She barely waited for him to walk out of the Firefly.
"Why didn't you call me?" she asked, hitting Mal in the chest with her fist.
"Ow." He rubbed the spot. "Nice to see you too, 'Nara."
"Why didn't you tell me as soon as Ethan got sick?" She was very, very angry with him. It had started the moment Hank had waved that they were coming, and had grown every passing second.
"Kinda had other things on my mind," Mal pointed out.
"That's no excuse." Then she realised what she'd said. "Well, of course it is. But would it have hurt for someone to wave me?"
"Why, 'Nara?" Mal asked. "Just so's you could worry too? And you couldn't even be there."
"I still wanted to know! It was Ethan, for heaven's sake!"
"Yes. My son. Mine and Freya's."
"So … what? I'm not family any more?" Inara stared at him.
"Course you are."
"Then –"
"Because you couldn't do anything. And worrying from a distance ain't good for your looks."
"My …" This time the anger bubbled over, and she let fly with the flat of her hand, catching him right on the cheek.
He moved his jaw around but didn't touch the vibrant red mark. "Better?"
"How does she put up with you?"
"She loves me." He checked his teeth with his tongue. "You been working out?"
"What?"
"Seems to me you got more of a whack behind that than you had before."
"One of these days …" Inara gave Mal one last glare then walked past him.
Freya, leaning in the doorway of the Firefly, laughed. "Don't beat up on him too much," she called. "He might get to enjoy it."
"Hiya, Auntie 'Nara!" Bethany yelped, running out of the cargo bay and past them all, heading towards the house.
"Where're you going, honey?" Freya called.
"My room!"
"Don't run!"
"'Kay!" Bethany was still going full pelt and disappeared quickly.
"It is still her room, isn't it?" Freya asked Inara.
"Of course it is. And there's a sweet little bed in there too, just the right size."
"No wonder she's in a hurry."
Inara turned back to Freya. "How is Ethan?"
"He's a lot better. And some sun and fresh air will do him the world of good." She pushed up straight. "How are you, Inara?"
They hugged.
"Better for seeing you." Inara looked past her. "Can I see him?"
"Of course." Freya smiled and let the way inside.
Inara glanced back over her shoulder. "I gather he's decided you're staying for a while?"
Freya smiled. "If that's okay with you. Kaylee has a lot of work to do on the engine, and this is a safe place."
"As long as you want." Inara hooked her arm through the other woman's. "And I gather there's something of a special occasion?"
"Special?"
"Jayne and River?"
Freya laughed again. "I didn't know they'd asked already."
"Jayne did. He waved me." Another glare was shot in Mal's direction as he followed them.
"Hey, what've I done?" he demanded to know, all innocent and wide-eyed.
Inara ignored him. "I've said they can use the house."
"You saying you don't mind them getting to sexing in your place?" Mal grinned. "Sounds like old times."
"Except that I was the one doing the 'sexing'." Inara raised her eyebrows as Freya took her through to the lower crew quarters. "Isn't Ethan in the nursery upstairs?"
"He's taking a nap in Bethany's room at the moment," Freya explained. "She was supposed to be looking after him …"
"But my house had a more exciting call," Inara finished.
"Something like that." Freya slid the door open.
"Oh …" Inara's heart melted as it always did at the sight of the little boy, his tousled head resting on one hand, the thumb of the other in his mouth. "You know you need to stop that. Otherwise his teeth will come through crooked."
"I don't think I'm going to worry about it quite yet," his mother said, her voice soft, her eyes gentle.
"No, I suppose not." Inara gazed at Ethan. "He looks so well."
"He's getting there," Mal said, leaning over their shoulders, his voice full of emotion. "Simon's taking real good care of him, and the pacemaker's working fine."
"Jayne said … about the medical bill …"
"It's been dealt with." Mal was firm.
"Only if you need money -"
"'Nara, I said it's been dealt with."
"If you're sure …"
"We've got paid for our last job, and there was some left over from … it's fine."
Inara nodded. "I'm glad. And of course I'll pay for the items you've brought me."
"Well, we can discuss that later."
"Come on, I don't want to wake him," Freya said, closing the door.
"I'm so glad he's okay," Inara said.
"So are we." Mal grinned at her.
She shook her head. "Why can't I stay angry at you?" she asked.
"'Cause I'm so winsome and pretty."
"How do you put up with him?" Inara asked Freya as they all headed back to the cargo bay.
"Oh, he's good for some things." There was an odd wistfulness in her tone that intrigued the ex-Companion, but it was gone as she went on, "So are you staying in the house? While Jayne and River … whatever."
"I don't think so. While I have, in the past, been a voyeur on a couple of occasions, I don't think I'd care to this time."
"A voyeur?" Mal's ears pricked up. "You mean you …"
"In the line of business, Mal."
"Business. Right."
"And since I'm not in that business any longer, I was hoping I could stay here."
"Here." Mal raised his eyebrow. "On board."
"Don't make it sound so terrible."
"Well, it ain't like you actually live here no more."
"If it's going to be too much trouble –"
"No, I ain't said that. Don't go putting words into my mouth, woman."
"In there? Hardly."
"What's wrong with my mouth?" Mal asked, finding himself to unaccountably being enjoying the argument. It felt like old times.
"Where do I begin?"
"Children, children," Freya said, holding out her hands. "If you can't play nicely it'll be an early night with no supper."
"Still can't believe you're letting those two sully your home." Mal was shaking his head in mock incredulity.
"You'd already done that," Inara pointed out.
"Wasn't your place then. Still belonged to Monty."
"And you're just lucky I'm alone at the moment," she went on. "I had a client who only left yesterday."
"A client?" This time Mal's eyebrows threatened to disappear into his hair.
The look on his face made her laugh. "Not that sort, Mal. Honestly, doesn't your mind ever leave the gutter?"
"Well …"
"I was helping his daughter. She was having some problems, and I helped her sort them out."
"What sort of –"
"Mal, you don't ask questions like that."
"He does," Freya put in.
"Then I just won't answer them."
A noise behind had them all look up. Kaylee was coming down the stairs.
"Hey, 'Nara."
"Hey, you." She smiled at the young mechanic.
"Good day?" She was attempting nonchalance, almost indifference, as if she and Inara had parted only an hour before.
"Better for seeing you."
"Missed you. A bit."
"Mmn. Me too."
Kaylee stepped down to the deck. "You look nice," she said, smiling a little. "Got a bit of colour in your cheeks."
Inara grinned. "Aren't you going to give me a hug?" she asked.
"I'm kinda greasy."
"I don't care about that." To the girl's evident delight, the ex-Companion enveloped her in a huge embrace, and it was returned with interest.
"Oh, 'Nara …" Kaylee was grinning widely. "Got so much to tell ya."
"So I gather." She smiled and pushed the young mechanic's hair out of her face. "Don't you ever look at a brush?" she asked.
"Not much since you left. Simon does it for me sometimes," Kaylee admitted. "Only it kinda gets messed up again after …"
"No," Mal said firmly. "You two wanna discuss sex, go do it elsewhere."
"Cap …" Kaylee complained.
Inara wanted so much to stick her tongue out at him, but that would be … oh diyu.
"Did you just …" He was speechless.
"Come on," Inara said, snaking her arm through Kaylee's. "Come and help me get a few things from my house, and we can talk on the way." They walked out into the Lazarus sunshine.
"Hey, what about my boat?" Mal called.
"I'm taking a break," Kaylee shouted in return, then went back to the female-type huddle.
"I knew it was a mistake letting that woman back on board," Mal muttered.
Freya laughed. "It always was."
---
"How can you tell?" Jayne asked, watching River as her hands moved tenderly.
"You just know." She smiled up at him and went back to work.
"Looks the same to me."
She pulled. "It isn't.
"I still don't –"
"Just wait."
"How long?"
"A few weeks."
"Ain't sure it's worth it."
"It will be." River finished weeding and ran her fingers through the soil between the green shoots.
Jayne felt his groin tightening. "Gorramit, girl, you keep doing that and I won't be able to wait 'til tonight."
"Patience," River said, sitting back and dusting off her hands.
"Well, I ain't never had too much o' that."
"Imagine I'm your prey. You've stalked things, people, for days or weeks. Tracked them from the tiniest broken twig. That takes patience."
"Ain't the same. I was usually gonna kill them."
"The French call orgasm le petit mort."
"Come again?"
She smiled. "The little death. For when it makes one of the participants momentarily unconscious from the pleasure."
"You been reading up on this?"
"I've been doing some research."
"So you know what you think it's gonna be like."
"Preparing."
He took one of her dusty hands in his. "Don't wanna disappoint ya, moonbrain."
"You won't." She moved easily into his lap and wrapped her arms around him, their lips touching.
As much as she'd been kissed before by Jethro, and a boy on Boros Simon knew nothing about, this was different. Maybe it was the beard, or the fact that neither of them were very experienced lately in it, but it was sweet and almost innocent. Apart from Jayne's burgeoning erection pressing into her.
"Tonight," she whispered into his mouth.
"Dammit, girl, you got me wishing my life away," he muttered back.
"It will be … magnificent."
Jayne grinned, his beard ticking her chin. "Got that right."
---
"Let's have some tea," Inara said as they stepped out of the sunlight.
"Sounds good." Kaylee looked around the hall. "You've done a lot to this place."
"Not just me." She hurried to a doorway. "Mrs Boden, could we have some tea in the drawing room?"
"Of course, Madam," came the disembodied voice in answer.
Inara smiled and led the way into one of the sunlit rooms.
"Ooh, pretty!" Kaylee said, clapping her hands. "Didn't look like this when I was here before."
"It's not been that long, mei-mei," Inara admonished.
"Seems like forever …" She stared at the elegant yellow wallpaper with its white and cream stripes. "Looks like the sun's shining even when it ain't."
"That's why I chose it. And because it reminds me of you." Kaylee grinned as Inara sat down on the sofa. "Come on, I want to hear all the news."
Kaylee shook her head. "I'll make it dirty."
Inara glanced about then picked up a throw. "If you're really worried, sit on this."
"'Nara …"
"Sit down." The ex-Companion smiled, grabbing her hand and pulling her next to her.
"'Kay." Kaylee giggled. "Don't want to mess up your home."
"We're not going to worry about that, are we?" Inara moved forward a little. "So, what's been going on?"
"Well, you know about Ethan, a'course."
"Eventually."
"And you know about Bethany being a Reader –"
"Are you okay with that now?"
Kaylee smiled. "Kinda got used to it."
"That's good. You know no-one's going to let anything happen to her."
"I know. And it ain't really ever been that that's the problem."
"So tell what the problem was."
"It's …" Kaylee coloured. "I guess I was jealous."
"Jealous? Of what?"
Kaylee looked embarrassed. "Ain't proud of it, 'Nara, but I've always been somewhat green-eyed over Simon's … attachment to his sister."
"You mean his devotion."
She found her hands suddenly really interesting. "He loves her, course he does. She's his sister. But I always worried it was kinda that it always seemed to be …"
"Her over you?"
Kaylee nodded. "And I feel all kindsa guilty over this, so there's no need to tell me I'm baichi."
"I wasn't going to."
There was a slight knock at the door and the housekeeper brought in a tray. "Madam," she said, setting it down on the small table in front of them before disappearing as quietly as she had arrived.
"So …" Inara prompted, pouring the tea into delicate cups.
"So when Bethie turned out to be a reader, it was just something else they'd got in common, that I ain't."
"Kaylee, that's –"
"Only it's okay now," the young woman added quickly. "See, Bethie can hear Serenity. Just like me."
"She can hear her?"
"When she's hurting. What needs doing." There was more than a hint of pride in her voice. "Like her momma."
Inara smiled. "You know, I'm really not surprised."
"You ain't?"
"I always thought your talent proved you were more than just gifted."
"Like Frey, you mean?"
"In a way. You can just hear machines."
Kaylee giggled. "Maybe you're right. But I'll tell ya, knowing Bethie can hear 'em too, that makes me feel she's mine."
"Sweetie, you carried her for nine months, breastfed her, bathed and changed her … no-one will ever be able to say she's not yours."
"You know what I mean."
"I do at that," Inara agreed as the sound of someone more or less falling down the stairs filtered in from the hall. "And I think that may be your first-born right now."
The door burst open and a small tornado swept into the room. "Auntie 'Nara!" it shouted and bounced into her lap.
"Bethany, this ain't … this is someone else's home," Kaylee said quickly, pulling her daughter off Inara's fine dress.
"Sorry," the little girl said, dropping her eyes.
"That's all right," Inara replied. "And of course it's her home too."
"Is it?" Bethany asked, lifting her head.
"Of course it is. All of you." She reached out and took the little girl back. "Did you like your room?"
"'S'pretty." Bethany giggled, sounding very like her mother. "I like the bed."
"Just the right size. And when you get bigger, it can grow with you."
"Grow?"
"Yes. Like magic."
Bethany's eyes grew wide. "Magic?"
"Definitely."
"You'll be turning her head with stuff like that," Kaylee complained mildly.
"When you're Bethany's age, a little magic is a good thing." Inara smiled. "And we've just been talking about mental gifts that would have seemed like magic to people a few hundred years ago."
"I guess." A grin suffused her face. "Ain't never thought of it that way before."
Inara leaned over and picked up the plate of biscuits from the tray. "Here," she said. "Try one of these. Mrs Boden makes them just for me."
Kaylee took one and bit into it carefully. Her face softened. "Oh, 'Nara, you keep having this sorta thing and I'll make sure the Cap comes by regular."
"Can I have one?" Bethany asked, eyeing the plate.
"Of course you can." Inara held it up. "Now," she said, getting back to the subject in hand. "What else has been going on?"
---
"Hey, how come no-one told us you'd been having a tea party?" Hank asked, staring at the mechanic and the ex-Companion as they strolled back into Serenity, the latter carrying a small bag.
"How did you –"
"Crumbs." He waved an accusing hand at Kaylee's coveralls.
Kaylee brushed herself down. "Oops," she said, grinning. "Anyway, it was girlie time. Men not invited."
"Hey, I can be girlie!" Hank insisted. "Not as good as the Cap, maybe, but I can."
"Next time, Hank," Inara promised. "And perhaps there'll be braiding of hair."
He ran his hand through his own untidy mop. "Don't think you can make it any worse," he admitted.
"Oh, Hank, please don't tempt me!"
He grinned, then looked up at the sound of boots on the catwalk.
"Inara," Zoe said inclining her head.
"Zoe. You look positively blooming." Inara smiled, recognising the dark red top the dark woman was wearing.
"Need to thank you for the clothes," Zoe said, returning the favour.
"I'm glad they fit." Inara made a show of studying the other woman. "And that looks so much better on you than it would ever have on me."
"That's a lie, and you know it. I doubt there's a garment in this 'verse that don't look good on you."
"Oh, believe me, there are a number."
"You're seriously gonna have to tell me about them. Preferably with pictures."
"Not in a million years." She grinned, suddenly looking less the polished woman and much more the girl. "So where's River and Jayne? I thought they'd be just dying for me to give them the keys."
Simon stomped out of the common area. "They've gone for a walk," he said morosely. "To look at the garden River planted."
"That's nice."
"I suppose so." He sighed. "That pair are going to be the death of me."
Freya patted his shoulder. "Now, I just know you're happy for them under that dark and miserable exterior."
"Oh, absolutely." Simon looked into her face. "My somewhat crazy sister is in a relationship with a mercenary who's old enough to be her father, and everyone seems to think it's fine and dandy."
"Sounds like one of my books," Hank commented. "Story like that could be worth thousands."
Everyone ignored him.
"Are you intending to shoot him again?" Inara asked.
"Not unless he hurts her." Simon tossed up his hands. "I know she's happier than she's been in a long while, so I'm … I'm happy too."
"Oh, Simon, I think you need to try that with a little more conviction."
Kaylee put her arms around his waist. "And it ain't that bad."
"No, I suppose not. It's just going to take a while to get used to." He shuddered.
"Don't even think about tonight," Freya advised.
"Seriously, I'm trying not to." He gave a rueful smile. "How are you, Inara?"
"I have to say it feels like I never left."
"Yeah, me too," Mal put in from the catwalk above them. "Doesn't anyone have any work to do around here?"
"I just fly the boat," Hank said quickly. "And as we're landlocked at the moment …"
"Okay, I guess I'll let you off." Mal came down the stairs. "What about the rest of you?"
"Pregnant, sir," Zoe said succinctly.
"Not sure that counts, but okay." He turned his gaze onto the young mechanic. "Ain't you supposed to be under the engine, swearing at something or other?"
"I don't need to be under the engine to do that, Cap'n," Kaylee said, letting go of her husband. "'N' I was just on my way back."
"Good. This week we're spending here's for your benefit, you know."
"Not just mine," Kaylee pointed out. "I don't get Serenity back to one hundred percent, I ain't the only one who's gonna be wondering where all the air went."
"Then don't you think you'd better get back there?"
"On my way, Cap'n!" she said brightly, planting a kiss on Simon's lips before scampering up the stairs.
"What about you, doctor?" Mal asked.
"I just finished checking your son. And he's fine," Simon added quickly.
"Good."
"Has anyone seen Bethany, by the way?"
"She's in her room in my house," Inara explained. "I think she'd having another tea party."
"Then, if you'll all excuse me, I think I'll go and find my daughter." He gave a slight bow and wandered out into the sunshine.
"You know, I think our young lovers might have the right idea," Hank said, taking Zoe's hand. "Fancy a walk?"
"Well …" She glanced at Mal.
"Hell, might as well," he said. "It ain't like there's much else to do around here."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Hank grinned and led Zoe outside.
Mal looked at Freya. "Do you think they're –"
"I'd let that thought die right there if I were you," his wife said.
"You know, I think you're right."
Inara picked up her bag. "Well, if you could tell me where I'm sleeping tonight, I'll get unpacked."
"Best put you up in the guest quarters, seeing as your shuttle ain't exactly … well, it ain't yours no more." Mal grinned.
"And there I was going to relive old memories," she teased. "All those times you barged in, unasked."
"Bet you miss that."
"Not particularly."
"Well, I'll get you settled in –"
"I'll do that," Freya said quickly. "Give us a chance to catch up."
"Okay." Mal wasn't sure about this, somehow, but nodded. "Dinner's usual time."
"I'll be there. I have missed those protein meals."
The irony wasn't lost on him. "Well, any time you wanna contribute some of your fine food, I'm sure we can manage."
"I'll see what I can do." She smiled. "In fact, why don't I arrange dinner tonight entirely?"
"Well, I'm sure Freya won't mind, seeing as it was her turn to cook." Mal looked at his wife for her input.
"Good idea," she said. "And I know the rest of the crew will be thanking you too."
"Your cooking isn't that bad," Inara disagreed.
"Yes it is," Freya said, then elbowed Mal in the ribs as he nodded agreement.
"Ow."
"Come on," Freya said, ignoring him.
"Good idea," Mal agreed. "I got some captainy things to do anyway." He headed back up the stairs towards the bridge. "Maybe give my wife someone else to beat up on for a change."
"I'm so glad Ethan's recovering well," Inara said, stepping through into the common area.
"He's healing fast. I might not be good for anything else, but at least I seem to have passed that on to him."
Inara glanced over her shoulder, surprised. "Not good for what?"
"Everything." Freya walked past her. "I think this one should be okay." She slid a door open.
"Book's old room."
"Oh. Sorry, do you want one of the others?"
"No, of course this will be fine." Inara stepped inside, putting her bag on the bed. "It will be almost like meeting an old friend." She smiled. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." She didn't leave.
"Is there something you … Freya, what is it?"
For a moment it looked as if the other woman was about to speak, to unburden herself, then she shook her head. "It's nothing." She forced a smile. "I'll let you settle in."
Inara watched as she walked away, at the slight limp she still exhibited, and wondered.
---
"That smells good," Mal said, stepping down into the dining area.
Inara turned from the stove. "I wish I could say it was all my own work, but it isn't. Mrs Boden is an excellent cook, and she's put together one of her best meals."
Mal sniffed the air. "Is that beef?"
"It is. Cooked in one of her special sauces. She's given me full instructions, and it will be ready on time."
"Somehow I don't think anyone's gonna be late for this meal."
Inara grinned. "I'll let Mrs Boden know your appreciation."
Mal picked up a mug and lifted the coffee pot. "You do that."
Inara watched him pour, then said, "I noticed Freya's still limping."
Mal's hand paused, then he continued. "Yeah. Simon says it may never go fully, but … some days it's better than others. When she's tired or stressed it's worse."
"Is she?"
"Well, with Ethan and all …"
"Yes, I suppose so." She covered the pot and put it back into the oven. "Mind if I join you?"
"Course." He pulled the chair out next to him.
Inara poured herself a cup and sat down. "Is … is Freya all right?" she asked tentatively.
"Sure." He took a mouthful. "Why shouldn't she be?"
"Oh, nothing. Just a feeling."
"Like I said, with Ethan just getting back to being …" He shrugged and stared into his mug.
After a minute of silence Inara said, "I'm sorry."
He looked back up in surprise. "What? What for?"
"Slapping you. It was immature and entirely uncalled for."
"Immature. Like sticking your tongue out at me." His lips twitched.
"Exactly. I was a Companion. Companion's don't do that sort of thing."
"You were. Ain't now. I think you can make up your own rules."
"Then I should know better."
"It's alright, 'Nara. And I'm the one who should be apologising. I kinda goaded you into it."
"I shouldn't have expected you to call me the minute Ethan got sick."
"Maybe I should have. We're friends."
She smiled at him. "Friends." She gazed at him, then added, "So why not tell me what's wrong with you and Freya? As friends."
"Didn't say there was something wrong."
"No. But you both seem to have something you need to talk about."
"No, now that ain't the case." He sighed. "Least, not quite." He shook his head. "It's hard to explain."
She put her hand on his. "Just tell me."
His blue eyes stared into hers, and she felt the indecision warring inside him. Finally he spoke.
"We … Freya and me … since Ethan got sick … we haven't made love." The words came out in a rush, as if he was afraid they'd run and hide otherwise.
"That's nothing to worry about. I'm sure she's just –"
"She … she won't let me touch her, Inara." There was pain in his voice. "Thinks if she hadn't been making love to me, she'd've heard Ethan. Known he was sick. Maybe stopped all this happening before it started."
"Could she?"
Mal stared at her. "Course not!"
"Have you spoken to her about it?"
"I've tried, only she just kinda changes the subject."
"Do you think she's afraid, Mal?"
"Afraid?"
"Of it happening again. Of being in your arms, making love, and something happening to Ethan?"
He nodded. "Yeah. I think she is."
"Oh, Mal. That's just being a mother."
"I know that. But what with her being psychic, she's blaming herself for not knowing sooner."
Inara thought for a moment. "I gather Bethany heard."
Mal hugged his mug. "Yeah. Told the doc."
"And Freya thinks it should have been her."
"Thinks if she'd been stronger, not let me … not given in to what I wanted, that … hell, Inara, not sure what she thinks."
"So it's really your fault."
His eyes flashed sapphire. "You think that ain't on my mind?"
She sighed. "Mal, you're parents. You have a child, a son. That son is dependent on you both. And every single parent feels the same way. Even me. My son is worlds away, and yet I worry that he might be sick, or hurt, and I can't do anything about it. It's natural."
"Freya ain't looking at it that way."
"And it's worse because she's psychic, isn't it?"
Mal nodded. "I conjure it is."
"There are three Readers on board, Mal. One of them heard Ethan's distress. One of them will always hear. It may not be Freya every time, and I hope to Buddha there's never another time at all, but someone will hear." She squeezed his hand. "You're luckier than most, you know. Other parents would go to bed and not know their child is sick at all."
"Could you tell Frey that?" he asked.
"No. But I think maybe you should."
"'Nara, please. Talk to her for me."
"I don't –"
"Please."
"I'll think about it." She stood up. "I'd better check those hot biscuits, otherwise it will be like eating charcoal."
"Nope, that's Freya's cooking."
Inara laughed.
---
Simon watched River and Jayne leave, heading out into the rapidly falling night. They were strolling towards the house, Jayne in his best outfit, River in a floaty dress she'd bought on Greenleaf for the occasion. She was almost skipping, like a little girl.
The young doctor walked to the cargo bay doors, not seeing anything else.
Jayne must have said something, because River laughed, stopping under one of the lights suspended in the trees.
His breath caught as he saw her face. He'd been wrong. It wasn't a little girl out there, but a woman, a lovely young woman who happened to be his sister, and who was smiling at the man she'd given her heart to.
Jayne leaned over, his hands resting on the trunk. Her arms came up, embracing him, and they kissed.
It truly must be love, Simon thought, shaking his head slightly.
"Must be love," Kaylee said from behind him, her arms snaking round his waist.
"I suppose it is," Simon agreed, startled at hearing his thoughts echoed back to him, but still watching as the couple outside broke apart, continuing towards the house, their hands entwined.
"You okay?"
For a moment Simon didn't know what to say, whether to nod or shake his head. "I … I don't know."
Kaylee kissed the back of his neck. "Now that's the man I married," she said. "Not afraid to admit he ain't perfect." She squeezed a little tighter. "Come on. It's time to eat."
"Not sure I'm hungry, either."
"Inara's provided the food."
"Oh. Maybe a little then."
"I'm gonna tell Frey you said that."
---
Mal looked around the table, and felt a sense of recognition. Apart from Jayne and River, the table was full, and the conversation flowed like it used to.
"… but it never meant anything," Inara insisted.
"How can you say that?" Kaylee asked. "Weren't there a few, maybe just one, who made your heart beat faster?"
"A Companion is taught never to play favourites."
Hank shook his head. "Come on, 'Nara. Jayne ain't here. You can tell us."
"Honestly, Hank. The training is so strict."
"Not a one."
He seemed so disappointed that she sighed. "Well, let's just say there were a few I was more pleased to have repeat contracts with than others."
"See?" he said triumphantly. "Knew it."
"I'm not sure this is the kind of conversation we should be having," Simon dropped in, looking down at his daughter, her head on the table.
"She's well away," Kaylee said, lifting her hair from her face. "Worn out with all the excitement." She suppressed a yawn herself.
"It doesn't look like she's the only one," Inara said, smiling softly.
"Well, it's been a kinda long day," Kaylee agreed, grinning.
Freya put her hand over her mouth.
"I think we could all do with turning in," Mal said, noticing, his own lips twitching.
"Well, I for one ain't sleepy yet. It's a fine evening," Hank said, pulling one of Jayne's cigars from his pocket. "I think I might take a turn along the lake before bed." He looked at Zoe. "Wanna come?"
"Not if you're going to smoke that thing."
"What? After all the trouble I went to pinching it?"
"You know, smoking is bad for the baby," Simon pointed out.
"It doesn't do much for me either," Zoe agreed.
Hank sighed and slid the tube back into his pocket. "Maybe I'll save it for later." At Zoe's look he added quickly, "Like never."
She smiled at him. "That's a good boy."
"Ain't a boy," Hank pointed out. "'N' I think I proved that this afternoon."
"Take him outside," Mal put in. "Before he gets to revealing all the gory details."
"Weren't no gore involved, Mal," Hank said as Zoe got to her feel, pulling him after her.
"Go!"
"Goodnight, sir," Zoe said, pushing Hank in front.
"'Night."
Simon stood up too, lifting Bethany into his arms. "Kaylee?" he asked, looking at his wife.
"Sure, honey. I do kinda feel our bed calling me." She looked at Freya, Ethan asleep in her arms. "Want I should put him down for you?"
"No, I'll do it." Freya smiled at her, not feeling able to let anyone else do for him just yet.
Kaylee understood. "'Kay. G'night."
"Night."
She followed Simon out into the corridor, finding him waiting for her by the stairs next to the engine room.
"Kaylee, I know you want to … but can we not? I mean, just for tonight."
"Not what, honey?"
He glanced at Bethany, but she was fast asleep, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. "Make love."
"Why? Ain't you feeling well?" She put her hand on his forehead, and he had to smile.
"It's not that. It's just … knowing what River's intending to … I suppose I just feel a … a little uncomfortable."
"So you just wanna snuggle?"
He nodded. "Do you mind?"
She smiled at him, at his serious face. "I don't mind snugglin'. Never did. 'Cept snugglin' often turns to something else."
"Not tonight, it won't."
"Then we'll snuggle."
"Doc, can you hold up a sec?" Mal called, hurrying after them.
"What is it?"
"I gotta favour to ask you, you and Kaylee …"
Simon glanced at his wife and said, "Sure. What do you need?"
Back in the dining area Inara picked up some of the plates.
"I'll do that," Freya insisted. "I was supposed to cook tonight, so the least I can do is clear."
"I wasn't intending to wash up," Inara admitted. "Just make it look a little tidier. Besides, everything else can just go back to the house in the morning."
Freya smiled. "Your Mrs Boden must be a wonder."
"She is."
"Well, she's a damn fine cook. Maybe she could give me lessons."
"I could ask her, if you like."
Freya laughed. "You know, I think the rest of the crew would appreciate it." She got up, careful not to jar her son.
"You haven't poisoned anyone yet."
"Yet." Freya rounded the end of the table. She was limping tonight.
"Why don't you get to bed?" Inara suggested. "You look tired."
"I admit, I haven't been sleeping too well."
"Then have an early night. I'll finish here, and we can wash up the rest in the morning."
Freya smiled. "I'm not sure Mal will approve."
"One night isn't going to make that much difference."
"Okay." Freya walked to the door then glanced back. "It is good to see you again."
"You too." She made shooing motions. "Go."
After a moment there was the sound of a hatch opening, then closing again.
Inara shook her head. It was going to be difficult for Freya to trust anyone, at least for a while, that was obvious. Stacking the plates, she wondered what she would have been like, if it had been her son. Just the same, no doubt. Perhaps worse.
Mal came in from the opposite direction, looking around. "Where's Frey?"
"She went to bed."
"Did you … I mean … what we talked about …"
"No, Mal. I haven't spoken to her. This is between the both of you. If I get involved, I think it'll just make things worse."
"How can it? She won't let me touch her."
"At least she hasn't thrown you out. Which she could do if I try and counsel her about this."
"The old jealousy thing?"
"She's your wife. If I were in her shoes, I'd feel the same about someone else butting into my marriage unasked."
"I did ask you."
"But she didn't. She's had the opportunity to talk to me, but she hasn't. And I think she's right not to. This is about you and her."
"'Nara –"
"I was right to leave, Mal. As much fun as this has been, it's just a reminder of how much things have changed."
"Nothing's changed, Inara."
"No? Hank and Zoe are expecting a child, Simon and Kaylee are a little family, even Jayne and River are finally together … and you and Frey have Ethan."
"Nearly didn't."
"No. But he's alive, he's healing, and when he's around thirteen Freya may finally let him out of her sight."
Mal smiled a little. "Yeah, although I think thirteen is hopeful."
"You're all couples, Mal. And as much as I have, on occasion, participated in a threesome, it isn't going to happen here."
"We could always find a toy boy for you. I'm sure Jayne knows of a few good places to look. Would you prefer blond or brown?"
"Redhead. Less trouble."
"Well, I'm sure we could advertise."
"Mal, it was the right thing to do. And I'm going to cherish these times when you come here, but it's different now."
"Guess you're right." He hooked his thumbs into his pockets. "A threesome?"
"A special client. And it was myself and another Companion."
"Were you … did you …"
"I didn't kiss and tell before. What makes you think I'm going to do it now?"
Mal shrugged. "For old times sake?"
"We don't have any old times. Not like that, anyway."
"Guess not. Three kisses don't count."
Her skin burned. "Three?"
"You think I didn't finally figure it out?" He stepped closer to her, close enough so she could smell the soap he used. "It wasn't Saffron you kissed. It was me."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
He grinned and stepped back. "Sure."
"Go to your wife, Mal. She needs you, at least."
"Not sure she wants me though."
"Why don't you go and talk to the woman and find out?"
"I'm …" He suddenly looked like a little boy. "I'm kinda scared what she's like to say."
"You? The hero of Serenity Valley? Scared?"
"Ain't no hero, 'Nara. Just an ordinary man who's in love with an extraordinary woman."
The pain that would never go away flashed through her again, but she smiled. "Then you'd better go talk to her." She patted his chest. "Take this from a friend."
---
"Honey." Mal closed the door above him. "Are you awake?"
There was no movement from the bed, but something told him Freya wasn't asleep. He peered into the nursery, making sure Ethan was okay, then slid the door to. He turned back.
"I gotta talk to you."
Still nothing, but the overriding impression was of someone listening.
"I love you. You know that. I love Ethan. You know that too. But I ain't having you thinking you coulda stopped him being sick. 'Cause that ain't the truth. Even if I'd not got shot, ducked just a bit faster, or if we hadn't been making love, do you think you'd have heard?"
"I would." She spoke from the depths of the bed, her body still turned away from him.
"Prove it."
She sat up suddenly, her face pale. "How can I prove –"
"Exactly."
"I'd have heard, Mal."
"So you're gonna turn me away just in case something happens and you don't hear that one time."
"How can I think about my own pleasure when Ethan might be –"
"He's not." Mal sat down on the edge of the bed and took both her hands in his. She tried to pull away but he wouldn't let her. "Ethan's in the next room. He's safe. He's getting better. And I just talked to Simon and Kaylee – they're going to get some kinda receiver linked up so that if he cries, or his temperature goes up even a little bit, it'll tell us."
"And what about the next time?"
"Next time."
"When he's sick and I don't hear. Maybe it'll be too late." Tears were gathering in her eyes.
"What about when he's twenty-six? You gonna insist on him listening in on him then?"
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Or forty. Fifty-seven. Hell, eighty-three." He shook his head. "Kids get sick. I know. It happened to me once. And for their parents it's a living hell. But they get better. And if they don't then we're luckier'n most. We got Simon. He kept Ethan alive, Frey. And now Ethan's gonna grow up strong and healthy and worry the pi hua out of us."
The tears rolled down her cheeks. "I know. I know all this. And I still feel like –"
"It was your fault."
"Yes."
He sighed. "You know, I ain't ever known a one such as you for taking on all the guilt. Unless it's me." He moved forward. "Frey, you don't wanna make love to me, that's up to you. I ain't gonna force you. I'll never force you. But I love you. And what we do is part of that. If you want me to move out so I don't accidentally touch you the wrong way, I can do that too. I'll hate it, but I can. Just … don't, Frey. Please." He tried hard not to, but a tear of his own spilled.
"Oh, Mal." She reached up to him, the blanket falling away from her, putting her hand on his face.
"You still ain't got no night thingies?" he asked, smiling slightly at the sight of her breasts.
"You want I should buy some?" She wiped his tear away with the pad of her thumb.
"Depends. Can you get some of those wispy things? You know, the kind that are sorta, now you see them, now you don't?"
"You mean the sort Inara has."
"Wouldn't know."
Freya smiled. "I could," she admitted. "Why, do you wanna borrow them?"
He grinned. "Not sure they'd suit me. No, I'd more in mind tearing 'em off you." He turned his face so he could kiss the palm of her hand. "Frey, we're two physical people. Maybe more physical than any other pair on this boat. We ain't built to just talk about our love. We have to show it. And I want to. More'n I've ever wanted to with anyone else."
"Even Inara?" she teased.
"Hell, yes."
She let go of his face and took his left hand in hers. "Not sure I can go through that again," she said softly.
"Frey, I ain't either. But if we let the what ifs and maybes rule us, we ain't never gonna be free."
She gazed into his blue eyes, so tender, so loving, and realised he was telling the plain, simple truth. She placed his hands on her breasts. His breath caught, and she could feel the calluses from his gun, the wedding ring on his finger. "I love you," she whispered.
"God, Frey …" He ran his thumbs across her nipples, and her eyes widened. "Don't tell me I'll never be able to do this again."
"Even when we're ninety?"
"I'm planning on breaking the century, truth be told." He leaned forward, moving his body to lie next to hers.
"Sounds … good." Her voice cracked as he replaced his thumb with his mouth.
"So you're gonna be sensible?" he asked, his voice muffled.
"Not sure it's in my nature," she said, her head pressed back into the pillow as he moved the sheet away from her body.
"Try."