Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter.

A/N: A little one shot inspired by a challenge at the DLP.

Challenge

By: Kerrus

This is an idea that came to me all of a sudden during the massive Muggle vs Wizard thread, and partly because of the book Mistborn.

The idea is this. Young Harry Potter sucks at magic. Ever since his first year, he's only managed the theory and a sputtering of sparks whenever he tries a spell. Use whatever reasons for this you see fit.

And then we get to the root of the challenge. Harry /is/ able to cast a spell of your choice, and to a degree of perfection and strength that outshines both Dumbledore and Death-Pants combined. But it's the only spell he'll ever cast. Converserly, for the fic, he could modify the spell, so long as it still moreorless does either the same thing or directly oposite what it normally does (like instead of levitating, forcing something into the ground)

The fic can be any length, from little one shot, to gigantic plot bunny mutation of epic proportions.

Go!

Extra points if it's something amusing.

EDIT: doesn't have to happen during his first year, he can have been able to cast the full range of spells up until the point of the ficlet.

OK, here it is. It's in first person as I've always wanted to give that a try. Review it, good or bad. Though if it's bad I'd like to hear why. But if you just want to rip it to shreds and flame then feel free. Sometimes flames are damn funny.

I ran through the upper floors and away from the chaos downstairs. Voldemort had finally decided to attack Hogwarts and try to kill me. Again. You'd think he'd give up by now. I mean we've been doing this villain-hero thing for 17 years, well mostly 7, but he's never succeeded. In our last fight he cast the killing curse at me. Can you believe that? I was surprised honestly, I mean the spell worked so well the first time he cast it on me, why not keep using it? Idiot.

That's something I discovered about good old Tom this year. He's an idiot. A wicked powerful and psychotic idiot, but an idiot he still is. He's easy to anger and lure into traps. Like now for instance. He attacked Hogwarts with all the forces he had. All fifty seven of his psychotic children and some werewolves. Their children attending Hogwarts launched their own attack as well. Minutes before the wards went off and he stormed the grounds the children all tried to attack during lunch in the Great Hall. All seventeen of them. It's surprising what nearly four hundred spells do to seventeen people. I think it's safe to say those families have been knocked out of the gene pool.

I don't know what Voldemort and his minions expected when they broke through the front door and filed into the Entrance Hall. Another showing of his stupidity, has the...man never heard of the term bottle neck? Anyways all four hundred angry occupants of the Great Hall were surging with adrenaline and presented with a bunch of enemies. Like I mentioned before, it quickly became chaos. Of course Voldemort searched for me, but I wasn't going to stick around. You see I can't really cast spells. Well I can cast one, Expelliarmus. That's right, the only spell I can cast is a disarming spell. Nobody outside of Ron, Hermione, and a few core Order members know though. You sit next to Hermione every class and it's pretty easy to mask not being able to do spells. Especially when she's bouncing around wanting to answer a question, or ask one. Merlin I love her like a sister, but she'll always be a know it all.

Anyways my magic has been scrambled for a little over a year now. It's still there, my magic registers on all diagnostic tests. I just can't cast any spells. They always fizzle out and my wand shoots sparks. The first few weeks were agonizing. Tonks wouldn't shut up about it.

"Harry would you like me to clean up that mess with a nice scourgify spell?"

"Wotcher Harry, Still magically impotent?"

"Oh Harry, can you still fly a broom?"

That one always pissed me off. I couldn't fly a broom damn it and she knows it, she was there when I tried. Don't know why, I have plenty of magic, but The broom always sinks to the ground. The first time I tried I fell flat on my ass and Tonks got a kick out of it.

"Oh Harry imagine if Snape finds out!"

She used that one to blackmail me.

"Come on now Harry, it's swish and flick"

I finally snapped at one point. I didn't think about my lack of spell casting ability, I didn't think about it being summer and I might get in trouble for using magic. I just turned towards her and snarled. I lifted my wand and shouted "Expelliarmus!"

And disarm it did. One of the translations for the first part of the spell is simply to thrust away. The second half becomes something like weapons of war. My magic seemed to focus on the first part. To thrust away. Her wand and her clothes were thrust away. Everything that wasn't skin or hair flew off her with a violent urgency. That was the day I found out Tonks could blush over her entire body. And she had rainbow colored pubes. That was really weird.

We both realized I'd just cast a spell and began to jump around excitedly. That lasted for me until I got a good look at Tonks jumping around and then I just watched. She did hex me and sadly I discovered I could only cast that one spell. But damn could I cast it!

I couldn't cast a cleaning charm or a levitation charm, but I could disarm an entire legion of soldiers. My Expelliarmus is unblockable. A pretty cool little side effect. It's the only spell I could cast, but I could put all my magic into it. I learned to bend it to my will. I could manipulate it into throwing people several feet away. Focusing on the Expello portion of the spell really made it an effective combat spell. I wasn't totally useless in a fight.

So While I played around with all the different ways I could use the disarming spell during my sixth year Dumbledore took me on a nice tour of Tom Riddle's life. I wondered why he was going through the trouble of tracking down memories about Voldemort when he could've been focusing on trying to fix my magical impotency. I asked him once, but he didn't give me an answer. Started talking about understanding the enemy. I honestly thought Fuck that, I want to be able to cast spells again, but I didn't have much of a choice. Hermione was refusing to help research the problem because I thought it'd be amusing to thrust her clothes away. Man can robes and loose clothes hide growth. She's not a beauty like Fleur, but she's got a pair that made me have unbrotherly thoughts. Thank Merlin she's not really my sister.

Anyways after a fun trip to a cave for a fake horcrux Dumbledore and I arrived back at the school only to be attacked by Draco and the twilight boys. I still wonder if Dumbledore really wanted to scar me when he bound me under my invisibility cloak and made me watch him die. That was an asshole move if ever there was one. After that lovely end to a year Hermione, Ron, and I hunted down the rest of the Horcruxes while attending our seventh year and using Hogwarts as a base.

It was only a week ago that we had finally gotten the last one. We'd managed to break into the Malfoy's home. Dobby is one handy son of a bitch. It turned into a huge fight and Voldemort found out about my handicap. Narcissa found out about my ability to thrust clothes away. That prude freaked out and tried to cover herself in the middle of a fight to the death. I'm not ashamed to say it, when she doesn't have that snarl on her face like she's smelling something nasty, Narcissa Malfoy is a milf. I'm quite happy to say Hermione's Duro spell froze Narcissa's beautiful naked form in stone. I put it on the front yard of Sirius's house right near a bird bath. She's probably covered in bird shit now. I wonder if people are aware of their surroundings when they're turned to stone? One can only hope.

Anyways our purpose for breaking into the over sized manor was to destroy the last horcrux. Man was Tom pissed when Ron banished Nagini into the lit fireplace. Who knew snakes were so flammable? That was the fight Voldemort used the killing curse on me again. It hit me and I wound up in a mock version of platform 9 ¾. Had a nice chat with Dumbledore. Turns out I was an accidental horcrux, who would've thought of that? You'd think such a thing would require a preplanned ritual of some kind, but apparently not. I popped back into my body in time to see Hermione conjure a sword that nailed little Draco to the wall via his pelvis. Her aim was spot on if his expression was anything to go by, man he must've pissed her off something major. For some reason everyone was surprised I was still alive. They named me the boy-who-lived and are surprised I lived. No common sense in these people. In the shock of my second defeat of the killing curse I grabbed Hermione and Ron and we fled. That was a week ago and now I'm running through the upper floors of the school above a big chaotic battle being waged downstairs. Voldemort was hot on my tail and casting spells as we ran. He seemed to have a case of Storm Trooper Syndrome as all he was hitting was the walls.

I wasn't totally unprepared for an attack on the school. In fact I was hoping for one. While playing with my disarming spell I discovered that while I could disarm like Luna could confuse a person, I could also arm people. Sounds kinda dumb, but I had a plan for how to use it and I tested it. It works and my plan was made for if Voldemort attacked the school. With all his horcruxes destroyed Voldemort was mortal. And He was still easy to lure into traps. I turned around when I reached the seventh floor and cast Expelliarmus at the crazy man as he charged up the stairs. It knocked him on his ass and sent his wand back down the stairs. Perfect. I turned and ran towards the Room of Requirement. That room is the greatest thing ever made.

I managed to get there and begin my walks to make a room. Thinking I need an Armory over and over again. The door appeared just as Voldemort rounded the corner. I opened it and ran in. It was just like before. A shadowy round room. The walls were lined with bladed weapons that were hard to see in the shadows. I ran right to the far side of the room as Voldemort stormed in.

"Ha! I've got you now Potter. I know this room, but it wont help you!" Voldemort shouted as he walked further into the room and looked around trying to see through the shadows at what the room created. Good luck with that you moron.

"Of course you've got me oh master of successful plans. There's no chance I lured you here so I could kill you once and for all. You're mortal now ya know and I need to get you back for scrambling up my magic when you possessed me," I said with a grin.

Voldemort chuckled as he stared at me and twirled his wand in a showy manner. The man was so vain, always showing off his skills.

"What are you going to do, disarm me with your super Expelliarmus," Voldemort asked me in an amused tone.

I chuckled as the shadows began to vanish and the room grew bright. "Something like that," I said with a grin as I lifted my wand.

Voldemort's eyes grew wide as he looked around at all the bladed weapons on the walls.

With a flick and a swish I said "Addoarmis". To give, Weapons of war. My own creation.

The spell smacked right into Voldemort and for a moment nothing happened. Then every bladed weapon on the walls began to shake before they broke free of their hangings and flew at incredible speeds right at Voldemort. I've never been a fan of seeing lots of blood, but there was something cathartic about watching Voldemort bleed out with fifty bladed weapons skewering him. After I was sure the bastard was dead I smiled and walked out the door. After all there was still a battle going on and it's fun to watch prudish purebloods try to cover their sudden nakedness and forget all about the fight.