The Marauders were the sky.
James was the sun. Bright, obvious and strong, he was the leader of the group, shining on everyone around him.
Peter was the clouds that stuck them together, calm and supportive and never fussing about anything.
Remus was the moon. Mysterious and nostalgic and wise.
And Sirius… Sirius was the stars: beautiful and attractive, yet twinkling in the distance, unreachable.
Yet she tried to reach for him. Sometimes she got so close to the stars she got burnt, like on Valentine's Day when she'd wanted so much to hear the words from him (had dreamt for 'I love you', had in reality expected only tender smiles), and he'd spent the day with his friends and eaten half of the box of chocolate James had given Lily. She'd never told him, but she'd have wanted a box of chocolate, or anything else, but on that day Sirius had avoided her, and she only had to think of that day to remember how much Sirius was afraid of love.
Sometimes it seemed to her that she managed to get him, even though the next second he would do something she would not understand; she knew he felt the same about her, and perhaps it was what they liked the most about their relationship, the pleasure of constantly discovering things about each other.
Yes, the Marauders were the sky, Venus reflected, and as much as she loved them all, sometimes she just wished the stars would leave the sun and the moon and the clouds and just get down on the earth with her and be happy.
"But stars are made for the sky," Venus whispered.
"What?"
Venus looked at Sirius, realizing that she had voiced her thoughts. She sighed wistfully as she glanced at their raven hair entangled on Sirius's shoulder as she snuggled closer to him.
"Nothing," Venus replied softly, "nothing…"
Sirius nodded, with a look that meant he knew there was something. He looked away darkly, his eyes wandering around the common room. It was almost midnight on their last day at Hogwarts: tomorrow they would be leaving for good. James and Lily were in the Heads Tower and Peter and Remus had just gone to bed. She decided it was the perfect moment. She would not leave this place before having declared her feelings, would she?
"I think I'm in love," Venus said slowly, not looking at him.
"In love with who?" Sirius asked, frowning.
Venus's eyes widened and she glared at him. "With you, you idiot!"
Sirius laughed. "I was joking."
But then his smile faded and she realized that his question had started from a serious disbelief. Suddenly she remembered everything he'd told her once (on a night when he'd been a bit drunk and he'd rested his shoulder uncharacteristically shyly on her shoulder). How his family didn't love him. How no one loved him (Sirius always had a thing for drama).
Venus smiled kindly and kissed his cheek and stroked his face tenderly.
"I love you, Sirius," Venus murmured.
Sirius remained silent as he held her tight. She sighed, revelling in his strong embrace, and when she pulled back she could swear she saw the faintest trace of tears in Sirius's stormy grey eyes. He walked towards the window, his back turned to her.
"I don't want to leave," Sirius said quietly, his voice slightly choked. "Hogwart's everything to me."
By now, Venus was sure that he was crying, but she made as if she had not noticed. Sirius was not moving and she felt that he needed her to stay there watching him in silence, until he got it all sorted out in his head. After a few minutes, he impulsively turned around and quickly made his way towards her, stopping just inches from her as if he was afraid.
"Promise," Sirius just said coolly, his eyes drowning into hers.
"Promise what?" Venus whispered, though she felt, she knew, what he meant.
Sirius took her hand. She looked down at their joined hands: her olive-coloured skin clashed with his pale skin. She strangely felt like crying (perhaps it was because Sirius had not said anything resembling 'I love you too', perhaps it was the way he firmly held her hand).
"You won't leave me."
"I won't leave you."
Sirius laughed darkly. His bark-like laughter echoed across the common room. Venus looked away from him; through the window she could see the starry sky mocking her.
"You don't mean that. You can't say that, you don't know what's going to happen."
Venus frowned. "Love isn't about not leaving, Sirius."
He stepped back, let her hand drop. "What's it about then?"
"I don't know," Venus replied truthfully. "I don't know."
Sirius turned and walked towards the window again. She gritted her teeth and sighed in annoyance.
"And I don't know either," Sirius said darkly. "I was never loved and I never loved."
"And James, and Peter, and Remus?"
"You know what I mean," Sirius said exasperatedly. "I did not mean friendship."
"And your ex-girlfriends, surely they told you they loved you?"
Sirius laughed derisively. "I might not know what love is, but I know that definitively wasn't love."
Venus sighed again. "And me?"
Sirius avoided her eyes again, pacing the room nervously.
"I can't say the words, Venus," Sirius said at last, sounding like a small child.
"Why not?" Venus asked softly.
Sirius stopped pacing and looked at her, though he still refused to meet her eye. "You know why. It's too hard."
Venus took a deep breath to refrain herself from snarling at him.
"Do you think it wasn't hard for me? Do you think I'd said it before, not counting my parents?"
"You had not?" Sirius asked, surprised.
Obviously, he had been so concerned with his own feelings that he had not put too much thoughts into hers.
"To whom would have I said them?"
There was nothing to answer to that. They stared at each other in silence and for a long while there was no sound but the clock suddenly striking midnight, startling them.
"I want to say it, you know," Sirius finally said. "I just feel like I can't."
"What if I helped you?"
Sirius smiled darkly and nodded. Venus's grin was warm and loving as she walked towards him, taking one step with each word said.
"I."
"I," Sirius repeated easily.
"Love."
"Love," Sirius said, with a little more difficulty.
"You."
"You."
"Venus."
"Venus," Sirius finished, finally finding the strength to look into her eyes.
She was close to him now and he just had to take one step towards her to kiss her unusually chastely.
"Here, you said it," Venus smiled.
Venus was immensely relieved and happy when Sirius grinned back, even though his smile was still slightly insecure.
"Do you feel better?" Venus asked as she hugged him. "Because I do."
"Yeah, so do I," Sirius whispered in her ear. "I feel… relieved, somehow."
Sirius kissed her forehead and sighed (though whether it was a sigh of contentment, of sadness or of relief, she couldn't quite tell).
"You puzzle me, Sirius," Venus said earnestly.
Sirius laughed. His hair fell on the bittersweet rainy sky that were his eyes.
"I hope so," Sirius replied.
Venus studied him as he gazed around the room; it seemed like he wanted to engrave the image of the common room in his mind forever.
"It's not a bad thing, you know… people knowing you."
Sirius shrugged but he seemed to consider her words. He stood in front of the window again.
"Don't make the same mistake I did," Venus insisted, her voice barely more than a whisper. "There's no point in closing yourself. No good will come out of it."
Sirius took a deep breath and she joined him by the window. He smiled a little sadly as he put his arm around her waist.
"By the way… I'm sorry for Valentine's Day."
It seemed to her the most incongruous thing to say, and she could not help but chuckle. He was looking at her seriously.
"You're forgiven," Venus said lightly, "even though it was four months ago –"
"I had not realized…" Sirius muttered, embarrassed, "you know –"
"I know," Venus cut in.
Sirius nodded and pulled her closer to him. She smiled against his chest and closed her eyes, thinking that he loved her and hoping against hope that everything would be all right. Then she remembered that they were leaving and that outside there was a war going on. They would fight and there would be losses, inevitably. Lily's parents had died the month before; it was only then that they'd realized their innocence was gone.
Venus gave a slight shudder and Sirius kissed the top of her head.
"It's really over, isn't it?" Venus whispered, gesturing vaguely towards the window.
Sirius looked at her and nodded gravely.
He did not need to be told that she was talking about their youth.
Come, let me sing into your ear;
Those
dancing days are gone,
All that silk and satin gear;
Crouch
upon a stone,
Wrapping that foul body up
In as foul a rag:
I
carry the sun in a golden cup
The moon in a silver bag
(William Butler Yeats)