Begginings
I can't look into Alec's eyes anymore, they make me want to cry. Having Eva has thrown my senses into overdrive though, so just about everything makes me want to cry. Alec got his job back, only because I begged Normal to pretend he had a conscience in that tyrannical mind of his. He can't resist me sometimes. Must be the feline dna. But, waking up at night when Eva cries, its Alec I think about sitting by the window cradling her, not Logan. I am scared because of these emotions that have been welling inside of me since her birth. Logan bought Eva an entire new store of clothing and acts like he loves her so much. But Alec can't even hold her in his arms without having to disarm that want to call her 'his baby girl'. When I'm biking around Seattle, its Alec's hands I make believe are holding me. But then I hear Logans voice telling me how nice my hair smells today or how good the weather in Seattle has been and the guilt rushes in, like my heart had just been flooded just as a dam. Eva is the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, although the only other baby I have seen is Jace's. She is so tiny but behind those bright brown eyes you can see the stratagies building. She is soft just like a pillow in my arms, so huggable. I could not imagine being in Alec's position and having to let her go, all the time. But I am a Mommy now and she will need me to protect her. But what else is, I need and want Alec to protect me instead of...
Logan.
I can't believe I am a father. I never really thought about having kids, I just knew it was the thing to do once you got older. And Max is a beautiful mother. I just can't understand, that if the virus was taken down only a month before, how did she get pregnant a month later? Must be the X-5 gestation period is shorter. Meanwhile, I had been busy tracking down Lydecker, who turned out to be murdered. Even so, I can't question this. Eva is gorgeous. I want to show her so many things that are still beautiful in this world. No matter how broken this world may be, Eva will see pieces that are still quite together. Max is taking Eva to Alec's today so he can watch her while she works. I told her I would watch her but she said her 'Uncle Alec' wanted to have her for the day. Well, Max is leaving now. I kiss her goodbye and she 'hmmphs' me. I tilt my head. "What?" I ask. "You have Cheerios breath." I laugh alittle. Married life is so interesting. "Get outta here, you!" I say, kissing Eva's forehead as she lays draped over Max's shoulder, cooing happily. I scoot up the diaper bag on Max's other arm as it is just about to slip off. "Thanks A-" and she stops, "alot. Love you, sweetie. Have a good day." I nod and blow her a kiss. She exits the apartment as I walk back to my desk. Did she just began to call me....
Alec.
Eva is so small. I don't know what I thought she would look like but not this gorgeous, cooing miniature of a person. We never saw babies before at Manticore. They were weaned off their mothers, the mothers were killed and then they were put in private nurseries the other soldiers were not allowed to see. I always wondered though, especially in solitary confinement where you could hear them through the walls. And now I have seen one, a baby, and she is my very own. Logan thinks she has his eyes. Man, is he dillusional. And Max always plays into it, "Oh yeah and look, your nose too, I think." And Logan would look at her, eyes twinkling, and say "Oh my God, yeah, it is." My stomach turns just listening to Max's lies. But I can't hate her for her decision. If I could, I would but what she has done was ensure the survival of our child by marrying the most endowned man she knew.....and who loved her. I loved her but that never mattered. I had a minimum wage job and a mediocore home. So Eva would enjoy all the luxuries of life...but not have her real father or even know who he is. I would have thought Max would have wanted Eva to have her real father because we had been indisposed from knowing our real parents. Even I knew there was a time Max went looking for her mother, Original Cindy had told me one night at Crash. How could Max not want something better for her daughter? I haven't even seen Eva since the day after she was born, in that crowded hospital where if I closed my eyes I would have never found Max until much later. Logan held her hand, his brow was sweating more than me. I was doing my non-Dad impression, looking all non-chalant about the whole ordeal. Inside, I was caving in with all kinds of emotions. Fear, anxiety, and strangest of all, an odd sense of hope. I was witnessing my daughter being born. I am still alittle nervous about today, since this would be the first time in four months since I had seen her. Seen Eva and...
Max.
I cannot believe it has been four months since I have seen Alec because everyday since then his face has been crisp in my mind. That defiant, worried gaze I caught in his eyes in the delivery room. Logan left the room for a moment to talk to Asha about how things were going and he sat down beside me and slowly slid his hand into mine. I thought he was doing this to be sweet but it turned out it was just so I'd have something to squeeze onto. Or so he said when Logan re-entered the room, looking at our entwined hands with a perplexed look. He got up and left the room and was gone just about up to the last moment, when suddenly every muscle in my body contracted and my eyes shut tight in pain. Eva was coming and Alec wasn't there. Little did the doctors realize, nor did my husband, but I was waiting for him to return. I stalled, saying I refused to push if it was going to continue to hurt like it was. Some nurses in the corner chuckled. Then there he was, pushing the swinging doors open, a forced uncaring expression on his face. I grinned and let Eva into the world, a bright but tired smile on my face. It was unlike any other feeling I had ever felt before. When I was pregnant with her, Logans mother told me birth was painful and I thought that that was just some scare tactic or such. I realized too late that I should have paid more attention to it. I stalled once more, as I reached Alec's door. I lifted my hand to knock but it didn't move. I dropped my head, gave my baby girl, cooing in my arms a sigh and try again. Alec is already opening the door though. "Hey Max." I couldn't manage the same carefree tone as he did. He did have more practice with it though. "Hi..." and my voice trailed off as he let me in. Eva squealed the second she saw him and it shocked both of us. Alec's chest dropped down heavily as he looked at me. My lips trembled, longing to kiss him. How could just one stare into his troubled eyes have me forget my husband in one second. Go back, Max, go back to what is safe and right for you. Go back to...
Logan.
I can't look into Alec's eyes anymore, they make me want to cry. Having Eva has thrown my senses into overdrive though, so just about everything makes me want to cry. Alec got his job back, only because I begged Normal to pretend he had a conscience in that tyrannical mind of his. He can't resist me sometimes. Must be the feline dna. But, waking up at night when Eva cries, its Alec I think about sitting by the window cradling her, not Logan. I am scared because of these emotions that have been welling inside of me since her birth. Logan bought Eva an entire new store of clothing and acts like he loves her so much. But Alec can't even hold her in his arms without having to disarm that want to call her 'his baby girl'. When I'm biking around Seattle, its Alec's hands I make believe are holding me. But then I hear Logans voice telling me how nice my hair smells today or how good the weather in Seattle has been and the guilt rushes in, like my heart had just been flooded just as a dam. Eva is the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, although the only other baby I have seen is Jace's. She is so tiny but behind those bright brown eyes you can see the stratagies building. She is soft just like a pillow in my arms, so huggable. I could not imagine being in Alec's position and having to let her go, all the time. But I am a Mommy now and she will need me to protect her. But what else is, I need and want Alec to protect me instead of...
Logan.
I can't believe I am a father. I never really thought about having kids, I just knew it was the thing to do once you got older. And Max is a beautiful mother. I just can't understand, that if the virus was taken down only a month before, how did she get pregnant a month later? Must be the X-5 gestation period is shorter. Meanwhile, I had been busy tracking down Lydecker, who turned out to be murdered. Even so, I can't question this. Eva is gorgeous. I want to show her so many things that are still beautiful in this world. No matter how broken this world may be, Eva will see pieces that are still quite together. Max is taking Eva to Alec's today so he can watch her while she works. I told her I would watch her but she said her 'Uncle Alec' wanted to have her for the day. Well, Max is leaving now. I kiss her goodbye and she 'hmmphs' me. I tilt my head. "What?" I ask. "You have Cheerios breath." I laugh alittle. Married life is so interesting. "Get outta here, you!" I say, kissing Eva's forehead as she lays draped over Max's shoulder, cooing happily. I scoot up the diaper bag on Max's other arm as it is just about to slip off. "Thanks A-" and she stops, "alot. Love you, sweetie. Have a good day." I nod and blow her a kiss. She exits the apartment as I walk back to my desk. Did she just began to call me....
Alec.
Eva is so small. I don't know what I thought she would look like but not this gorgeous, cooing miniature of a person. We never saw babies before at Manticore. They were weaned off their mothers, the mothers were killed and then they were put in private nurseries the other soldiers were not allowed to see. I always wondered though, especially in solitary confinement where you could hear them through the walls. And now I have seen one, a baby, and she is my very own. Logan thinks she has his eyes. Man, is he dillusional. And Max always plays into it, "Oh yeah and look, your nose too, I think." And Logan would look at her, eyes twinkling, and say "Oh my God, yeah, it is." My stomach turns just listening to Max's lies. But I can't hate her for her decision. If I could, I would but what she has done was ensure the survival of our child by marrying the most endowned man she knew.....and who loved her. I loved her but that never mattered. I had a minimum wage job and a mediocore home. So Eva would enjoy all the luxuries of life...but not have her real father or even know who he is. I would have thought Max would have wanted Eva to have her real father because we had been indisposed from knowing our real parents. Even I knew there was a time Max went looking for her mother, Original Cindy had told me one night at Crash. How could Max not want something better for her daughter? I haven't even seen Eva since the day after she was born, in that crowded hospital where if I closed my eyes I would have never found Max until much later. Logan held her hand, his brow was sweating more than me. I was doing my non-Dad impression, looking all non-chalant about the whole ordeal. Inside, I was caving in with all kinds of emotions. Fear, anxiety, and strangest of all, an odd sense of hope. I was witnessing my daughter being born. I am still alittle nervous about today, since this would be the first time in four months since I had seen her. Seen Eva and...
Max.
I cannot believe it has been four months since I have seen Alec because everyday since then his face has been crisp in my mind. That defiant, worried gaze I caught in his eyes in the delivery room. Logan left the room for a moment to talk to Asha about how things were going and he sat down beside me and slowly slid his hand into mine. I thought he was doing this to be sweet but it turned out it was just so I'd have something to squeeze onto. Or so he said when Logan re-entered the room, looking at our entwined hands with a perplexed look. He got up and left the room and was gone just about up to the last moment, when suddenly every muscle in my body contracted and my eyes shut tight in pain. Eva was coming and Alec wasn't there. Little did the doctors realize, nor did my husband, but I was waiting for him to return. I stalled, saying I refused to push if it was going to continue to hurt like it was. Some nurses in the corner chuckled. Then there he was, pushing the swinging doors open, a forced uncaring expression on his face. I grinned and let Eva into the world, a bright but tired smile on my face. It was unlike any other feeling I had ever felt before. When I was pregnant with her, Logans mother told me birth was painful and I thought that that was just some scare tactic or such. I realized too late that I should have paid more attention to it. I stalled once more, as I reached Alec's door. I lifted my hand to knock but it didn't move. I dropped my head, gave my baby girl, cooing in my arms a sigh and try again. Alec is already opening the door though. "Hey Max." I couldn't manage the same carefree tone as he did. He did have more practice with it though. "Hi..." and my voice trailed off as he let me in. Eva squealed the second she saw him and it shocked both of us. Alec's chest dropped down heavily as he looked at me. My lips trembled, longing to kiss him. How could just one stare into his troubled eyes have me forget my husband in one second. Go back, Max, go back to what is safe and right for you. Go back to...
Logan.