Human Emotions, a buffy: the vampire slayer fanfic

Human Emotions

By: Kody Mekell

Summary: After Fred's death, Buffy visits Los Angeles, seeking answers and a lost piece of her heart. When she arrives, she finds Angel is bitter with her for the actions of Giles. Seeking understanding, Buffy finds that she and Wesley aren't so different after all. Seeing Wesley's compassion for Fred, Buffy realizes that she still has a chance to retrieve her heart, while Wesley no longer can. When she confronts Angel, She tells him that she knew nothing of Giles's actions, and that she would have helped Fred, had she known. However, one stupid choice in one moment can change everything. When history repeats itself human emotions run wild and ruin things for everyone.

Disclaimer: It's all about Joss Whedon, really. His characters, but my twisted mind.

Rating: Between K+

Author's Notes: It's all in the POV of Buffy.

Prologue

I tell this story for many reasons. After living in Rome and seeing the world, I still had unanswered questions. There were still things that rattled me. The answers to these questions couldn't be found in Egypt or France or China. The answers were at home. But you can't go home again.

Chapter One

I arrived in L.A. in the rainy days of April. I think it was the thirteenth. I knew where I was going. It was a place I had never been, and I never wanted to go. Yet, somehow I had pulled to it.

Wolfram & Hart. I had never fought against them, but I already hated them. I had never seen it until then, but I had heard stories. From Faith. From Him.

Him.

Angel was the reason I came here. He had the answers that I sought. Answers to questions only he could tell me. Questions of truth, past, reality, and love. He was the essence of everything I loved and hated at once. I both anticipated and dreaded this unannounced reunion I was presenting upon him. So why didn't I turn around?

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By: Kody Mekell

Author's notes: A story for "Always"

Disclaimer: It's all about Joss Whedon, really. His characters, but my twisted mind.

Rating: Between PG-13 and R

Author's Notes: It's all in the POV of Buffy.

Prologue

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MSWordDocWord.Document.8ô9²qowed him the same. I had finally found someone that could understand my emotions and wouldn't judge me. "I came because part of me still loves Angel, and even though I know it's over, I can't bring myself to leave it this way. Part of my heart is with Angel, and part of it is with Spike. If I ever want to truly love again, I have to get those pieces back. I have to have some questions answered. I don't even know if it's possible." I looked at Wesley. Our eyes met and looked. As I watched the storm of gray pass through his eyes, I realized that I was lucky. I could come here and try, at least to retrieve my heart, but he could do nothing to retrieve his. Fred still had his heart and she was never coming back. He could never take that piece of him back.

"Good luck," said Wesley with all his sincerity. "I hope you find what you're looking for. And, Buffy, thank you for coming here. I needed that conversation with an actual human that wouldn't try to convince me that it would all be okay. I know it won't get better, and nothing can soften the truth."

"Thank you, Wesley." I said, as I approached the door and lay my hand on the knob. "For not judging me and for being sincere." As I started to open the door, I stopped. I looked at him and smiled. "Five years ago who would have thought we'd wind up being friends?"

I left his apartment, feeling I had finally found another human that could understand.

Chapter 3

Human emotion is the most complicated and confusing subject on Earth. One minute your heart is full of happiness and love, and the next, as in Wesley's case, full of grief and despair. I thought about this as I sat in Angel's office, waiting for him to return. I watched the tiny ant sized people out of the huge window. They were so lucky that they didn't know about my world. About the truth.

The door opened and Angel entered, followed by a green man with two huge red horns and eyes. Angel stopped when he saw me. A look of anger came over him, but I was prepared.

"Oh, Angel," said the green man. "She's a cutie." He approached me. "Hi, sweet cakes, I'm Lorne."

I shook his hand. "I'm Buffy." I said.

A look of understanding crossed Lorne's face. "Oh!" he said. "Of course. Well, I've heard tons about you, Muffin. I can't believe Angel cakes ever let you go. You're a doll."

"Lorne," said Angel. "Can I have a minute alone with Buffy?"

"Oh, right," said Lorne. "But no hanky panky, you two. We don't need any soulless-ness going on." Lorne whispered to me, "Even though I think I like Angelus better."

"I heard that," said Angel.

Lorne left the office, leaving me to face Angel alone. I shifted uncomfortably, and tried to cover it with a smile. His eyes pierced mine like arrows, and I dropped the smile. "We need to talk." I finally said.

"I have nothing to say to you, Buffy." Said Angel, organizing the papers on his desk.

"I had nothing to do with what Giles did," I said, "He didn't even tell me you called or that Fred was dead. I didn't even know until Spike told me this morning." I watched as he stopped moving, still not looking at me. "Had I known," I went on, "I would have helped, whether you were working for Wolfram & Hart or not."

"Are you serious?" he asked. "You really had no idea about this?"

"Really," I said. "Look at me, Angel." He looked at me with his brown eyes. "Would I let an innocent person, someone you cared about, die? Is that something I'd do?"

"No," Angel admitted. "It isn't."

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but in that moment I approached him something overcame us both. We got so close, too close. Before I knew what was happening, our lips met. His arms wrapped around me. It all came rushing back.

The ponytail came from my hair. Both our jackets came off. Somehow, I wound up on my back on the couch in his office. I had no thoughts in my head. Had I thought, maybe I would have stopped it. Maybe…

Skin. His against mine. This had to be a dream or fantasy.If this was

Reality, I would be dead in seconds, but I couldn't bring myself to stop it. Why wasn't he stopping it?

Then it happened. His brow exploded into his vampire face. His teeth grew into fangs and he came at me with the speed and desire of an animal.

"No!" I screamed.

I kicked Angel's naked body off of me. He fell to the floor. Only, it was no longer Angel. This was Angelus. He stood and smiled with evil satisfaction. "Thank you, Buffy," he said.

"Get away from me," I said, covering myself with my shirt, which lay on the floor.

"Come on," said Angelus. "You had to have wanted me here. You knew what would happen. Or are you just stupid?"

He began to approach me. As he did, I kicked him in the crotch with all my might. He fell to the floor in agony. This gave me enough time to dress quickly.

I threw my shirt on over my head, the last of my clothing, and ran out of the office. Harmony sat at her desk. "Call Spike," I shouted at her. "Angel's turned into Angelus, again."

Harmony didn't argue. She nodded and dialed quickly.

I ran down the stairs, knowing my destination as I ran.

Wesley's eyes went wide. "You slept with him! Buffy, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know!" I cried. "I knew it was wrong, but I didn't stop it. I tried to pretend it was a dream, but I knew it wasn't. I'm so stupid! Just like Angelus said. Why did I do it?"

"Why did he do it, is my main concern," said Wesley. "But we don't have time for that. We have to re-n-soul him. Can you call Willow?"

"No," I said. "Are you crazy? Think of what she'll say of she finds out!"

Wesley gave me a heavy, stern look, and I realized how petty I was sounding. "I'll call her." I sighed.

"Good," said Wesley. "And don't worry about Willow. She's your friend, she'll help you with this."

I pulled out my cell as Wesley walked into the other room to get some books.

"Hello?"

"Willow," I said, "It's me."

"Oh, hey Buffy. What's going on? How are Dawn and Giles? Have you heard from Xander?" She could go on forever.

"Willow, I'm in L.A. and I need your help. I… I kind of… I made Angel evil." The words flooded from me. All the details and explanations, and Willow kept silent as she listened. I was thankful for her silence. "So, you see, Willow, I really need your help."

Okay," said Willow. "But I will yell at you later. You were really stupid Buffy. I'll be on the next flight. Tell Fred I'll see her soon."

"First of all, Wesley can arrange for Wolfram & Hart to come get you. It's faster. Secondly, Will, I don't know how to tell you this, but Fred is dead." I hated that I had to tell her this.

"What?" she said. "How come none called me?"

"Angel and Spike tried." I told her. "Giles wouldn't tell them where you were."

"Why?" Willow asked.

"Willow, we don't have time. Just call the others and the plane will be there in a few hours." I hung up the phone. My heart pounding, as I imagined Angelus roaming the streets of Los Angelus.

Chapter Five

It is impossible to explain the look Xander gave me when he showed up. It was a look of pure disappointment. I was both happy and sad to see that Giles had not come. Out of the plane stepped Willow, Xander, Dawn, Kennedy, and Andrew.

Dawn hugged me as soon as she got off the plane. "Oh my God, Buffy," She said. "I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said. "Dawnie, get inside. Tell Spike I'll be there in a second. I hate to talk to Xander and Willow for a second."

Dawn let go and she and Kennedy and Andrew all went inside. I turned to face Willow and Xander, who watched me with heavy stares. "I knew." I said. "I was stupid."

"Well, it isn't the smartest thing you've ever done," said Xander. "Why, though, Buffy? Why would you sleep with him when you knew it would steal his soul?"

"Xander," said Willow. "We don't know the whole story. Let Buffy explain."

I sighed. "I don't know," I said. "I don't know how it happened. One minute we were talking, the next he was all evil and stuff."

Xander opened his mouth to speak, but the door behind me opened. Spike poked his head out and said, "Buffy, police reports are in. You better come look at this."

We all hurried inside. Spike tossed me the folder. "You can read all the grisly details," he said. "Basic point is, two young girls were killed in an alley. Major blood loss. It's safe to say that it's Angelus. All the signs are there."

"Call Faith," I instructed. "I'm gonna need help catching him."

Spike nodded, "I'm on it," He said.

"Willow, get ready to do the spell," I said. "Xander, go… go… go do something helpful."

"Boy," said Xander. "That wasn't vague at all."

"And you aren't being a smart ass," I said. "Just go help Willow."

"What about us?" said Dawn, gesturing to herself, Andrew, and Kennedy? "What do we need to do?"

"Kennedy," I said. "You'll help, me and Faith. Andrew, you'll help Wesley read up on Angelus. Dawnie, you go sit down with Spike."

"What do you mean?" Dawn asked. "Don't I have a job?"

"Yeah," I told her. "It's called not getting yourself killed. Spike, you and Harmony are staying here and waiting for police reports."

"But," Dawn argued. "But Harmony's still evil. What if she tries to attack me?"

"Spike won't let her," I said. I put on my jacket. "Come on, Kennedy. We'll get a head start. Spike, send Faith when she gets here. Tell her the situation."

Kennedy followed me out of the door, and the search for Angelus begun. Question was how many people would die in the meantime?

Chapter Six

Faith showed up soon. We devised a plan to draw Angelus into a trap. "Why am I always the bate?" Kennedy asked.

"Angelus doesn't know you," said Faith. "You have that whole innocent appeal that vampires love."

"Don't worry," I told her. "We won't let him get to close, but we need to draw him in."

So we sat up our trap. Kennedy, a good actress, sat in the alley crying. When Angelus came, she would tell him she was lost. From there, Faith and I could corner him. Faith would knock him out with that tranquilizer gun she brought, and we could carry him back to Wolfram & Hart. It was Perfect!

So it begun. Faith and I hid behind the dumpsters and Kennedy sat in the alley crying. Before long, Angelus showed up. He approached Kennedy with a fake smile.

"Sweetheart is something wrong? Why is a pretty little thing like you crying in an alley?" He asked, pretending to care.

"I'm lost," said Kennedy. "I can't find my apartment. I'm new in L.A. and I took the wrong turn. I was mugged, and I don't have my cell phone. I don't know what to do! I'm so scared. Do you have a phone I can borrow so I can call my roommate?"

"No," Said Angelus. "Sorry. Where do you live, though?"

"Fifth Street."

"Oh," said Angelus. "I know where that is. Do you want me to show you?"

"Please," said Kennedy, standing up.

"Now," I whispered to Faith.

We leapt out from behind our dumpsters. Faith took aim and shot the dart into Angelus's arm. A look of surprise crossed his features before he fell, unconscious.

I ran to him, and lifted him over my shoulder.

"Nice acting, Brat." Said Faith. "Oscar winning. You need to look into acting here."

"Guys," I said. "We don't have time. We have to get him to Wolfram & Hart before he wakes up."

I placed Angelus on the floor in front of Willow. She nodded to herself and began reading the spell. I watched patiently as the spells floated around in the air. As I watched, Xander pulled me outside of the office. I went without fuss, though I knew what was coming.

Outside of the office, Xander gave me a stern look. "Buffy, you don't know how angry I am at this point. How could you do this?"

"Xander," I said, "I… please, just…"

"No, Buffy." Said Xander. "I'm your friend, and I love you, but I don't think I can ever trust you again." He walked past me and reentered the office.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as he vanished behind the door. I wrapped my arms around myself and collapsed into the abandoned chair at Harmony's desk.

"Buffy," said Andrew from behind me. "Is something, like, wrong?"

"Andrew, I really don't want to talk about it," I said.

Andrew walked away and I broke down completely. I knew I deserved everything Xander had said. Why should he trust me? I decided to find Cordelia, coma or not, and talk to her.

Lorne walked past, "Lorne!" I called.

Lorne turned to see me. "Oh," said. "Hey, muffin mix. Do you need something?"

"Yeah," I said. "Where's Cordy? I want to see her."

A look of sadness crossed Lorne's face. "Oh, Muffin," he said. "We have to talk."

As if this day wasn't bad enough.

Chapter Seven

Cordelia was dead. It didn't seem possible, yet it filled in all the missing pieces. I understood why Angel had done this.

I banged on Wesley's door. He pulled it open, surprised that I would be there. "I know why he did it!" I blurted. "I know why he didn't stop it. He wanted to escape from all this. He wanted just one moment of perfect happiness. It was stupid and inconsiderate, but can you blame him? He's surrounded by death. Cordelia. Fred. He wanted out of it."

"It makes sense," said Wesley. "He wanted you so he just gave in, thinking he could escape the pain of loss."

I looked at my watch. "The spell should have worked by now." I put on my coat. "I have to go to talk to him."

I left Wesley's apartment.

Angel sat alone in his office, staring out of the huge window. "Angel," I said as I entered. "We need to talk."

"He turned to face me. "I'm sorry," he said. "I should have controlled myself. I don't know why I did it."

"I do," I said. "You wanted to escape from all of this. From Cordelia and Fred. You wanted to feel happiness, even if it cost you. Am I right?"

"You are," said Angel.

"Angel," I said. "I came to L.A. to get something back. I can never move on until you and Spike give me those pieces of my heart back. I think it's obvious that I can't be with either one of you, and it isn't fair to me that I can't move on."

"I don't know how to give it back to you," said Angel.

"Tell me it's over," I said. "Tell me there's no possible way fro us to be together again. Tell me there's no use waiting for you. Tell me this is the end of us."

Angel looked at me sadly. "Is that what you want?" he asked me.

"No," I said. "It isn't what I want at all, I want just the opposite, but it's the only way for this to end."

"Okay," said Angel. "It's over. There's no possible way we can be together, again. There's no use waiting for me. This is the end."

Even though I'd told him to say it, even though I knew it was for the best, I still cried. As I shut the office door behind me, salty tears slid down my cheeks. It was over I had gotten that piece of me back, but I still wasn't whole.

I found Spike in the lobby that after noon. "We need to talk," I said.

"I agree," said Spike.

Spike and I had the same discussion. We both agreed that this was the end, and, though it was painful, it some how settled me. I was whole again. I could move on at last.

Chapter Eight

After the others boarded the jet home, I went back to Wesley's place.

He was waiting for me. In his hands he held a glowing orb. "Here," he said, handing it to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, taking the orb from his hands.

"I'm doing everyone a huge favor," he said. He held a large book in his arms. He began to read a passage in some ancient. He began to read a passage in some ancient language.

When he had finished, I asked. "What did we just do?"

I rewound time about twelve hours. No one knows you're in L.A. Angel hasn't seen you and none of your friends are angry with you. We're the only two that know what happened," he said.

I was amazed. "Why?" I asked.

"For a lot of reasons," said Wesley. "Angel's lost a lot in the past few months. He doesn't need the guilt of what be did."

I nodded and hugged him briefly. As I twisted the knob of the door, I turned to Wesley again. "Hey, Wes?" I said, softly.

"Yes?"

"Thanks," I said. "For everything."

I walked out onto the wet streets of early morning in Los Angeles. So much had happened in just one day, and now it was gone. All that remained were the secrets and memories Wesley and I held.

Epilogue

So you see, I tell this story to show you that human emotion controls us all. It took Angel to sacrifice him and others so he could escape. Human emotion can change us all.

I found a friend in an unlikely place, as well. To this day I owe Wesley for what he did. He helped make me whole again. And still, he is the only one that knows what I got back, my heart.

I'll always love Angel, but there comes a time when both have to give in. He gave in so I could move on and be happy, and so did Spike. Even if they don't remember.