Iris
AkuDemy
And I'd Give Up Forever to Touch You, Cuz I Know That You Feel Me Somehow, You're The Closest To Heaven That I'll Ever Be And I Don't Want To Go Home Right Now.
I'm in Axel's room right now. Go figure. I'm always here. He's the only guy here that gets me, you know? You'd think Xigbar would, right? He seems just as lazy as me at times. When confronted with a fight, he summons some snipers and runs off. But no. He always yells at me that I'm so immature or go whine to someone else. Axel thinks I'm immature too, but he's willing to deal with it. It makes me happy, I can spend time with him. "Demyx!" I snap out of my daydreaming and look at him, still having a hard time focusing. He's so beautiful, how can I not? His long spiked crimson hair, his deep green eyes. Like emeralds. I could lose myself forever in those eyes. Even those little diamond tattoos under his eyes. Most people who get tattoos like that totally ruin their appearance with them. But not Axel. If anything, they add to his beauty. Plus, as feminine as his hips are, he has a nice body. When you spend all your time in his room you get to see him without the cloak. Shirtless in a pair of tight leather pants and boots....Like how he is now..."Demyx! Hello? Are you awake, dude!?!" I snap out of my thoughts blushing slightly. I'd better be careful, he'll know something's up if I don't. "Huh? Sorry, Axel, I zoned, what were you saying?" He sighs, a sign that he's getting annoyed. "I said, I've been assigned to find Roxas. Got it memorized?" His eyes show a tenderness reserved only for that innocent little blond. I feel my nonexistant heart shatter within me. I hoped that with Roxas out of the way that maybe, just maybe, Axel would forget Roxas and fall for me. But Axel loves Roxas, how could he forget him? It would be like me forgetting Axel. Oh well, at least I'm getting time with Axel. That's all that counts. As long as he's happy.
And All I Can Taste Is This Moment, And All I Can Breathe Is Your Life, But Sooner Or Later It's Over, I Just Don't Wanna Miss You Tonight.
I force a smile. "That's great, Ax, then he'll remember you." Axel smiles, lost in his own thoughts. "Yeah..." He says it wistfully, like nothing could ever make him happier. I hold back the tears I feel burning at the corners of my eyes. It's getting late, and I should be getting back to my room, but I can't. This might be the last chance I ever get to be alone with him. I don't want it to end. But I do, because the way he talks about Roxas hurts, it hurts so much that I think I might just fade if we keep talking about him. I want Axel to look at me that way. I want him to hold me in his arms and tell me he never cared about Roxas and that he loves me and only me. I need him, otherwise there is no point in being here.
And I Don't Want The World To See Me, Cuz I Don't Think That They'd Understand, When Everything's Made To Be Broken, I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.
I wish I could talk to someone about how I feel. No one in the Organization knows anything about love though. Except for Axel, but I can't talk to him because I love him but he loves Roxas. Maybe if I don't let him know who...."Hey, Ax?" He snaps out of his daydream. "Huh? Oh, yeah, what?" I take a deep breath, building the courage I always seem to lack. "What does loving Roxas feel like? Like, right now? While he's not here and he doesn't remember loving you?" I see a look of pain cross Axel's face, and it mirrors how I feel so much that I have to fight the urge to pull him into my arms and kiss the pain away. "Every waking and sleeping moment is torture, Dem. He's all I think about. All I want is to hold him in my arms again. I want him to be mine again. I need him. I need him more than anything. If I don't have him then nothing will stop me from fading." I blink back tears and Axel notices, unfortunately. "Why did you want to know? What's wrong?" I take a shaky breath and keep my voice calm. "Oh, no reason....I have feelings for y...someone and I wanted to know if it was love." He blinks a few times then asks the question I really don't want to answer. "Who?" My mouth goes dry, making it hard to speak. "Uh...well...No one, no one, it's not important." Next thing I know, Axel's hands are on my shoulders and I'm pulled up from my chair. "Dem, you're my best friend. You never hide anything from me, tell me. Unless you don't trust me." He looks down at the floor and heaves a sigh. Damn him, he knows my weakness. I hate to hurt people. I sigh and look at the floor. In a voice so low that he has to strain to hear, I tell him. "You..." He lets me go and steps back. He looks at me solemnly then asks. "Well, did you find out if what you're feeling is love? Is it?" I make a barely noticeable nod.
And You Can't Fight The Tears That Ain't Coming, Or The Moment Of Truth In Your Lies, When Everything Seems Like The Movies, Yeah You Bleed Just To Know You're Alive.
He plops down on his bed and runs his hand through his flaming hair. My fingers itch to break free from their gloves and feel it between them but I hold them back, knowing this is a bad idea. He stays silent and finally I can't take it anymore. "Ax? Buddy? Are we still friends?" There are tears in my eyes, but his are bone dry. He nods. "Sure, this doesn't change anything, right?" I nod rapidly, relieved. Suddenly, flames burst from his fits as he stands up shouting. "Damnit, Demyx! Why me!?! You know I love Roxas! Why the hell would you tell me this!?! What is wrong with you!?! I don't love you! You're immature and hyperactive and lazy! Roxas is sweet and caring and funny!" Tears sting my cheeks as I take a step towards him. A loud crack fills the room, my cheek is stinging and his hand is raised as if to slap again. He lowers it though, and says in a dark voice. "Get out. Don't come back here, I don't love you, I hate you, Got it memorized?" I run from the room. I lock my door and sit on my bed. I feel dead inside. I take my cloak off and look at my wrists. Heh, the scars are fading. Maybe I really am dead. I go into the bathroom. Well, if I'm not I can fix that. I pull my razor out and dig it in. It hurts like hell, but nothing hurts as bad as my heart does right now. Yes, I still say we have hearts. The blood leaks out. Nope, still alive...not for long though. I go back and lay on my bed. I try to ignore the pain in my heart and focus on the pain in my wrists but it doesn't work. I curl into a ball and cry. My sobs come out loud, almost inhuman. Like a tortured animal. They rip themselves from my throat almost painfully. I'm sure everyone must be able to hear me. I'm starting to feel slightly dizzy as my blood pours from my veins but I don't care.
And I Don't Want The World To See Me, Cuz I Don't Think That They'd Understand, When Everything's made to be broken, I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.
I shouldn't have told him. How can I face him now? I can't, and thanks to my razor, I won't. I thought he would understand at least. I was wrong, I knew no one could possibly understand. Everything's starting to go black. At least I'll never have to hurt again. Everything seems so distant. I hear knocking on my door, but it sounds so far away. I hear it open, and the last thing I hear is a voice calling my name, and then, nothing.
I wake up with bandaged wrists and Axel screaming his head off at me. I curl up into a ball and pretend I don't exist. Eventually, he leaves. I don't see him again until after my journey to the Underworld. He shows up after that. I think he knows that I didn't even put up a fight. That I wanted that Sora brat to kill me. Instead of yelling this time though, he just walks into my room calmly. I hide my razor behind my back. The cuts aren't deep enough to kill me this time, just enough to give me something to focus on other than the pain in my heart. He silently walks into my bathroom and gets some bandages and peroxide. Why is he here? He hates me...I wasn't expecting him to love me back, I was just....I don't know what I was expecting.
And I Don't Want The World To See Me, Cuz I Don't Think That They'd Understand, When Everything's Made To Be Broken, I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.
When he finishes mending my wrists he looks at me, and I see tears in his eyes. "Demyx, I'm sorry. I never should've said those things to you. I wasn't angry with you. I was angry with myself. I love you Demyx, I have since the first day I met you. From the first time I looked in your eyes. They remind me of the ocean, and even though my element is fire, I love the ocean. I saw your eyes and I knew. I knew I loved you, but I didn't know if you loved me. You started hanging out with me, calling me your friend. I didn't want to jeapordize that by telling you I love you." I blink rapidly. He what? "But, what about Roxas? What about all the stuff you said about him that night?" Axel shakes his head sadly. "No, Demyx. No. I don't love Roxas. I never did. He loved me though. Or liked me anyway. I never thought I could be with you. So I convinced myself to be with him. Everything I said that night was about you. I wanted to hold you, I wanted you to be mine. Then you told me you loved me and I was mad. I had hurt and betrayed you. Something I promised myself I would never do." Now I have tears on my cheeks. He leans toward me and gently kisses them off my face, then places a gentle kiss on my lips. My face heats up instantly. He pulls away and looks at me. "Promise me you will never hurt yourself again. Please, Demyx. Never hurt yourself and never let anyone hurt you." He pulls me to him in a fierce hug and I nod against his chest. He holds me like that until we fall asleep.
Axel is off looking for Roxas again. He said he needs to make things right. Roxas is important to him, just not in the same way I am. He said he needs to end it with Roxas before being with me and I agree with him. I smile to myself as I wander through Hollow Bastion. I can't wait. We'll be together at last. I slap myself mentally. "Focus Demyx, you're supposed to be looking for Sora...or Roxas....or whatever his name is. What if Axel already found him? Oh, no, how do I face him?" I keep talking to myself until I reach an area of blue tile. It's so pretty. Well, Sora has to come by here at some point right? No harm in me admiring it for a while. I let my mind wander back to Axel. He's probably here too. I smile at the thought. We're in the same place looking for the same person, maybe we'll run into each other. Suddenly I hear footsteps and portal to a more hidden location near the tiled area. When I look I see Sora and that duck and the weird dog. I portal back over. I feel kind of awkward so it takes me a moment to think of what to say. I mean, this is technically Roxas, what if Axel already got to him? "Uh...Hey, you guys are looking lively!" I decide to try a nice approach, maybe they won't try to kill me again. The duck says something unintelligible and Sora looks skeptical. "Didn't we catch you messing around in the Underworld? How'd a wimp like you get into Organization XIII?" Oh god, why did he have to remember? I blush a little, remembering how I let him beat the crap out of me. Why does everyone call me a wimp? And of course, instead of being strong like Axel, I freak out a little. I let myself get all flustered and don't know what to say. "I bet you can't even fight." Ok, seriously, is this kid just going to rag on me? If I wanted that I would've gone back to Xemnas without having found him at all. Or I would've gone back to the Organization anyway. And that stupid duck. I can't understand a word he says. I'm so sick of everyone picking on me. "You shouldn't judge anyone by appearance." The 3 of them get into a fighting stance. Oh, this isn't good. This is the last thing I wanted. I promised Axel I wouldn't let anyone hurt me. But...what if I can't fight this kid? If he fights as good as Roxas then I'm done for. I always lost to Roxas at sparring. I turn away from them. "I told them they were sending the wrong guy..." Yep, I'm talking to myself again. Roxas....or Sora....or whatever must think I'm nuts. If Axel got to him then he has gotta be wondering what Axel sees in an idiot like me. I wonder the same thing actually..."Who is this kook?" I hear Sora's voice. I let out a small sigh. Couldn't they be nice to me for five seconds? Then I hear the dog speak. Thank god I can understand him at least. "Remember the Organization's made up of nobodies." Sora seems to make the connection. "Right, no hearts." I sigh, not this again. "Oh, we do too have hearts, don't be mad!" For once, I can actually understand that stupid duck. "You can't trick us!" What the hell!?! I wasn't trying to trick anyone. Alright, that's it. I'm sick of being treated as the wimp, and I'm sick of that stupid Roxas. He stole Axel from me and now he's picking on me? NO WAY! I promised Axel I wouldn't let anyone hurt me, that I would stand up for myself. Well now I'm going to. I let my voice drop to it's lowest level. "Silence traitor!" I summon my sitar and summon my waterclones. Sora disposes of them in seconds then comes after me. No way, I'm not going down without a fight. I send him fliying through the air with a burst of water and catch him across the shoulder with one of the points of my sitar. He flies through the air but rights himself. The duck lunges at me and I move just as the dog swings his shield. I duck but forget about Sora who's falling right towards me. I feel his keyblade plunge into my stomach and whack him with my sitar, sending him away from me again. Once again I send a rush of water towards him but he rolls out of the way and sends a lightening bolt in my direction. I twist out of the way to feel my head connect with that dog's shield. I fall the ground then feel the keyblade plunge through my heart. The proof I have a heart. I feel it dying as the keyblade stabs it. No, no! I promised Axel, I won't let him down. I reach into the kid's pocket and steal a potion and roll away. I drink it and feel the hole in my heart patch up. I send 7 shots of water at him and it knocks him off his feet. Suddenly I feel electricity coursing through me. Curse that stupid duck. I turn my sitar on him and feel a ripping in my back. The kid and the dog are throwing their weapons at me. I try to turn to attack them but the duck casts a spell that makes me unable to move. On the third throw I feel them slice into my ribs and lungs. I collapse to the ground. I'm having trouble breathing but I think I can stand. As I stand though, my sitar turns into water and drips away. No! NO! It can't be! I didn't will it away! I'm going to fade. NO! Not when I finally get to be with Axel! "NO WAAAYYY!" I start to cry as I feel myself fade. "Axel" I think "Please forgive me, I tried." Then everything goes black.
Axel's POV
"NO WAAAAYYY!!!" I watch him fade. No, no! Not when I finally am able to be with him. I'm on the cliff above the battlefield. I got here just in time to see Sora and that stupid dog cut through him with their weapons. "NOOOO!" I scream and scream until I can't scream anymore. I hear Sora yell. "Anyone from the Organization who'd like to be next?" I crack my knuckles. I would love to take him up on that offer, but I can see the King running towards them. Damn that mouse. Damn that kid. How dare they all be alive when they just killed my Demyx? Well, they won't be for long. I summon a flying heartless and throw a stong at it. It shoots lasers at where I'm standing, breaking a large chunk of rock off of the cliff, which I push towards them. It hits the dog on the head and he appears dead. I portal away, vowing to avenge Demyx.
I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.
I report what happened to Xemnas, and flames flicker around me as he acts as if I were discussing the weather. He orders me back to my mission and I walk away. I vowed to help Roxas and I will do so. But only because I know Demyx knows Roxas didn't do this. I know that too. It was Sora. But to kill Sora is to kill Roxas. I can't. I will have to help him. As much as it will hurt. I head to Twilight Town. I know he will be back. He always comes back here. He's drawn to this world. I find him at the mansion and follow him and watch as he enters the darkness. So, he's heading to The Castle That Never Was. I follow close and jump into action when dusks surround them. I don't care if I live or die anymore. Hundreds of dusks surround me. All that matters is that they get away safe. I see the dog survived. Oh well. "Don't stop moving or the darkness will overtake you!" I jump in front of them, throwing my chakrams at some dusks, killing them instantly. "Get going!" Sora looks confused. "Why?" Lovely, part Roxas, part stupid. Why am I helping him? "Don't ask, just do it!" I forgot about the dusks. Quickly they leap on me, pinning me to the ground. Sora runs over and kills them, releasing me. "You ok?" What the hell does he care? Am I ok? Physically yes, but how can I possibly be ok? He killed Demyx. I will never be ok.
I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.
I decide I'd better tell him everything if I'm going to help him. "I kidnapped Kairi, but she got away from me. After that, Saix caught her. He's a member of Organization XIII. Saix, Got it memorized? Now go save her!" If he's going to act like an idiot I'm going to treat him like one. Besides, I want him to go. I said I would help him. I don't care what happens to me. My reason is gone, and I have nothing left to not exist for. But of course Sora has to play the hero. "Leave us alone." He screams it at the dusks and they attack. He swings his keyblade killing dusk after dusk but more and more just pop up. We all kill one after the other. Soon we are both out of breath. We stand back to back both exhausted. "I think I liked it better when they were on my side." Sora smirks and turns slightly towards me. "Feeling a little regret?" Well yeah, but not about these dusks. Feeling regret about never telling Demyx. Feeling regret for not getting there sooner and saving him. But not about the dusks. "Nah, I can handle these punks, heh, watch this!" I know this is dangerous. I know it will end me. But I don't care. Sora will get away safe and I won't be here anymore. Everyone wins. Demyx would kill me if he could hear me now. I smile softly thinking of him. Who knows, maybe there's an afterlife after all. Maybe God doesn't hate those of us who weren't meant to exist. It isn't our fault after all. Maybe we do go to heaven. Maybe I'll see Demyx again. I leap into the middle of the dusks and summon all of my strength and energy, causing a massive fiery explosion. When the flames clear, I'm lying on the ground, my essence fading. Sora runs to me, and looks down at me. Behind his eyes I can see Roxas. I can see all the love Roxas feels for me. I hear a voice. Demyx? The voice is barely a whisper and I can just make out what it says. "Don't tell him, let him believe, don't hurt him now, he's hurting enough watching you fade." Ok, Demyx. I won't tell him.
I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.
Sora/Roxas, I can't tell the difference anymore,I feel so weak, speaks and his voice sounds so far away, almost as if it's coming from another time, long ago. "You;re, fading away!" I smirk, same old Roxas. Restating the obvious. "Yeah, well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack, you know what I mean? Not that nobodies actually have beings, right?" Demyx whispers to me again. "He loves Kairi, Sora does, tell him where she is, help him. Just because we were deprived doesn't mean he should be. I was angry with him at first. I wanted you to kill him. But I know what it's like to not have the one you love, and no one deserves it. Help him, please." Wow, Demyx wants me to help the kid who killed him. I smile. That's Demyx. So kind, so big-hearted. The whole reason I love him. I look back into Roxas's eyes. It is Roxas right? He looks like Roxas. I can't tell. I don't really care. I can't remember what Demyx told me to do. What was it? Oh, right, Kairi. "But I digress. Go, find Kairi. Oh, almost forgot. Sorry for what I did to her." He speaks. It is Roxas. I can hear his voice. "When we find her you can tell her that yourself." I hear the pleading in his voice and agree with Demyx. I can't tell him. He is hurting enough. I feel someone's hand holding mine. It gives a reassuring squeeze. Demyx? I hear his voice. "Shhh, I'm here. Tell him what he needs to know." I blink, forcing my eyes to stay open. But I'm so tired Demyx. I can't. Can't I just go to sleep, then tell them later? "No, you have to tell him now, Ax." I try to nod but I'm too tired to move. I smile slightly at his nickname for me. I've always liked it better than Roxas's nickname for me. "Aku".
I look away from Roxas. "I think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one." I feel Demyx slap my shoulder playfully. "You do too have a heart silly." Same old Demyx. Always playful. I hold back a chuckle, trying to focus on doing what he said so I can sleep. What did he say to do? I can't remember. Demyx, help, I can't remember what I'm supposed to do. He speaks gently. "Tell him where to find Kairi so he can be with his love." But, Demyx, Roxas loves me, not Kairi. "You're talking to Sora, not Roxas. Sora loves Kairi. Tell him where to find her." Ok Demyx, I will. Before I can say anything Roxas talks again. "He's Sora, not Roxas." But Demyx, he looks like Roxas. "Shh, I know, but he isn't, just trust me." I hear sadness in his voice, he hates seeing me die like this. I turn back to Roxas. I mean Sora. And listen to him. "Axel, What were you trying to do?" Demyx, what should I say? "Tell him you were looking for Roxas. Tell him how you always said you felt about Roxas." But I never did. "But Roxas thought you did. Don't hurt him Axel, just tell him what you always said." Ok Demyx, if that's what you want me to do. I look into Roxas's eyes. No, Sora's eyes. Why does he look like Roxas? I look into his eyes. "I wanted to see Roxas. He was the only one I liked. He made me feel like I had a heart. It's kind of make me feel the same." Demyx, I did what you said. I feel him pat my shoulder. "I know, I heard, thank you." You're welcome. Can I sleep now Demyx? "No, you still haven't told him where to find Kairi." Please Demyx, I'm so tired. Can't I tell him later? "No, you must do it now. Then you can sleep." Ok, I trust you Demyx. I look at Sora again. "Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go." Demyx whispers to me. "Open a portal." I can't Demyx, I'm too tired. He grasps my hand. "I'll help you." I feel him lift my hand and we work together to open a portal. Then he lets me put my arm down and just strokes my hand with his thumb. "Axel." Roxas's voice is far away. Sora's voice is. Demyx is over me. I can see him. I can see his eyes that seem to hold the very ocean in their depths and his soft wheat colored hair. He's smiling. He's still holding my hand. He kisses me as everything begins to go dark. Demyx, I love you. "I love you, too, Axel" He kisses me and I close my eyes and everything goes black.
I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.