A Thousand tiny paper cuts
One-shot: It's just before Tessa and Jem's wedding, Tessa is getting ready for her big day, Jem is waiting anxiously and Will… well, Will is slowly dying inside.
This was up before but it needed some editing so I reread it and added a few random things. It's a bit out of date, since the series is finished now, but I hope you like it all the same.
The church was amazing; Tessa had picked everything out for the wedding, from the beads on her dress to Jem's tie, Charlotte had insisted on helping, but in the end Tessa always made the decision. However, she had really outdone herself when it came to the church.
It was enormous with grey-blue cobblestone walls that made the blood red carpet stand out all the more. The pews on each side were made of dark oak and were covered in soft velvet that matched the colour of carpet. Over in one corner sat the organ, made of the same dark oak as the pews. There were candles placed here and there giving the whole place and almost magic feel. At the end of the chapel there was an arch made of flowers that was meant for Jem and Tessa to stand under. Just like a real fairy tale.
But everything seemed trivial compared to the stain-glass window at the head of the church. It covered the whole back wall with depictions of angles and stars on a bust of bright colours. The morning sun was shining through the window sending the colours across the floor.
Everything was perfect. Even the sun was shining, in the middle of winter in London. People were chatting happily in the pews; talking about what a special occasion this was and how fortunate the bride and groom were to find true love.
Everyone was happy, everyone but Will.
He was sitting at the back of the pews watching the scene before him with little interest. The people all seemed to blur into one, but every so often Will would see someone he recognised. A few pews ahead of him, Cecily was waiting in her pale blue bridesmaid's dress. Her dark hair was pulled back into a plat that circled her head like a halo. Someone had put three small white flowers on the right side of her head that almost seemed to glow against the colour of the hair. Her face was flushed with nerves and the light makeup she had on did nothing to help hide it.
Will smiled for the first time that day as he looked at his sister. Pride swirled within him at how she had grown up, however that pride was quickly replaced by a sharp stabbing feeling in all over his body like a thousand tiny paper cuts; he would never be able to know what he missed when she was growing up. Will realised, half-reluctantly, that he wanted those memories with his family. But no, he had missed his chance and now it was gone forever. More pain ripped at his heart. But Will knew that the rest of the day would only bring more agony.
Will tore his eyes away from Cecily to scan over the crowd again. This time he saw more people he knew. Much to Will's dislike, Jem had invited both Gideon and his brother Gabriel. They were sitting towards the front of the church. Sophie was there too sitting very close to Gideon and speaking to Gabriel. Sophie looked around the church, her eyes passing over Will. She said something, to which both boys nodded, then stood up to go find someone. The brothers turned to each other and started talking again. Will continued to look for people. He saw Charlotte and Henry sitting in the first row of pews. Will grinned when Charlotte reached up to re-tie Henry's failed attempted at a bow-tie.
"Those two are just adorable, don't you think?" Will jumped at the sudden voice coming from behind him.
"Who invited you?" Will asked more harshly that he meant to. Normally, he quite liked the warlock, and he did owe him a favour, but at the moment he really wasn't feeling like talking about who was adorable and who wasn't.
Magnus shook his head with sad understanding. "Now, now, William. There is no need to be like that. Weddings are happy occasions, after all."
Will let out a bitter laugh at the statement. But, "For most people" was all he said.
"There you are!" The new voice made them bothy jump. Will spun round to face a very anxious looking Jem. He wore a light grey suit and a jade coloured tie that matched his cane. Tessa really had thought of everything. "I've been looking for you," Jem was looking at Will, but turned his attention to Magnus, "Oh, I'm glad you made it, Tessa will be pleased." Jem held out his hand to Magnus who took it and smiled.
"Yes, I wouldn't want to miss it," Magnus looked over Jem with concern. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes, thank you, it must be just nerves." Will stood up and smiled, what he hoped was a genuine smile, at his friend.
"Of course it is. Jem you're getting married anytime now. If you weren't nervous you'd be an idiot."
"Thank you, Will, that makes me feel much better," Jem said sarcastically.
"I'm here to help." Will grinned. A grin that felt so fake he prayed Jem didn't see right though it.
Jem went to say something else, but was interrupted by Sophie.
"Have you seen her?"
"I presume you're talking about the bride?" Magnus asked the girl. If Will had asked that, Sophie would have given him a glare. For Magnus she simply nodded.
"I was with her when she was getting ready and she asked to be alone, so I left thinking that she would be out shortly after, but I haven't seen her." The worry was clear in the other girl's eyes and tone.
"I hope she's all right," Jem looked even worse "Maybe I should go and see if she's okay."
"No." The word came unbidden to Will's lips and was much louder than he would have liked. "I mean, it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding." Will silently prayed that he had covered up his slip.
"William is right. And besides, I'm sure Tessa is fine. If you are worried about her Will could always check up on her."
Will was muttering under his breath about how insensitive some people were when he realised that Jem was looking at him.
"Will? You wouldn't mind would you?" Will looked past Jem to where Magnus stood looking very pleased with himself.
"No, not at all." Will said at last.
He turned away just as he heard Jem say what a good friend he was.
Yet another stab in the heart.
Sophie gave Will directions to where Tessa was getting ready. It was in a small room attached to the side of the church. Will stood in front of the closed door his heart beating in his ears. After one more curse about evil warlocks, Will stepped forward and knocked on the door.
There was the sound of scuffling than a small, "Who is it?"
That was it. The walls Will had been trying to put up around his heart all morning came crashing down. Will was mildly irritated that something as simple as her voice could break him in an instant, but at the same time it made him feel better for a second. Then the pain came back.
"It's Will." He was extremely proud when his voice didn't shake. Panic soon retuned when the replay didn't came. "Tessa? Can I come in?"
There was more shuffling then the handle on the door started to turn. Will held his breath as it turned and the door opened. Will's heart fluttered uncontrollably in his chest and he could feel his blood pump loudly in his ears.
Tessa stood in the door way of the room looking like she had just fallen out of heaven. The dress she wore was like liquid gold with lace lining the bottom and her bodice. It flowed around her tall frame perfectly, coming out at her waist and falling all the way to the ground. Her long brown hair was loosely pinned up letting a few curls fall out around her face and onto her bare shoulders. Like Cecily, she had three small flowers in her hair, but hers were an amber colour not white.
The gold looked amazing on her. It made her grey eyes stand out even more than they usually did and made Will feel even worse; 'Gold for a bride in her wedding gown'. This was a shadow hunters wedding. Tessa was marring a shadow hunter.
The wrong shadow hunter, Will thought bitterly. He instantly hated himself for thinking it; Jem was marring Tessa, she chose him and they would be happy together. Jem makes her happy, Will told himself.
Will's breath caught with surprise when he looked in her eyes. Those grey eyes that he loved so much were sparkling with tears.
"Tess," He whispered, more to himself than go her.
Tessa sniffed and turned away to wipe her eyes. "What do you want William?" Her tone surprised Will; it wasn't rude but it wasn't kind ether. It was brisk and cold, so unlike her Will felt as if she'd slapped him.
"Tessa, what- what's wrong?" He couldn't stop the concern in his voice and judging by how Tessa's face softened she noticed.
"I'm… I'm sorry Will, I should not have snapped at you." Her voice was shaking slightly.
"No, it's fine…" Will said, unable to think of anything else. "Tessa, are you alright?"
Tessa straightened up and flicked the loose curls out of her face before addressing Will. "Yes, William, I am fine." Despite the politeness, her words stung Will, "Now, tell me what is it you wanted."
Will opened his mouth but then closed it again. He knew she was not 'fine' and he felt hurt that she didn't trust him enough to tell him what was upsetting her so much. Tessa was looking at him oddly for a while before he realised that she was waiting for him to speak.
"Oh, uh nothing, we were just wondering where you were and if you were feeling alright."
"Well, you can go and tell everybody that I am feeling quite well and-"
"Stop it! I know you're not 'fine' Tessa, so stop lying to me!" Will snapped.
Tessa stared at him horrified, hurt growing in her eyes. All the anger washed away in an instant leaving Will feeling extremely guilty for yelling at her.
"Fine." His voice broke. "I'll tell the others you will be ready soon." Will turned and started to walk away feeling empty.
"Will," Tessa reached out and grabbed his arm. Will spun round to face her and saw that she had more tears in her eyes.
Her mouth was slightly open and her checks were flushed. Will had to dig his nails into his hands to stop himself from reaching forward and kissing her. Over and over he told himself; Jem makes her happy, she loves him and he loves her… he makes her happy… she's happy. As he said the words, more and more pain pinched at his chest. It felt a blunt knife was being slowly pushed into his heart and each time he repeated it the knife would be pushed farther in until the pain was too unbearable and he wanted to die.
"Tess…" Will breathed. She was still holding his arm, but had also taken a step forward and was now standing very close to him.
"You're right," Tessa, having realised what she was doing, let him go but didn't move away. She was breathing very deeply causing her angel to rise and fall on her chest; it was the only jewellery she wore. She looked up at him with big eyes then squeezed them to stop herself from crying again. "You're right Will, I'm not fine, I- I just…" She trailed off not looking at him.
Will took a deep breath before he reached out and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Tessa, whatever it is, you can tell me." He tilted his head and bent down so that they were the same level and waited for her to respond. She still didn't look at him. "Tess?"
The thing that happened next surprised Will more than anything else. Tessa stepped forward, closing the gap between them, and rested her head against his chest. Totally caught off guard Will simply stood there shocked.
"I'm afraid Will, afraid and confused." Her words were muffled against his shirt, "I don't know what to do."
Snapping out of his daze, Will looked down at the girl in his arms and felt the protectiveness he had for her rising up in him.
"Tell me," His voice was so soft he was worried she didn't hear him until she spoke.
"Do I want to get married Will?" She asked him. Her words stoped him dead. He didnt know what to say.
No, not unless it's to me, "Tessa-"
"I mean, I have only known Jem for less than a year, and we still have to worry about Mortmain, and what about the automatons? I can't get married now, can I?" She looked up at him with such innocence is tore at his heart.
Will knew what he had to do, he knew what was right and fair, but he also knew that it would break him to say it. He looked into her eyes and knew her happiness was worth more than his.
"Tess, do you love Jem?"
"I don't-"
"Do, you, love, him?" Will voice was so firm that all Tessa could do was nod. "Then my answer to you, Tessa, is yes. Yes, you can do this, you will do this. You and Jem deserve each other," He touched her face lightly, placing his hand on her check, "You deserve to be happy Tess. I just want to see you happy. Jem makes you happy." Will's voice broke when he said the last part and his vision grew blurry with tears.
"Will…" Tessa hesitated for a second before continuing. "Will, I don't want to ever lose you."
Will wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tightly, never wanting to let her go again. "You won't. I'll always be here for you, I promise." He rested his chin on her head, "You'll always be my Tess."
They stood like that for a long time, both feeling safe in the other's arms.
"Will?" Tessa spoke first.
"Hmm?" Will had his eyes shut and his check was pressed against her hair.
"Will you walk me down the aisle?" She gaved up at him with the huge grey eyes he fell in love with.
Will pushed her away so he could look her in the eyes. "Of cause I will."
Then he pulled her back to him and kissed her forehead knowing that the hardest part was yet to come. Not only did he have to watch the girl he loved marry his best friend, but he had just agreed to hand deliver her into his arms.
Tessa was breathing heavily causing her shoulders to rise and fall. Her face was red and her hands were shaking with nervous. They were standing just behind the doors that lead into the church, waiting for the music to start so that Tessa could make her grand entrance.
"It's fine, I can do this… I will do this…" Tessa repeated the words to herself over and over, her voice a whisper so Will wouldn't hear. Not that it mattered; he could hear every word. Will looked over to her standing next to him in her wedding dress and smiled.
He moved to stand in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders. Tessa's head snapped up and her eyes met Will's, blue-grey and anxious.
"Clam down Tess," His voice was soothing and warm.
A small smile tugged at Tessa's lips as a deep blush spread across her face. It soon disappeared, though, as the music sounded on the other side of the door.
No, Will thought hopelessly, give me more time… just a few more seconds with her.
Tessa's eyes shone with something Will didn't understand. Gratitude? Fear? Love? Or all?
"Ready?" Will asked as he let go of her shoulders and took her small hand in his.
"Ready." Tessa striated her back. The pure look of determination on her face made Will smile with pride.
The doors opened and all heads turned to look back at the bride. Will heard Tessa's breathe catch and he squeezed her hand to reassure her. The room was even more crowded than it had been when Will left to find Tessa. Not one person spoke and all that could be heard was the sound of the organ. That and Tessa breathing.
Cecily walked a few metres ahead of them, sprinkling flower petals on the ground. White drops against the deep red of the carpet.
Will watched as some of the petals floated softly down before he took a step forward, then another and another, knowing that Tessa would have stood there forever. She moved next to Will at a slow pace, her eye's focused on one thing only.
Jem stood at the end of the chapel. His gaze was on Tessa and it looked as if it were just the two of them in the whole world.
Jem and Tessa… There was no place for Will, and he knew it. He had known it right from the start, that if Jem and Tessa got married he would not be around. How could he stay and watch his best friend fall deeper and deeper in love the one girl he's ever wanted? He couldn't, it would break him, destroy him.
But Tess. Tessa. She needs him and no matter what he felt, no matter how much pain I caused him, Will would stay… he would stay for her.
They reached the front of the chapel and Will let go of Tessa's hand. She turned to face Jem. Their faces mirrored each other's exactly. Will had never seen Jem so happy, not in his entire life. Jem deserved Tessa as much as she deserved him.
Will looked over to Tessa. He watched as pure joy sparkled in her beautiful grey eyes.
Will felt his heart shatter into a million pieces, never to be whole again.
He knew that the life ahead of him would be filled with a thousand tiny paper cuts.