Leonardo sat on his bed and sighed. He was confused and upset and no amount of meditation brought him any solace. Things had been getting increasingly awkward around April lately and he didn't know what to do about it. It was even worse between him and April but the awkwardness had spilled into his brothers' relationship with her too. They blamed him and they'd be right to. He knew he had started it and his gut twisted as he recalled the incident. At the time though, Mikey hadn't given it any importance.
"She probably liked it." Mikey had shrugged without even turning in his direction. "I keep telling you guys, chicks dig the muscles." Michelangelo had calmly said after April promptly left, stuttering an excuse and trying to hide her red face behind her scarf and avoided looking at him.
It had all started a few weeks ago. He had been basking in their large tub, floating in the warm water with the solar lamp on. Their "tub" was more like a small tiled swimming pool that they could all use at once and they did. Often. Donatello had come up with the idea when they set up their new lair and they all helped to build it.
Raph had taken some convincing "Don't need no stupid turtle terrarium." He had grumbled but didn't mention it again after the first time he tried it, a satisfied grin plastered on his face all evening afterwards as he lounged on the couch lazily while the heat remained in his skin.
Leonardo wasn't surprised. It felt glorious.
It was something that called to their reptilian cold-blooded nature. Donnie had explained the science behind it. Even though after defeating the Shredder they were allowed to go topside they still could only go after the sun had set and return before it would rise, staying within the safety of the shadows. This was the closest thing to sunlight they could have on a regular basis and Leonardo took advantage of it as often as he could. This was the only thing other than meditation that managed to silence his mind, his fears and anxieties, borne from his increasing responsibilities.
He was completely submerged in the water, save for his nostrils, but close enough to the surface that the combined effort of the lamp and the warm water heated his skin and blanked his mind. His nostrils flared as he inhaled and caught a delicious flowery scent, he breathed in deeply, taking in that wonderful smell he couldn't quite place. It was causing a different kind of warmth to spread through him, sending a tingling feeling through his limbs and heating his tail pleasurably.
There was something so very familiar to it, he breathed again to try figure it out when it hit him and he surged from the water wide-eyed and confused. He stood up too fast and the quick movement combined with the rush of cold air made him light-headed and he staggered slightly to the side before reaching out to the edge of the pool to steady himself.
April.
She looked embarrassed and guilty, even a little fearful, though Leo could have sworn he had caught a glimpse of lust in her eyes before her expression changed. That couldn't be right, must have been his imagination or his own lust he was projecting onto her. She was so beautiful. Her eyes kept darting to his lower plastron where there was a distinct lack of something that he knew was there in male humans. Her eyes lowered slightly and he realised she was looking at his swollen tail that was twitching between his legs with a mind of its own, still excited by the smell from before. Leonardo suddenly had the sense to lower himself into the pool to cover his exposed body from her gaze and this seemed to break the uncomfortable tableau. She tried to utter an apology but gave up after a few seconds of stuttering and bolted from their bathroom and the lair.
Michelangelo had laughed when he explained what had happened and then ignored him in favour of concentrating on his game. He seemed to wave it off so Leonardo did as well.
The next time they had met up she acted as if nothing had happened and he was grateful. He should have known it hadn't just ended at that. He kept catching her giving him odd looks when she thought he wasn't looking and then she avoided him altogether. She'd excuse herself when it was just the two of them alone and they never really spoke of anything at all. He didn't really know how to broach the subject. 'Hey, uhm, did seeing me naked upset you? I'm really sorry about that.' Yeah...
He was becoming more and more insecure every time they met and he wasn't usually insecure. He hadn't really thought about the way a human woman would react to his body, to his naked body. Well, he knew humans would generally be afraid of them, considering them monsters at first sight, but he had figured that the ones who overcame it, like April, would eventually just consider them people. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that maybe they would never be attracted to their strange physique or consider them beautiful, they were so very different from humans. He hadn't dwelled on it much in the past, there didn't seem to be much point, and now it was on his mind constantly.
Was she disgusted by him? He wondered if maybe she had seen the strange appendage between his legs twitching and moving and had thought it was his... ugh. He rubbed his face with both hands trying to remove the feelings of humiliation he felt whenever he recalled what had happened. Thankfully his thoughts were derailed by Mikey knocking on the door letting him know the pizza was here.
"I don't know what you did but you need to fix it." Raphael growled over dinner. April was supposed to be joining them but in the end she gave an excuse and didn't show up.
"You know what he did, he flashed her." Mikey answered with his mouth full of pizza.
"I didn't flash her. She walked in on me! What am I supposed to do about that?"
Mikey clicked his fingers repeatedly as he swallowed his mouthful and smiled as if he had found the answer to all their problems. "Don, can't you make one of those flashy things to wipe people's memory like in MiB? That would be so useful."
"No, Mikey, I cannot make a neuralizer, they don't really exist." Donatello said in his bored tone he used to reject most of Mikey's crazy invention ideas.
"So invent it!"
"The brain is a very complex organ, Mikey. It's impossible to selectively erase the memory of something in particular without damaging other memories. Also, it would be impossible to even locate a certain memory. The synaptic connections related to a single concept could branch out into..."
"We got it. Can't be done. Mikey is stupid." Raphael interrupted taking a swing at Mikey who managed to dodge, "Just say you're sorry Leo. It can't be that hard."
"I'm sorry my naked turtle body offended you." Leonardo mock practised addressing the empty space between them where April would be sitting.
"I thought you said she didn't see anything." Don said as he adjusted his glasses and eyed Leo. "I don't understand why she would be offended, unless..." he grimaced as he contemplated the scenario in his head, "Are you sure she didn't see anything?" Don's eyes darted down quickly between Leo's legs and then back up to his face.
All eyes shifted to Leo and they even stopped chewing as they waited tensely for a response. He knew what they were implying. Their mutant turtle genitalia was the most inhuman part about them. It was the kind of thing that could inspire human horror movies and they were well aware of that fact.
"Yes. God, Donnie! I would know if she had seen that. She might have seen my tail but I wasn't... Ugh!"
"Understood." Raphael waved a hand in front of his face as if he were erasing a horrible image on an invisible whiteboard. "Can we stop talking about Leo's dick, I'm trying to eat."
They all visibly relaxed and Mikey laughed, slightly uncomfortable. "Yeah, she would have run away screaming if she had, and she wasn't that scared."
The others frowned at the thought and continued eating in silence. Leonardo realised he wasn't the only one who was being affected by what happened. They all felt upset at her reaction to seeing one of them. Even Mikey had backed off with the flirting, feeling her tense up around him whenever he got too close.
"Fine, I'll go over to her house tonight and apologize." Mikey smiled and slapped him on the shoulder in thanks. "I don't know what I'll be saying yet but... I'll try."
That was why he was fidgeting on the fire escape of April's apartment trying to think of what to say an hour later. He hadn't knocked on her window yet, he wasn't one for "winging it" like Mikey. He needed a plan. Try as he may he couldn't think of a way to go about this without making the situation incredibly weird. He sighed and reached over to tap the window. April let him in after a moment, raising her eyebrows in surprise at finding him there.
"I uhm." He tried not to fidget and to stand up straight. He had politely refused anything to eat or drink and wanted to just get this over with. "I'm sorry about what happened. I should have locked the door of the bathroom. I never meant to... offend you."
April looked at him with confusion until she realised where this was going. "Oh." She blushed and looked away. This was going exactly as he thought it would. He didn't want to make things worse.
"Yeah, so... Uhm." Leonardo diverted his eyes as well trying to keep his own blush under control and making this as casual and natural as possible. He was failing. "I get it. I'm weird looking." He said and was surprised at the bitterness he was unable to keep from his voice. "But you should know that we would never... We respect you. We know... I know that I'm scary and strange, it's okay, April. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He ran out of things to say, hoping one of them was the right thing. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, trying to put as much feeling into those words as possible. He just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. After a moment of uncomfortable silence he turned and headed back to the window.
April reached out and stopped him by holding onto a large finger, her hands were so small compared to his. "Leo, wait. You didn't offend me." She paused and waited until he half turned, confusion written all over his face. "That's not what..."
She huffed out a breath of air and took a moment to gather her thoughts. "That's not it at all. You got it all wrong."
"I did?"
"Yes!"
"Then explain it to me because I don't know what to think, April." He tried to keep his tone calm and level but he was shaking slightly from the pain and shame he had built up over the last couple weeks. "I know we're just freaks to humans but you avoid me after one look at me. I thought we were friends... I thought you saw past this." He gestured to himself. "Am I so disgusting to you now that you can't even look at me or be in the same room as me?" He finished, not being able to raise his voice over a tremulous whisper.
It wasn't until that moment that he realised exactly how much it had hurt him to find out that April, his Hogosha, thought that about him. He tried to control his choppy breathing and the tears that were fogging his eyes. If she couldn't accept them the way they were... What hope did they have?
He pulled his hand out of her grasp. He was ruining it, he should have just left or never come here in the first place and just waited out the awkwardness. Before he could turn back to the window she flung herself against him, arms around his neck, eyes closed tight and he couldn't help but catch her, worried if she had hurt herself against his armour.
She squeezed him as tightly as she could, her bare toes finding purchase on the laces of his shoes. He couldn't help but worry about how dirty he was and what this even meant. Was she forgiving him?
She pressed her cheek against his and spoke softly into his ear without letting go. "You understood it the wrong way around. I could never feel disgusted by you or your brothers because of how you look. How can you even think that!" She pulled away from him to look him the eye. Her cheeks were flushed bright red but she didn't look away this time. "It's completely the opposite."
Leonardo's brow furrowed as he tried to decipher her words. She shook her head and bit her lip. "I didn't mean to have this conversation yet but I didn't realise you all thought..." she sighed and pulled herself from his arms, "I've been embarrassed and avoiding you because until that day I never really thought of you... that way. I realised how attractive you are to me and I wasn't sure what to do with that information." She looked away then, the red on her face had extended down her neck. "You are my friend Leo, but something changed after... that day. I think I like you as more than just a friend." She looked up at him shyly through her lashes, a little frightened, a little hopeful.
His mind reeled at her words. She liked him. No, no... she liked him. His mind raced back to all the times he caught her looking at him, how she blushed and looked away, how she tripped over her feet and her words when he was around to then leave embarrassed afterwards without saying anything and everything took on a completely different meaning. Relief immediately flooded him and he put a hand to his forehead to keep the feeling from making him dizzy.
He couldn't help the laugh that escaped him then. The pressure in his chest was gone and all that was left was the deep baritone laugh that echoed around them. He had never even considered this possibility, even though Mikey had hinted at it right away. Sometimes his annoying little brother could be so smart.
Everything seemed to click into place and he quieted his laugh to smile brightly at her. That delicious scent he had picked up in the bathroom was back and he knew now that it could only be arousal from the way his body reacted to it. "You like me." he said breathlessly.
"It's not funny! I was trying to be serious!" She tried to look annoyed but the edges of her mouth kept twitching and curling upwards.
"Yes, but," he couldn't stop the smile that had taken permanent residence on his face. "You like me." They were the only words that were echoing over and over in his head. He needed to say it out loud and have her confirm it to make them real.
"I like you." She shook her head at him as his grin grew wider showing his big white teeth. "Is that okay with you?" She couldn't help but smile back.
"Yes." He stated firmly and tried to sober up, dampen his giddiness before he did something stupid and reckless. "Now that we've cleared this up, what are we going to do about it?"
"That depends," and he looked at her curiously, eyes darting between hers, "Do you like me back?"
"I do." He paused realising how it sounded. He was telling her he liked her, not getting married. He cleared his throat. "Of course I like you, I just never thought it would be anything other than platonic."
She smiled and reached for him and his heartbeat pounded frantically in his chest. What was she going to do? He only found out about this and he wasn't sure what she wanted from him exactly. He was a bit frightened. He just hadn't prepared himself mentally for this. Her fingers curled around his and pulled him closer, he followed her indications, she wouldn't be able to move him otherwise. She tugged on his hand to pull him down to her height and he obeyed. When he realised where this was going he panicked slightly, his body was trembling but he wouldn't stop her.
Her hand slid up over his tattooed forearm, the other hand curled over his jaw and pulled his face closer to hers. "Don't worry," She whispered, their lips so close to touching that he could feel her warm breath on his. She must have felt how scared he was. "I won't hurt you." She promised him before she pressed her warm lips against his.
He believed her, she was his Hogosha after all.