If I love him more than just as a brother, will we stop being brothers? I'm terrified. I feel like I'm falling apart.
"Sei."
"Yes, nii-san?"
"The chauffeur is waiting, let's go." He stands there, at the door, patiently waiting for me. His mismatched eyes look at me questioningly seeing how I never make my way to the door.
"I'm not feeling well today so I think I'm skipping school." Maybe it's because we are twins, we can somehow read each other's minds. He knows that I'm lying and I know that he knows. But because we are twins, we understand each other's feelings better than anyone else and brother seems to understand that I need some alone time.
"I'll be leaving then, see you later."
The Akashi twins, that's what they call us. Akashi Seijuurou, me; and Akashi Seijiirou, my brother. If it isn't for his heterochromatic eyes, there is no way for people to tell us apart. We have always been together. We were together even before we were born. I have never thought of leaving brother's side but with this twisted feeling I'm having toward him right now, it's best to keep my distance. What I had initially was a pure, brotherly love. Since when did it develop to this tainted, forbidden love; I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't if mother were still alive. Maybe it wouldn't if Seijiirou didn't climb into my bed and held my hand so I could fall asleep because I missed mother way too much. Maybe it wouldn't if he shows that sincere smile to others too instead of only me. Maybe. Maybe. But I know for a fact even if all these didn't happen I would still love him. As an Akashi, we are taught to always aim for the best, to aim for the impossible. So I aim for him. Akashi Seijiirou is the best in everything; academy, sports, arts, you name it. And he is impossible to have. He is my twin brother. Dear mother, I'm so sorry.
"Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways." He says as he hands me the class notes. 'For Sei-chan' is written neatly at the corner. His handwriting is as beautiful as he is.
"If the emotions are ugly and it'll come forth later in uglier ways, wouldn't that be horrible? Terrifying even?" I know brother knows. He is, after all, Akashi Seijiirou. He is smart, too smart for his own good. "Thank you for the notes, nii-san."
"Sei."
"Yes?"
What Seijiirou says next surprises me. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Because we are twins, we understand each other's feelings better than anyone else. Brother knows how I feel about him. He is trying to fulfill his duties as a big brother. He is trying to make me feel better. That I don't have to face this alone, that he and I can face this together.
"Aren't we too old to be sleeping together, nii-san?"
"No matter how old we get, you are still my little brother so I don't find anything wrong with that."
"We are twins. You are only 1 minute and 43 seconds older than me."
"You are still my little brother."
"Seijiirou-"
"You are supposed to address me as nii-san. Where are your manners?"
I sigh out in frustration, the notes in my hand crumples a bit. This is no good, these are the notes brother made an effort and took them down for me. Placing them on my table; I can feel his mismatched orbs on me, analysing my body language. It's not that he wants to. It's just a habit we both have after all the Akashi household training. Thoughts are express unconsciously through body language. Master them and you can read minds. I love you. Can you read my mind now?
"Let's not fight, nii-san." I walk up to him, "It's been a tiring day for you in school, you should get some rest." My hand lingers on his shoulder longer than necessary before I head to the door and exit my room.
When I come back with a hot mug of matcha, Seijiirou is already lying comfortably on my bed with tousled up hair and sleepy eyes. He reaches out, I hand him the cup but his hand grabs my elbow instead and pulls me down.
"Let me put the cup on the table first."
"Just leave it on the floor."
I take a sip before placing it on the floor. He then engulfs me into a hug and pulls me down onto the bed besides him.
"I feel the most peaceful when I'm with you," brother brushes my hair lazily, "I can be myself when I'm with you. You will never judge me. You will never try to harm me. You are the only one that understands me."
The smile he wears is so endearing and I hate it. It's unfair because I want to kiss him badly. "I have nobody. Except you, there is nobody." I whisper back softly and my body tenses up when I hear no reply from him. Did my voice give away my emotion?
Brother is looking intently at me. His mismatched eyes stare into my crimson ones; I feel like I could get lost in those beautiful eyes. His hand has stopped brushing my hair, it is now place loosely on the side of my neck. You could slit my throat and I'd still spend my last few seconds thinking about how you touched my neck.
"Just…what are we going to do, Seijuurou?" Because we are twins, we understand each other's feelings better than anyone else. Brother knows how I feel about him. He is trying to fulfill his duties as a big brother. He is trying to make me feel better. That I don't have to face this alone, that he and I can face this together. Because he too, he loves me too.
"The bond we have as brother is special, nothing can break it nii-san. What we have is a special bond, please don't break it." I protest weakly. The look brother has on right now is not doing any good for me. The place where his hand is on my neck is burning. My breathing, I need to control them.
"That's like forbidding me to be who I am, I can't stand that Sei." His face moves closer, his forehead touching mine now. "The love I feel is honest and genuine, you are so important to me I don't want to lose you." His voice and words are so sweet. It's like my body has been soaked in poisonous water. I'm drowning deeper and deeper.
When his lips press gently against mine, I could only think of my dear mother and how sorry I am.
SHLD I ACCUMULATE MY SIN AND WRITE A CONTINUATION? I JUST LOVE AKASHI SO MUCH URGH MY BABY anyway pls tell me what you think of so weird writing incest tho