Fifty feelings
By: Whil-o-whisp
Normal disclaimers apply, ne? I don't own them, if i owned them, well, we need not get into that.
written over the course of a summer through to the new year. a new years present for all who care.
1 Apprehensive – The first time they kissed, Killua was apprehensive, so unlike his usual straight forward look on life, while the naïve childish Gon had taken charge; things had since changed seldom since then, though, Killua seems to be pulling the strings from the shadows.
2. Approval – Killua seemed to need no one's approval, not even his own, until he realized, he wasn't sure he wanted to go back to his friends unless he got his father's approval, and now, he didn't want to do anything without Gon's approval; maybe that's why his heart fluttered when Gon uttered "I love you too" so lightly next to his ear.
3. Blanket – Gon found the blanket in the hotel they were staying in to be rather itchy and not very warm, so he was glad to crawl into Killua's bed, which had his own blanket, even if Killua was surprised to see him in the morning; Killua was sometimes such a heavy sleeper.
4. Blood – Gon hates blood; Killua has bathed in it his whole life; some question how hands so tainted by blood and sin can protect somebody as pure as Gon, but Gon just tells them that Killua isn't tainted, just a bit cracked in spots, to which Killua just smiles.
5. Cat – The tabby gray cat Gon had saved years ago was now old, and seemed to like Killua much more, though some might question why, Gon knows though, an animal magnetism isn't that hard to miss when that's what attracted one to another in the first place.
6. Clouds – Gon would never admit it, but Killua's hair felt so soft and silky, it was exactly the way he imagined a cloud would feel.
7. Cold – Gon doesn't like the cold, it reminds him too much of how Killua looks when he's going to kill somebody, so cold and soulless, like a puppet controlled by strings drawn so tight that there's no room for others to get in between; Gon does like Killua though, but hates THAT Killua.
8. Diamond – Pure compressed carbon, cut to perfection and loved by most everyone: it fit Gon almost perfectly.
9. Doubt – Gon had no doubt in his mind that he would find his father and he would continue to be friends with Killua for the rest of his life, while Killua's mind was full of doubts, of many things, and thus were the adventures of an optimist and a pessimist.
10. Email – Killua briskly scanned his email, seeing there were no important messages, and sighed as he thought about the message he would have liked to receive instead of the junk he received from places he had heard nothing of, but he thought of better things, thinking of the next time he'd see Gon – Being a black list hunter was sometimes so boring and tedious, but he'd work through it - he thought idly before turning away from the blank computer screen, thinking of his best friend once more.
11. Excitement – Killua somehow always got a little excited when he heard the door open without a single knock; Gon was the only one who never knocked.
12. Fork – Forks are sharp, Killua found as Gon poked him sharply in the side during dinner, though he saw he didn't deserve it, only having hinted on a relationship he knew was forming between his two friends across the table.
13. Fieldtrip – Killua frowned, not liking this 'fieldtrip' one bit as Gon pulled him around the market square from one shop to another and was about to complain when Gon pulled him behind a stall; Killua from then on never complained about going on a 'fieldtrip' with Gon again.
14. Glasses – It was fairly funny when Killua chose to taunt the oldest of the group by stealing Leorio's glasses, it wasn't so funny when a large briefcase knocked him upside the head.
15. Ghost – Killua is terrified of Ghosts, namely due to a great fear of being haunted by those he killed, but when Gon curls up against him or comes and talks to him in the middle of the night, he knows that no ghost, one he might know or a stranger, will ever be able to get him.
16. Hands – Killua's hands were small and delicate, much more suited to holding a violin's bow and creating music, or painting a beautiful picture, than the work of an assassin.
17. Happiness – "Happiness" entered Killua's vocabulary, along with "Friend", "Love", and "Care", at much the same time Gon, Leorio, and Kurapica came to get him all the way up Kukuru Mountain.
18. Heart – 'A heart is as fragile as ice', Killua muses while waiting in the room during the third exam, trick tower, the remnants of a crushed heart now bleaching his hand a deep red, 'but warm, and flutters like a bird when about to be crushed' he smiled wickedly, knowing he had the power to rip a person's heart out in a moment's time; though, later on, he never used this skill, instead vowing to never break a heart again, especially Gon's, though he still remembers how warm, yet fragile a heart is, fluttering in the palm of his hand.
19. Icy – Many would describe Gon's glare as icy, but those who know him would correct them most profusely, claiming it isn't icy, but more… determined.
20. Innocent – 'Gon isn't as innocent as he seems, I guess.' Killua thought before submerging into incoherent thought, feeling said boy's lips suck firmly on his throat, 'not innocent at all…'
21. Jewel – "They are such fine jewels, needing polishing and to be cut along the right lines." Bisuke mumbled under her breath, watching the boys calmly sleep under five hundred-kilogram stones, able to fall at a moments notice, "But they look like such small and helpless children while sleeping." She continued before throwing the knife at the rope to cut it, sending the rock down onto Gon's head, only for the boy to dodge.
22. Jealous – Gon saw no need to be jealous when busty girls would paw Killua, knowing that no matter what, Killua wouldn't be interested, but needed to resist the urge to tell them flat out "Sorry girls, but he's mine."
23. Kurapika – Sometimes their very observant friend hindered so many things in Killua's life, such as having Gon all to himself, though Gon the simpleminded never seemed to notice.
24. Killer – Most saw Killua as a cold hearted killer, only capable of ruthless emotions of hatred, anger, and the torturous need to kill, others know that before Gon, he could not even feel those, only the smug satisfaction of knowing he was like a god, able to bring somebody's life to an end at any moment, but Gon changed all of that in one fell swoop, and showed all of them that they were horribly wrong.
25. Love – Gon found it all the more amusing how Killua knew nothing of Love, and had even questioned him, despite his pride.
26. Laughter – Killua likes Gon's laugh more than anything else.
27. Movies – Killua hated movies, especially scary movies, and it bewildered Gon to see somebody who rips hearts out, frightened by a horribly made, poorly written horror film, but he wasn't complaining, seeing as he always got to playfully tease Killua later and when the occasion arrived, help his friend fall asleep after a particularly menacing scare.
28. Music – Killua and Gon's ideas on Music were very different, Killua going for the more metallic sounds of heavy metal, rock, and techno, while sweet innocent Gon saw music as simple things, like the forest or the stream outside, but Killua saw he could enjoy both, as long as he listened with his best friend.
29. New – Killua likes anything new, anything out of the norm, and Gon fits his taste perfectly.
30. Negative – "But Killua-kun!" Gon shouted angrily, seeing the silver haired teen still laying in his comfortable bed; sometimes Killua was so annoying sometimes, and this was one of those times, "Going there wouldn't work, Gon-chan." Killua told his overzealous friend, casting a tired glance over his shoulder at him, only to be assaulted by a flurry of pillows, "QUIT BEING SO NEGATIVE!"
31. Ordinary – There is nothing ordinary about Killua, Gon found this out a long time ago.
32. Orange – Sometimes Gon's eyes are orange, other times they're a chocolate brown, while Killua's only changed on seldom occasions, from navy blue to a truly killer black, but, neither liked the latter.
33. Paper – Gon hated that paper at this moment because it had stolen Killua's attention for much too long, and thus promised himself to burn it, shred it, or do something to it the next chance he got.
34. Pillow – Apparently Killua makes a good pillow, as Gon finds out when said boy is situated on the bed, and refused to move.
35. Quiet – Gon fidgeted noiselessly in his chair, things were much too quiet, and Gon didn't know why, and no matter what he did, he couldn't break the silence, "Stop fidgeting." Killua finally spoke out as he buried his head into Gon's side, and suddenly, things didn't feel so quiet.
36. Rice – Why Killua had to attain a taste for the blandest dish on all of whale and every other island simply confused him and Gon, because Killua simply never took the boring side of life, his choice in best friend seemed to show that very apparently.
37. Rude – Gon glared at Killua lightly, only for the ever vigilant Killua to ignore him; sometimes, Killua could be so rude!
38. Shattered – So many would describe Killua as shattered, so broken to be unable to be fixed, but Gon defeats all odds and reforms things who are shattered so why can't he do the same for Killua?
39. Sapphire – Aluminum Oxide tainted by titanium and iron to create a dark color, sapphire's range is every color except for red, which is saved for Ruby, and Gon could see why Bisuke saw Killua as such a stone, changed, not in its original form, yet so many forms, colors and faces, just like Killua.
40. Thunderstorm – Killua loved thunderstorms; the stormy darkness of the sky and the flashes of light piercing a never ending darkness, but he loved the morning after a thunderstorm even more, when the air was crisp and clean and the sun shown bright – he often compared it to how he was so dark and gloomy before Gon popped up and broke the storm clouds there too.
41. Time – Gon was always afraid that he'd run out of time, that if he didn't do it now, all was lost
42. Useless – When Gon was a child, he felt so useless, so he vowed to always do everything he can, and to never give up.
43. Uncompanionate – Before Gon got a hold of Killua, he didn't care about anything, much less friends, family, or love; Gon changed all of that.
44.Violent – Many don't understand that Killua isn't as violent as Gon could be: Gon just hides it better.
45. Window – Killua's favorite place to sit in the entire house is in the window that faces into the forest, where he can see everything,
46. Wounded – Killua felt tears well in his eyes as pain seared his arm, but it wasn't the pain that upset him, it was the fact that it was on purpose and the fact that it was Gon's Fishing hook latched into his skin.
47. X-ray – The last time Gon got an x-ray he had a broken arm and about five broken ribs; the last time Killua got an x-ray, he had seven broken fingers, three broken ribs, and a bruised leg bone; and the doctor was astonished that day because they came together at the same time, chatting and laughing as they walked in, seemingly fine.
48. Yearly – "BOOM" the resounding sound was music to Killua's usually scream filled ears, the lights flickering in navy eyes, and a rare smile gracing his lips as he watched the new years fireworks, and Kurapica noticed the smile widen when Gon's thin hand wormed it's way into the assassins, leaning his head on Killua's shoulder.
49. Young – Killua and Gon are so young, and yet they are considered two of the best hunters, Killua passing in less than two hours in his hunter exam, and Gon impressing everyone with his determination, but, they are still young and they are still children, just abnormally talented children.
50. Zaoldyeck – any and all who saw the Zaoldyeck died, and they liked it that way, they liked that no one wanted to get close to them, unfortunately neither Gon nor Killua got that memo when they met and even if they did, I doubt they would have cared.