loving Embrace

Syed reflects on the most important person in his life and the overwhelming love he feels for his Superman.

I turn my head on the pillow to gaze at the sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains. It's Sunday and neither of us have anything special planned. I turn over on my back to watch Christian, sleeping deeply as usual. His eyelashes twitch occasionally and I wonder if he's dreaming. Is he dreaming of me? I hope so, as all of my dreams centre around some part of him. His eyes, his voice, the rhythm of his heartbeat and of course every time his arms curl around me.

When he wraps his arms around me, I can feel his warmth. I remember when we were finishing the decoration of the flat, I was putting a cabinet together. Nothing special about it really. All of a sudden he threw a ball of paper at my head. Cheeky git! As I stood up, I felt his hands at my waist. His solid chest pressed so intimately against my back. I was trembling, I think he could tell. His fingertips tracing the bones of my hips. Every time he touches me, it feels as if he's touching me with great reverence.

I then felt his chin on my shoulder, I could feel his hot breath near my ear. I was excited. No, I don't mean like that! Well yeah, ok, maybe like that! But also excited in the sense that this incredible man would want to be so close to me. To know me and to love me. When I look in the mirror, I see the same scrawny kid who hated school, the irresponsible young man who embezzled an obscene amount of his parents' money and the man who would cause his parents the worst shame.

Christian sees someone completely different. He sees the man he loves, his best friend and soul mate. And as I am all those things to him, so too is he the exact same for me. He makes me laugh, even at the silliest of things. When my mother saw me the other day, leaving the Vic, I felt the black pit of despair rising. Until, I felt the large, warm hand intertwine with my own and I felt safe. Sometimes words are so useless, an familiar touch can bring such comfort and calm.

A few months ago, he took me out to Dagenham Daves' to do some much needed furniture shopping. As we finished breakfast, I was ironing one of my favourite plaid shirts. I'd be lost without those shirts! All at once, he was hugging me from behind. It's hard to explain, but it was so erotic. His skin brushing mine. That feeling is indescribable. As his chin rested on the same shoulder, he told me how I smelled good. His scent is intoxicating. When we make love, that scent washes over me, leaving me shivering with weakness for him. His gentleness when he enters me is astonishing. His willingness to learn about my faith makes my heart burn up with the love I have for him.

While we have only been together as a proper couple quite briefly, I am becoming more comfortable expressing myself, as I knew I would. We had Sunday lunch a few weeks ago with Ian and Jane at our flat. Conversation flowed freely, everyone was in good spirits. Christian told me that Jane has convinced Ian to approach an adoption agency. She looks so excited now. After the main course, Jan and I went to the kitchen to bring out the banoffi pie we had so carefully made the previous night. She observed how in tune Christian is with me, which is true. He knows me better than I know myself most of the time. I whispered to her that no one on earth could ever make me as happy as Christian does.

In the beginning, shortly after I let my parents go, I used to have nightmares. Childish, I know. I would get out of bed, thinking he was still asleep. But as always, I would return to bed, lie down and see those green pools glittering at me in the darkness. He would ask me how bad the dream was. What I saw and heard, how it made me feel. If it was a particularly bad dream, those strong arms would envelop me and I would feel safe. He is the love of my life and I am so grateful for him.

Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I sit up in the bed, thinking back on all that has happened since that first shy, gentle kiss at the Unit. I feel a warm hand stroke my cheek. He asks what has me so deep in thought. I smile and reply,

'You my love, always you'.

First fic. Was it ok? Hope you'll review