A Funeral & Four Weddings

by paulmcuk

As the title suggests, the Sports Night crew attend a funeral and four weddings.

Apologies: Big apology to Richard Curtis, writer of 'Four Weddings & A Funeral'. I basically stole the whole thing.

You are invited to attend the funeral service

of Arthur Liddel, to be held at

The Holy Trinity Chapel of Rest

on the 1st of April 2000.

Red noses will be provided.

"April Fools Day?" said Isaac as they gathered at the chapel.

"It's what he would have wanted" said Dana.

"Red noses?"

"It's....."

"I know, it's what he would have wanted. It just doesn't seem very dignified."

"Maybe. But the funeral is being carried out according to the instructions he left in his will. Including holding the wake at the fairground."

"He asked for all this?" said Isaac indicating the balloons and the 'Bon Voyage' banner.

Dana nodded. "Everything. Except for the April Fools thing."

"Only because he couldn't know that he would die at the right time of year."

"No" agreed Dana. "He just got lucky I guess." She winced. "Did I really just say that?"

"You did. But don't worry, Arthur would think it most amusing."

Dana smiled. "He would at that. Are you ready to deliver your eulogy?"

Isaac frowned. "As I'll ever be. Have you any idea how difficult it is to write a funny eulogy?"

"No."

"Well it is. I should be singing the man's praises, saying what a fine friend and colleague he was. Not acting like a fourth‑rate Bill Cosby."

"It's....."

"I know Dana, I know. It's what he would have wanted."

"Interesting coffin" said Dan thoughtfully. The coffin was inside the chapel and they were clustered around the open door looking in.

"It is" agreed Casey.

"Are you allowed to get buried in a VW Beetle?"

Casey shrugged. "I guess so. I don't think there are any actual laws against it."

"Are they really going to bury the whole car?" asked Natalie.

"Oh yeah" said Casey. "I saw the hole."

"That must be one hell of a big hole."

"It's a big hole" confirmed Casey.

They pondered the coffin a little more.

"I like the colours" said Natalie eventually. "They're very......colourful."

Jeremy tilted his head to view it from another angle. "Is it supposed to BE anything?"

"It's psychedelic" said Natalie. "Arthur was a child of the sixties after all. He was even in a band."

"Really?" said Jeremy. "I never knew that."

"Oh yeah" said Casey. "Lothlorien."

"Never heard of them."

"They had a hit. 'The Song of Galadriel'. It got to number thirty two."

"Wow."

"In Iceland."

"Not quite so wow. But maybe still a little wow."

"And they played backing on Leonard Nimoy's classic, 'The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins'" added Natalie.

"Really?" said Jeremy.

"So he claimed."

"But I have that record."

"I know you do. It makes me ashamed to be dating you."

"That's amazing."

"No it's not, anyone would be ashamed to date you knowing you possess that record."

"I mean it's amazing that Arthur played on it. With Leonard Nimoy!"

"Better than a number thirty two in Iceland?"

"Much better."

"Looks like people are starting to go in" said Dan. "Maybe we should too."

Natalie hung back. "Can't I wait out here?"

"What's wrong?" asked Jeremy.

"I hate funerals."

"Why?"

"Mostly because they involve dead people."

"Nobody likes funerals Natalie, except maybe undertakers."

"I'd still rather wait out here."

"Come on Natalie, you'll be ok. I'm here with you."

"And me" said Dan.

"And me" said Casey.

Natalie didn't seem convinced.

"Arthur would want you there" said Dan. "He liked you. You were his favourite."

"That's true" agreed Casey. "He only ever played nice tricks on you, never nasty ones."

"Ok, I'm coming in" said Natalie. "But don't blame me if I blubber like a baby."

"Come on people" said Isaac as he passed. "The service is inside."

"We're coming" said Dan. "Do you have your eulogy ready?"

"Of course."

"I hope he's not going to try and be funny" muttered Casey to Dan.

After some opening remarks by the chaplain, various family and friends gave eulogies. As per Arthur's wishes, most people tried to make them light‑hearted. Isaac spoke for the CSC crew.

"Arthur worked at CSC for many years, and was with Sports Night from the start. And yet in all that time I don't think I ever figured out what the hell he did."

Laughter.

"He was one of those people who was always around, and who always looked busy, but who never seemed to actually DO anything."

Laughter.

"I would see him running around carrying a piece of paper. I never actually saw what was on it, but it must have been important because he carried it everywhere."

Laughter.

"His other thing was to fiddle with equipment. Not fix it, or move it. Just fiddle with it so it LOOKED like he was about to fix it or move it."

Laughter.

"Arthur was, as has been mentioned, renowned for his sense of humour. And, in particular his penchant for practical jokes. Jokes that we would all find very amusing indeed, just so long as WE weren't the poor sap who was the victim."

Laughter.

"He was no respecter of age, sex, race, creed or status. And I should know, because I thought I qualified for exemption on at least three of those grounds."

Laughter.

"So I thought the best tribute I could give to Arthur would be to relate some of his finest moments. Like the time he rigged the monitor in my office so that it would only show a porn channel."

Laughter.

"Or when he persuaded everyone, including me, to hide in the basement. Leaving Dana in a state of rising panic as she wondered where the hell her crew was."

Laughter.

"Then there was the time that Jeremy had a, lets call it a disagreement, with a nightclub doorman who wouldn't let him in. The guy was seven feet tall but Jeremy being drunk as a skunk took a swing anyway. Luckily for him, he missed and wound up lying in the gutter."

Laughter.

"Hearing of this, Arthur came in early the next day and created a boxing ring in the middle of the newsroom out of coat‑stands and string. When Jeremy finally arrived, he did so to the strains of the theme from Rocky."

Laughter.

"And the on‑screen talent weren't spared either. I will never forget the time that, using phone calls and fake letterheads, Arthur managed to convince Casey that he was being sued for libel by the Russian Ice Hockey Federation."

Laughter.

"He even hired a lawyer who told him he had no chance and should move to Mexico." He paused. "Guess who recommended the lawyer?"

Laughter.

"After that there was 'dreamydan.com'. A web‑site featuring nothing but carefully faked nude pictures of our own Dan Rydell."

Laughter.

"And, to my mind, Arthur's piece de resistance. His lasting legacy if you will. This was when, by enlisting the help of just about everybody in the building, and internet users worldwide, he contrived it so that, on February 14th 1998, one Natalie Hurley received no less than five thousand Valentine's Day cards from twenty seven different countries."

Laughter.

"She's in the Guinness Book of World Records. You can check."

Laughter.

"So I hope you'll forgive me if I keep glancing nervously over at the coffin. It's not because I'm squeamish about death or anything. It's just that any minute now I expect him to burst out of there wearing a pair of Dracula fangs and yell 'April Fool' at me." Laughter.

"Well Arthur" he said directing his words at the coffin, "you've gone too far this time. If you're still alive in there, you're fired."

Laughter.

Then Isaac adopted a serious tone. "But if you're not. If you really have played your last joke on us; then life at CSC will be so much poorer. And we, your friends, will miss you." He paused a moment before adding. "But that is not an invitation to carry on from beyond the grave. If you're dead, you'd better damn well stay dead." This brought a final bout of laughter as Isaac returned to his seat.

After the eulogies, the chaplain spoke again. "As has been said already, Arthur was the instigator of many a practical joke. So I wondered whether he would still be able to indulge his passion in the next world. I think so. After all, God likes a joke. If he didn't he would never have invented sex." Laughter. "He's certainly funnier than the man down below. Satan likes to pretend he has a sense of humour. But he's only really happy when he's the joker. And so we say goodbye to Arthur......."

As the chaplain began the serious business of the funeral service Natalie, as she had predicted, couldn't help but start to cry. She sniffed as she attempted to hold back the tears. She was just thinking about searching in her purse for a handkerchief when she felt Jeremy take her right hand. Then she felt Dan take her left. Each was unaware that the other was providing the comfort. She shrugged mentally. Ah well. She squeezed both hands tightly and held onto them until the end.

Eventually, the minister finished speaking. "So let us now join together with The Blue Oyster Cult in singing what is for me a new and rather unusual hymn, 'Don't Fear the Reaper'."

After the service the "coffin" was pushed out of the chapel and into the graveyard.

"They seem to be having a hard time keeping it straight" muttered Casey.

"Yeah" replied Dan. "I don't suppose anyone wants to get in beside Arthur and steer."

The crowd solemnly followed the bearers (or pushers) out. At least, they followed as solemnly as they could whilst doing the conga.

By comparison the service at the graveside was relatively normal. When he had finished the chaplain rapped a couple of times on the coffin. "This is your last chance Arthur" he called. As there was no response he signalled the crane operator to begin lowering the coffin into the ground. As they did so a group of Arthur's friends began to play 'Amazing Grace'.

Dana struggled to stay composed but couldn't prevent tears from forming. Casey noticed and put his arm around her. "Are you ok?" he asked softly.

She nodded. "Yes, it's just that this is such a moving piece of music."

Casey nodded in agreement. "Even when it's played on kazoos."

"Put your badge on Dan."

"I can't wear this Natalie."

"Put it ON. It's what....."

"I know, it's what he would have wanted."

"Well put it on then."

Dan sighed. "It's a little tasteless isn't it? Giving out 'My friend just died' badges?"

"You didn't complain about the coffin, and the balloons, and the kazoos."

"That was in private. This is in public."

They were at the fairground, which was the setting for the wake. The place was open to the public as usual but the owner, who had been a friend of Arthur's had issued the badges to the mourners which gave free access to all the rides and attractions.

"I think it's fun" said Natalie. "When I go, I'd like people to have fun at the wake."

"Don't even talk about that" said Dan with surprising earnestness.

"Hey, it's ok" she soothed. "I plan on outliving all of you and dying a twisted, bitter, lonely old woman."

"Candy apple?" A "waiter" offered them a tray. They declined.

"Cotton Candy?"

"No, thanks, were fine" said Dan.

"We already had hot dogs and coke" said Natalie.

The waiter disappeared to search for other badge wearers who were by now scattered around the whole park, making his life extremely difficult.

"Where's Jeremy?" asked Dan.

"He ran away."

"From what?"

"From that" said Natalie indicating the roller‑coaster. "I was trying to get him onto it."

"Not keen?"

She shook her head. "He says they make him vomit."

"He was probably right to run away then" said Dan. "For both your sakes."

"Maybe" said Natalie. "Anyway, that's why I came looking for you."

"To tell me about Jeremy's roller‑coaster phobia?"

"No. To find out if YOU have a roller‑coaster phobia."

"You want me to go on with you?"

"Please."

"Ok. Just so long as you hold my hand."

"I'll hold onto more than that" said Natalie. "Those things scare the life out of me."

"So why go on?"

"Because I LIKE having the life scared out of me. Just as long as I have someone to hold onto."

So they went on the roller‑coaster. Seeing their badges the man waved them on. Natalie gripped Dan tightly throughout the ride, screaming and laughing in equal portions. Then they went on it again.

Mr Dan Rydell & Ms Lindsey Becker

request the pleasure of your company at their wedding

which will be held at The Nine Elms Country Club

on the 12th of May 2000.

"Dan?"

No response.

"Dan." A little louder.

"Hmmmmpphhhh."

"DAN!"

An eye opened. After a few moments recognition dawned. "Natalie?"

"Get up Dan."

"Natalie?"

"Time to join the land of the living."

"Natalie?"

"You're not the greatest of conversationalists in the morning are you Dan?"

"How did you...."

"Lindsey gave me her key."

"Oh. Why?"

"So that I could make sure you don't miss the happiest day of your life."

"Huh?"

"Your wedding."

"Oh yeah. Isn't that Casey's job?"

"Lindsey doesn't trust him."

"Why not?"

"Would you trust him?"

"I am trusting him Natalie."

"Well more fool you."

"Why? Where is he?"

"He's in the bathtub."

Dan felt vindicated. "See? He's up and at it."

Natalie shook her head. "He's not awake, he's just in the bathtub."

Dan grinned. "Maybe he figured it would save time in the morning."

"Or maybe whatever you guys did last night left him in no fit state to distinguish between a bed and a bathtub."

"Could be." Dan thought for a moment. "What DID we do last night?"

"You're asking ME?"

"I thought Jeremy might have told you."

"He hasn't surfaced yet. But don't you remember?"

Dan grinned again, sheepishly this time. "Not a bit of it."

"Well I'm sure the full horror of it will be revealed in time. Probably with pictures."

"Probably. So how was your night?"

"Great."

"You remember?"

"Everything. Although I can't promise that Lindsey does."

"She got drunk?"

"Maybe just a little."

"But she got home ok?"

"Oh, yeah. Once we managed to tear her away from the strippers."

"You went to a strip club?"

"We didn't want to break with tradition."

"Lindsey wouldn't like a strip club."

"You keep right on believing that Dan. Ignorance is bliss."

"She liked it?"

"At one point I had to stop her attempting to remove a stripper's thong with her teeth."

"I hope you're joking."

Natalie shrugged. "Wait for the pictures. Are you getting up now?"

Dan snuggled under the covers. "Just five more minutes" he said.

"No Dan, you should have been up an hour ago."

"Pleeease Mom!"

Natalie sighed, reached over, and whipped the covers of the bed.

"Hey" said Dan scrambling to cover himself, "I'm naked here."

Natalie looked. "You're not naked."

"Socks don't count" said Dan who had resorted to using a pillow.

"Relax" said Natalie. "I've seen you naked before."

Dan frowned. "No you haven't."

Natalie pretended to think about it. Then she snapped her fingers. "Oh yeah, that's right, I haven't. It's just that Lindsey's detailed description makes it seem like I have."

This was Dan's worst nightmare, girlfriends revealing sexual secrets to friends. "Detailed description?"

Natalie nodded. "You bet. She gets real graphic when she's drunk. Is it true that you like her to....?"

"Get out of here Natalie!"

She smiled. "I guess it is. Can I take it that you're getting up now?"

"You can."

"Then I'll make a start on breakfast." She paused. "Unless you want me to help you get dressed?"

"Go!"

"I'm gone." She left Dan's bedroom and went to the bathroom where Casey was still asleep, fully clothed, in the bath‑tub. She was about to wake him when she had a thought. An evil grin crossed her face. She inserted the plug, turned on the cold water faucet, and left him to it.

"So what do you think of all this?" asked Natalie.

"All what?" said Dana.

"All...." she waved her hand vaguely around the Nine Elms Country Club where the guests were gathering ".....this. The whole Dan getting married thing."

"What am I supposed to think Natalie? It's a wedding. I can handle it, I've been to weddings before."

"But this wedding is Dan's wedding."

"Your point being?"

"Don't you think it's a little soon?"

"Soon?"

"He's only been seeing Lindsey three months."

"History has known quicker romances."

"I still say it's too soon. He barely knows her."

"And yet have you ever known him to be happier?"

"I guess not."

"So what's your problem?"

Natalie shrugged. "I don't know. It just seems weird to me, the thought of Dan as a married man."

"The world is full of married men Natalie."

"Yeah, but I don't know any."

Dana gave her a look.

"Ok" said Natalie. "There's my Dad and Isaac and others. But they're not really guys."

"They're not?"

"No, they're...old., oldER. They're not like potential date guys, they're father/uncle type guys."

"Dan's a potential date guy?"

"Of course. He's the right age and he's straight. Potential date. Casey is too."

"No he isn't."

"Only potential."

"Potential nothing. Keep your hands off. Anyway, Casey was married so that blows your little theory."

"Previous status doesn't matter. Single is single. And single means potential date."

"Ok, but I still don't get your point. Dan was a potential date, now he isn't. As you weren't likely to date him anyway, I really don't see the problem."

Natalie said nothing.

"WERE you likely to date him?" Then a thought struck her. "Oh my God. Did you two ever....?"

"No we didn't!" said Natalie. "Jeez I wish I hadn't started this now. Let's change the subject."

"Let's not. This is getting interesting."

"No it isn't. Dan's cute and sweet, but we never did and now we never will."

"Change the subject?"

"Please."

Dana thought for a moment. "I can't think of another subject."

"God Dana!"

"You choose one."

"Ok." Natalie thought for a moment. "So, what do you think of Lindsey?"

Dana sighed. "This is your idea of a different subject?"

"It is a different subject. The last subject was Dan, this subject is Lindsey. Different person, different subject."

"I'm not prepared to discuss her with someone who has the hots for her fiancé."

"I do not have the hots for Dan."

"You just said you did."

"I did not. I said he was cute and sweet. Do you deny he's cute and sweet?"

"No."

"Well then."

"But you still seem a little hung up to me. You seem to feel that Lindsey's stealing your friend and I don't think it would be healthy to discuss her with you."

"But I...."

"Besides, I really don't know her that well."

"Exactly my point. You see..."

"Hi guys."

"Hey Casey" said the pair.

"So what do you think of all this?" he said.

"Don't start" said Dana.

"Huh?" said Casey.

"Don't you think it's weird?" said Natalie.

"Oh yeah. Dan a married man. That is weird."

"What do you think of Lindsey?"

"Lindsey?" said Casey, as Dana raised her eyes skywards. "She's....great."

"Great?"

"Yeah" said Casey, "great. I'd say that pretty much sums her up."

"Not very informative though."

"What do you want me to say? She's beautiful, smart, all that stuff." He frowned. "I guess I really don't know her that well."

"No" said Natalie. "I guess not." She turned away before adding. "And neither does Dan."

"Oooh, she looks beautiful" cooed Dana as Lindsey entered the room on the arm of her Father.

"I guess" said Natalie.

"Don't be bitchy Natalie. She looks gorgeous and you know it."

"She looks nervous" observed Natalie

"Of course she does" retorted Dana. "It's her wedding day. Brides get nerves, it's traditional."

"She doesn't look very happy."

"Nerves will do that."

"I just thought she might look happier."

"Will you leave the poor woman alone? All she did was fall in love with somebody you might have considered dating if circumstances were different."

"I know that."

"Good. So shut up, and look happy."

"And do you Lindsey Jocasta Becker, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?"

There was a pause. Dan glanced sideways at his fiancée.

"Do you?" asked the minister.

She looked down. "Lindsey" said Dan gently.

"I.......don't know."

"What?" said Dan.

"Pardon me?" said the minister.

Lindsey looked from one to the other. "I don't know" she whispered.

"Lindsey" said Dan. "What's wrong?" There were murmurs starting to spread through the assembled family and friends.

"I don't KNOW" she said again.

"Don't know what?"

She shook her head. "I don't know if I want to be married. I'm not ready."

"Maybe we should go somewhere private and discuss this" suggested the minister.

"Yes" said Dan.

"No" said Lindsey. "I need.....space......to think. Alone."

"You can't do this" said Dan, panic beginning to show in his whispered voice. "We're in the middle of our wedding."

"I'm sorry Dan."

"I really think that if we took ten minutes to talk about this" began the minister but Lindsey shook her head again.

"I can't do it" she said. "I have to go." Lindsey turned and ran down the aisle and out of the room.

"Lindsey" shouted Dan as he headed off in pursuit. He, in turn, was followed by Casey.

Dan reached her as she was getting into her father's car. He grabbed her arm. "Lindsey wait!"

"I'm sorry Dan, I can't."

"You can't just leave, you have to talk to me!"

"I have to go Dan. I'll call you."

"Call me!? You'll CALL me?"

"Let me go Dan."

Dan looked down to where has hand gripped her arm but didn't let go.

"Dan. You're hurting me."

"Not as bad as you're hurting me."

"Please let go Dan." She was crying now.

"Leave it Dan." Casey's voice broke the spell and Dan released Lindsey's arm. She got into the car and started it up. The two men watched as the car pulled away.

Casey put his arm around Dan's shoulder. "C'mon Dan, there's nothing more you can do here. Let's go back inside."

Dan shook his head. "I can't go back in there."

"Not to the hall" said Casey. "We'll find a quiet room and a bottle of something."

"I need to be alone" said Dan.

"Look, I'm not really sure if that's such a good..."

"Casey, please. I need to be alone."

"Ok, sure. If that's what you want. But stay here, don't go trying to drive anywhere right now."

"Ok" agreed Dan. "Will you....explain....to everyone?"

"Sure" said Casey. "I'll take care of everything."

"Thanks."

"Where will you be?"

"Around" said Dan and wandered off round the side of the building.

"Well what did he do?" Lindsey's parents were convinced that it was all Dan's fault.

"I told you Mr. Becker" said Casey. "He didn't do anything."

"Well something made my girl run off like that."

"I assure you, Dan is more surprised than anyone. Everything was fine right up until she was asked to say 'I do'."

"Where did she go?" demanded Mrs. Becker.

"I really don't know. She just drove off."

"She must have gone home" concluded Mr Becker. "C'mon Judith, let's go look there."

"But she took our car."

"Robin will drive us, c'mon." He ushered his wife away.

Casey breathed a sigh of relief, then turned to find Dana and Natalie bearing down on him.

"What happened?" said Dana.

Casey shrugged. "She took off. That's all I know."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Where's Dan?" asked Natalie.

"He's......around. He went off to think."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"How could you leave him alone at a time like this?"

"He asked me to. And he asked me to sort things out here."

"I better go to him."

"Natalie, maybe...." began Casey but Dana cut him off.

"Go find him Natalie."

She found him in the parking lot, sitting on the hood of someone's car, head bowed. Even from a distance she could see that he had been crying. She approached quietly.

"Hey."

He glanced up at her then looked away again. "I'm not in the mood Natalie."

She sat down beside him. "I can understand that."

He glanced at her again. "That was my subtle way of saying I'd rather be alone right now."

"It's no good being subtle with me Dan. Subtlety just goes whoosh over my head. It's 'cos I'm so short."

He smiled a weak smile. "Would it do any good if I just told you to get lost?"

She shook her head. "Nah."

"So I'm stuck with you?"

"Fraid so."

They sat in silence for a moment. Natalie reached into her purse.

"Want a lollipop?"

He smiled again. "Will that make me feel better?"

"Works for me. Do you want strawberry or orange?"

"You choose."

She looked him up and down. "I think you need strawberry." She unwrapped it and handed it to him, then she unwrapped the other for herself. They sat sucking for a while, Natalie simply waiting for Dan to speak when he wanted to. Eventually, as she knew he would, he did.

"What happened in there Natalie?"

"I don't know if I can answer that Dan. What did she say?"

"She said she wasn't ready."

Natalie shrugged. "Maybe she wasn't."

"You're really helping Natalie."shuffled over and linked her arm with his. "I can't help Dan. Not if by helping you mean giving you an explanation for Lindsey's actions, or taking the pain away. I can't do either of those things." She sighed. "All I can do is be here, and listen.......and talk a load of balls."

Dan laughed. "You just keep on doing that Natalie, please."

"I will." She paused. "Is that all she said? That she wasn't ready?"

"Basically."

"What about the future?"

"What future?"

"Well if she's not ready now, what about later?"

Dan shrugged. "I don't know. She didn't hang around long enough for me to find out if there would be a later."

"Do you want there to be a later?" asked Natalie tentatively.

Dan thought about it for a moment. "I really don't know right now Nat. I really don't. I can't even begin to think about that. If Lindsey called tomorrow.......I don't know what I'd say to her."

"You're right" said Natalie. "It's too soon for those kind of questions. The pain is too raw."

Dan just nodded.

"But it will have to be dealt with sometime. Your future, and Lindsey's place in it."

"I know."

Natalie unlinked her arm from his and curled it round him. He returned the embrace, squeezing her tight. "And when you have to deal with it" she said. "Just remember you don't have to deal with it alone. I'll be there, to listen."

"And talk a load of balls?"

"Always Dan, always."

Ms Dana Whitacker & Mr Casey McCall

would be honoured to have your presence at their wedding

which will take place at the St Martin's Church

on the 15th of June 2000.

"Will you sit down Dana!"

"I can't sit down Natalie" said Dana pacing. "I'm nervous. I always pace when I'm nervous."

"Well keep pacing if you like but I can't guarantee that your hair and make‑up will be up to my usual standard."

Dana sat down and Natalie set to work on her..

"What are you so nervous about anyway?" asked Natalie.

"Oooh, let me see. Could it be my wedding?"

"It's only a wedding."

"Just wait till it's your turn."

Natalie shook her head. "I won't be nervous, I'm just gonna have fun."

"Easy to say now."

"It was pretty easy" said Natalie with a grin. "So, are you worried about anything in particular or is it just the whole wedding thing in general that's freaking you out?"

"I'm not freaking out."

"You look like you're freaking out."

"I'm not. I just have a case of perfectly standard normal nerves."

"Ok, are you perfectly normally standardly nervous about anything in particular."

"Casey."

"That would be your future husband Casey?"

"The very same."

Natalie stopped what she was doing to Dana's hair. "You're not having second thoughts?"

"Would I be letting you loose on my hair if I were?"

"I don't know, Lindsey waited until she had to say 'I do' before pulling out."

"I'm not having second thoughts."

"So what are you worried about then?"

"It's going to sound stupid."

"No change there."

"Natalie, I'm serious."

"Sorry, serious face on. Tell me all your worries and I will soothe your fevered brow."

"It's dumb but....I can't get what happened to Dan out of my head."

Natalie put her hands on Dana's shoulders. "Oh Dana, I had no idea. But you know there's nothing to worry about. There is no way Casey's going to pull a Lindsey on you."

"My head knows" said Dana. "I just wish someone would tell my stomach."

"Ok" said Natalie smiling. She leaned over so that she was talking to Dana's stomach. "Now listen up. Casey loves Dana and he's gonna marry her today."

"Thanks Nat" said Dana laughing.

"All better now?"

"All better" said Dana. "I no longer doubt that Casey will say 'I do' at the appropriate moment."

"Good."

"I just wish I could be so sure he'll actually get there."

"Explain."

"Well, I'm not sure I trust the best man."

"Robert?"

"Robert 'Call me Bob' Greene."

"Isn't he an old friend of Casey's from college?"

"He is, and he has a reputation."

"Reputations can be good. I have a reputation of being a truly wonderful human being."

"Ill deserved" said Dana. "But Bob has a reputation of being 'one of the boys'".

"Oh dear."

Dana nodded. "You know what that means."

"Lots of booze?"

"Lots. But I can live with that."

"Strippers?"

"At the very least. And I can live with that too."

"Casey waking up naked on a boat bound for Brazil?"

"That's the part I'm worried about."

"Oh come on" said Natalie. "Nobody really does that do they?"

"Don't you believe it. A friend of my brother was supposed to be getting married in Chicago, wound up in a pigsty in Arkansas."

"Casey wouldn't let anyone do that to him."

Dana shook her head. "If he has enough to drink he won't be in any state to argue. And if you heard some of the stuff that Bob did at college you'd know he was well capable of it. In fact he'd regard himself as failing in his duties as best man if he didn't do something like that."

"Hmmm" said Natalie. "It's a shame Dan isn't best man."

"It is" agreed Dana. "But I can understand him saying no. I don't suppose weddings seem like very happy occasions to him right now."

"That's true" agreed Natalie. "But even with Robert as best man you don't need to worry Dana."

"Why not?"

"Because I called Jeremy and told him to make sure that Casey gets to the church."

Dana looked at her friend. "Natalie Hurley I love you."

"Thank you."

"In fact, forget Casey, I'll marry you instead."

"Ok Buddy, wake up."

Casey opened his eyes. Slowly the blur in front of him coalesced into a cop. A female cop.

"Big night was it?" said the cop.

"Where am I?" asked Casey.

"Not very original."

"Sorry. I'm a little....fuzzy....right now."

"What's your name?"

He thought for a second. "McCall, Casey McCall."

"Well that's a start. Sometimes after 'Where am I' the next question is 'Who am I'."

"Wherever I am, I'm definitely Casey McCall.

"Ok Mr McCall. Next question. Where are your clothes?"

Casey grimaced. "I was wondering about that myself."

"Stag night was it?"

"Yeah."

"Did the best man do this to you?"

"I don't really remember."

"Probably was. I get about one like you a week."

"Right" said Casey. "So, er, are you going to get me out of here. I have a wedding to attend in..." he looked at his wrist but it was bare. "Do you have the time?"

"Nine AM."

Casey breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God I haven't missed it." He looked at the cop. "Could you....get me out?"

"Well I should really arrest you."

"What for?"

"Nudity in a public place."

Casey looked around. It didn't look very public. "Where am I?"

"You really don't know?"

Casey shook his head. "No."

"You're in the crown of the Statue of Liberty."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah."

"Oh. Er, ARE you going to arrest me?"

She shook her head. "I can do without the paperwork. Let's just get you out of here."

"Thanks" said Casey.

"Do you have a key for those?" she said indicating the cuffs that were attached to Casey's wrist at one end and an iron ring at the other.

Casey shook his head. "No. Don't you?"

"Sorry, only my own."

"Do you have any spare clothes."

"Sorry, only my own."

"Damn."

The cop took off her jacket. "You'd better wrap this round you while I go down for my wire‑cutters. Then I'll take you back to the station and you can call your best man. Or if you'll take my advice, your second‑best man."

They were interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. They turned to see who it was. Casey had never been so relieved in his life.

"Jeremy!"

"Hi Casey." Jeremy looked at him and grinned. "Why is it that parties only ever get started after I've gone home. I miss all the fun."

"Are you the best man?" asked the cop.

"Only to my fiancée" said Jeremy.

"How did you know I was here?" asked Casey.

"Natalie sent me round to your place in case....well in case this happened. I found Bob and after a cold shower and ten cups of coffee he finally remembered where he'd left you."

"Do you have a key?" asked the cop.

"I do have a key."

"Do you have spare clothes?" asked Casey.

"I have spare clothes."

"Jeremy Goodwin I love you."

"Of course you do."

"Forget Dana, I'll marry you instead."

"Hey Dan." Natalie walked over to greet him as he entered and handed him a glass of sherry.

"Hey."

"I was starting to think you weren't coming."

"To be honest Natalie, I nearly didn't. But I couldn't let Casey and Dana down."

"Well I'm glad you decided to come." She looked around. "She didn't come then?"

Dan shook his head. "No."

"It's just that you said you might bring her."

"That was the plan."

"She wasn't keen I take it."

"You could say that."

Natalie could see that there was more going on than Dan was letting on. "What happened Dan?"

He looked at her and shrugged. "It's over Natalie. For good this time."

Natalie put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry Dan. I thought you were working things out."

"We were. At least I thought so. We'd been on a couple of dates and I thought we were getting back on track."

"So what happened?"

"We had a fight."

"A fight."

Dan nodded. "A big one."

Natalie slipped her arm around him. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." He gave her a look. "But you won't quit till you get the details right?"

"It's for your own good Dan. It's good to talk."

He sighed. "There's not much to say. I asked her if she wanted to come here today and she said it was too soon. Then I made some stupid crack about how maybe she was allergic to weddings."

"Oh Dan."

"I know, stupid."

"What did she say?"

"She asked what I meant by that. I should have left it there but I just said how she had never really explained why she didn't marry me, other than saying she wasn't ready." he sipped his sherry. "She said there was nothing more to explain, she just wasn't ready. So I ask her when she thinks she will be ready and she says she doesn't know." He took a deep breath. "Then I asked her whether she really wanted to get married at all."

"Big question."

"I know" said Dan. "And big answer. She said she didn't think she wanted to get married at all."

"Ouch."

"Yep. I asked whether that meant to me or to anyone. She said to anyone, but she paused just a little too long before saying it."

"You think it's just you?"

"Maybe. I certainly did at the time." He gave a hollow laugh. "It's ironic really. It was her idea to get married in the first place. I said I didn't need a piece of paper but she insisted."

"She sounds pretty confused."

"And how. So then it all came out. All the anger that I'd kept buried inside since the wedding. I told her how much she had hurt me that day, I told her how she was selfish and only interested in what she wanted. Finally I told her to stop toying with me, to decide whether she wanted me or not."

"And?"

"And she decided. She left."

"I'm sorry Dan."

He shrugged. "It was over at the wedding really. We were just kidding ourselves. Looking back I can see that the only reason we seemed to be getting back on track was because we didn't deal with the big issue. We just ignored it. Once it came up, it became clear that what we had rebuilt of our relationship was made of glass. It was too fragile and insubstantial to last." He paused. "When she'd gone I thought about it and I decided that it's for the best. Once I allowed myself to remember the hurt she caused me, I was able to see more clearly. I'm not sure that I love her any more, or even like her. But I certainly don't trust her, and without that there's nothing."

Natalie rubbed her hand gently up and down his back. "Are you ok?"

He smiled at her. A real smile. "I will be."

"Want me to kiss you?"

"What?"

"Do you want me to kiss you? It does wonders for Jeremy."

Dan laughed. "Won't he mind?"

"He's not here to mind."

"Where is he?"

"Escorting Casey. He had to take over as best man when Dana fired Bob."

"Sounds like there's a story there" said Dan.

"Oh there is."

"You can tell me after you kiss me." He bent down to meet her lips and they held together for just a moment.

"Better?" she asked.

"Much better" he replied smiling.

"I do" said Casey. And Dana was able to breathe easy.

"And do you Dana Whitacker, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband. To love and honour him, forsaking all others, as long as you both shall live?"

She did.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." The minister smiled. "You may....oh I see you already are."

You are cordially invited to attend the matrimonial of

Mr Jeremy Goodwin & Ms Natalie Hurley

to be held at the New York Planetarium

on the 21st of July 2000.

"Shouldn't you put your head on?"

"It's hot in there."

"But you look stupid with it off."

"Dan, I'm dressed as a Wookie, I look stupid whatever I do. Today is my day for looking stupid."

"We all look stupid."

"YOU don't" protested Casey. "You look cool."

Dan looked at his costume. "I do don't I?"

"Don't get smug" said Casey. "Of course you look cool. You're Han Solo. Han Solo is cool. What I don't understand is why you get to be Han Solo and I have to be Bigfoot."

"Chewbacca."

"Whatever, it's not fair."

"Hey, you had the same chance as everybody else. You drew Chewbacca out of the hat and I drew Han Solo."

"Why can't I be Han Solo too?"

"We can't have two Han Solo's."

"There's more than one stormtrooper."

"That's because there's more than one in the film. There's only one Han Solo."

"How about Luke Skywalker?"

"You know that Jeremy is Luke. And Natalie's Dad is Obi‑Wan. Basically, everyone human looking is taken. But look on the bright side, at least you're one of the main characters."

"I suppose" said Casey who clearly wasn't convinced.

"And it could be worse" said Dan, "Elliot is Jabba the Hut."

"Yeah but he WANTED to be Jabba the Hut."

"Hi guys."

The two men looked up. "Hi Dana" they chorused. They couldn't help but stare.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing" said Casey. "Great outfit."

"It's the lipstick isn't it?"

"Lipstick?" said Dan. "You know guys, we never notice things like lipstick."

"How can you fail to notice this?" she said pointing at her face.

"Well, now you mention it" said Casey.

"I feel like a fool."

"Who are you again?" said Dan.

"Queen Amadala."

"Which one was she?"

Dana frowned at him. "Haven't you seen 'The Phantom Menace'?"

Dan shook his head. "Not yet."

"It's been out over a year."

Dan shrugged. "I'll get round to it. So who's Queen Armadillo?"

"Amadala. And she's Princess Leia's mother."

"Right. And she's supposed to look like that?"

"You think I did this to my face for fun? Oh no. Jeremy gave me a picture and demanded that I match the make‑up exactly."

"Sounds like Jeremy" said Casey.

"What I don't understand is why Natalie let him talk her into this Star Wars theme in the first place."

"I suppose she figures if it makes him happy" said Dan. "Plus she said she thought it might be fun."

"Fun? For who? For her probably, seeing all her friends dressed like idiots."

"Be fair" said Dan. "She has to dress up as well."

Dana gave him a look. "She's Princess Leia. Nice white dress and no stupid make‑up."

"She does have the hair thing though" said Casey.

"Doesn't matter" said Dana bitterly. "I've seen her. She still looks great, the bitch."

"Miaow" said Casey miming cats claws in the air.

"Casey, you know I love Natalie dearly" said Dana. "But it doesn't mean I don't still want to blow her away in the outfit stakes."

"Even at her wedding?"

"Especially at her wedding. When better to score a victory? You saw what she wore to our wedding."

"I didn't notice" said Casey.

"Liar" said Dana.

"I noticed" said Dan.

"See?" said Dana. "Dan noticed her. Every guy there noticed her. She was this close to upstaging me, despite my having bridal advantage. And now she goes and pulls this Star Wars stunt so that I can't strike back."

"At least you look human" said Casey.

"And you ARE a Queen" said Dan. "I thought you'd relish playing a Queen for the day."

"I would" said Dana. "A Queen with more than a five year old's idea of how to apply make‑up." She sighed. "I suppose I should be grateful really. There are only really two decent female characters in the whole series and I got one of them. But everyone thinks I look like a pierrot clown."

"I don't" said Casey. "I think you look beautiful."

Dana smiled at him. "Thanks Casey. But you're opinion doesn't count."

"Why not?"

"You're my husband. You HAVE to say I look good."

Dan sensed that he might soon be asked for his "honest opinion" and decided to change the subject. "Well they certainly picked the right setting" he said. And all three gazed up at the galaxy spread out above their heads.

"Hi Han, hi Sasquatch."

Casey turned. "Well if it isn't Pizza the Hut."

"What's the hold‑up?" said Elliot. "I thought we were supposed to have started by now."

"I'm not sure" said Casey. "Natalie's here, and Jeremy's here...."

"Not any more he isn't" observed Dan.

"Jeremy WAS here" corrected Casey.

"Do you think he's lost his nerve?" said Dan.

Casey looked at him. "Would that be a good thing?"

"No."

"Well, stop sounding like you think it would."

"I was just saying. These things happen."

"Hardly ever."

"Maybe it's just me then."

"Nice going Casey" said Elliot.

"Oh, God, sorry Dan. I didn't mean..."

"No problem. You're right, there is absolutely no reason why Jeremy would not want to marry Natalie."

"Right." He pointed. "And besides, Darth Vader and Yoda don't look concerned." Vader and Yoda, the best man and minister, were chatting away amiably.

"Yeah" agreed Elliot. "He's probably just, gone to the bathroom or something."

"Dana's gone to find out" said Casey. Then he added. "And I didn't mean that like it sounded."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"Hey guys" said Elliot eventually. "How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?"

Dan and Casey shook their heads.

"He felt his presence!"

Natalie was just outside the room waiting for her cue to enter when she saw Dana approaching. "Hi Mom!" she said.

"Don't you dare" said Dana.

But Natalie was having too much fun. "So" she said gesturing towards Darth Vader, "are you and Dad talking yet?"

"At least I'm not marrying my brother" retorted Dana.

"I know" said Natalie "VERY Freudian. I told Jeremy to be Han Solo but he said he identified more with Luke."

"Somehow I believe him."

Natalie grinned. "Me too. Still, could be worse, I might be marrying R2D2."

Dana smiled. "You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Oh yeah. Apart from the fact that we were supposed to start ten minutes ago and I'm still standing back here like a lemon."

"That's why I'm here. To tell you it's going to be another five minutes."

"What's the hold up?"

"Jeremy's not quite ready."

"It's a little late for him to be deciding that."

Dana smiled. "I mean his outfit."

"What's wrong with it?"

"He's having a little trouble with his light sabre."

Natalie nodded. "I know, I tell him it doesn't matter, that there are other ways to satisfy a woman, but you know how men are."

Dana laughed.

"Not in front of me Natalie, please" said her Father appearing by her side.

"Sorry Dad, but I'm not a little girl any more."

"You'll always be my little girl" he said putting his arm around her. He looked at Dana. "Is your lipstick supposed to be like that?"

"Looks like they're finally ready" said Casey as Jeremy and Darth Vader took their place at the front. The strains of John Williams' classic score rang through the planetarium and Natalie and her Father entered the room.

"Wow" said Casey appreciatively. "Doesn't Natalie look beautiful?"

Dan didn't reply, he was just staring..

"Dan?"

"Hmmmm?"

"I was just saying, doesn't Natalie look great?"

"Perfect" murmured Dan.

"Are you ok?"

"Perfect" he said again.

"The outfit seems appropriate for a wedding. Even the hair suits her."

"Yeah."

"Although I understand Jeremy tried and failed to persuade her to wear the gold bikini thing from Empire Strikes Back."

"Mmmm."

"Which would have been nice."

"Mmmm."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Perfect."

The music faded as Natalie reached Jeremy and stood beside him in front of the minister. If the minister was uncomfortable about being dressed as Yoda he didn't show it. It made a change really; he was usually a Klingon. He cleared his throat to begin the specially written ceremony.

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...."

"If there is any person, here present, who knows of any just cause why these two should not be joined in marriage, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace."

It's a universal truth that everybody at every wedding where that question is asked, holds their breath at that moment. Of course, nobody ever actually expects anyone to speak up. So when they do, it's a bit of a shock.

"Yes!"

There were gasps from the congregation. All heads turned to see who had spoken. There was a figure standing in the middle of the "aisle".

"Dan?" said Natalie and Jeremy simultaneously.

"Did I really just say that?" said Dan.

"You did" said the minister. "Do you know of a just cause or were you merely expressing delight at the happy event?".

"I have a just cause" said Dan. "A damned good just cause."

There was a long pause.

"Well, what is it?" asked the minister.

Dan looked startled. "It's.....I......I mean......."

"Well that's cleared that up then."

"Sit down Dan" said Jeremy.

"No."

"Fine, get out instead."

"Not till I've had my say."

"I wish you would" said the minister.

"It's.....what I want to say is......."

"Maybe you should have written it down" said the minister.

"What are you doing Dan?" Finally Natalie had spoken.

He looked at her. "I'm not sure." He walked towards her. "I just....don't want you to marry him."

Natalie frowned. "Why?"

"He's....just.....not good enough for you."

"Isn't that my decision?"

"Yes but....no."

Natalie shook her head. "You're not making sense Dan."

Dan was downcast. "I'm not am I?"

Furry hands took hold of Dan's shoulders. "Come on Dan" said Casey. "Let's get some fresh air."

He led Dan away but before they had gone more than a few feet Dan broke away and turned back. "I love you Natalie" he shouted. "That's why you can't marry him. Because I love you."

His eyes locked with Natalie's and they stared unblinking at each other. In the corner of his eye he saw Jeremy move towards him but he could concentrate on nothing but Natalie. Then everything went black.

He couldn't have been out for more than a few seconds. It was strangely disorientating seeing an angry Luke Skywalker being restrained by Darth Vader and Chewbacca. Queen Amadala and a stormtrooper were kneeling over him. Several Ewoks and Jawas were running around chasing each other. Yoda was sitting there looking as if he had seen it all before, but Princess Leia was nowhere to be seen.

"Are you ok?" asked Dana when she saw he was awake.

"Where's Natalie" he said raising his head..

"Don't move" said the stormtrooper, you may have a concussion. The helmet was removed to reveal Kim. "How many fingers am I holding up?" she said.

"Three" said Dan. "Where's Natalie." He tried to get up but she restrained him.

"Stay still."

"Why?"

"Because that's what they say on ER."

Jeremy had noticed Dan was awake. "I'm gonna kill you, you bastard!" he yelled renewing his struggle to break free.

"And that's the other reason" said Kim.

"I want to see Natalie."

"That's not such a good idea right now Dan" said Dana.

"Why?"

"Because you just interrupted her wedding. Things like that can make a girl a little emotional."

"Where is she?"

"She's with her parents. Crying her eyes out I expect."

"She didn't marry him?"

"You didn't give her a chance."

"I have to see her. Explain."

"I really think it's better if you leave Dan."

"I love her."

"I know you love her Dan. You said it loud and clear. I know, Kim knows, everyone here knows. Including Natalie."

"Did she say.....anything?"

Dana shook her head at him. "If you're asking if she declared undying love for you Dan, no she didn't. She did scream at Jeremy to stop trying to kill you but aside from that it was mostly just tears."

"I didn't mean to upset her."

"I'm sure you didn't. And to avoid upsetting her even more I think it's best if you leave."

Dan slowly nodded. "Tell her I'm sorry."

"I'll tell her. Now go."

Dan stood up and slowly left the room. Everyone's eyes on him and Jeremy's shouts ringing in his ears.

SIX WEEKS LATER

"Casey" said Dana, entering his office, "where's Dan?"

"He's not here."

"I see he's not here, what I want to know is where, out of all the places that are not here, he is."

"I don't know."

"Well, when did you last see him?"

"Yesterday."

"He didn't come in today?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because he's on vacation for three weeks."

"Vacation? Who said he could go on three weeks vacation?"

"You did."

"Did I?"

"You did."

"No I didn't."

"I was there, I heard you say it."

Dana shook her head. "You must be wrong. I don't remember this. I would have remembered this. This is the kind of thing that I would remember."

"Well he did sort of slide it past you."

"Nobody slides anything past me."

"Well he did. Remember last Tuesday?"

"The day after last Monday, right?"

"That's the one. Well, you remember how you got a little stressed."

"Stressed?"

"Yes."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Ok, I was stressed. But I had good reason to be."

"I know you did."

"We were losing feeds left right and center."

"I know."

"The VT machine was eating my tapes."

"I know."

"Jeremy had tried to kill Dan again."

"I know."

"I was facing the prospect of putting out a show which consisted entirely of you and Dan performing old Abbott and Costello routines."

"We could have done it too."

"So I had reason to be stressed."

"You did."

"And that's when he slipped it past me?"

"That's when he did it."

"I remember."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Natalie had accused Jeremy of stealing her script, so he accused her of ruining his life. I was trying to keep them apart when I hear Dan asking for three weeks vacation."

"And you said?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Well there you go."

"I thought he was joking."

"He wasn't."

"Damn. This is all I need with Natalie away too."

"Oh yeah I forgot about that. How long is she away for?"

"Three........weeks."

They looked at each other.

"They wouldn't" said Dana.

"Oh yes they would" said Casey.

THE DOMINION HOTEL ‑ LAS VEGAS (HONEYMOON SUITE)

Dan opened his eyes as he felt the gentle kiss on his lips. He saw the smiling face above him. "Good morning" said the face.

"It is now I've seen you" replied Dan. Then he frowned. "Isn't it bad luck for me to see you before the wedding?"

"You didn't complain last night."

Dan smiled. "And I'm not complaining now. I just had you down as the traditional type."

"Ordinarily I would be. But I'm not letting you out of my sight. This time I plan to actually get married."

"Me too." He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to his chest. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"No?"

He shook his head. "No. You had every reason to hate me."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. When I ruined your wedding, I could have been ruining your life."

"But you didn't."

"I thought I had. When I came round and you weren't there, I feared the worst."

"What did you expect Dan? That I'd be cradling you in my arms?"

"Something like that."

"I can see I'm gonna have to work on deflating that ego of yours. You think you could just snap your fingers and I'd come running?"

"I didn't think that. I didn't think anything, it was like a dream. All I could think about was stopping you from saying yes."

"And you did."

"I did" agreed Dan. "But if I'd stopped to think about it, if I'd planned it, I wouldn't have done it."

"Why?"

"Because of the possibility of you hating me for it. I'd rather have lost you to Jeremy than have you hate me."

"I could never hate you Dan."

"You really didn't hate me? Not even for an instant?"

"That's what I'm saying. I was stunned, shocked, upset. But I was also thrilled to hear you say you loved me. How could I possibly hate you?"

Dan kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry I put you through all that" he said softly.

"Don't start that again" said Natalie slapping him lightly on his chest. "I've told you to stop apologising. I love you. And as much as I cared for Jeremy it would have been a mistake to marry him."

"Do you think that Jeremy will ever forgive me?" asked Dan.

"It might take a while."

"I think he's mellowing."

"How so?"

"Just recently his attempts to kill me have seemed more half‑hearted than they were."

"That is an improvement" agreed Natalie. "But I doubt he'll be greeting us with hand‑shakes and heartfelt congratulations when we go back married."

"You may be right. Not that I can blame him."

"No. I really hurt him."

"WE really hurt him" corrected Dan. "And I totally understand his point of view. I destroyed his life when I took you away from him. I can't even imagine how I'd feel if I lost you."

"It's going to take him a long time to get over it" agreed Natalie. "But he spoke civilly to me the other day for the first time since I told him I wasn't going to marry him, so I guess that's a good sign."

"I guess" said Dan. He lazily ran his hand up and down her bare back. "It's been a funny year" he murmured.

"It has" agreed Natalie.

"A few months ago I was almost suicidal. Now I'm the happiest man in the world."

She smiled and kissed him. "And I'm the happiest woman." She rested her head back on his chest. "What a year. We've had a funeral, and three weddings. Although maybe two of the weddings don't technically count."

"Maybe" said Dan. "But aren't you forgetting something, soon to be Mrs. Rydell?"

Natalie smiled. "Ok, a funeral and four weddings."

"That's more like it."

Natalie frowned. "Actually, I've been thinking about that."

"About what?"

"The Mrs. Rydell bit."

"You don't want to be Mrs. Rydell?"

"Of course I want to be Mrs. Rydell. It's just that Mrs. Rydell might not be what people actually call me."

"You want to keep your name?"

"Only for professional purposes. Like Nicole Kidman is still Nicole Kidman even though she's Mrs. Cruise."

"Oh."

"Does it bother you?"

"I guess not." But he didn't sound too sure.

Natalie snuggled up even closer to him. "Don't worry Dan. I'll be Mrs. Rydell at home, forever."

Dan smiled. "Well before you are......." He rolled over so that he was now on top of her. ".....I think I should have one last fling as a single man."

"Do you think they'll be angry?" asked Natalie munching on a piece of toast. They had eventually, and reluctantly, been forced to get out of bed by the arrival of breakfast.

"Who?"

"Our families, and our friends. Angry that we snuck away and got married without telling them."

"My Mom will be upset that she didn't get a chance to organise it all" said Dan. "My Dad will be ok about it though. He likes you. He thinks you're much nicer than Lindsey."

"Really?"

"Really. Although I suspect he still secretly wishes I'd find a nice Jewish girl."

Natalie laughed. "You're not my Dad's first choice either. He still refers to you as 'that lunatic'."

"I figured he hadn't quite forgiven me when he refused to let me into the house that time."

"Yeah" agreed Natalie. "With hindsight, maybe I should have told them exactly who it was that I was bringing round for dinner."

"It was a little awkward" said Dan.

"That's true" said Natalie. "Eating a roast dinner in the car is never easy."

Dan laughed. "I just hope he mellows once we're married and allows me to eat inside."

"Me too. Thanksgiving will be very awkward otherwise."

"I think all our friends will be happy for us though" said Dan after a moment. "It's harder with family. They feel like it's partly their wedding too."

"Depends on the friend" said Natalie. "Dana's gonna be spitting fire when she finds out I got married without her."

"Well, here we are" said Dan. "The Love Shack."

"Yeah" said Natalie.

"What do you think?"

Natalie considered. "I didn't expect it to be quite so pink."

"Hmmm."

They gazed silently at The Love Shack for a while.

"This is pretty tacky" said Natalie.

Dan looked at her. "This from a woman who went to her last wedding dressed as Princess Leia."

"You have a point" admitted Natalie.

"So" said Dan. "Do we go in?"

"You bet we do" replied Natalie. And so they did. Once inside they presented themselves at the reception desk and the girl there called up their details on the computer.

"Ah yes, Mr. Riddle and Ms. Hurling, you're in Chapel Six."

"Er, it's Rydell and Hurley" said Dan.

"Rydell?" said the girl checking the computer again. "That explains why we had problems with your credit card, I was going to mention that." She hit a few keys, looked up, and smiled. "There, all done. If you'd care to take a seat we'll call you when we're ready."

"That's it?" said Dan.

"That's it" said the girl. "Oh, except for witnesses. You need two witnesses. Do you have your own or would you like to use the house witnesses? If you do it's twenty dollars extra, plus optional gratuity."

Natalie and Dan looked at each other. "I guess we'll be needing the house witnesses" said Natalie.

"No you won't."

Natalie and Dan turned to see who had spoken. There were two familiar figures there. Dan turned back to the girl. "No we won't."

"I want words with you Natalie" said Dana.

"Ok, just what the hell do you think you are doing Natalie?" said Dana. "Don't answer that! I can see what you're doing, you're getting married. What I want to know is why you didn't tell me. I mean us."

"Dana..." began Natalie.

"I mean, I thought we were friends. And I thought that, as friends, you would let me know about certain things. Like when you're planning to get married."

"Dana...."

"It's not asking for much is it? That you tell me about the most important event in your life? I really don't know what..........."

"She seems a tad upset" observed Dan.

"You're lucky" said Casey. "I've had to listen to it all the way here."

"Look, I'm sorry we didn't say anything. We just wanted a quiet ceremony. No fuss."

"I understand."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I hate big weddings."

"But you had a big wedding."

"I know. I hated it."

"So why have it?"

Casey shrugged. "I figure weddings are for the bride. The groom is just a legal requirement. Dana got the wedding she wanted, that's what's important."

"How sweet" said Dan,

"That's me, Mr. Considerate. But this is just between you and me ok? As far as Dana is concerned I loved it every bit as much as she did."

Dan smiled. "Gotcha." He glanced over at Dana and Natalie. Dana was still talking. "So how did you guys find us anyway?"

"You made the arrangements on‑line."

"So?"

Casey shrugged. "So I read your e‑mails."

"You read my e‑mails?"

"I did this thing. And, by the way, didn't 'weddingstheloveshack.com' strike you as being in any way tacky?"

"Yes, and we don't care. You read my e‑mails?"

"I told you that."

"They're personal."

"I know. I was looking for personal."

"I'd rather you hadn't."

"Ordinarily I wouldn't, but I had no choice."

"How so?"

"Dana was driving me nuts."

Dan thought about this. "Ok, I'll grant you that. How did you get my password?"

"Hours and hours of trial and error spent in front of your terminal."

"You mean you just typed in 'Natalie'?"

"You're so predictable Dan."

"And another thing." Dana waved her hand around. "Look at this place. I can't believe you chose to come to here. It's so......"

"Tacky?"

"Yes."

"Even when you consider that my last wedding ceremony was conducted by Yoda?"

"Ok" conceded Dana. "Maybe this is a step up."

"And we don't care anyway" said Natalie. "We just wanted to do it. Declare our love. How and where doesn't matter."

"The how and where don't matter" agreed Dana. "But how about the who with?"

"Oh I'm sorry Dana" said Natalie. "We just didn't want any fuss."

"Would I fuss?"

"Like a mother hen."

Dana grinned wryly. "Ok, maybe I'd fuss. But only because I care for you so much."

"And because you enjoy it."

"That too. But mostly because I care."

Natalie smiled. "I know. And I'm glad you found out. And I'm even gladder you came. Seeing you makes me realise just how much I would have regretted not sharing this with you."

Dana broke into a huge grin. "You mean that."

"I mean it."

"That's so sweet."

"Isn't it?"

There was a long pause.

"I think this is where we're supposed to hug" said Natalie. And so they did. Then Dan and Casey came over and joined in.

"Well, congratulations Dan" said Casey. "You got yourself a jewel there. Be sure and look after her."

"Count on it" said Dan.

"And you Natalie....." said Casey, "....frankly could have done a lot better for yourself, but I'm happy for you anyway."

Natalie laughed. "Thanks Casey."

Casey kissed Natalie, and hugged the pair of them simultaneously as they showed no signs of unravelling themselves from one another.

"Congratulations" squeaked Dana through her sobs as she too hugged and kissed them.

"Dana will you please stop crying? It's over now."

"I'm sorry Natalie" sniffed Dana. "I can't help it."

"You didn't cry at our wedding" said Casey.

"That's because I was too busy worrying that you'd screw up."

"See?" said Casey to the newlyweds. "It's all downhill from here. Two months and you'll be at each other's throats."

"Don't say that Casey" admonished Dana. "You'll put them off."

"Don't worry Dana" said Natalie. "We know that's just your way of showing affection to each other."

"Yeah" said Dan. "Although I think I know a better way" he added hugging Natalie even closer to him than he already was.

"You can let her go now Dan" said Casey. "I'm sure she won't run away."

"I'm never letting go" said Dan.

"Me neither" said Natalie.

Casey smiled at the pair. "Oh yeah, and for future reference Dan, when asked 'Do you take this woman?' the correct response is 'I do', not 'Yes please'."

Dan grinned. "I couldn't help it. 'I do' just didn't seem emphatic enough."

"God" said Dana. "They're even starting to make a hopeless romantic like me feel sick."

"I know" said Casey. "They're going to need surgery to remove those fixed grins from their faces."

"And to separate them" added Dana. "I know you'd like to be on camera Natalie but when Dan's behind the desk you will have to stay in the control room."

"I could hide underneath the desk and hold onto his leg" suggested Natalie. "Or something" she added to general laughter.

"So" said Casey rubbing his hands together. "Now that all that's over with, are we going to hit the tables?"

"You bet" said Dana.

"Shoe money?"

Dana snorted. "Shoe money? This is Vegas. I'm not settling for shoes. I plan to drive home."

Casey grinned. "You guys coming?" he asked Dan and Natalie.

"Actually" said Dan smiling at his wife, "we're thought we'd go back to our hotel room."

"The honeymoon suite" added Natalie.

"Oh I see" said Dana with a grin. "Still, I suppose you still have another two weeks vacation. Plenty of time to play cards."

"Well, we don't really plan on playing cards at all" said Dan.

"No cards?" said Casey. "What the hell else is there to do in Vegas?"

Natalie just smiled. "I told you. It's the honeymoon suite. And this, is our honeymoon."

The End